"And how is he going to react you think?" Rob's eyes are wide as she lifts her sparkling water and sips delicately. The rim of her tall glass is smudged with her lipstick, which is a similar burgundy shade to the one Steph wore the other night. It suits Rob too. I can't wear lipstick. Not well anyway. And every time I see Rob wear it so naturally I lament this fact all over again.

"Um... Not very well," I drop my eyes and shake my head. "They have a pretty fractious relationship as it is. He's going to hit the roof I suspect." I'm certainly not looking forward to telling him. But of course I need to. I need to tell him about his mother too. Bloody hell, will there ever be a time when there isn't some huge potentially explosive bit of news I need to find a way to tell him about? I have bombshell fatigue.

"No fucking wonder," Rob shakes her head. She's angry. It's the only time she swears. "She sounds like a bloody lunatic. I mean who does that? Turns up at their ex's new girlfriends place of work?" Her grey blue eyes darken to navy. "Yeah. I hope Jake gives her what for."

"She sounded pretty desperate Rob. She is desperate," I explain. "I mean Jake wants Caleb away from her and with us," as I say this Rob gives me a look that says 'no wonder' which I ignore. "...I'm having his child. She sees everything slipping away from her I guess." I shrug, uncomfortable.

I'd spent the rest of the day thinking about what would have possessed her to come to my office this afternoon. Desperation was the explanation I'd arrived at. From every angle Vicky was desperate.

"Are you actually making excuses for her?" She gives me a tired look. "You're too nice Alex, you always have been. Look at this for what it was, I mean you read stories about these kinds of ex's; the ones who can't move on, stalk the new girlfriend, ruin everyone's lives."

I tilt my head to the side and give a half smile. "You're being slightly dramatic babe," I say. Except, the truth of Jake's life, our life, was dramatic. You did read stories about it. Cliched, unrealistic stories probably — but people read them.

She raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Am I though?"

I drop my eyes. "Well, Jake will talk to her and that will be that." Do you seriously believe that? I thought we were past this whole naive phase? The sneering voice in my head says. The sneering voice now sounds a little like Vicky.

Christ, I honestly don't want to even think about how the 'talk' between Jake and Vicky would go. I don't even want to think about how the talk between Jake and I would go.

"Yeah, let's hope. I mean I wouldn't mess with him," she cautions. "And I think you're right, he is not going to be a happy bunny. She's not the brightest though is she?"

"I think she's a lot smarter than she lets on." I say with certainty. I certainly think she has a plan. But whether the plan was to get Jake back, or whether it was simply to ruin his happiness and mine, I didn't know. "So have you heard from Leigh?" I ask, desperate for a change of direction. "I texted her last week but got no response. She's getting worse at that don't you think?" I lift my hand to signal the waiter for the bill.

Rob nods. "It's him, I swear. I just don't like him."

"You think he's stopping her talking to us?" My mouth drops open in horror. He wasn't that bad surely. I never got that from him. Arrogant, right-wing, grossly egotistical— but I never sensed a controlling side.

"Not exactly. I don't know. He's just a bloody arsehole."

"Yeah, well, I'm really not a fan either. But she loves him, what can we do?"

"Oh, I don't know, anaesthetise her and then surgically remove him? You could do it? Use your powers for good!?" She sits up, full of fake excitement. When I burst out laughing she laughs too. Then we both groan.

"Ughhhh, I don't know. Maybe he isn't all bad? I mean, I suppose Jake isn't exactly marriage material to everyone either - and by everyone I mean my mother." Rob throws her head back and laughs. "He's secretive, has a crazy ex girlfriend that's still in love with him, troubled upbringing, son from a previous relationship with aforementioned crazy ex girlfriend. Perhaps we're only seeing the potential problems here? Maybe Simon has his good sides too - maybe he only shows them to Leigh?" I suggest.

"I guess. I mean Dan isn't perfect," Rob says.

"Oh he isn't? I had no idea, tell me more," I sit forward, eyes wide.

Rob snorts. "Well, you know he's a terrible singer for a start, he's terrible at massages, he hates animals — like all of them — even little furry ones," she gives look of wonder. "And when he trims his face he leaves those little black hairs everywhere - even in the frame of the bathroom mirror."

"Sounds horrendous," I shiver dramatically which Rob waves off.

"But I mean he's not an arrogant fucking prick with more hair than personality," She goes on, running a hand through her own long waves. "And please — Jake is nigh on perfect, let's face it. Your mum will get the memo soon enough. I'll have a word," she winks. "Secretive means mysterious, and mysterious is always attractive no matter how much we kid ourselves otherwise, and dads that look like him are extra attractive, and a troubled upbringing is only going to make him more determined to create his own perfect little family with you and the bump, so please, spare me, Alex. The ex girlfriend thing is a worry but that isn't his fault," She points out. "Is he messy? Please tell me he leaves his dirty socks stuffed down the side of the sofa? Crumbs in the bed? Give me something!"

I shake my head. "Nope, sorry. He's actually really tidy. Obscenely so in fact."

"Ugh! You two make me physically sick," She groans. "I still can't believe you said no," Rob snorts, half in disgust half in amusement.

"Oh, not this again," It's my turn to groan. "Stopppp, please don't!" The waiter puts the little black tray with the bill on it on the table and I smile my thanks, sliding it towards me. "Technically, I didn't say no... I just told him we'd talk about it when things weren't so bloody crazy. Which they are right now."

"Hmmm, if you say so," she sounds unconvinced. "Well I for one hope the next time he tries it he's bent down on one knee with a beautiful Tiffany ring..." she sighs dreamily. "You deserve that this time."

She isn't talking about Jake here. She's talking about Ben. He'd proposed one night as we'd sat down to dinner with the words 'we should get married I think' and no ring either. I'd agreed half heartedly at the time. Mainly as our food was getting cold. When I told Rob she'd screwed her face up in disgust and called him a 'complete twat.' She was more annoyed than I was at how my first proposal went.

I suppose I'd had the same thoughts as any other girl who thinks about being proposed to. I'd wanted surprise and tears and a heart exploding with joy as the man I loved asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. But that wasn't what love was. It was one type of demonstration of it. I'd had a thousand others kinda of demonstrations from Jake. Him on bended knee holding a small velvet box wasn't something I needed. He was what I needed. Just him. I was assured of his love everyday. He'd pledged his heart and soul to me a thousand times over since I'd met him. Sometimes with a look, other times with a touch, and often with words. The way in which he loved me was enough demonstration on its own. And when we got married it would be because we wanted to and because it was the right moment.

I look up at Rob and sigh. "No Rob, that's what you want for me. You know I don't really care about all that." I smile, before reaching into my bag to get my purse. As I do Rob swipes the bill away from me and claims ownership.

"I'm getting this," she tells me. "And you're right, I do want it for you because you bloody deserve it Al. And I know Jake could pull it off. I mean with some help of course... " She strokes her finger over her chin with the air of an evil genius.

"You honestly can't help yourself can you?" I giggle.

She shrugs. As she goes to set her credit card down on the little black tray, I reach across and lightly smack her hand out of the way. She smacks mine back gently like you would do a naughty child. "You paid last time," she tells me.

"No, you did," I assert.  "I'm getting this Robyn," I give her a stern look and she thinks about arguing but finally decides against it.

"Fineee, I'll transfer half to you when I get home," she sighs.

"Rob, no."

She ignores me, distracted as her eyes light up at a sight over my shoulder. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear!"

When I turn around Jake is strolling towards us, hands shoved in his pockets smiling adorably. He's layered up stylishly in a white T-shirt, grey button-down top and a light grey woollen jacket. My ripening womb literally begins to throb at the sight of him. He looks good enough to eat and I'm full of pizza. When he reaches our table he leans in to kiss me chastely on the mouth.

"I got here too early, sorry," he says. "There's a game on at Stamford Bridge — thought the traffic would be much worse to be honest. I left early," he explains.

"Don't worry, we're almost done," I smile up at him. "Just paying the bill."

He relaxes. "Robyn, hows it going?" He goes towards her and Rob stretches her cheek up for him to kiss, which he does.

"I'm fabulous, you? You're looking devilishly handsome as usual," she says casting an approving look over him.

He doesn't blush, just gives a half shrug. "I give it a go."

"Yeah, you sure do. Come, pull up a pew and tell us about life, hot stuff," Rob points at the seat next to me.

Jake turns to me. "Did you tell her about that nickname? Thought we talked about that?" He asks, sliding into the booth next to me.

"She didn't hear it from me," I say, smiling. Across from us Rob laughs and under the table he slides his hand over my leg and squeezes my thigh before turning back to Rob.

"Life? Fuck, seriously not much to tell. Just trying to stay out of trouble," he shrugs, running a hand over his beard. "You know I'm really not that interesting Robyn." He actually manages to sound convincing.

"Alas, this I do know. You're a lot more boring than the outward appearance suggests." Jake pretends to be hurt for a moment before grinning at her. "Let's talk about something else then," Rob says, draining the last of her sparkling water. "You bought a ring yet?"

I groan and close my eyes. Beside me Jake laughs softly. "Ignore her," I tell him. "She honestly can't help herself, it's like a sickness." I shoot Rob a look of warning.

"I just want to make sure you get the proposal you deserve, the ring you deserve, and the man you deserve. I know that this one right here won't let me down. Will you," she gives Jake an exaggerated wink but it still manages to sound like a threat. Thankfully Jake looks amused not annoyed. He gives her a soft shake of his head but says nothing, still running a hand over his beard like he does when he's thinking or stressed. I hope he isn't stressed. I can't tell him about Vicky if he's already stressed. And I need to tell him about Vicky.

Outside, Jake stands by the car watching as Rob and I hug each other goodbye. "Good to see you, gorgeous," She tells me. "And call me this weekend about Leigh's thing? See how you're feeling, yeah? If you don't feel up to it it's fine."

"I can barely make it through the day without wanting to throw up, so a night in his company might be a struggle," I sigh. "But I'll let you know. We should go. I bloody hate this distance..."

She nods sadly. "I do too But she knows where we are. We can't force her," She shrugs. "But listen, don't force yourself. See how you're feeling, I can always drag Dan if you really aren't up to it," She looks at Jake over my shoulder. "Lovely seeing you as always Mr Lawrence, look after my pregnant best friend?" She orders.

I go towards him and he opens the passenger door for me. "Always," he tells Rob as I climb inside. After waving at me through the window she turns and skips off down the street towards her silver Mercedes.

Jake climbs in next to me and pulls on his seatbelt.

"I'm sorry about Rob — the ring and proposal thing - I never said anything like that." I don't want him to think I'd been lamenting the lack of a ring or bended knee. That I'd even consider that an issue. "I just didn't have a proper answer to why I never said yes when you asked and she filled in some blanks in the way she always does. I probably shouldn't have said anything... That would have been easier," I nod. "I just.. well I wanted to talk to her... I really did love that you asked me."

When he turns to me his turquoise eyes are soft. "It's okay, she's your best friend," He shrugs. "You wanted to brag about nabbing London's most eligible bachelor - I get it baby, don't worry," He gives me a wink.

The laugh bursts from my mouth. "Yes, that's it — you know me so well."

He nods definitively. "Oh, I do, I do," He sighs.

"She has no filter some times though," I shake my head, laughing.

Jake shrugs. "But I like her - she loves you. And after what she did for me? Fucking hell, I've a lot to thank her for. She gets a free pass. I mean not forever," he warns. "but for a good while at least."

"What she did for us, you mean." I correct gently. His face goes serious then as he continues to stare back at me across the car. I wonder if, like mine, his thoughts are now back at Illeam Castle. The night I told him I wasn't going to live without him anymore. The night he told me he'd never lose me again. The thoughts hang heavy between us for a few moments unspoken. "What would have happened if she hadn't called, do you think?" I ask.

A stiffness settles over his jaw. "Don't like to give it too much thought to be honest."

I stretch my hand across the car and take hold of his, squeezing his fingers between mine. "I was going to come to you, Jake. I decided in France that I was going to come to you. I was just trying to figure out how to deal with what you'd told me that day... who you were... how to reconcile that with who I was..." my throat closes up a little, smothering my words. I swallow and shake my head. "But none of it really mattered anymore. I couldn't live without you anymore."

His eyes narrow on me then, inscrutable. He looks... disappointed maybe. Disappointed in me. "That was far more than I deserved," he says quietly, a dark tone to his voice. "I was always going to come crawling back to you," he raises his chin, defiant pride in his eyes now. "After. When I'd dealt with my shit. When I'd done one single fucking thing that made me worthy of you..." His pride fades to be replaced by guilt and sadness. I hate that we're talking about this again. It's my fault. But we had to talk about these things. We had to talk about everything or else we were back to keeping secrets again.

"Well thank goodness for Rob then," I say quietly.

He nods again and sits round in his seat and turns on the engine.

I wait until we're far enough away from London that it would take longer to go back than it does to get home.

"Vicky came to see me today," I say quietly.

I feel the weight of his stare transfer from the road to me, a hot blast of air blowing over me that doesn't come from the car heater. "What did you say?" His voice is that high pitched growly tone, how it always sounds a few stages before his anger explodes. The next stage was low and barely audible.

"Vicky came to see me today," I repeat. A little louder this time. I still don't look round at him.

One beat. Two beats. Three. By my count, he gets almost to ten before he speaks again. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He hisses quietly.

I take a deep breath. He's still driving, which I suppose is a good sign. "Oh, trust me. I wish I was."

"What the fuck happened? What did she say to you? Why didn't you phone me?"

My lips feel dry and the car hot. Too hot. I sit forward to fiddle with the dial, then the illuminated buttons. I haven't quite figured out how to adjust the aircon in this car yet. It's overly complicated.

"Alex?"

Ignoring him, I continue fiddling with the shiny grey knobs on the brightly lit panel. I twist the dial back the other way and then push the button a few times. Still nothing. Why did he even need to change his car? There was literally nothing wrong with the old one.

Jake takes over then. His large hand obscuring mine and I retreat back in my seat. He pushes the same button again but clearly does something magical this time that they taught him at the showroom because the light dims back to a soft blue. Then he presses a button on the steering wheel which causes cold air to begin blasting into the car.

I really don't want to have this conversation.

When I finally glance at him he flicks his eyes to me. They're dark with unbridled fury. He's not angry at me I know that. But I'm a cipher. A channel for the rage. Lucky me.

"Tell me what happened," he demands.

"You told her I was pregnant. That's what happened."

"That's why she was there?" He sounds utterly incredulous now. "That psychotic fucking bitch..." He growls.

I turn my body to him. "I mean what did you expect? Why on earth would you tell her that now, with no warning?" There's accusation in my tone which he picks up on because he gives me another glare.

"She was acting like a fucking nutcase, as usual. It just came out."

I blink in surprise. "It just 'came out'?"

"Yeah."

I glare at him, unconvinced. " And was Caleb there when this just came out?" The thought of Cale hearing about this during this toxic argument, and I'm certain it was toxic because seriously how could it be anything else when these two were like this apart — makes me feel sick.

Jake's face clouds with guilt. "No." He shoots me a look. "It was after I put him in the car."

"Well that's something," I keep my tone unimpressed. "So this was how you planned to get her on-side? Tell her I was having your child?"

I see him frown, confused. "What the fuck do I need her on-side for?"

"Didn't you go there to talk to her about Caleb spending time at my place? Aren't you also trying to get her to agree to the residency order? Don't you need her reasonable? You thought telling her you were having a baby with another woman, a woman she hates, was going to help with that?"

"She'd have found out eventually," is what he says.

"Do you know anything about women, Jake?"

He turns to me and laughs, like the question is funny. "Yeah Alex, I do actually. And women like her I know a lot about, trust me."

"Trust you," I nod, sarcastically.

"Yes!" He barks.

"Don't bloody yell at me."

When he speaks his voice is gentler. "Tell me what she said to you."

I sigh loudly, huffily. "Nothing. She said nothing to me." I fold my arms and look out the window.

"Baby, don't make me ask you again." He warns. I turn to glower at him. Twenty minutes ago he was holding my hand and making jokes and staring into my eyes. Now this. Bluster and misplaced rage. Jake's two best bloody friends.

"Let me ask you something, Jake," I turn round in my seat to face him. "Why didn't you tell me the police questioned you about Kevin? Why wouldn't you tell me that? Don't you think that's important? Something I should know?" I know I have a nerve but it's not the point right now. I watch his face for signs of subterfuge or avoidance but I can't see anything beyond the anger.

"She fucking told you that?"

"She knew and I didn't?" I deflect.

He growls and shakes his head. "They never 'questioned' me." He says it in much the same way he told me he wasn't a drug dealer. Carefully.  Too carefully.

"But something happened? Something you neglected to tell me about?"

He sighs, loudly. "She was dropping Cale off on Saturday — before you came over — and two cops showed up. They found his car. They asked when the last time I'd seen him was. I told them," he shrugs. "That was it."

My heart staggers a little while by contrast he looks and sounds completely calm about the whole thing it, literally as if it isn't even remotely importantly or worth worrying about. Honestly, what bloody planet did he actually live on?

"And you told them?" I blink.

"Yeah. I did. Told them I saw him a few weeks ago and had no idea where he was now." Another shrug.

I swallow. "You told them you had no idea where he is?" My voice sounds small. Frightened.

"Yeah. Because I don't, Alex." Some unguarded expression moves over his face but his eyes are on the road and I can't see properly what the expression is or what it does to his eyes. Can I even say it?

Ask him outright? Do I really believe he's capable of that? Of making a man disappear into thin air? My breathing feels fast, too fast, my heart thumping a little harder in my chest. I notice the speed of the car then too. He's going too fast. The digital speedometer reads eighty-five and climbing.

"Please slow down," I tell him quietly and he does. When I feel the car slow to a speed that is legal again, I speak. "Did you tell them what happened?"

He laughs again. I've asked something ridiculous again. "No, Alex I didn't. Despite what you think, I'm not really in the habit of telling every fucking copper I come across my business, yeah."

I let his words hang in the air before glancing at him again. We're about ten minutes from home now and I suppose it isn't too much to ask for us to finish this disagreement in the car and not drag it kicking and screaming into the kitchen again. There's an expectant look in his eye when our stares meet again.

I take a deep breath and stare out the windscreen. "She was upset. About the pregnancy I suppose, about Caleb coming to stay at mine, at the custody thing. I think she blames me for all of it. Because she hates me. But you know, I wondered today, what if he mentioned me to her, you know, the way he does with you?" I turn to him again, my eyes wide. "How awful would that feel for her? For any mother," I ask. Jake says nothing, just stares blankly ahead, rage and determination set in his profile.

"It won't happen again," he says finally. "You'll never see her again."

His words don't help. The promise doesn't settle me. Because as awful as her accusations were, it was her threats about Jake that scared me most. Those were what I'd lose sleep over. Could she really hurt him? Would she?

Both deep in thought, we drive the rest of the way home in suffocating silence, my body stiff and tense. When he turns into my driveway and parks behind my car, he turns the engine off and turns in his seat to look at me.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that today. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have lost it like that with her," he admits, biting his lip furiously, clearly annoyed at himself.

"Could she hurt you?" I ask.

He glances up and narrows his eyes. "Hurt me how?"

"I mean, does she know things? Things that could hurt you? That could stop you from seeing Caleb? Things that could get you arrested or worse?"

The rage floods down his face again turning his eyes a deep inky black. He looks bloody terrifying. "Is that what she said to you?" His voice sounds so full of disbelief, that weirdly it floods me with hope. But christ he looks angry. Formidable and angry.  Since I really don't want to make this worse, I say nothing.

He stretches across the car and curls a hand around my neck, pulling my head close, pressing his forehead to mine. His mouth is close to mine now and I notice it looks dry and bitten with worry and I want to kiss it better.

"Listen to me, you don't have to worry about her, or me — look at me, look," He tilts my chin upwards and stares down into my eyes. "Vicky's unstable. She always fucking has been — runs in the fucking family if you ask me — but she isn't going to hurt me, or Cale or anyone. I won't let that happen. You don't have to worry about that. She makes a noise, but that's all it is. Noise. I've been dealing with it for years," He explains. He sounds tired of it. "Alex, don't think about her, yeah? I don't want you to think about her anymore. She isn't going to come near you again, I'll make sure of it." He kisses me then, pushing his mouth deep into mine.

When he pulls back he strokes the tip of his nose over my own. I grip onto the fabric of his shirt and pull him back to kiss him again, licking my tongue over his lips which do feel as rough and dry as they looked. His mouth tastes of warmth and home and his scent is divine as I inhale it deeply. I lick the taste of him from my mouth as I separate our lips.

"Now go inside and get into bed, yeah. I won't be long." He says in a soft, half aroused whisper.

Excuse me? "What? Won't be long? Won't be long where?" I frown, puzzled.

The look in his eye a second later tells me all I need to know. "Jake no, no," I shake my head. "You're not going over there, not tonight. It's almost ten pm, and Caleb will be asleep and if you go over there angry and shouting and he wakes up to it — just no." I plead.

He lets out a tired breath and sits back away from me in his seat and stares straight ahead. "Alex, go inside."

"No." I most certainly will not.

He turns to glare at me. "I'll drive over there with you in the fucking car if I have to, Alex."

"Oh, don't be bloody ridiculous!" I snap. He bristles, clearly surprised. When I speak again I soften my tone a little. "Jake, I've had a shitty day. I'm tired and sore and pregnant, and all I want to do is go to bed with the man I love and at least pretend, just for a few hours, that we live perfectly normal lives and that none of the things I worry about all day everyday are real." I'm breathing hard but I'm not done. "Now, are you seriously going to tell me that what you'd rather do is go fight with your ex-girlfriend? Seriously?" My eyes dare him to. At the same time warning him not to.

He holds my gaze for the longest time, and each second that goes past softens his expression a little more. When I see the smatterings of defeat seep into his eyes I know I've won. Or not lost at least.

He pops open the driver door and steps outside, but I wait until the door closes behind him before letting out a relieved breath. He comes around to meet me and helps me out of the car, gazing down at me with a warmer look on his face than he had a moment ago.

"I'd have come to your office and given you a massage if you were sore," He gives me a small half smile. "You only need to phone me."  When he pulls me close and begins to knead the base of my spine with his hand I groan out loud with pleasure.

"Mmm. Well, I'll remember that next time." I manage, my eyes closed over in bliss. His hand stops its magic and he slips it into mine instead and pulls me to the front door. He uses his own key on his car keys to open the door. The instant the door is locked behind us he follows me upstairs.

There, he strips me out of my work clothes and sets about my grateful, aching body with warm, firm, oiled hands.