QUICK EXPLANATION! I was supposed to just be camping for a week and then I'd update, but last minute my parents called me and said 'we're going to the cottage the day you finish camping!' so basically I had 2 whole weeks without wifi. Sorry! Anyways... chapter 17 is here!

Chapter 17: Return to the Mill

"C-can we stop at the paper mill on Garner?"

Stoick almost slammed on the breaks in the middle of the intersection as everyone else turned to face Hiccup, eyes wide in confusion and shock. When they crossed the intersection, Stoick pulled over on the side of the road and turned to face his son.

"What?" he asked, just as confused as everyone else.

Hiccup took another shaky breath. "Can we stop at the... at the paper mill? O-on Garner?" he asked hesitantly.

Yet again everyone looked at him in shock. "Why?" Valka asked him, turning almost completely around in her seat.

"My, uh... my camera's still there." he replied, not looking at anyone as his hands suddenly became interesting. "A-and I want to go get it."

Astrid reached forwards and placed a hand on Hiccup's arm, silently asking him to look at her. "Do you... are you sure you want to go back... there?" she asked, not very happy to be going back there herself.

"Astrid has a point, son." Stoick said. "It might not be best for you two to go back there so soon."

Valka nodded in agreement. "Especially after last night... i-it's not the best idea." she pointed out, voice full of worry.

They were all worried. Hiccup did have his reasons, but he suffered a flashback the night before and with such a small trigger. Going back to the paper mill, where he and Astrid were trapped, where his leg was crushed, where he drowned, was the last place they wanted him to go. It was the last place he wanted to go.

Hiccup knew they had their reasons for questioning whether or not to return to the mill, he wasn't too keen on the idea either. He felt like it was something he needed to do. After the flashback, he felt weak, afraid and depressed like it had drained all of the life from his body. Thinking of the hole they were trapped in under the mill was like thinking of a bottomless pit of darkness and pain. But, he felt that if he went back to the mill, back and faced it again, it would help him in the end.

Hiccup closed his eyes. "I-I know.." he began. "But I need to do this." he said, determination present in his voice.

His fists were clenched tightly, resting on his lap. Astrid had noticed, as she was sitting right next to him, and placed her hand on his reassuringly. He almost pushed her hand away, his thoughts from earlier that morning returning, but he appreciated the comfort.

Stoick looked to Valka. Her eyes were still filled with worry but they were still asking him silently to agree. Stoick was battling himself. He knew Hiccup had good reasons, but he was worried for the well being of his son. He wasn't to keen on going there himself. Last time he was there, he had found his son and the young Hofferson trapped under the debris, then had to jump into frigid waters to retrieve his unconscious body. Not to mention giving his son CPR after discovering that he was dead. That, by far, was the worst moment of Stoick's life. All of it happened at that mill within ten minutes. Eventually, he sighed, shutting his eyes before turning to face the three teens in the back.

"Alright." he agreed. "But, if any of you feel uncomfortable being out there, please just come back to the car."

The teens nodded, no one spoke. Astrid held Hiccup's hand a little tighter and leaned towards him, her head eventually resting on his shoulder. Tommy had a hand resting on Astrid's shoulder in comfort for the both of them. Hiccup was slightly tense under Astrid's touch, as the thoughts were running through his mind beyond his control.

Astrid doesn't really care for you, she's just feeling guilty and is comforting herself! The only reason she visits you is because she still blames herself for taking you to the paper mill even though you should have been filming the graduation. Tommy doesn't really care about anyone but himself anyway. Sooner than soon he'll just go back to his normal annoying self. Your dad just wants to help you get better faster so he doesn't have to pay for a therapist for very long and your mom just felt bad from being away! Eventually this whole incident will blow over and you'll go back to the forgotten boy who starved himself because he's so pathetic he wouldn't even try making a cut! The boy who would let the others beat him and break his bones because he's too weak! Now with your missing leg you're twice as clumsy as before! You're just completely useless!

His breathing picked up slightly but he ignored it. He tried pushing the thoughts out but they kept spinning around in his mind repeatedly. And he started to believe them. It was almost as if he had no control over his mind anymore.

Astrid noticed his change in behaviour almost right away. He was tense and staring out the window at nothing. Something was going on. She lifted her head up, looked to Tommy, who shrugged and gestured his head in his brother's direction, silently asked her to talk to him.

"Hiccup," she began. He didn't look at her, but he appeared to be listening. "Are you okay?"

His facial expression didn't change. In fact, nothing did. He just kept on looking out the window. "I'm fine." he grumbled through grit teeth.

Astrid was slightly taken aback by his response. Something was definitely wrong. Another issue was he was putting up his walls again. Astrid heard about how Hiccup didn't tell anyone about what he was going through a few years back, so he suffered in silence. Those walls he had up, the ones she had broken down while they were trapped, were being rebuilt. That was a serious problem. He was going through too much, that if he put up the walls and hid it would start to kill him slowly, from the inside.

Tommy and Astrid looked to each other, both concerned for Hiccup. Tommy knew something was seriously wrong. When Hiccup was hiding something, he would try and cover it up as much as possible. He would sometimes shrug it off with a smile or the classic 'just thinking' excuse. This time, he didn't even try. That meant one of two things. Either he was so lost in thought he just didn't bother covering it up like usual, or he was actually really upset about something. Tommy and Astrid silently agreed not to push him any farther.

Less than ten minutes later, they arrived at the mill. It was just as they had left it. Beams crumpled and lying every which way, the pipes that had been spitting out an enormous stream of water were all dried up and the concrete base of the building was now dry.

They remained in the car for another minute, staring at the destroyed mill. Memories of the events that passed only the week before were playing in their minds. Astrid grabbed Hiccup's hand a little tighter as she spotted the hole they had been trapped in. Hiccup didn't react. He was sucked into his own thoughts as his mind played his memories over and over. He was almost in a flashback like state, except he wasn't fully re-living the event.

Stoick was the first to leave the car, followed by Valka and Tommy. Hiccup took a breath and opened the door on his side of the car. Astrid grabbed his crutches, exiting the left side of the car before making her way around to the right side. She handed Hiccup his crutches and helped him come to a stand.

"Alright," Stoick said, clasping his hands together and turning to face the rest of the group. "I would like to leave as soon as possible, so, Hiccup," Hearing his name, Hiccup was pulled from his thoughts and looked up at his father. "Where is your camera?"

Hiccup stood there frozen for a second, his head slowly turning to look at the hole that was filled to the top with water. His camera was waterproof, but he couldn't remember what side it was on. And he really didn't want to go over and look.

"It's... it's on a ledge. O-on one of the walls." he stuttered, gesturing to the hole. "I put it on a ledge after we finished..." he stopped, his face falling, not really wanting to remember the goodbyes they had recorded before his parents and Tommy arrived.

Astrid noticed his change in expression and knew instantly what he was talking about. Her face fell as well at the memory. She reached for his hand and held it tightly, but he didn't respond.

"What side did you put it on?" Tommy asked.

Hiccup simply shrugged. "I... I don't actually remember..."

"I do." Astrid said, surprising both Hiccup and everyone else. "It's on..." she began, letting go of Hiccup's hand and walking towards the hole, she didn't go too close, as she was still anxious to be back there, but walked over to the correct side and pointed to the approximate place where the ledge should be. "This side. It's right around here, just over a foot under the surface."

Stoick nodded. "Thank you, Astrid." He walked towards the hole and looked down the side Astrid pointed out. Sure enough, he could see the camera sitting on the ledge in perfect condition. "Tommy!" he called. "Come here please."

Tommy slowly approached the hole next to his father and knelt down on the edge. "Do you need me to reach down and get it?" he asked. When Stoick nodded, he pulled the short sleeve of his shirt over his shoulder so it wouldn't get wet and reached into the water. It was freezing. After a moment of searching with his hand, Tommy grabbed hold of the camera and pulled it out.

"How is it?" Valka asked, standing a little farther back next to Astrid.

Tommy looked over the camera for any damage or cracks where water could have seeped through and damaged it, but thankfully he found nothing. "It's fine." he said. "The speaker might be damaged slightly, but we don't usually watch the videos on the camera anyways so it's nothing too bad."

Stoick and Tommy stood from their place next to the edge and began walking towards Astrid and Valka. They were about to walk back to the car when Astrid noticed Hiccup wasn't behind them.

"Wait," she said, turning back around. She didn't see him in the car so that meant... "Hiccup?" she called, looking around. She looked towards the hole to see Hiccup standing by the edge with his crutches. He was staring straight down into the hole, like he was looking at something on the bottom.

"That's the beam..." he whispered, just loud enough for them to hear. "That's what came down on my leg before I..."

He was talking about when Stoick an Tommy arrived with Valka and Eric. When Tommy had to move the beam with the van so they could get him and Astrid out... but then the beam came down on his injured leg and he drowned. That was the most traumatizing part for all of them. Hiccup not surfacing when they moved the beam, Stoick retrieving his lifeless body and then giving him CPR is a last effort to save him.

Valka approached her son slowly and carefully, trying not to startle him. She placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Tommy drove the van into the large beam that was trapping you two down there." she said, squeezing his shoulder. "That beam must've come down on you leg once the other one was moved because after it was out of the way you didn't..." she took a breath, tears stinging her eyes. "You didn't come back up."

Hiccup's focus remained on the beam. "How... who got me out?" he asked, his voice surprisingly steady.

"I did." Stoick said, joining them by the edge. "I went down to get you out and you were just... floating there." He took a shaked breath, remember the event. "I hoped you were just unconscious. But, when I pulled you out... you were... you weren't breathing your heart wasn't beating, you were... dead."

Hiccup looked at his father. He had thought he was simply unconscious from the pain and breathing in all that water, but he had actually died. Even when Tommy referenced it, he thought he was just exaggerating like always. Apparently not. His thoughts eventually made their way back to when he and Astrid while they were trapped.

He then did something no one expected. He chuckled. "Hey, Astrid." he called, his voice beginning to waver. "I-I guess I was right." His laughter was turning into crying as some tears made their way down his face. "I... I did die in a hole..."

That's when Hiccup broke down. It was too much for him in one day. The flashback the night before, the depressing thoughts that were running rampant through his head all day and then coming back to the mill only to find out he actually died. The emotions from that day he had bottled up, trying to remain strong for Astrid so they both wouldn't have a break down while they were stuck down there. Even after he woke up in the hospital, he never bothered to release all those emotions. Now, they broke through his wall like a dam during a flood. It hurt so much to hold it all in that he just couldn't do it.

He crashed down onto his knees and put a hand over his face. His shoulders shook and silent sobs escaped his lips. "H-how... how did I make it a-a-and... and s-so many others di-idn't?! Why was I the lucky one?!" he almost yelled. "I actually died but here... here I am! I-it's-it's just... i-it's just not fair!"

Stoick and Valka both crouched down next to their son, trying to comfort him as he finally expelled some of the emotions he kept bottled up. Astrid kept her distance for the time being, trying to comfort herself, considering how uncomfortable being there made her and the fact that Hiccup had already broken down. They didn't need to have to deal with two sobbing teens. Tommy wrapped an arm around her shoulder as they both watched as Hiccup broke down.

A few minutes later, Hiccup had exhausted himself and was sniffling and hiccuping quietly. Valka grabbed his crutches and Stoick carried him to the car, just like he used to when he was just a child. Hiccup had his head rested on his father's shoulder, letting the familiar, comforting scent distract him from his troubles.

Tommy climbed in first, moving to the seat on the far right. They gave Hiccup the middle seat so they could comfort him until he had calmed down completely. Tommy had the camera seated on his lap and was going through the clips from the day of the storm. All there was were the interview clips from the morning of and then a video that Hiccup and Astrid had started filming her project. Then, he found something rather interesting. The videos thumbnail showed Astrid, the water was up to her chin meaning this wasn't too long before they had arrived, and she appeared to be... crying?

He was about to press play on the clip when Astrid tapped his shoulder. He looked over at her, Hiccup had her head on her shoulder, his eyes shut and face tear stained. Astrid had her arm around his shoulders and was using that had to grab Tommy's attention.

"What?" he asked in a hushed tone.

Astrid simply shook her head, pleading silently that he didn't play the video. With that, Tommy turned the camera off and placed it back down on his lap. Astrid didn't want him to see the clip right now, but he would watch it soon enough. Eventually, he would find out what happened down there.

Chapter 17 is done! Chapters 18 and 19 are already written but they were written offline on my phone so there are MANY mistakes to be fixed! Chapter 18 will be up tomorrow and chapter 19 will be up on Wednesday. Also, today and for the rest of this week I will be editing old chapters! Mainly fixing mistakes and removing the A/N's in the middle of chapters (yay!), nothing big! Now before I go, story time!

Before I left for camping with my cousin, I uploaded a RTTE seasons 1, 2 and 3 trailer on my YouTube channel (22craftgirl). Only a week after I uploaded it, it passed 3,000 views! 3,000! It became my second most popular video in only a WEEK! It's just over 4,000 right now oh my Thor! I went from 177 subs to 207 because of that video!

I'll see you guys tomorrow! (AND THAT'S A PROMISE!)

-TBBG