"What?" my voice is a bare whisper.  I can't believe what he's just said.

I know he said it because I was watching his mouth as he spoke like I always watch his mouth when he speaks. Those were definitely the words that came out of it.  Except how can they be? How is it possible that he's saying this? That he's doing this?  He can't be. 

I'm sitting up now, staring down at him. His face is grave and serious whereas mine is frozen in some sort of static shock. "What are you talking about?"

He lets out a deep breath and licks his lips, his mouth in a grim line. "I made a deal,"

"A deal?" It's almost funny how simplistic the word sounds.  A deal.  It wasn't simple though was it? Jake making this deal was complicated and dangerous.  Not simple. Not simple at all.

He sighs, looking away from the weight of my stare.  "It was the only way Alex.  I'd never have gotten out clean any other way," he says.

Clean.  Another simplistic word for something that was far from simple.  My god he was good at this. 

He looks back at me. "It just wasn't an option, you don't know these people baby, this life. You need to understand..." He shakes his head, his eyes imploring me to of course understand.

Which of course, I don't. 

"This doesn't sound like a clean option Jake. This sounds like madness. It sounds  dangerous." He drops his eyes again.  Which surprisingly does nothing to convince me I'm wrong. "Well is it? Is it safe?" My voice is a pitch too high.

He lifts his head to look at me, and the silence as he decides how to answer feels very heavy. "No, not exactly," He says.   "But it's the only option, if I wanted out properly then, this was the only option."

"Well, that's comforting Jake.  Really," I give him a sarcastic look. As I look about the bed in panic I realise that the nausea has returned with a vengeance. It's more suffocating and bitter now. "When did you decide this exactly?" I ask. "When did this become the only option?"

He's watching me intensely. He runs a hand over his mouth, stroking his beard a few times.  "I called Mark after I left your house that day. We met a few days later to talk about it, clarify some things.   We've only spoken a few times since, but I haven't given him anything that would le -."

Something goes off inside my head.   Something loud and shrill.

"Mark?" my mouth drops open.   "Mark is who you've made this... this arrangement with?" He has to be kidding. Except, why would he be kidding about this? Nothing makes sense.  "Mark?" I repeat. I'm not sure how many times I need to say his name. My ears and my throat are burning with it, and then with the fury that's coming from it.

"Yeah," He confirms. 

Oh my god.

"So.... what, he knew about this thing the entire time? About what you were doing? About how much danger you were in?" I shake my head in disbelief. Jake nods slowly.   

It's so loud.  My head.  Loud and devastating. It makes my thoughts and feelings feel blurred and untamable. My head is a virtual tornado.  I'm certainly not thinking straight enough in order to process any of what he's just told me.

My mind seems able to focus on one thing only, and my body seems able to follow. Before I realise it I'm out of bed and striding towards the door.  That underhanded manipulative bastard.

"Alex! Where are you going?  What the fuck?" I hear him shout after me but I ignore him. 

With a bang, our solid hotel room door flies open and hits the wall as I charge through it and along the corridor to Mark's room. I know which room is his because he'd mentioned it to me the night I arrived.   He'd done it with a hopeful note in his voice.  I'm on your floor by the way – room 316.  If you need to talk Alex - about anything - you know where I am.

The absolute nerve of him.  With my hand balled into a fist, I bang furiously on his door a few times before he pulls it open.  I practically have to drag my fist back to my side to stop from hitting him with it.

Mark is dressed in a fluffy hotel bathrobe and looks like I've just woken him up. "Alex, hey, morning." he looks surprised to see me. He scrubs at his head, pulling the door closed a little and wedging himself in the gap.

"You really are a piece of work aren't you?" I snipe. His eyes widen and he gives me a confused look before his eyes go over my shoulder. At the same moment, I feel Jake arrive at my side Mark looks back to me - his face tells me he gets it. His shoulders drop and he begins to shake his head. "This whole time?  This whole bloody time you were part of this?  You knew? You knew what he was doing? " I glance to Jake who looks a little tense beside me.

He's topless and barefoot, and his trousers hang beltless on his hips which is distracting because he looks mouthwateringly delicious.  I whip my head back around to Mark.  

"Alex, calm down, let's discuss this," He says calmly - almost patronisingly - while throwing a warning look in Jake's direction.

"Calm down?  I will not bloody calm down.  How dare you say that? Do you even realise how much danger he's in now?  Have you actually any idea what you've done?"

"Alex, listen to me, this is not the time," Mark glances behind him as just then Becca's head pops up over his shoulder. Rob's bubbly pretty friend is also dressed in a bathrobe, her hair disheveled and her make-up smudged below her eyes. She smiles at me, her eyes widening as she looks at Jake.

"Oh my god!  Bearded serious guy!" She gasps. When I glance at Jake he looks confused now.  I try forcing smile at her but I can't hold it for long before I look back to Mark. 

"We're going to talk about this. Now. I want you in my room in five minutes." I say before turning on my heel to charge back along the corridor. Jake lingers behind me a moment before I hear the sound of him trailing after me.

Back in the suite, I charge over to the window, staring hard out onto the sun-drenched lawns of Illieam Castle. I'm fuming but I'm also terrified, my heart battering furiously against my chest. I fold my arms across it to try and comfort it somewhat.

Behind me, I hear the sound of the door close and I take a deep breath before turning to face him.  Just the sight of him, powerful and strong makes my breathing slow slightly, and my body relax.   I don't think I'm angry with him; I'm just scared for him.

No, not scared – petrified beyond belief.   

He comes toward me, his mouth and eyes soft.  "I think you scared him to death... He's probably calling in for backup as we speak," he smiles. 

"This isn't funny Jake,"

He nods, serious again.  "I know it's not. But you could do some damage with a temper like that," He says, the corner of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. I soften still further, but I feel weighed down at the same time.  Heavy and scared and sad for some reason. How can he think this is a good idea?

I'm going to change. I am changing. Just give me time baby please. I'll do whatever I need to do.

"You told me this wasn't how it was done," I say, tears hovering behind my eyes.  "You told me things would have been awful for you if you did that, this. You said going to prison would have been nothing compared to what would have happened to you if you'd grassed.  Those were your words Jake.  That's what you said?"

His face is still soft.   "Yeah.  I did," he nods.    "But that was before,"

"Before what?"

"Before you."  He replies.

Oh.

I don't know what to say to that so I don't say anything. I feel sick.  Sick and afraid. And I don't want to feel afraid.  Because this morning I felt strong and alive and hopeful. He did that. I won't lose him again.   

Closing the distance between us he pulls me into his arms, his bare chest warm and large and comforting as I rest my head against it.

"Alex please don't be angry with me. This was the only way. I needed a clean break - this is it," His tone is so soft but there's something else in it, something I think is a lack of conviction.  "I need you beside me now baby. I can do this if I have you."

I lift my head from his chest to look into his eyes.  "You have me.  I'm here." I say. He relaxes visibly, tilting my chin up to kiss me hard on the mouth. He moves his hands to hold my head and I wrap my arms around him and lose myself in the taste of his mouth and the soft pleasured moans that escape from him. 

The sound of a knock on the door pulls me out of the cocoon of Jakes' lips. He lets go of my mouth first, licking his lips, before moving away from me to go answer it. The closer he gets to the door, the more tense the strong powerful muscles of his shoulders seem to get. With a deep breath, he pulls his shoulders back and the door open. 

Mark still looks disheveled. Dressed in jeans and a crumpled grey shirt, he has an exasperated look on his face as he walks into the room, eyeballing Jake as he does.

"Are you fucking insane?" He snarls quietly at Jake as soon as the door's closed.  "Telling her? Involving her? I mean seriously? What the fuck were you thinking?"

Jakes body coils, tensing further. I even think I hear him growl under his breath from where I'm standing. In fact, he seems to grow taller and bigger in front of my eyes as he takes a few steps toward Mark. "What was I thinking?" Jake's tone is quiet but it's ice cold.  

"This has nothing to do with her," Mark states. 

Jake's eyes narrow. "Yeah well that's where you're wrong detective.  This whole fucking thing is about her," He growls darkly. "I'm doing it for her.  Everything I do and don't do from here on out is about her.  If you thought any different then you're the one who's fucking insane."

To his credit, despite Jake's wrath Mark manages to hold Jake's stare for a few moments, defiant and unbending. But then he seems to accept he's losing this one before he lets out a breath and turns to face me, his shoulders sagging slightly. "Alex this is very serious.  Now that you know, you need to understand that everything we talk about here, everything he does -."

"Is he safe?" I ask cutting him off. A shadow moves over Marks' face, but then it's gone and he looks serious and businesslike.

"If he does what he's told then yes," He looks at Jake.  "He's safe.   Though telling you, having you inside of this is not something I would have advised.  That complicates things," He runs a hand through his foppish dark hair.    "The fewer people involved, the safer these things tend to be." He tells me. 

"These things?" I say. 

He looks confused.  "Yes.  I have experience in these things Alex.  This isn't how we do things normally."

"Oh because you do things like this all the time I gather?" I ask. "This might just be a job to you Mark, something you do every day, but this is our lives we're talking about. This is Jake's life and my life," I look at Jake.  He's nibbling hard on his thumb and forefinger nail as he stares at me.     "This is the man I love and his safety and his life we're talking about here and if anything happens to him - anything at all - I will hold you personally responsible for it. I will never forgive you if you cause or allow the slightest bit of harm to come to him. Do you understand me?"  I say.

There's a heavy silence in the room as both Mark and Jake stare wordlessly at me. Mark cracks under the weight first, letting out a loud breath before nodding at me.  

"And I'll do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. It's what I'm trying to do Alex.  I don't want anyone to get hurt here," he says turning to Jake.    "That's not the aim here. Jake, you know what the aim of this is," His voice is calm and measured and filled with authority – it calms me. From what I've witnessed there's no love lost between them but I suppose Mark allowing one of his informants to come to harm wouldn't go down to well with his superiors at The Met.   Except, I'm still angry.

"But yet, this whole time, you knew he was in danger and you said nothing?  Not even a hint.  You stared me in the eye so many times, offering to comfort me, offering me a shoulder to cry on and all the while you knew this was going on? Why would you do that?" I ask. Mark drops his stare for a moment, looking a little guilty. 

"Pretty sure I know why," Jake mutters quietly.

Mark ignores him and keeps his focus on me. "Because this information isn't something we simply pass around in conversation Alex, regardless of your relationship with the people involved," he says condescendingly, like I'm an idiot for even thinking that. "This kind of arrangement works purely because only a very small number of people know that it exists.  It's the only way to reduce the danger of exposure."  His voice is grave but authoritative, theres confidence in it too.  That was good.  Maybe it is actually good that he does this all the time.  That means he knows what he's doing. 

I nod, tightening my arms around my body.  "Okay fine. So what happens now?  Now that I know. How do we protect him?" 

"It's a complicated process that needs to be handled very carefully.  I know you're not about to tell anyone what's going on, but you should know it puts you and Jake in a more dangerous position now that you do know," he gives Jake a pointed look. Jake drops his head and shoots me a guilty look. "But that just means we have to be even more careful.  There should be no danger to either of you if he follows simple instructions.  Though one of those simple instructions was not to utter a word of this arrangement to another soul," He says.

"I did what I had to do," Jake mutters. He no longer sounds confident about it. 

"So the danger comes if these people he's informing on find out I take?  What happens then?"

"Yes. But that isn't going to happen," Mark says.  "No one is going to find out anything if we do this properly."

"Well actually, they already have," Jake says. The air seems to whisk out of the room as Mark and I both whip around to face him. "They already know someone is talking." he adds calmly. It's ridiculous how calm he sounds.

"What?" I gasp. Jake shrugs - actually shrugs - as he begins to walk toward me. 

"Are you serious?" Mark says, looking pale.

"Yeah, Dan knows.  He doesn't know it's me but he knows someone is talking," He slides his arm around me and pulls me into him, kissing the top of my head gently. "Don't worry baby, I have it under control." He tells me, his mouth soft.  Don't worry?  Is he insane?  In my head, I try and count the hours since I got him back: twelve.  So I had my illusion of happiness for half a day this time. 

"How is that even possible?" Mark looks suspicious now.

Jake smiles darkly.  "Well, it hasn't come from me detective.  Why the fuck would I turn on myself?  Looks like your side isn't quite as squeaky-clean as you'd like to believe.  Dan has a contact apparently, someone in the Met, or connected to someone in the Met. Anyway, they told him someone's been talking." Jake says.

Why on earth does he sound so calm?  The fear seems to have seeped right into my very bones, they feel heavy, and a dull vibration rumbles through them. I glance from Jake to Mark and back again.

"What does this mean Mark?  Someone in your team knows about Jake? How is that possible?" I ask Mark.

Mark runs his hand over his face and walks over to the bed. "No.  No one knows Jake's name except me.  No one knows the names of any of the CI's except those involved in the conversations at the appropriate level.  That's the process. I had to be transferred to this investigation precisely because Jake came to me and I haven't told anyone," he looks up at us. "The only people who know about this are standing in this room. It makes no sense. Danny suspects someone?" he asks Jake.  "Who?"

Jake shakes his head, his jaw clenching ever so slightly.  So slightly that Mark wouldn't have noticed it from where he's perched on the bed. He might not even notice it were he closer. "Dan has no clue who it is. He doesn't think it's me though - that much I know." He says.

He's lying.   How is it I know that now?  It's the faint twitch of his eye, the slight tightening of his jaw, the hollow timbre of his tone.  Whether the lie is about Danny not knowing who, or whether it's about him not knowing it's Jake I honestly don't know. Do I want to know? 

"How do you know they don't suspect you?" Mark frowns. 

Jake smiles again.  "Well, do I look dead?" 

I bite my tongue and look at Mark again. "What now then?" I ask.

Mark nods a few times and sits up, fixing Jake with a hard stare.  "Well the way I see it we have two options," he says.

"Which are?" I ask. Beside me, Jake remains very still and very quiet.

"We move quick.  Jake, you come in and we take a full proper statement – and by we I mean I.  You tell us everything.  You agree to be a witness in the case against Danny Ward and any named associate, you agree to give evidence at trial attesting to any crimes mentioned in your statement which incriminates Danny and any named associates. Then you watch as we put him away for a very long time. You'll be given a nominal sentence for your involvement – which lets face it will be a fucking joke given what you deserve.  You'll probably do half of it and you're done.  You walk out of there a free man, and you go on your way.  I'm certain Alex will wait for you," He glances at me briefly, a sad pitiful smile on his face.

The urge to hit him comes over me again.  This is Mark's preferred option - I have no doubt about that. He wants Jake in prison where he feels he belongs. What do I know - maybe he does belong there.  I've no clue of Jakes proposed crimes.    Strangely, I've no desire to know either. All I know is that I wont lose him. Not to prison and not to anything else.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure we've talked about this already," Jake says. "I've no problem doing my time detective.  But I'd never leave that fucking place alive and you know it, no matter what little segregated box you put me in, they'd find a way to get to me.  You know that so let's stop fucking about yeah?" Jake smiles. "Unless you can guarantee I walk away with a clean record after that testimony - and even then it's not guaranteed I'll make it through the day – I'm still not getting on that fucking stand.  I have a son," he turns to me and his eyes soften.  "I have her. And I'm not bringing any of my shit down on their heads while I'm still breathing and able to stop it. No one knows I'm the one talking.  That was the deal we made."

Mark sighs loudly but I can't look away from Jake.  The strength and passion in his voice and in his eyes make it impossible for me to look away from him. 

"Then I guess we go with option two then,"

Finally I'm able to look at Mark. "Which is?"

"We cool off all contact for a bit.  Can't risk it.  Not until we know who's passing Danny this information.  Jake are you able to look into it from your end?"

Jake nods slowly.  "I can try."

Mark nods.  "Only if you can, don't put yourself in any unnecessary danger," he says, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He actually sounds genuine.   "I need to talk to a few people, see what I can figure out.   We don't have enough to move on Danny yet," he gives Jake a pointed look.  "I'll be in touch.  I guess we need to figure out somewhere to meet going forward."

"You can meet him at mine." I say.

Jake tenses beside me. "No, fuck that. You're already too fucking involved because of me," Jake says with a firm shake of his head.    "I don't want you connected with this any more than necessary."  

I screw my eyes up at him in confusion.  "Than necessary?  Keeping you safe is necessary Jake.  No one is going to be watching my house and you coming to my house is not going to raise suspicions.  It makes sense," I turn back to Mark, hoping he agrees.  "You can reach him through me."

I hear Jake sigh but I ignore him.  Mark doesn't look completely happy with my suggestion either but he nods and starts toward the door. "I'll let you know what I can when I know it.  I'll be in touch." He says.

"Thanks," I hear myself say. Thanks? Thanks for putting Jake in mortal danger. Thanks for hiding it from me as you smiled and asked if I was 'doing good'. Thanks.  Honestly, I despise my inbred politeness. 

"I suppose I'd better think of an explanation for Ms. Taylor then." He says as he pulls open the door.   

"Well, you're quite skilled at looking people in the eye while openly lying - I'm sure you'll come up with something convincing."  I say with a forced smile.

He gives me an apologetic look as he moves out of the room. He looks like he might be about to say something else, but he doesn't, he just inclines his head as a goodbye and walks off down the corridor. 

As soon as I close the door I turn back to face Jake.  His eyes are wary and concerned as I walk back to him. When I reach him, I slide my arms around his waist and he pulls me close against him, kissing the top of my head while I do the same to his chest.  I feel him rest his chin on my head.

"It's going to be alright.  I promise." He whispers. 

"That your professional opinion or are you trying not to worry me?"

"Both," He says. When I pull back to look up at him he smiles that smile that sets my pulse racing, the one that shows me his sharp canines at each side of his top teeth. "So... shower?" he says, raising his eyebrows playfully. It would certainly help take my mind of this thing.

I want him. Badly. Except that nauseous churning deep in the pit of my stomach has returned and I don't know if it's because of the fear or if it's because despite the chocolate cake last night, I haven't eaten a proper meal since the morning we left France. That was almost three days ago.  I really need to eat something.

With a groan, I give him a pout. "You have no idea how much I want that,"

"But?" He frowns. 

"But breakfast first?  I'm starving,"

He nods immediately.  "Good idea. You look weak."  He kisses the top of my head again. "Let's go put something inside you that isn't me."  he smirks.

***

Downstairs, Robyn's wedding breakfast party is muted and quiet, the faces of pretty much everyone screaming hangover. Jake and I take a seat by the window and someone promptly comes over to takes our beverage order.  Champagne, Tea, coffee and fruit juice being offered by the impeccably dressed waiter.   Jake and I both plump for coffee and Orange juice and I watch as the waiter scurries off to get them. 

As I glance around the large airy banquet room I spot Rob's girls at the other end in deep conversation, giggles bubbling up every now and then.  Just as I'm wondering whether they know about why Becca is absent from breakfast, she comes flouncing into the room, dressed casually and looking surprisingly well rested.  I take the spring in her step to mean that Mark must be at least partially good in bed.  Pity she has no idea he's such an underhanded twat. 

"I feel like I'm doing the walk of shame," Jake says as he reaches across to fill my cup with steaming black aromatic coffee. 

"You do? Why?"

"Down here dressed in last night's clothes, embarrassing," he shakes his head.

I sit forward and temple my hands under my chin. "Oh, so you're embarrassed about spending the night with me? Good to know."  I pout.   "Well, maybe you should have come down naked?  Given everyone an eyeful?" I smile, gesturing to where Rob's dad is tucking into his breakfast a few tables away. 

"Yeah I should have," He nods.

"Wouldn't that have been even more embarrassing?"

He shrugs.  "Not for me.  I'm fine with being naked.  Embarrassing for you maybe?"

"I'd be okay."

"Really?" he raises an eyebrow

I pretend to think about it. "Actually no, forget it.  Every woman in the place ogling you, naked?' I shake my head.  "I would absolutely not be okay with that,"

He sighs, shaking his head.  "So jealous.  So fucking possessive..." he smiles, lifting his cup to his mouth. 

"'Alex's Jake remember?"

He smiles deeper.  "I remember.  So, what do you fancy?  Looks like quite the spread she's put on," He glances to the centre of the room where the massive buffet table is arranged with every kind of breakfast food imaginable. Hot and cold.  There's champagne being poured too for the brave ones. 

"Hmmm.  Let's go see it up close," I suggest.

At the buffet he grabs two plates from the warmer and hands me one, then begins to move around the table. I watch as he fills his plate with bacon, mushrooms, roasted tomatoes and heaps of scrambled egg, before balancing two slices of brown toast on top of it so it looks like some kind of breakfast tower.

As he passes the fruit platter he pops a bit of grapefruit into his mouth and grabs a juicy looking strawberry and brings it to my lips. I open my mouth and he pops it inside, watching me intently as I chew. While I'm still swallowing he leans down to kiss me, stroking his mouth softly against mine, his tongue slipping sensually inside.

"Mmm, you and strawberries.  Two of my favourite things," He says as he licks his lips.  "Now hurry and get that plate filled.  You're gonna need your energy for what I have planned for you when we get back upstairs." He says before swaggering back over to our table. 

I stare after him in a trance for a moment and then look down at my plate. It's pitiful. So far I have a croissant, a banana, and a pot of marmalade. Currently only the marmalade appeals.   I feel a nudge at my back and when I turn around Becca is smiling brightly at me.  

"Morning," She gives me a knowing smile.

I smile back.  "Hi,"

"Soooo, you and serious bearded guy huh?" She nods over my shoulder in Jakes direction. 

"Yes," I nod. "Jake.  He's my... well, we're together."

"Wow. Quick work Alex," She gapes.

I laugh.  "I mean he was kind of my," what was he?  Not my ex, Ben was an ex.  Jake was, well, Jake was Jake.  "We kind of weren't together for a bit, but now we are – again." So clumsy Alex. Yet, despite the clumsiness of my reply Becca nods, looking impressed as she glances over at Jake. 

When I turn he's munching neatly on his toast while scrolling through his phone.   Sensing my eyes maybe, he turns his head and smiles at me. God he looks ridiculously sexy in his white shirt, sleeves rolled up, hair mussed and his beard tuggable. Why on earth did I convince him to come down for breakfast? Stupid Alex. He mouths something at me that I think might be 'food' but I'm not sure. In response, I give him my sweetest smile before turning back around to Becca. 

"So you and Mark," I raise an eyebrow.  She blushes from the neck up and giggles in that girly way she does.

"Yes, well, much champagne, a day of love is in the air and a dry spell will do that.  God, you must think I'm so slutty," She explains, covering her mouth.

"What, no of course not.  Mark is..." underhanded, manipulative, holding Jake's life in his hand. "Well I guess handsome in his own way – he has his charms I'm sure." I say diplomatically. She gives me a knowing look and I can't help but smile.

"But seriously, Alex," she comes a little closer and lowers her voice.  "There isn't anything going on between you two is there?  I mean this morning?  When you came to the room? You were really pissed off.  I was really worried I had upset you?"

"God, no Becca," I shake my head. "That was nothing to do with you.   It was totally unrelated. It's not anything like that.  Mark and I are... friends - that's all." I tell her. A friend seems the closest thing I can think of to describe the nature of mine and Mark's relationship.  

She relaxes immediately.  "Oh good, good.  I wasn't sure if I'd stepped on your toes or something you know? I didn't know what to think."

I shake my head again. "Honestly Becca, no. Mark and I have never been anything more than friends.  He's like a brother I guess.  He's Dan's brother and Dan's like a brother to me. So, we're friends."

Honestly? Why have I called Mark my friend three times in the last minute.  Friends are people you trust.  Do I trust Mark?   I know I have no choice but to trust him.  If Jake is to survive this then I have to trust him.  I feel sick again.

"It was about something else entirely. What you saw this morning wasn't scorned woman – I promise.  I'm in love with that man behind me, and have been pretty much since the moment I clapped eyes on him." I say.

She nods. "Understandable," she glances over my shoulder again at Jake.

"So Mark is all yours if you want him," 

"Well technically I had him," she giggles again.  "Twice."

"Well... that pretty much makes him yours then." I smile. 

We finish with a promise to keep in touch and I hurry back to Jake who is just finishing his mountain of breakfast. 

"Sorry, girl chat," I say flopping down on the chair. He nods, looking somewhat scornfully at my plate before frowning at me. "What?  I'm just not massively hungry," I tell him as I pry open my croissant and smother it with marmalade.

He frowns harder. "You said you were starving," 

"I was.  But now I'm not.  I'll eat later." I shrug.

He thinks about this. "Later you'll be flat on your back while I fuck you," He says in a business-like tone.  Heat explodes across my face and my womb clenches tightly.

"S-so I'll eat after that," I manage.

He leans forward.  "After that, you'll have trouble standing never mind eating," His face is still serious.   Oh god.  I feel dampness pool between my legs.

"Ok... then I promise to schedule in food before you start fucking me," I whisper.

"Oh you better Doctor." He says.

"Yes sir," I say lightly but his expression doesn't change.

He stares at me hard while I tear a piece of croissant and pop it in my mouth.  He stares at me hard until I finish that piece and put the second piece in my mouth.  When I'm finished he lifts his plate and stands, coming round the table. He leans down to kiss me, licking the inside of my mouth with his tongue slowly, sucking hard on my bottom lip before moving his mouth to my ear.  

"I can't wait to have my cock back inside that perfect fucking mouth of yours," He breathes, before bringing his lips back around to lick the outside of my mouth.  "Oh and you had marmalade on your face," He says, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

As he moves off to refill his plate, I stare after him, my body breathless and throbbing. 

***

As soon as the door closes behind us Jake has me pinned against it.  His hands fumble under my shirt and he kisses me roughly as he unbuttons the top button of my jeans, sliding his hand inside and into my underwear. I gasp as I feel his finger dip inside me.

He moans against my mouth as strokes me there and I feel my legs start to weaken and I have to grip onto his shoulders to hold myself up.

"Fuck this, I need to fuck you now," he growls, removing his hand.

He pulls me towards the bed and pushes me down on it, the force almost enough to give me whiplash but I barely notice. As he begins stripping off his clothes, again with a sort of ruthless efficiency he had last night, I tilt my hips up off the bed and push my jeans and underwear down and off my legs simultaneously.

His eyes dip down between my legs as he lets his shirt drop to the floor and then he starts on his trousers.  Holding his stare, I begin to unbutton my striped linen shirt. I never put a bra on to go downstairs so this won't take long. I have the three buttons undone when his mobile rings. My body sags, deflated. This has to be a bloody joke.  His mobile was one big fat ironic joke.  

A shadow flickers over his face and I can see he doesn't want to answer it. It's more than simply wanting to continue this; it's as though what's on the other end is deeply unpalatable to him and he'd rather avoid it at all costs.   I sit up slowly and glance to the dresser where it's ringing loudly; an old-style shrill telephone ring. 

When I bring my eyes back to him he debates internally for a few moments more before something pulls him towards the noise.  He doesn't seem to check who it is before lifting it to his ear, answering immediately. 

"Dan, how you doing man?" He says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Today?" he looks at his watch.  "I thought that was dealt with?" He nods. "I can be... No, I'm not....Out of town right now... Yeah, I fancied some fresh air – you should try it once in a while," a small laugh. "Really? No, not guilty," a suspicious frown. "Of course I would've told you. Well I'm sure he'll turn up..."

I watch his face intently as he speaks; the little ticks of eye, the ever tightening of his mouth the slight bite of his cheek. Lies, aversions and subterfuge, each with their own distinct tells. "I'll be back home today at some point..." he drops his head. his shoulders sagging.  "Yeah, no problem."  He nods, squeezing the bridge of his nose as he crosses the suite to toward the window. I lie back on the bed, watching his strong bare shoulders tense and relax and tense again. He looks at his watch once more and nods.  "Ok.  I can be there in a couple of hours. Yeah, I'll meet you there," He says before hanging up. He's still and silent for a few moments as he stares out the window. 

"Everything ok?" I ask.

What a stupid useless question.  His life is in mortal danger as he navigates his way out of something dark, dangerous and illegal and I'm asking if he's okay. Could I be of any less use to him?  Slowly he turns around and walks toward the bed, climbing up onto it and moving his body over mine. Instantly, he's kissing me hard. He runs his hands over my body and then up into my hair, holding onto my face.  He strokes at my cheeks softly.

"All under control," He says, touching his thumb to my bottom lip, before pinching my chin in that way he does.

"You have to leave again?" I say. I hate the pathetic whining tone of my voice more than anything.

He nods, a sad look coming over his eyes. He lets out a deep tired-sounding breath. "Fuck, I want to stay here and bury myself in you.." He says distantly as his thumb strokes my lip and he gazes down into my eyes.  "...but Dan needs me to do something - I can't say no," the not now remains unsaid. "I'm so sorry baby. But later?  I'll meet you at yours? As soon as I can get away." His hand is holding my face now and I bring my own up to cover his. 

I nod and gaze up into his eyes. "Please be careful," 

"Always," He says. When he kisses me again it's deep and slow,  and I close my eyes so that I can lose myself in the feel of his mouth as it roams over my own, and the feel of his body as it presses into my own. When he lifts his head his turquoise eyes are twinkling.

Has any man ever been this beautiful? I need more than anything to feel him inside me.  My body wants and needs him with a fierce desperation, making my skin and my nerves feel stretched and taught over my bones.

But my body will just have to be patient.  I'll just have to be patient.  I've been without him for six weeks.  I can wait a few more hours.

An idea comes to me and I manoeuvre myself out from under him and slide off of the bed, crossing the room to where my bag is sitting on the small writing desk by the window. When I find what I'm looking for I walk back to him and hold my hand out.   He looks down at what I'm holding, clearly confused.

"What's that?" He asks. 

I frown.  "What does it look like?"

"It looks like a set of keys,"

"Wow, you really weren't lying when you said you had good eyesight were you?" I smile.   "Please take them."

When he still looks uncertain I sigh.  "Jake it's not a marriage proposal, it's a key to my house.  You didn't want me to leave a key under the plant pot, and I want you to be able to let yourself in whenever you need to," I pause. "And if you need to meet with Mark then it will help. No one will suspect you going to my house."

"Alex, I told you, I'm not involving you in this shit any further." is eyes are dark.

"Except I'm already involved.  Please just take the keys.  We can discuss the rest later,"

He looks at me for a long moment before standing up off the bed. He closes his hand around mine and the keys, and wraps his other arm around me.

"You know... If it was a marriage proposal I'd say yes," he says.

"Oh you would?"

He nods. "You're a fucking catch Doctor Marlowe. You know, if you wanna reconsider?" he smirks.

"Why? Are you pregnant?" I smile.

He chuckles and leans in to kiss me." You'll never get rid of me now, you know that right?" He slides the set of keys into his trouser pocket. 

"What makes you think I want rid of you?"

"Not right now you don't, but when I let myself into your house at all hours of the night and demand sex then you will regret this, trust me."

"Ugh. Sounds horrendous," I roll my eyes.

"I'll make your life hell,"

"Jake I can't imagine a time when you'd ever need to demand sex from me. It's highly improbable and very unlikely," I tell him truthfully.

Although, what he tried to do earlier, with his tongue, in my... I blush just thinking of the distinctly forbidden sensation that came when I felt his mouth there. Yes, maybe he would need to demand that from me. 

"We'll see. I can be very fucking demanding doctor. You've really no idea what you've let yourself in for – yet again." He pulls me into him and kisses me again.

Again it's soft and deep and kindling. Maybe we could we have each other quickly now and slower later?  I'm certain I could persuade him. But then I remember that anticipation is the art of something.  I can't remember what though because his tongue and his mouth are distracting me from every other lucid thought.

"So later then," he groans softly. It sounds frustrated but very male and very sexy. But then, everything he does is very male and very sexy.  "Make sure you eat something yeah?  It's gonna be a long fucking night.  You've been warned."

"More of your promises Mr. Lawrence?" I sigh as I move out of his hold.

As I turn he smacks his hand playfully off my bare behind and I throw a shocked look over my shoulder.

"So you're really not coming in with me then?" I ask as I reach the bathroom door. I watch gleefully as he rolls his eyes in frustration. 

"I deserve a fucking medal for this," He groans.   "I need to get out of here before I explode."  He moves around the bed and grabs his shirt off the floor and pulls it on.  Then he grabs his jacket and car keys from the dresser and comes toward me again. I wrap my arms up and around his neck as he buries his mouth in my shoulder and growls, biting me softly. 

"I love you," I whisper.  "Please don't explode.  I really need you to fuck me later."

He groans again, lifting his head from my neck to pepper my face with kisses. He starts at my temple and moves across my cheek to my mouth, and then to the tip of my nose, before finishing on my forehead. "You're fucking killing me baby. I love you too - you had better be fucking naked later when I get to your house and let myself in," He grins, pulling out of my arms. 

"So bloody demanding," I shout after him, grinning like a fool.

"Naked Alex," Is what I hear as the door shuts behind him.