Jake had offered to come pick me up, but since Dan's place was in Stratford it made more sense for me to pick him up and drive us there.  Of course it also means I don't have to answer any questions about why I'm not drinking again. 

It was a rush to get home from work, shower, change, feed Fred and get back out the door for six thirty but I'd somehow managed it.  I'd settled on a demure burgundy dress with flared sleeves, opaque tights and low-heeled boots, and I'd slung my Burberry Mac over my arm and practically flew back out of the door 

I now have forty minutes to decide how on earth I'm supposed to sit across from Dan knowing he paid Jake's mother to stay away from him for close to eight years. 

Just one more thing I'll have to pretend I don't know about I suppose. 

For me, far more important is how on earth I am supposed to tell Jake that his mother is dying.  I was running out of time — she was too.  I'd have to suffer his wrath and tell him everything so he could make his decision with all the facts laid out before him.  I've no clue if this new information will make a shred of difference to him, but he needs all the facts. Something Dan had denied him all those years ago.

After her revelation on the hill, I had gone swiftly into professional mode. I'd explained that I wasn't attempting to pry, but that I was a GP and that though I couldn't imagine I'd offer anything new to her prognosis that her own doctor hadn't already relayed, I could at least try and garner a sense of proportion — or rather, an idea of how long we had. 

Her cancer was progressive; they'd found it late and it was spreading.  It would spread further without the proffered radiotherapy, which she had refused.  She'd have the surgery but not the rest she said.  But I knew as well as anyone that they needed to try and shrink it with therapy first. 

I'd tried to change her mind, as her own doctor and her husband had been trying to do, but she was adamant.  Her own mother had gone through it and an aunt, and she wasn't 'going down that road' — she didn't want to put Brian through that she'd said.  It was heartbreaking frankly.  Without treatment she would die, that much was guaranteed. In just months maybe.  As she spoke I considered whether if by some miracle I did manage to change Jake's mind and convince him to see her, whether he could convince her otherwise.  It was all a very large if.   Because I have no clue if this new information will make any difference to him.  Hadn't he all but said she was already dead to him?

After our chat I had driven home in silence, deep in a deluge of heavy sad confused thoughts.  I'd dropped Susan off near Hampstead tube station where she'd get the train into town.  I'd offered to drop her, her train was due to leave for Birmingham in a few hours, but she declined. Just before she'd gotten out of the car I'd told her the truth: I wanted to help and though it wasn't something I could do overnight, I would tell him everything and soon. Neither of us had said the words aloud, but we didn't have to. We both knew time was running out.

I pull up outside Jake's building and ring him to let him know I'm downstairs.  He appears at the front door of his building a few minutes later, talking agitatedly into his phone.  He's dressed in dark jeans, black polo and thigh-length dark wool coat and looks stylishly delicious.  My tummy flips in the usual way it does at the sight of him.  He opens the door but doesn't get in right away, instead leaning on the car door as he finishes his call. 

"...yeah I know.  I'm seeing him tonight... now.  Yeah, I doubt it.  Okay, I have to go —."  He hangs up and climbs in to my mini, stretching across the car to kiss me softly.  He smells fresh and clean and tastes faintly of spiced apples.  "Hey you - I missed you," he says against my mouth.  

"Missed you too," I reply. When he kisses me again quickly I grip his arm and squeeze tightly.   Give me strength to get through tonight.    As I lick my tongue across my lips to taste him he leans back across the car and pulls his seatbelt on. 

"How was your night with Caleb?"

"Good fun," he nods.  "Did you get your work stuff finished?"

"Most of it, yes.  Reviewing applications aren't fun, though.  Not when your mind isn't on it," I say as I begin turning the car around to go back out of his closed street the way I came. 

"Hmmm. And what was your mind on?" He asks, reaching out to stroke my thigh, sliding his hand under the hem of my dress.   When I turn to flash a smile at him I let my eyes linger on his mouth a moment or two in an attempt to convince him that he was exactly what I was thinking of.  Not his dying mother.  Or his baby.  Or his manipulative gangster boss who'd kept them apart. 

"Wouldn't you like to know Lawrence.  So, which way?" I ask when we reach the end of his street. 

***

Jake directs me via the Limehouse Link out of the centre of town and then north towards Newham.  The traffic is busy as we merge onto the A11 but we're still pulling up to Dan's a lot sooner than I'd have liked.  A large well-designed property with a gated entrance sitting adjacent to an old church greets us at the end of an affluent looking street lined with land rovers and large expensive-looking family cars. Danny Ward, as well as looking like one, also lives in a street seemingly habituated by bank managers.  

Dan's is by far the most ostentatious of the houses on Torrance Mews, just a short drive from Olympic Park.  It could easily have been featured in one of those home design programmes; all angles, glass walls and split level living.  It's not my kind of house, not the kind I could ever see myself living in, but it's impressive all the same.  I try not to think of where the money came from to pay for it. 

"Wow," I remark quietly as we pull up in front of the closed iron gate.  Jake makes only a noncommittal, unimpressed sounding grunt in response and the gates begin to open as we near them. Jake tells me just to pull up in front of the double garage and when I do he doesn't move for a moment or two, just stares up at the house, clearly deep in thought. 

"Are you worried?" I ask softly watching him.  When he turns to me his face softens. 

"No." 

I'm not sure if he's lying to make me feel better but he looks relaxed, except his right hand is bunched in a slight fist by his side, the skin pulled tight over his still recovering knuckles.

"Anything I shouldn't say?  Any subjects I should avoid?  Politics?  Immigration? Crime rates in the city?" I chance a smile.

"Just sit beside me and look pretty, yeah?" he says, his eyes twinkling with amusement.  I give him an insulted look and he reaches across to kiss me again, licking his tongue teasingly across my mouth.  It sets the space between my legs to vibrate.  Seems like days since I've had him there, inside me.  "I'm sorry,"  He whispers when he pulls back.

"For what?" I ask.

He glances away from my eyes.  "You shouldn't be here.  I shouldn't have brought you here."

"I brought you here technically. I'm driving." I point out.

He sighs. "Alex."

"Okay, so then you are worried?"

He shakes his head. "No, not worried. Not that.  I just... I never wanted you involved like this, with him, it's the last thing I wanted.  He knows too much about you already — I don't like him knowing about you.  About us.  I always wanted to keep you separate from all of this you know? You've always been separate from all of this."

"And soon we'll both be separate from all of this, and you won't have to think about any of this anymore."

When he meets my eye a look of something so hopeless seeps into them that it sends a shiver through me.  He licks his lips and nods, "You're the only thing that takes my mind off of this shit, you know that? You're the only thing I want to think about."

I lean in and press my lips to his again.  "I love you, tell me you know that." I whisper.       

"I know that," he replies.   "Now, let's get this over with, yeah?" he says and moves to open the passenger door. 

I follow him, climbing out of my mini and smoothing down my hair and my dress as Jake comes around the car to meet me.   "So what's this young dancer girlfriend of his like?" I ask quietly as he takes my hand in his.  He stops moving, turns and stares down into my eyes, an odd look on his face.  He opens his mouth to say something when I hear a familiar voice from above. 

"You gonna keep the lady out there in the fucking cold all night Jay or you coming in?  Dinner's about ready!"  When I turn around and look up I see Dan watching us from the balcony jutting out above the front door.  Holding a large glass of what looks like white wine he urges us inside with a wave of his hand.  "Door's unlocked," he adds.   

With a quiet curse, Jake pulls me behind him towards the front door.    

Dan's home is a sea of light grey granite, leather, and black polished wood.   Money.  It screams it from the outside and displays it from every surface inside.  However, Dan's home also screams lack of personality and taste. 

Taking my coat and shrugging out of his own, Jake lays them both down on a stylish leather sofa just inside the front door and leads me towards the well-lit staircase just ahead.  It leads up but also down to a lower basement level.  Low level spotlights light the way as I follow Jake up to the first floor where the sounds of music and the scent of food comes from. 

Directly ahead of us is, in a sort of floating glass extension with a wraparound balcony, sits a large glass dining table with white leather high-backed chairs seated around it.  Through the glass, I can see a well-lit side garden with high trees ensuring that the garden or dining room for that matter is obscured from any of the surrounding properties.  To my left is the living area, where more full-length glass windows showcase more of the large garden.  From here the spire of an old church next door and the Olympic stadium a mile or so away is just visible.  The white and black theme continues in there but is now joined by flashes of red in the soft furnishings. Hanging on one of the inner walls is the largest television I have ever seen. 

As Jake leads me to the right towards the large kitchen I note that the marble and wood staircase continues upwards to what must be the bedrooms.  The sliding doors to the balcony Dan called us from, which opens from the dining room and kitchen, are open and he stands bent over a large central area stirring a silver pot with a wooden spoon. 

He looks up and smiles brightly at us both.  One of the most dangerous men in London is making spaghetti.  He takes a taste from the wooden spoon, licks his lips, then sips his wine and waves us closer.  Jake lets go of my hand and goes around to hug Dan in much the same way Nick hugs my Dad. 

"You never getting rid of this fucking thing then?" Dan says indicating Jake's beard. 

"The missus likes it," Jake shrugs before heading towards the large American style fridge. 

"That right?" Dan asks me, eyebrow cocked as he comes around the kitchen counter to greet me. 

"I think he looks great with it," I smile.  "Hello, nice to see you again Dan."

He tuts in disagreement I think and puts an arm around me and kisses my cheek.  "Alex — thanks for coming sweetheart," He beams.  "Jay'll get you something to drink while I go see if my Stephanie is finished beautifying herself yet," he gives me an eye roll and goes towards the stairs. 

"You can have one glass of wine can't you?" Jake asks from the fridge.  He's already pulled a beer out for himself and begins to drink from it thirstily.  

"Maybe with dinner, just water right now," I tell him. 

"Steph!! Get your fucking arse down here! Now!" Dan roars behind me. 

I almost jump out of my skin at the racket and I glance at Jake who also looks a little tense as he watches Dan by the staircase.  Jake flicks his eyes briefly to me and he turns to open a cupboard above his head where he retrieves two glasses. I almost jump again when I feel a soft touch on the back of my neck as Dan grazes me casually as he passes on his way back to the cooker.  Jake misses the incident entirely, his back turned as he pours his beer into a highball glass, and my water into one filled with ice. 

"Beer in a fucking glass?  You 'avin a laugh?" Dan snorts in disgust.

Jake lifts both glasses and comes to stand beside me, handing me my water first before lifting his glass to his mouth.

"Actually realised it tastes better from a glass," He shrugs. 

"Hmph," Dan grumbles, clearly unconvinced.  "Well, I don't drink that piss water anymore so I wouldn't know." When Dan flicks his eyes impatiently over my shoulder towards the stairs I brace myself in preparation for him to yell again.  Thankfully, I hear the distinct sound of someone in heels coming down them and so I relax.  Jake places his hand on the back of my neck, in exactly the same place as Dan had a moment ago, but instead spreads his fingers around it and squeezes softly.   "Bout fucking time," Dan huffs, shooting a murderous glare over my shoulder. 

"Calm down will you bloody hell, I'm here now," comes the non-plussed feminine reply.  When I turn to get my first look at Dan's twenty-three-year-old girlfriend the first thing I feel is underdressed. 

She's dressed in a tight black jumpsuit with a plunging neckline almost to her belly-button and struts towards us on heels like a model down a catwalk.  She's stunning.  She turns her attention on me first, and then on Jake, giving him a plump burgundy-lipped smile.   "Jake, how you doing? You're looking well," She says, crossing to where I'm perched on the bar stool and Jake stands behind me.  She throws an arm around his neck and plants her lips far too close to his mouth for my liking, and though he never lets go of me completely, his proximity to her partially exposed upper body still makes me uncomfortable.  What a petty jealous harpy I have become.

"Yeah, you too Steph," he says.  "This is my girlfriend - Alex," he gestures to me and Steph turns her large brown doe eyes on me once more and smiles.  It a warm smile I think, and she accompanies it with a slight lift of her hand into a wave.

"Hi, nice to meet you, we've all been hearin' loads about you," she says as she goes around into the kitchen. It causes Jake to tense slightly.

"You have? Nothing too bad I hope," I say.

She shakes her head and smiles, reaching above her head for a wine glass before going to help herself to a large glass of white wine from the bottle next to Dan.  She plants a more leisurely kiss on Dan's cheek but it garners no response from him whatsoever, so focused he is on the large bowl of water he's just put on to boil.   "Hey grumpy," she says to him.

I take the opportunity to study them side by side then.  Though he could easily be her father, they make a more handsome looking couple than I'd imagined they would.  She's tall and slim, with a soft golden tan, clear skin and loose waves scattered through dark blonde shoulder length hair which is a few shades lighter on top.   He stands by her side taller and slightly muscular but with a distinguished rich older man look about him. 

"Nearly ready?" she asks, slugging back a large mouthful of the chilled looking wine.  "I'm bloody starving." To look into the pot, she leans over the cooker in a way that makes her look every inch the lithe dancer.  

"So you're actually gonna eat something tonight then?" Dan asks her.

"Course I am," She tuts.  "Just been feeling a bit off for a few days that's all."

"You're wearing the earrings," Dan says, sounding pleased about something finally.

"Yeah, do you like them on me?" She pulls her hair up into a pile and twists her head so that the drop diamond earrings glint in the bright kitchen light.  Even from here they look expensive.   

"Yeah, they look nice on you I suppose," he shrugs.  Steph rolls her eyes and I look briefly at Jake who offers me a small awkward smile.  As he turns his head more I notice the stain of Steph's lipstick on the side of his cheek and so I bring my hand up and smudge it away with my thumb.  He covers my hand and wipes the rest of it away himself, looking a little sheepish as he drains the rest of his glass of beer.   There are a few minutes of uncomfortable silence before Dan tells us all to go sit at the dinner table. 

Odd.  That's how I would describe the atmosphere for the duration of dinner. 

Jake is quiet.  Too quiet.  Steph is clearly bored.  Dan though. chats animatedly; about the spa Steph and he went to at the weekend, about an upcoming trip to Antigua they have planned, and then about the house when I compliment it somewhat disingenuously for something to say to fill the silence.  Then he asks me questions, lots of questions.  It seems to make Jake even tenser and I suppose I understand why.  Because Dan already knows too much about me.  He keeps it to questions about my job mainly, whether I enjoy it, what I'd be doing if I wasn't a doctor - to which I realise I don't have any answer whatsoever.  When the chat moves to my family Jake finally gets involved and rather cleverly turns it around to himself.  He says he met my parents a few nights ago and that they hated him - to which I tell him isn't true.  I tell him that I have it on good authority that mum thought he was polite and good looking which makes Dan laugh loudly and Steph almost spit out our wine through her nose.  Jake affects a proud arrogant face and says he knew that mum would fancy him.  

Jake from there steers the chat to the club  — which causes Steph to sit up and get more involved.  She'd been numerous times apparently, which for some reason annoys me.  Did Jake have a table for her there?  Did he greet her personally?  Oh stop it Alex.  Dan heralds Jake as a successful entrepreneur and at one point even says how proud of him he is.  Jake looks uncomfortable with the praise, like he often does, and says very little in response except a mumbled thank you, and few words about how grateful he is for Dan's help 'to get it off the ground' - whatever that means.  The clear affection Dan has for Jake actually worries me.  The man who had helped him with his business.  Who had made him who he was.   And what I am is going to help me destroy him. How on earth was he coping with this?

For the most part, the revelations about Dan and Susan stay in the far recesses of my mind.    Actually, so affable and chatty and friendly is Dan, that I find myself again confused about how he can possibly be the monster that Jake warned me he is.  He's so.... normal.  Steph seems enamoured with him too because throughout dinner she watches him with a distant almost awed look on her face, stroking his wrist and touching him tenderly whenever she passes to go to the kitchen or the bathroom which she'd done often.

As the plates are being cleared away by Dan and Steph I turn to Jake to find him emptying his glass of his sixth bottle of beer.  Clearly being drunk was how he'd chosen to get through this. 

"Am I talking too much?" I ask him quietly. 

He slides his hand up and around my neck and pulls my head down to kiss me.  It's deep and he tilts his head to slant his lips and tongue over my own, moaning quietly.  "You know how much I love hearing you talk," he says, licking his lips before touching his nose to mine.   "Anyway, it's fine.  He likes you."

"He does?" I glance over my shoulder. 

"Yeah. It's pretty clear when he doesn't, trust me." He says against my ear.  "I honestly can't fucking wait to get back to yours... " he says, lowering his head to bite my shoulder through the fabric of my dress.

"You're staying at mine tonight?" I ask hopefully.  "Without your car?  How will you get home tomorrow?"

He pulls his head up and furrows his brow.  "There's a train station near your work isn't there?"

"You ride the train?" I give him a look of exaggerated shock.     

"Sometimes, when I have to."

"You never fail to amaze me with your talents..." I shake my head.  He smirks and leans in to kiss me, nibbling deliciously on my bottom lip. 

"That fucking mouth of yours is in trouble baby..." he says, his eyes slightly glassy.

"I thought you liked it?"

"I do.  Especially when it's wrapped around my fucking cock," he growls and I tremble.

Before I have a chance to respond, I hear the sound of footsteps and sit up and turn my head to see Dan coming in our direction, refilled wine glass in hand. 

"Jay, let's leave the girls alone for a bit, yeah?  Need to talk to you about something downstairs."  He rests a hand on Jake's shoulder, on the back of his neck  where he'd touched me earlier. It confirms that this is probably just how he touches people. When he moves off towards the stairs Jake doesn't move right away but when Dan is a decent distance away, he closes his eyes momentarily, slides his chair back and stands up.  He bends down and kisses me hard on the mouth. 

"Won't be long. Then we can go," he says quietly.  I nod and then watch as he throws a look in Steph's direction before disappearing downstairs after Dan.

I lift my empty water glass and carry it to the kitchen where Steph is typing away furiously on her gold encased iPhone.  She hears me approach and lifts her eyes, her expression impassive. 

"They'll be ages I swear.  You want a drink or something?" She asks, moving towards a glass fronted wine fridge and inspecting the contents. 

"I'm driving, unfortunately. But you have one for both of us... That looks like a good one." I nod to the bottle she's now holding up.  

"Yeah, it's expensive," she shrugs. "Not like I can't tell the difference - just as long as it does the job," she laughs, setting her phone down on the counter to unscrew to top with a long electric corkscrew she holds over the top.   

"So, how long have you and Dan been together?" I ask for something to start the conversation. 

"Um.  About eight months, properly," she replies. "What about you and Jake?"

"A few months," I say.  "What did you mean earlier when you said you had heard a lot about me?"

She smiles and shrugs.  "Oh, just mutterings.  Gossip, you know.  Jay seeing someone who wasn't anyone we knew.  Vicky will be fucking livid I'm betting, Ha,"  she looks definitively pleased by this and it makes me warm to her immediately.

"You don't get on with Dan's niece then?" I ask diplomatically.

She lifts an eyebrow.  "Have you met her???"

"Once, briefly."

"Well, you know what she's like then.  Nutter. And she fucking hates me.  Well, the feeling goes both ways.  Caleb's a sweet little thing though isn't he? Which is a wonder really."

"Yeah, he is. He looks so much like Jake."

She's gulping her wine but she swallows quickly and nods. "Oh my god he does!! Total little Jake. He even walks like him." She giggles. 

I laugh.  "I'll have to look out for that next time."

  
We're silent a few moments and then she's eyeing me closely over the rim of her glass.  "So, a doctor."

"Yep."

She clearly wants to say something more but can't decide whether she should.  It reminds me of whenever I ask my patients something and they're afraid to tell me in case it's a symptom of something awful.

"Must be really weird," she goes on.  "People always wanting to tell you everything that's wrong with them all the time, ask you things.  Do you get it at bus stops and stuff?"

"I don't tend to take the bus a lot,"  I say and we both laugh. 

She comes around the kitchen then and gestures with me to follow her into the living room which I do.  As we pass the stairs I glance down and strain my ear for the sound of screaming or shouting or worse coming from below, but I hear nothing.  Only the sound of some inoffensive pop music fills the air from speakers hidden in the walls.   I take a seat on the large white sofa facing the TV, and Steph sits across from me on a shorter white sofa with lots of large red and black cushions propped stylishly over it.  She kicks off her black heels and pulls her legs up under her and drags a hand through her voluminous hair. 

"He's alright you know," she says suddenly, casting a look at me.  "I mean he gets a reputation but he's alright."

Confused, I frown at her.  "Jake?"

A small flash of a smile.  "No, Dan."

"Oh, right."

"I mean everyone thinks he's a complete bastard but he's not — not when you get to know him," she explains.  Unsure of how to respond to that I just nod, hoping it tells her something at least.  "I've been with far worse than him, trust me.  Some of them who used to come into the club were fucking pigs.  Treated us like meat."

"Club?"

"Talia's."

"I don't know what that is..."

"Oh, I just assumed Jake would have mentioned it at some point.  It's one of Dan's places - a bar I used to dance in."

"He mentioned something about you being a dancer, I think, maybe," I lie.     I'm not sure where this is going but I feel uncomfortable knowing that Jake has watched her dance.  I mean he likely has. Jake hung out at Dan's places.  Christ did he still go there?  I'm not sure I'm okay with that frankly.

"Yeah well that was a while ago now — I haven't done that for almost a year.  Dan put a stop to it."

"And you're not missing the clientele I'll bet..." I say.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.  "Fuck no.  I mean the money was okay and the tips were great but I'm well glad to be out of it."

I say nothing in response, offering her only a small smile as I wonder whether her getting out of it via Dan's bed was something she planned, or if it happened the other way around.  Then I feel guilty for thinking it. 

On the opposite side of the room out through the large glass wall I spot the swimming pool, surrounded at one end by a large decked area.  At one side of the decked area is a covered hot tub, and next to that a large sunken seating area.  I suppose I couldn't blame her for seeing Dan as a ticket out of Talia's strip club.  Diamond earrings, homes with swimming pools and double garages, and trips to Antigua was a far better prospect than taking your clothes off for drunk men in exchange for money.   Even I could see that.  Faced with limited options, people made difficult choices.  I couldn't be understanding of that in Jake's case and not try and extend it to Stephanie too. 

I wonder how much she knows about what her saviour does when he's not with her.  Does she know anything?  Or does she know it all and simply tries not to think about it?  Does she worry about him like I worry about Jake?  Or does she know that he's almost untouchable?  Almost.

Then I consider what will happen to her when Jake does what he has to do.  When Dan's dark empire is destroyed from the inside out.  I feel another creep of guilt move over me and nervously I glance casually toward the stairs.  

When I bring my eyes back to her she's watching me carefully, that same look on her face that she had a moment ago - that uncertain look my patients sometimes have.  Maybe she's also wondering about how much I know about what Jake does when he's not with me.  No doubt she thinks I'm the naive doctor from out of town who's in the dark about most of it.   Oh how sometimes I wish I bloody was. 

"What I said before," she says suddenly, moving forward in her seat towards me.  "about people wanting to tell you things because you're a doctor — get your advice about things." Her voice is quiet.  She takes another large gulp of her wine.

"Sure?"

She stares at me clearly undecided, clearly nervous about sharing or asking me whatever it is.  She brushes a hand through her soft waves and shakes her head.  When she lifts her glass to her mouth again I notice her hand shakes a little.  She's about to tell me to forget it, I can sense it, I can see her tongue getting ready to form the words.  Part of me thinks maybe she should forget it.  But then instinct takes over and I sit forward and offer her a smile of reassurance.  

"Steph, is there something you want to ask me? I actually don't mind when people do it, I'm happy to help," I coax.

"There's a confidentiality thing right?  Doctors aren't supposed to tell anyone.. what people tell them are they?" she nibbles nervously on her lip.

"Well, there are exceptions to that rule," reporting gunshots or knife wounds for example... "and you aren't technically my patient, but if you want this to be just between you and me then that's no problem."

She studies my face carefully and then knocks back the rest of her wine and plants the glass loudly on the marble coffee table.  "It's just that I don't have anyone to ask for advice, you know?  No one that I trust anyway — no one that doesn't know Dan — the girls at the club don't really talk much to me anymore, and they'd probably say something to someone because they can't keep their mouths shut about anything.  And I don't really speak to my family much anymore so that isn't really an option," she's running her hands through her hair now and looks to be suddenly on the verge of tears.  I move to go sit next to her on the sofa and turn my body to face her. 

"Stephanie, I'm more than happy to listen.  You can trust me."

She turns to look at me then, pretty brown eyes wide and afraid like a startled deer.  "You won't tell Jake?  He'll tell Dan.  I mean he would have to."

I want to tell her that Jake isn't as loyal to Dan as she fears he is, and that if I asked him not to tell him whatever this was then he wouldn't — but that won't make any difference to her I don't think, and anyway - of course, I can't tell her that.  "What does this have to with Jake?"

"Nothing."

"Then why would I tell him?  I promise you that anything you tell me will stay between us," I give her the most genuine smile I have and reach out to place a comforting hand on her wrist.  She looks very young as she stares back at me, far younger than her twenty-three years. 

When she sees whatever it is she's been looking for in my face she nods, licking her tongue over her red lips.

"I'm pregnant," she says quietly.  "I'm pregnant and I can't have it.   I can't have a baby. I did a few tests, but I can't go to the doctor because everyone in this bloody place knows Dan and I can't have anyone see me go there and then the clinic. He has people following me everywhere — to protect me he says," she rolls her eyes.   "I mean everywhere  When I'm shopping, having my hair done. He'll have them watching me having a bloody shit next."

"Is it, Dan's?" I ask before I've thought about it.

She gives me a look of suspicion.  "Of course it is.  He said he couldn't bloody have them too. So we didn't... I mean... we never... and that's what I'm scared about too.  He'll think it's not his, won't he?? He'll think I've been shagging about — but I haven't.  I mean how is it possible that he can have them all of a sudden?"

"It has been known to happen..." I offer unhelpfully.  I don't know what circumstances Dan thought he couldn't have children so it wouldn't be right to speculate.  Steph rolls her eyes again, letting out a breath as she sits back.

"He'll want me to keep it.  If I tell him he'll want it.  I mean it's the only thing he doesn't fucking have that he's always wanted.   He dotes on little Caleb and he'd want it, I know he would, even if I didn't.  I'd have no fucking choice. But Alex I just can't have a baby, I don't want that.  I'm too young.  I don't know if I ever want that.  What am I going to do?" she turns to me wide-eyed and terribly afraid. 

Lots of feelings go through my head then.  Selfish ones.  If Dan and Steph had a child would he finally detach his claws from Jake and let him live his own life?  If Dan took a step back and became a family man would it free Jake from having to do this thing? Or would Dan simply expect more from Jake now that they both had children to make difficult choices for. 

Less selfishly, is that I know partially what Jake's endgame is.  Dan was going to be going to prison at the end of this thing.  It was the deal he made.  Either by Jake's testimony or by way of information given by him in order to facilitate an arrest, Dan would be in prison.  Steph and her child would be fatherless.  This little baby would grow up without a father — exactly what I am terrified could happen mine and Jake's child.  

So here I was, right in the middle of yet another situation I'm unequipped to deal with.  Christ, is there any situation I am equipped to deal with?  I'm starting to think not.

But then suddenly I know exactly what I need to do.  I'm a doctor and right now my loyalties and my focus should be on my patient and what they want.  And right now, that's what Stephanie is. 

"If you're really sure.  If you've thought about this properly from all angles and you're really sure, then there are confidential clinics you can go to. There are a few in London."

A look of hope floods into her eyes but then disappears as quick as it arrived.  "I told you, he has me followed everywhere Alex.   I think he checks my phone too.  He'd find out.  Then he'd kill me."

I gape.  "He'd hurt you?"

"For aborting his baby? Yeah, I think he would.  He's hurt people for a lot less, a lot less," she says before a moment later thinks better of her words. She shakes her head.  "I'm pissed. I just mean, he'd be so angry, I know he would. Heartbroken too."

"It's your body Steph, it's your choice," I say highly aware than Dan would probably see this differently.  "Though I think you should talk to him about it before you decide anything, I completely understand why you feel you can't."

Not for the first time, I wonder who the hell these people are.  What sort of life was this?  That she couldn't talk to the father of her child and they couldn't work through this together.   Why would she stay with a man like this? I think of Gemma then.  She thought this kind of bullshit — our kind of bullshit — was glamorous.   Unlike Kevin, at least Dan had some outwardly redeemable qualities but this life was anything but glamorous - current surroundings aside.  Jake was nothing like these men, truly so far removed from these men.  Some of his choices may be similar, some actions too, and yes he'd told me repeatedly that he was very different with me, but he was still a world away from these people. I believed that fervently.

"If you're worried about him checking your phone, then I can make the appointment for you.  I'll give you my number and we can arrange it that way — it won't look suspicious if you're calling me.  It'll just look like we got on very well," I smile.   "But you'll have to find a way for him to leave you alone for a few hours.  I can't help you with that. But I'm happy to be your cover.  We could meet for lunch," I suggest.

She thinks about this hard and then nods, still nibbling her lip pensively.  Then something occurs to her. She looks afraid again. 

"Alex, if he knows you've helped me..." 

I squeeze her arm.  "Steph, I'm a doctor.  You're my 'patient'.  There's nothing wrong in my offering you advice," I say as calmly as possible.  "And he won't know."

She opens her mouth to say something more when the sound of male voices, followed by heavy footfalls on the stairs come from behind us.  She closes her mouth and goes to move away from me but I shoot her a look and give her a smile reaching out to capture one of her earrings between my fingers.

"They're so beautiful.  And must have cost more than my entire years salary."  I lean in a little closer to study the glittering diamond stacked V- shaped earrings.   "They look like Tiffany?"

"Oh, they are!" Steph preens convincingly.   "I love them - but he buys me far too much," She sighs loudly turning to smile at him.   As the men approach us I drop the earring and stand up.  Jake is watching us both with keen interest, Dan following a few steps behind.

There's nothing on either of their faces that gives me a clue as to what happened downstairs, but they don't look in a worse mood than when they left and Jake seems to have sobered up a little which I decide is a good thing for what needs happen now.   Dan has a small tumbler of whisky in his hand and lifts it to his mouth as he shifts his attention from Steph to me, eyes narrowing a little.  It's a look that makes me nervous and I wonder if maybe the place is bugged and whether he knows everything.  But I'm being ridiculous of course - if it was then surely Stephanie would know that.   Jake puts an arm around me and presses his mouth to my forehead and which relaxes me immediately. 

"I was just admiring Stephanie's Tiffany earrings, Dan, they're absolutely stunning."

"Yeah, cost a small fortune too.  But I don't mind spoiling her - she puts up with a lot," He winks at her.  "But then —  so do I."

Stephanie slaps him lightly on the arm and drops her head onto his shoulder. 

"You ready to go?" Jake asks me then.

I nod and leave him where he is to go fetch my bag which is where I left it on the back of the large dining chair.  Unzipping it, I reach in to retrieve my mobile skating my eyes across to where Dan and Jake are talking in quiet tones by the stairs.   When I speak I make sure my voice is loud enough for them to hear, but not so loud so that it sounds out of place or odd. 

"I'll give you my number and we can maybe catch up for lunch sometime?"  From the corner of my eye, I see Jake's head whip around to us but I ignore it.   Steph skips off to collect her phone and we swap numbers in full view of Jake and Dan.  When we're done she shoots me a grateful look and tells me she'll give me a call next week.  

"Well it's been lovely having you two lovebirds, we should definitely do it again sometime," Dan says as he pulls open the door for us. 

"I'd like that," I nod.  "And the spaghetti really was divine — I wish I could bribe you for the recipe, though Jake would make a better of job of doing it justice than I would. I'm not much of a cook," I admit. 

"Well, you've clearly got other talents sweetheart," Dan chuckles. "That right Jay, son?"

Jakes' eyes darken a little and he nods, giving me a small tight smile.  "Yeah, she has — too many to mention."   He looks tense again as Dan leans in to kiss my cheek.

When I wrap an arm around Steph I give her a warm smile.  "Have a think and call me if you want to have that lunch," I tell her. 

"I will Alex, thanks.  Was really lovely meeting you."

Jake grunts his goodbye, grabs hold of my hand, and practically pulls me out of the house.

Well, that went in a completely different way from how I expected it would. Very different. 

My stomach churns and my head begins to swim with far too many thoughts, far far too many. Because my body knows what I'm about to do. What I need to do. 

I'm not a Stephanie, and Jake is certainly not a Dan and as I'd promised her, Steph's secret would not be uttered aloud.

But my own needed to be. There was now a growing pile of secrets that was precariously close to toppling over.

I need to talk to Jake. I need to tell him everything.