Chapter 9 I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!

Before I jump into everything that's been going on since the last time we met, I feel like there's just something I have to get off my chest first...

'Would any one of you mind telling me what the actually FUCK is Really going on with me here? Lost for words? It's fine..I'll wait..'

This is the only question I've been asking myself now for almost a week! But, I haven't gotten any clarity on it yet, and as the days pass the worse these feelings are getting for me!

You see, when Mel and I left the club Saturday night I felt incredible. Even changed on a much deeper, basic level within myself. Like I was this new person who knew the key to a successful life. All because I let myself go, and submitted to whatever will happen with steel determination.

But, all of those bubbly, happy feelings evaporated into the cloud of smoke they were built out of as soon as my head hit my pillow that night! When I woke up early Sunday morning I felt this burning embarrassment radiating from deep in my core. I didn't know where the feeling was coming from, or why it was even there in the first place. I was completely okay with what happened at the club. I actually had a blast, and couldn't wait for the next month. But, try as I might, I couldn't get rid of the damn feeling, and it only seemed to get worse!

I didn't leave my little make-shift room at all Sunday. Instead I chose to hide away from everyone as much as I could, and I even made sure to leave a full two hours before anyone else was awake Monday morning. I couldn't deal with either of the girls' millions of questions I knew they had for me.

When Mel started blowing my phone up with calls and text that afternoon I managed to hold her for the time being with total bullshit excuses. First with fake school work, like an imaginary term paper. I didn't tell her I'd been kicked out of school yet. After a while I couldn't bring myself to keep up the lie, so eventually I regulated myself to hiding away inside the New York City Library all the time.

Well, that is until one of the employees asked me to leave. I stop walking and shudder at the thought!

Hey now! I know what you're thinking, but don't judge me! For any girl like me, who's never been in trouble a day in her life, it can be a little intimidating having some big, sneering, brute of a man, man-handle you. Without giving a single care of concern for the reasonably vocalized objections you are voicing. While said brute is politely escorting you out of the public library! Can be scary and traumatizing for anyone! Well, at least it was five minutes ago when it happened to me!

As I slowly walk the hour and a half back to the apartment I let my mind go back to doing the only thing it can, worry. The library has become my one place of solitude every night as I pour over every detail that went on Saturday night, but now that I can't go back I feel even more lost! I feel like I'm being split right down the middle!

On one side, my brain keeps whispering how wrong it is to let so many people willingly touch me. How sick it is that I actually got OFF on the things they were doing to my body, or how shamelessly I vocalized my pleasure. Plus adding to the shame by reminding me how disappointed my mother would be with me if she were to ever find out about what I did.

Like I really need a reminder of that! I blow out a frustrated breath at the thought. Kicking a pebble as I turn down another street.

But, thankfully I have my newfound baby demon on my other shoulder telling me to fuck everybody, and what they think! I'm my own free woman! That can, and will, do whatever the damn well she pleases! The little demon's voice isn't as loud as the goody-two-shoes side, but now that she's out in the real world, she ain't going back in the darkness quietly!

Is it a little strange that she already reminds me of Mel though? She's already growing into a little fierce hellion already! I chuckle at the thought, and finish my walk in relatively silence for once.

When I walk in the apartment both Joss and Tess are already asleep, so I quietly make my way to my room, and get ready for bed. Only for my luck to run out the very next morning! Because as soon as I open my eyes both girls are standing over me with their hands on their hips, and matching glares on their faces.

I stretch my body, and then rub the sleep from my eyes all before it finally clicks in my waking brain how pissed they both look. My eyes snap open completely, and I clutch the blanket to my chest as I slide up in the bed. Giving them both my full and undivided attention.

"Hey Guys. Isn't it a little early for y'all to be up on a Saturday?" I ask them trying to lighten the mood.

Joss doesn't seem to find any of this funny. She tightens the grip around her hips, and pinches her lips together clearly annoyed with me. "Really Abbie? After vanishing and leaving us in the dust for the entire week that's all you have to say?"

I gasp in a sharp breath from the painful truth in her words, and shrug my shoulders. "I know! I'm so sorry!"

"Damn right you are!" Tess interrupts me to make her feelings known.

"So, how about you tell us what happened to make you run away from us and hide for the entire week?" Joss says to me, and all I can do is hang my head in shame.

"Oh how I wish my problems were as simple as that!" I say whisk-fully, throwing my hands up in the air in frustration at the end.

"Oh God! Please don't tell me you went to a sex club, and were the only person there who didn't cum?" Tess asks me, sounding genuinely terrified. While Joss lays her hand over her heart, and gives me a look full of sympathy.

I snort at the question, and shake my head no. "If only! It's safe to say I enjoyed myself immensely!"

"Well then! That sounds exactly like the story I've been dying to hear!" Joss says excitedly, and takes my hand dragging me up from my comfortable spot in the bed. "Let's go sit down on the couch, and you can start telling Tess and I all about it!"

I spend the rest of the morning telling them all about my night at the club. I could feel my face burning in complete horror for a while after I started talking. Around noon the girls took pity on me, and themselves, cooking up a full breakfast for us while they listened.

The three of us remained on our bar stools for another twenty minutes after we finished eating while I finished up my tale. I blew out a huge breath of relief after I finished. Even though I'd been replaying the events of that night multiple times every day, I didn't feel as much shame inside. I guess just telling someone else helped get rid of those feelings, but even talking with my friends my mind is still a jumbled, chaotic mess!

Joss, Tess, and I spend the rest of the day just being lazy binge watching Netflix on the couch. We talk, laugh, and joke around for the rest of the weekend really. The girls gave me space during times when I sat quietly, and didn't ask any more questions from me thankfully. Plus, I think it's safe to say the minor tiff in our relationship is officially over seeing as neither one of them left my side after that!

Now I just need to do the same thing with Mel!

I tried to bring myself to call her over the next few days. Each time I'd make it as far as the home screen on my phone cradled between my hands, and stare at it for hours. I just couldn't bring myself to be the one to take that step and make the call, because unlike the week before, Mel hadn't called me a single time after Saturday!

The nerves and stress were driving me absolutely insane by then! Dare say even worse than the week before. By Wednesday morning I couldn't take it for another second, and as soon as I woke up at eight o'clock that morning I called her. Each time the line rang my heart would drop to my feet! But, then she answered the phone...

"Well, well, well LOOK who finally decided to call someone back! If you would have made me wait any longer I planned on hunting you down, Babe! I figured you must have gotten yourself kidnapped, because that's the only excuse I'm willing to accept at this point!" Mel says to me meaning every word.

"Hump!" I grunt. "I wish it were as simple as that." I tell her, closing my eyes, and rubbing my forehead in exhaustion.

"You still wrapped all up in that big brain of yours huh?" Mel asks bluntly.

"What do you think?" I bite back sarcastically.

Mel just laughs at my cattiness. "Nope, not even close! How about you come over to my house around five-thirty Friday afternoon. We obviously need to talk, and I have alcohol. Matter of fact, why don't you bring some clothes and we can make this into a pj party? How's that sound?'

I smiled. Truth is I was never invited to a sleepover at another girls house while growing up. I guess now is better late than never getting to experience a girl's right of passage. "I'll be there!"

"Great! I'll text you my address. I'll see ya then, and I promise to make everything better before you leave!" Mel said, sounding a lot happier now than at first.

"Thanks Mel." I say almost getting choked up, and the smile on my face freezes. "I really mean it."

"Anytime Honey. That's what a Big Sister is for after all! Bye!" Mel tells me before handing up.

I let the phone gentle slide from my hands and onto the bed as my thoughts spiraled out of control. It took me several minutes to finally snap out of them and back to the present. I managed to shake the rest of the worrying from my head, and start moving about for the day.

I kept myself busy for the next two days. Cleaning up the apartment until each surface gleamed, and you could practically eat off the floors. I packed a small bag with my favorite pair of wool pajamas, my toiletries, and my silly fuzzy house slippers before going to bed Thursday night. I hardly got an ounce of sleep from how excited I was to spend the night with Mel.

Friday morning wasn't any better. I cleaned the entire apartment again by noon. Before walking two blocks to the nearest boot-leg liquor store to buy a bottle of wine. (The fake ID Joss hooked me up with last year coming in handy in my desperate time of need!) By the time I walk back through the door of the apartment it's fifteen minutes after four, and a sense of urgency kicks in immediately.

I rush to my room to place the bottle of wine inside my overnight bag. Then sling the straps over my shoulders as I run back out the front door, locking it behind me, and to the curb hailing a cab almost instantly. I tell the middle aged man driving Mel's address, and sit back to watch the crowded streets of New York pass by.

The cab comes to a stop in front of Mel's apartment fifteen minutes early. I'd already sent Mel a text while on the way. Just in case she wouldn't be there by then, but I didn't need to worry. She was waiting for me just inside her doorway waving me inside with a giant welcoming smile.

I threw a wad of bills at the driver, and rushed up the stairs to the front door. As soon as I stepped over the threshold inside her apartment Mel threw her arms around me in a crushing bear hug! I soaked up the feeling! Being in her embrace is the closest I've felt to being in my moms arms in so long! Nothing could compare to the warm, loving feeling, and I've missed it dearly!

Mel and I break apart at the same time a few minutes later. I feel a sense of peace inside me I haven't felt in weeks as Mel takes a step back, and stares into my eyes. I can tell she is reading me like an open book right now. I can't hide the pent up feelings rushing around inside my head at the moment, and for once I don't want to! Mel said she would make it all go away by the time she's done with me, and I desperately need her help!

After several silent moments between us she gives me a small, sympathetic smile, and grasps my hands in hers. "What's the biggest worry going through that big brain right now?"

I can't hold her gaze anymore, and drop my eyes to the ground. Then let out a deep sigh before answering her. "That I'm a sick twisted individual, because I liked every goddamn thing those unknown hands did to me..."

I can't believe I just blurted that out!

"Oh Honey, NO!" Mel says, sounding angry. Before pulling me behind her further into her apartment, and slamming the door behind us. She pulls me into a spacious living room, and pushes on my shoulder making me sit down on a big brown leather crouch. She sat down beside me, and pulled our joined hands into her lap.

"Listen to me right now Abbie Black! There is NOTHING, and I mean nothing, sick or twisted about you! You're just like any other healthy female with needs. What do you think made you feel that way?"

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, and start biting the excess skin while I think. Mel gives me a moment, but gives my hands a good squeeze after a while. I send her an apologetic smile, and start to answer her softly.

"I'm not really sure to be honest. I think it's because I didn't know a single person who touched me that night, and I let them give me the most intense pleasure I've ever felt in my life. What would people think of me if they ever found out?"

"Psst. Oh Please!" She spits sarcastically waving me off. "Tell me this, if it was some guy bragging to his buddies about getting it on with three different girls in one night, what do you think they would say to him?" Mel asks, giving me a knowing look.

I didn't have a clue what the right answer was here, but played along anyways. "I don't know." I say shrugging. "Atta boy, Champ?"

"You're damn right they would!" Mel screams. Her green eyes are alite with an inner burning flame. "This is the twenty-first century! Women are allowed to do anything a man can do now. So don't let any old, out-dated ideas hold you back from experiencing all this world has to offer you. And, if they do? Just tell them to fuck off, and mind their own damn business! You do you, Babe!"

I chuckle, and give her hands a grateful squeeze. "I'll try Mel, I promise, and if I start to crawl back inside my big brain again you can kick my ass anytime."

"HA! I'll hold you to that!" Mel says, while pointing at me, and sending me a pointed look."

"Scouts Honor!" I tell her jokingly while making a x over my heart.

We both dissolve into a fit of laughter then. All of the tension melting away between us in an instant. It takes us both several moments to calm down. Before Mel gets up from her spot on the couch, and walks over to a very modesty, yet modern, open kitchen.

She grabs two wine glasses, and an unopened bottle of wine from the kitchen counter bringing them back to the couch. I watch silently as she pops the cork and fills both of the glasses with the bubbling alcohol, and hands one of the glasses to me.

Mel picks her glass up from the table, and holds it up in the air between us for a toast. "Now Babe, you've kept me in suspense for way to fucking long in my opinion, so down that glass of champagne, and spill the beans. Here's to a night of truths and friendship." Mel ends with a megawatt smile clinking her glass to mine.

"Here, here!" I cheer. Before turning the glass up, and downing it's contents in one shot. Just like Mel is doing beside me.

Even with the bubbly going straight to my head I felt mortified as I began my story. After several failed attempts Mel came up with a drinking game to help me lose the nerves and shyness for us to play. Each time someone new touched me, or I orgasm during the tale, both of us would have to take a shot. By the time I finished we had finished both bottles of wine, and were more than halfway through with a fifth of Jack Daniels.

That damn Tennessee Whiskey is what I blame for the rest of the night turning out the way it did! Mel and I decided to change into our pj's after story time. We met back on her couch about ten minutes later. Giggling and making fun of each other's outfits when I let something slip I had no plans on coming out!

"The bitch of a roommate I had at school last year hated these damn things!" I say to Mel laughing and trying to point at my fuzzy unicorn slippers. "I guess that's just another reason she tried to have me thrown out of school! HICCUP!" I finish before doubling over in a fit of laughter.

But, Mel seems to sober up at my little slip, and pulls me back up by the shoulder to look at both of her. "What else did your roommate do?"

"HA! Where do I even start?" I say sarcastically. "For starters she would always make some back-handed remark about my clothes, but she would disguise it by making it sound like a compliment. She made me think Joss, Tess, and the few other friends I managed to make the year before they didn't really want me around. Then she, and the guy I was seeing, but had also been secretly dating her since the beginning of the school year, tried to set me up by saying I stole the final paper he and I both turned in from him, and have me expelled from school!"

"What a Bitch!" Mel says outraged! "Did they succeed?"

"No, thank God!" I tell her sighing. "But, they did succeed in getting the scholarship I've worked my whole life for, revoked. That's why I'm working at the club. My Uncle said he would pay my tuition, but I said only if I could work it off for him."

"Thank You Uncle Joe." Mel praises.

"Yep!" I tell her popping the p at the end of the word.

"So, do you know if either of them got into any trouble for what they did to you?" Mel asks me.

I think for a second, then shake my head. "Not that I know of, but probably nothing. Trevor's dad is some big shot here in New York, so he'll only get a slap on the wrist. If that much!" I tell her sloppily, throwing my hands up in frustration.

"Damn Girl! I'm sorry." Mel says as she pours both of us a shot of bourbon, and hands me one of the glasses. "Let's make a toast. From now on neither of us will let anything from our past come back to stop us in the present. We are strong, independent women that don't need anyone to bring us down. From now on we will hold our heads up high, and scream from the rooftops for anyone who wants to hear. I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!"

"ROAR!" I say, but it comes out as more of a laugh instead of the strong conformation I intended it to be.

"ROAR!" Mel growls clinking her glass to mine, and the both of us down the shot.

Mel and I finished off the bottle of Jack about an hour later, but then she brought out two more bottles of wine, and we started on those. We stayed up to the early hours of the morning talking, laughing, and even crying at some points. We told each other everything about our home life, and growing up. We even told each other our deepest, darkest secrets. Building a bond between each other that was stronger than anything else I've felt in my short life. Except for maybe the one I share with my mom.

When Saturday morning came Mel insisted I stay just a little longer, and I didn't wind up leaving the entire weekend. While Mel worked her magic on me to accept being okay with letting my freak flag fly high for all to see, and also bring me back to my normal self. More importantly she made me excited for the beginning of August, and what was in-store for me that Saturday night at the club.

More than anything Mel helped to give me a whole new outlook on life, and the way I thought about everything that was to come. Like school, friends, and family.

Because I am a Woman after all, so hear me ROAR!!!

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