oh man, i dont have a clue what the fuck this one's about

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Running through yellowing fields and
Concrete plains together,
Smoking in the open air like it's
Fresh. Knowing forevers and eternities are only
Half as long as we promise:
This is living and
This is love.

But love fades
Like scars fade and
Hate thrives in the rot.

Eyes dark, like the monster
I've become.
A monster when I speak with forked painted tongue
And black lips.

I squeeze and metal falls,
Body falls,
Crumples,
Concrete,
Bleeds.

I'm sorry.

So sorry.

Blue and yellow mask peels away
Like a chemical skin
That isn't mine or yours.
I know who I am.
I'm the monster.

I'm still the monster when I kiss you.
You're cold.
You're dead.

I'm still the monster when I start to cry,
And when I bury my face in your hair and tell you I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
I love you.

Palms scarlet brown,
Distinct rotting jaw click
Of the drying blood.
Hollow eyes,
Eyelashes like spiderwebs
And dewdrops in the dawn.

My throat is raw and my eyes are red
When I pull the trigger again.
My soul is shattered to pieces
With the bullet through my brain.
Everything is beatiful and horrible
As the blood cascades down my face, in my eyes, in my mouth.

It's different to the tiny cuts on my hips,
On my wrist.
It's searing flesh and metal in my head,
And it shouldn't last this long.

I'm not dead. I will never die.
I will feel the agony forever,
And I will never stop being
The monster.