Chapter 20★

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Lissy

I knew he has already designated his heart to her, the moment his lips brushed mine and yet I didn't really care.

How narcissistic can I be?

I never really considered myself to be a heart breaker, more of a broken heart in my own self centered way. They always leave me.

But he's different, he didn't place his heart on his sleeve for me, he hid it from my knowledge.

He might aswell of had her name tattooed above his heart for all I could tell from the way he looks at her so longingly, it swamped my thoughts whenever I caught him on the phone with her.

I figured it out when he would never return my phrases of sentimental agreement. "I love you a little." I would whisper, he would rub my shoulder whilst we embraced. But he never returned my gesture.

I used him to make me feel wanted. He used me to fill the hole in his heart with a prosthetic filler. One that couldn't ever be good enough.

"No strings attached?" He proposed the morning after our first bedroom encounter.

"You read my mind."

What can I say the past few months I haven't really been feeling myself and I've fueled my sexual famine, would hate to survive a drought.

I guess the real reason why I didn't stop with him was because he inspired me, I started painting again, I started acting again; I starting being present again. But maybe I just used his energy to refuel mine?

It's a Tuesday night and I'm absolutely rat arsed. Probably shouldn't have stayed behind for cocktails after my improv class, but beggars can't be choosers. I'm ready for some meaningless tumbles with a familiar stranger.

Somehow I'd managed to weave my way back to his apartment, I was drunk.

I was in the mood, what can I say, I'm never one to leave a night without a crescendo to my evening.

I pulsed my fist against his door and perched myself in the hall way, plastered with a stupid grin across my face. I'd sort of missed him a little.

The door was swung open by a tall handsome face, that made me blush at the site of such a charmer. He had this effect of me ever since I saw him flirting with her. I wanted him to share himself with me one last time.

I was already wrapped around him like a second set of skin, before he had even voiced a single word. He smelt so heavenly, I was purring against him seductively.

"Lis what's up? I've got some friends round at the moment.  Did you forget that we broke up or something?" He seemed nervous.

He wasn't as drunk as I was but somehow his words didn't hurt as much as he had intended for them to.

Although he hadn't yet rejected my intimate embrace. Infact he stiffed slightly as I planted kissing across his neck.

I broke my trail of kisses to respond to his question. "I've missed you stranger, have you missed me?" His expression appeared quite blank.

"Let me in for five minutes and I promise you won't regret it." I flicked my tongue across my lips in a coy manner.

Before he could even attempt to form a response I barged into his apartment and was met by a haze of fumes that shouldn't have been there, but who was I to care.

Everyone sounded like they were having an excellent time and I've never been one to turn down a gathering, especially one I wasn't invited to. Jacques's parties were renowned for going on into the early hours of the following day.

They were enchanting and spontaneous. They were just what I needed right now.

He looked tense, it made me giggle at the sight of such a handsome guy looking so awkward. His eyes kept on flicking across the room, but I tried to distract his wondering gaze.

I trailed my hands across his abdomen and planted kisses across his bobbing Adam's apple. He gasped at my intimate actions, which made me want him even more.

He looked uncomfortable. Although he stank of cigarettes, it reminded me of his familiarity. Jacques felt like home. I needed him one more time.

"Lis, people are watching."

"You've never seemed to care before, baby." I nibbled his ear and felt his body relax as I had reached his breaking point.

Despite our relationship had been short lived and only really for beneficial outcomes. I'd grown attached to the familiarity of him, his habits and perspective on situations, he was something I didn't want to let go of just yet. As selfish as that sounds.

"Come on baby loosen up for me." I whispered into his ear, although the music was racing above the ambiance of the room and I probably ended up shouting.

I couldn't quite work out why he was so unfriendly, we hadn't left things on a bad note and I thought a drunken booty call would be the least  of his concerns.

He was always up for a rough and tumble before.

My hands brushed over his; guiding him towards my hips. I circled them which made him respond just as I wanted him to. A silent moan left my mouth and I forced another kiss to his delicious lips.

"Lis, this isn't gonna happen tonight."

"Why not?" I cocked my head to the side to get a better look at the fine specimen that was clasped around my body.

"You know you want to kiss me Jacques." I wet my lips seductively.

"Because I still have feelings..." His words were interrupted by the gentle tap of my left shoulder.

"Hey Jacques is this the chick you've been seeing lately, damn she's got quite a mouth on her." An attractive female raised her eyebrows as she greeted us and must have been eavesdropping on our conversation.

"That would be me." I winked at her.

"He's says your quite the..."

"Lissy."I was met by the silhouette of an angelic being. My favourite person in the world was giving me a very unpleasant glare.

I averted my eyes to where his were piercingly planted on and then I realised why he was so concerned. Shit. He was my sister's best friend.

Holy mother of ...

I' completely forgot about her.

"Smile baby, I always told you when you were little that when the wind changes that frown will stay..."

"Shut the fuck up." She fumed.

I'd completely forgotten about Char.

"Oh shit." I kicked myself internally.

A pair of raging eyes were mirroring my expression. Although she was draped in the arms of another speechlessly attractive male, I suddenly realised how I was completely out my depths.

I was dazed by the carelessness if my actions. How everything I had done in the brief interludes of this moment had given away it all.

She knew.

She knew it all. I didn't even have a chance to tell her myself, the familiarity of our bodies against each other was enough.

I felt sober enough to vigorously vomit my apology across the walls for all I cared.

"Lis, I think it's time for you to leave." Jacques lightly braised my lower back.

"How did that just happen." Jacques spat venomously under his breath, but I heard him.

Her stare was so penetrating. I felt more than exposed; I felt lost in her gaze. She didn't say a word but I'd known her long enough to recognise what that look meant.

It meant that we were not on good terms and Char could go months without talking to someone, when she really put her mind to it.

I've completely fucked up.

Lissy you've really gone and messed it up this time.

"Char baby, it's not what it looks like honey, we're just newly found friends that's all."

"Save your lies for the next friend of mine you want to sleep with, is that an acceptable request Lis." She didn't even look at me as she spoke.

Fede had her coiled in his chest, I could feel her rage consuming the room. Everyone was staring at us and the room fell deathly silent.

She stormed over in a fit of feisty anger, spitting out the words directly into my line of vision. "You must sleep with all of your friends then, Lis."

The dagger had been thrusted deeper than I had expected, because after that note she brushed passed me followed by her bodyguard.

I was left alone inamongst a group of people who instantaneously disliked me and decided that maybe I should just go home.

"Lis, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you." He brushed my bank in an attempt to comfort the sobs that had escaped my sullen mood.

"It's not your fault stranger, I should have known my place." I scoffed at my own idiotic actions.

"No Lis, I should've known my place. I'll be lucky if that girl will ever look at me in the same way." He looked pained, like the thought of her not being in his life genuinely appeared unthinkable at this point.

Maybe it was? Maybe when you meet that one person and they reject you everything just becomes unfathomable.

Jacques was right about one thing, Char's opinion had been changed on both of us and I knew she would forgive me, because she knows I love her more than words care to express.

I also knew that she would ignore me until she felt I had suffered enough. In my eyes it was vindictive, by her eyes it was justice. But for his sake, I just hoped he'd be able to prepare for a world war if he wanted to burrow a place back into her heart.

She was never one to forgive and forget, but that was something I'd always admired about her.

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✶ So that happened. Char found out about Lissy & Jacques little love affair. Is she over reacting? Does this mean she still likes Jacques more than a friend?✶

― ...and when he thought about the way she laughed, as though she owned the air around her, his heart thundered inside his chest, a lonely rada. ―

― Junot Diaz ―