Chapter 21★

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Jacob

As I sat at my desk finishing off my last piece of work there was an abrupt knock of knuckles against the front door.

I was puzzled by the disturbance as my afternoons were usually quite peaceful, especially in the summer months. Unconsciously I sighed out of realisation that my work had become quite complex recently and any distraction was usually welcomed.

"Hello sir,  Mr J. Anthony Rose?" A blunt voice spoke at me as I opened the door.

I hesitated at first before I responded," Yes sir, that's me." I nodded my head in recognition.

"I'm Mr Johns, I'm afraid I have some bad news..." His forehead creased like a map of origami unsure what it would form. He didn't need to finish his sentence for me to guess where this was heading.

"It's concerning your mother, Mrs Stephanie Rose; I'm afraid she passed away last night in accident and emergency." He crushed his eyelids together in regret to admit this devastating news.

"What happened?" My voice broke slightly as I peered into his eyes.

"She overdosed, I'm so sorry to have to tell you, we couldn't bring her back this time." He sighed heavily, with tears pricking the corner of his eyes.

I just nodded my head gently in recognition of the situation. My palms were coated in a fresh layer of anxiety and my breathing became shallow as I absorbed the information that he had just provided me with.

The gentleman was her paramedic, last night his team fought to save her life and felt obliged to consult my family in person, when her body decided to switch off for the final time. I thanked him for consoling me in person. As her next of kin was my father, who worked in the same hospital that she departed this life, he knew that I would have to be the first to contact.

"I appreciate that you came to visit me in person, it takes real guts Mr Johns." I patted him on the back as I showed him to the door.

"Thank you, Mr Rose," he smiled with a genuine tinge of sadness," usually I would have telephoned for you to come into the hospital, but considering the circumstances I thought it would have been inappropriate." A pained expression was draped over his face; I hoped he wasn't reflecting mine.

"I appreciate it." I forced a grimace his way as he stepped out and I was left to digest the message he'd delivered.

I felt sad.

It was more than sad; I felt a little less like myself. Almost as if a piece has been stolen away by a bird with the same beautiful hair colour as my mother, ash blonde.

"Why this, why now?" I sobbed silently to myself.

I never expected to have to be the one to make the signal apparent to my most treasured people in the world, but apparently it was my job to do so.

With my deepest regrets, I knew that today was the day the white flag would have to be raised. The motherland was now a peace with herself.

I'm the eldest of my five siblings and yet I've never been so scared to tell them this news; that consequently my father will never allow himself to come to terms with. 

Stephanie, Mark, Jacob, Clarissa, Maxwell, Thomas & Charlotte. We were the equation to a sum that always totaled in eternal reliance on the other.

My parents worked so hard to create a strong base that we could lean on whenever life brought up problems. Age was never a boundary in our tribe and respect governed our attitudes towards each other.

Like all mathematicians  know that without another integer picking up the slack of a missing one. We would not be able to function and I knew that I would have to be that strong bond to hold our ties and make our formula work.

Although most families are slightly dysfunctional, if they don't admit this to you , then they either want you to perceive that they're god's gifts or just delusional.  But I'm a straightforward guy and I know that my family is odd, well I could go as far to call us 'different', I think I prefer that term.

We're hard workers and overachievers but there's nothing wrong in that, our parents told us to take life with two hands and when we found our 'calling' or whatever we wanted to call it; we should run with it and never let go.

I'm a number conversationalist; don't class me with all my accountancy colleagues, I'm an athlete who has to be an adult most days.

Steph, my mother is an adrenaline junky ; god I already miss her and it hasn't even been a day. 

Mark, my father is his own form of strange, but a very intelligent man to say the least. 

Lissy is a wonderful freak of nature, not meaning to be rude but the girl can turn herself into everything and anything.  Her acting is bewilderingly inspiring and captivates me every new production.

Max is a womaniser by trade and I think he's working aspects of architecture last time I checked.

Thomo's a comedian to our table conversation but the smartest of the bunch; probably a brain surgeon in the making and the glisten in my father's eyes.

And little Char who probably co-authored William Blake for all I know, she's a prodigy in the making and if she's not published then the writing industry is corrupt.

Stephanie was the wildest person I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing and I feel privileged to call her my mother, but distracting myself with the romantics of our regular dysfunctional family isn't getting my task complete at all.

Right, I might as well get the pain over with so we can celebrate her in the fashion that she had wanted to be remembered, as  her cards have fallen short pronounced by fate.

The problem of having a family that has such variety within it, is mainly that I currently have no idea where any of them are, so this task seems like it will have to be solved by numbers.

In this case phone numbers, right here goes nothing, I've never been good at breaking news in person let alone over the phone.

Maybe I should get them all to come over to dad's for dinner? Hmm .... I'll call them in ascending age order, originality is always something I've never possessed.

I panicked and decided that I would just send  a brief little message into the group chat, so I suggested that we needed to have dinner tomorrow night.

I apologise Stephanie, for being such a child about this whole situation, but I didn't expect to be filled with such solitude all of a sudden, in fact the probability of this happening was pretty high.

I'm not sure why I didn't assess the situation in my head whilst I thought about all the hypotheticals of what this day would entail.

My fingers rapidly dialled Lissy's phone number in a moment of panick.

Lissy would know what to do.

Whilst on the phone to Lissy words failed to deliver the punch line and I had to hang up after we had touched base; which thankfully wasn't my initial reaction after she soothed my whirl wind of emoctions.

"JJ, I'll come over straight after my acting class, okay?" She suggested optimistically.

My eyes lit up as I knew she would know how to deal with this better than I can right now.

Bless her, Lissy has always been my anchor and managed to translate my blubbering, something she has always seem to do every since we were little.

"I think that's a good idea," I murmured trying to hide the splash of tears against the receiver of my phone," don't rush, I'll be fine. Love you Lissy."

"Love you too JJ." She cooed before ending the call.

She seemed calm and I was grateful that her presence comforted me enough to stop the sobbing. She suggested that we regroup tomorrow at breakfast.

I decided to address a letter to Stephanie after I had calmed down; this was a habit I had developed at uni when I couldn't really voice my feelings, something I felt we all had troubles with but this mechanism seemed to work for now.

I'm sorry Mum, please don't be disappointed in me, I'll make up for it tomorrow night I promise; it just feels like for once in my life I regret not watching that movie with you when I was with my mates at that party.

Or going to the shops with you that week when you didn't want to do the weekly shop alone and needed some cheering up.

I feel like a selfish git and I know that whatever I do, won't eradicate the fact that I left you alone.

I don't blame myself because everyone has an expiry date, I just wish I hadn't made such a negative impact on yours.

Clara and I are going away next weekend just before she starts her new teaching  job at the primary school just a  couple of blocks away from our flat. It's not really well paid, but it's a job and right now I'm just starting out and we could used all the money we can get. Her parents always offered to support us but I've never been a man to take the easy route.

I think it's near to Char's place, might have to pop in on that little kid sometime soon, feel awful thinking about how little I see of that little munchkin. Thomo and Max are in Kefalonia having a smashing time from all their antics I've seen so far. 

I miss those days when reality was far from the tip of my fingers but I guess we have to grow up someday.

I love you Mum.
J

The familiar tone of my phone brought my thoughts back to reality; the caller idea showed that my little sister was eager to catch my attention.

"JJ are you free to come round for tea tonight?" She enquired in a cheerful tone.

I sighed and thought for a minute long and hard. She was a bundle of sunshine for my thoughts at this moment in time.

"I guess that would work." I gulped to myself.

"It's just I'm having a dinner party tonight and would really love if you joined us." I could tell she was in a good mood and wouldn't want to disappoint my youngest sibling, as she's just become an independent adult like the rest of us.

"Alright, alright I'll come but I think Clara has lots of marking to do." I distracted myself with thoughts of my girlfriend instead of my current situation.

"Yay! I'm so excited for it. It starts at 8 o'clock," she took a breath after speaking excitedly, and Jacob could you bring some wine?" I could just imagine her giving me her drop dead adorable face and even at that thought I couldn't say no to her.

"Of course, see you later Char." I hung up and realised that I needed to make sure that I didn't get too drunk this evening.

I wanted to tell them all, sober and on my terms; that's what Steph would have wanted.

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