Willow was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling with her headphones on. She had been listening to music to drown out the noise of her mother in the other room. She had company over, and that company was Luke Maybank. Willow thought that after telling her mother about her and JJ being together, the two drug addict parents would stop being stupid. Willow knew that Luke made a move on her mother when they were teenagers while she was passed out, so she wasn't sure why her mother still allowed him around. On the bright side, they weren't fooling around and all it was about was drugs or who owed who money. It all led to arguing and throwing things.

The second she heard Luke shout over her headphones - even though they were on max volume - she got up from her bed and yanked them off her head. She pulled her bedroom door open, exiting her room to walk into the living room where they were yelling. She shook her head. "Hey!"

The two adults stopped yelling, glancing over towards her. Amelia Bradshaw let out a breath of air, rubbing her face in annoyance. "What is it, Willow?"

"Yell a little louder, maybe? They almost heard you two in Japan.", She gave them a fake smile, picking up her bag that was beside one of the sofas and threw it over her shoulder.

"JJ really has a handful, don't he?", Luke scoffed, glancing over at Amelia to see that she was already glaring at him. "What?"

"How about you just shut the hell up and get out of my goddamn house!", Amelia was quick to pick up one of the coasters, throwing it at Luke. It only made him yell back at her and call her all sorts of names. Willow just watched the two in annoyance before walking out the front door of her oh-so-humble home.

Today was the day that they were carving the tree at the chateau and holding a funeral-like service for John B. Willow wasn't necessarily happy with the fact she had to be there for it because she hated funerals. Only one she ever attended wasn't even really a funeral at all. It was when John B invited her down to the docks and he made a float with Big John's picture on it. That was it. She only did that for John B, though.

She walked for what felt like forever, but that was only due to her not ready to get there. She knew that the others might get angry with her for being late. They all promised to wait for each other, and she just knew that was only directed toward her. The others stayed at the chateau last night, but Willow refused to. It was no surprise that they were already sitting outside by the tree when she came walking up. The first out of the group to notice was JJ.

"She's here.", JJ quickly stood up from the ground, waiting for her to walk up to them. Pope and Kiara stood up as well once she approached them finally. JJ gave her a faint smile before she hugged him. "Hey, Bee..."

"Hey.", She looked up at him with her arms still wrapped around him. "Ready to get this over with?"

"Yeah.", He nodded, not commenting on her eagerness to leave already. He knew it was just the way she was coping right now. Pope was kind of doing the same, but not really. Kiara, however, was wanting them to acknowledge John B's death more. She always wanted to talk about it and that made Willow uncomfortable. It was no shock that Willow hated all things related to the subject of death.

So, JJ tried to be as quick as possible with carving the tree with the blowtorch. Although, he also tried to take his time with it so that it didn't look stupid. JJ wanted it to be like how he envisioned it. Once he was done, he took a step back to stare at it beside Willow. The blonde girl had her arms crossed over her chest with tears forming in her eyes. Kiara held a box of his belongings that she was putting in the ground in front of the tree.

JJ raised his flask in the air. "To John B."

"And to Sarah.", Kiara spoke weakly before she put the box into the ground.

Willow took in a deep breath, looking up at JJ before tapping his shoulder. He looked down at her to see her point towards his flask and he gave it to her. She tilted her head back, taking a swig of whatever he had in it. By the way it tasted, she knew it was rum. She handed it back to him, leaning down to help Kiara place the dirt over the box. The boys leaned down to help the girls and when they were done, they all stood up and wiped the dirt off their hands without speaking.

They stood there silently for a few more minutes before Willow had enough. She cleared her throat, catching the attention of the others. "Well, uh... I've got to get going."

"Where to?", Kiara asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "We were going to each give a speech."

"Yeah... no thanks, Kie.", She shook her head, reaching down to grab her bag.

"Willow, he was your brother. Don't you think you should-"

"I'm gonna stop you there.", She interrupted the girl, noticing the pain in Kiara's eyes as she did so. "Look, I don't like this... I don't have anything prepared, nor did I know we were giving a speech. I just want to go home."

"You're just gonna act like nothing happened?", Kiara asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's the whole idea of the denial stage, Kie.", Willow answered with a fake smile, turning to walk away. "Besides... this whole thing is stupid."

"Wow... Yeah real nice to know you don't care.", Kiara rolled her eyes, turning toward Pope. JJ gave her a look, which Pope noticed.

"What?", Pope asked.

"Don't do that to her right now.", JJ spoke quickly.

"Don't do that to her?", Kiara scoffed. "What about what she's doing to us, JJ?"

"Kie...", Pope sighed.

"What is she doing?", JJ glanced between the two.

"Now that John B's gone, she's using that as an excuse not to be near us.", Kiara shook her head. "The only thing she cares about is you... so must be nice, JJ. It'd be nice if she sat here with us to mourn."

"She doesn't handle death well.", JJ defended her.

"Yeah, well who does?", Kiara replied.

JJ shook his head, glancing down the path to see Willow. He didn't say another word before following after her. "Bee!"

"I can't believe her. Saying I don't care. Of course, I care.", Willow scoffed, continuing her walk away from the chateau even when JJ caught up to her. "I care, JJ."

"I know.", He nodded.

"I just don't want to sit here and stare at a stupid fucking tree when what he really deserved was a proper burial.", She stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes harshly. She shook her head, trying to stop the tears that had begun forming right after she said it.

"That's why you weren't fond of it.", JJ caught on quickly, frowning at his girlfriend when her lip began quivering.

"It's bullshit, Jay.", She sniffled.

"I know.", He responded, not taking a moment before he pulled her into a hug. She cried into his chest as he ran his hand over her hair. "Just show a little sympathy to them, okay? The whole tree thing was Kie's idea."

"I know, I know.", Willow pulled away slightly to look up at him, locking eyes with him. "I just feel like I'm going crazy. Last night, I had a dream he came home like nothing had even happened and I woke up. Then reality sunk in and- part of me still thinks he's alive. I don't want to believe he's gone."

"Like Big John?", JJ asked.

"Yeah.", She nodded quickly, then furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. "Wait, no... Dad's different. It's different. John B wasn't murdered, just-"

"Lost?", JJ asked, trying to keep himself from crying. He didn't believe what she believed. For all he knew, John B actually was gone. She was like John B was with Big John before they found out that he was murdered. JJ tried to sympathize with her because he cared about her, but it pained him as well. Her having hope over John B being out there pained him because he hated the fact she had false hope. And false hope was only going to break her even more.

"Yeah. Lost.", She nodded. "He's just... lost."

꧁꧂

Later that night, she was sitting on the beach with her arms wrapped around her legs as she pulled them so close to her chest. She was staring out at the ocean waves and listening closely to the sound of the water washing up on the shore. She started coming out here alone the night John B vanished, just staring out at the water for hours as she thought about him. She never spoke nor did she cry. She just zoned out and let her surroundings calm her as the alcohol she'd carry with her consumed her. Since his vanishing, she had turned to alcohol and drugs. Not her best decision, but it helped.

As she finished her third bottle of beer, she scoffed. She had thought of earlier when Kiara told her about preparing a speech as they stood in front of the tree. Willow knew that they were all grieving in their own way, but the idea of using a tree as his memorial site made her confused. The ocean took him, not a tree. So, with that idea running through her mind, she perked up. She opened the fourth bottle of beer, clearing her throat before taking a sip and then raised the bottle in the air.

"Here's to you, bro.", She spoke softly, dropping her arm to hang around her leg that she still had pulled to her chest. She held onto the beer bottle loosely with her fingertips as her eyes stayed glued out toward the ocean. "I can't believe they didn't think about coming out here late at night. We could've even carved the docks out at the chateau. It's whatever, man... they're hurtin'."

She raised the bottle to her lips, taking another sip as she hummed in response of a thought that came creeping into her mind. "That's the thing about grieving, though. We all grieve differently and I'm open to join them in a circle by your new memorial site... and all that bullshit. Kie doesn't respect the way I'm dealing with this shit. She's my best friend and she can't... No. I won't complain about her. We're pogues and we stick together."

A few minutes of silence went by as she thought of what to say next. She saw a couple walk by and she waved, waiting for them to be out of earshot. "I'm not gonna sit here and get all sappy over this. The cops never found a body. They searched everywhere the next morning, so you'd think they would find something right?"

She let it sink in as she chugged her beer, dropping the bottle down beside her in the small little grocery bag she brought so she could throw all of it away at the same time. She shook her head before standing up to her full height. "Fuck this. Just bring your ass home, John B."

After throwing away her trash, she decided to take a walk through the town. Anything was better than going home right now. Her relationship with her mother was still very horrible. Amelia eased up on her somewhat, still not enough. She hadn't been beaten since their last encounter before John B so-called 'died'. Willow was certain he was still out there. She had a gut feeling about it. Still, Amelia was still an alcoholic druggie with no respect for anyone but herself.

Willow walked into the local supermarket store, which is the one she used to work at when she was fifteen. She had gotten fired because her boss didn't like her attitude, even though Willow just wanted to be treated fairly. That's all the girl ever truly wanted in life, but never received unless it was the pogues. She walked over to the snack and candy section, picking up a few items. She was meeting up with JJ at his place since Luke was apparently staying at one of his friends. Luke was staying against his will since he passed out on the couch drunk off his ass.

She picked up a pack of strawberry twizzlers, which was JJ's favorite candy. She thought it was cute when he bit both ends and used it as a straw for his beer bottle. Most people would probably give him a stank look, but she thought he looked goofy while drinking beer through a twizzler. It honestly just fit his personality and that's why it was cute to her. Next, she grabbed a pack of mega stuffed Oreos. JJ complained last time she grabbed regular ones because his favorite part wasn't the cookie, it was what was in between.

She placed both items in her shopping basket, grabbing a thing of bottle caps for herself and stack of pizza flavored pringles. The further she went down the aisle, there was a mother and daughter standing there talking loud enough for half the store to hear. The second her ears focused on what they were talking about, she about flipped her shit. They were talking about John B out of all things that they could talk about. In fact, she knew the daughter; she went to school with her.

"They're saying he murdered Peterkin, honey.", The mother spoke, making Willow roll her eyes as she walked by. "All I'm saying is be careful who you call your friend."

"I don't know. John B doesn't seem like the type.", The daughter spoke, which made Willow faintly smile. At least she was trying to stick up for John B. "He used to help me in class. He was really nice."

"People will mask their identity as quickly as they can. He kills Peterkin and then commits suicide.", The mother scoffed.

"Suicide?", Willow gave her a look, which made the older woman raise her eyebrows. "Y'all are coming up with some pretty dumb ass theories."

The mother didn't respond. Instead, she nudged her daughter further down the aisle and away from Willow. The blonde girl just rolled her eyes and walked over to the frozen section where they kept juice out on display to stay cool. She grabbed a bottle of Fruit Punch Simply Lemonade and walked straight towards the check out line. Luckily, nobody was in front of her so she could quickly book it out of there after this.

"Oh, hi Willow.", The lady at the register spoke softly, making the blonde girl look up. It was Gladys Harrison; a middle-aged lady who had four cats with her husband Henry. When Willow worked here, Gladys had just lost her only child to cancer.

"Hey, Mrs. Gladys.", Willow gave her a sweet smile, honestly happy to see her doing well. "How are the kitties?"

"Oh, my babies! They're doing really well.", She nodded as she began ringing up her items, coming to a halt when she grabbed the twizzlers. "Let me guess... you're hanging out with the Maybank boy again aren't you?"

"You know me so well.", Willow let out a genuine laugh. "I forgot I told you I hated those."

"Oh, yes.", She nodded, remembering the constant rants the younger girl would have about anything she disliked. "I even remember he used to come in on your little breaks and try to sneak these out of here."

"Yeah, well... they were always accounted for thanks to your eagle eyes.", Willow joked, which made the older woman laugh. "JJ always would come in here with a plan to get past you, but he never succeeded."

That part was a lie. JJ had succeeded on multiple occasions, but to make Gladys laugh was always Willow's favorite thing about her. Gladys had a specific laugh that only Gladys would have. JJ used to crack up at how it sounded, but Willow thought it was sweet due to how genuine she was. Gladys shook her head, watching Willow pull out a twenty-dollar bill. "You know what, honey? It's on me."

"What? No, I can't let you get in trouble with Barbara.", Willow shook her head, reaching her hand out towards the woman with the bill in her hand.

"Sweetie.", Gladys frowned slightly, placing her hand over Willow's. "Go enjoy some time with JJ. You two deserve to enjoy life. Especially after what happened with John B. Consider it returning your favor after you being there for me after my Freddie died."

"Well, thank you, Mrs. Gladys.", Willow began to tear up, placing her twenty back in her bag. "If you ever need help with your kitties, just let me know."

"Will do, Willow.", She gave her one last smile before the blonde girl grabbed her bag of items and walked out. Once outside, she took in a shaky breath of air.

꧁꧂

"JJ!", Willow shouted from outside his window, throwing a pebble at it. Before she could throw another one, he opened the window.

"Jesus, Bee... you gotta yell? It was unlocked.", JJ shook his head, watching as she gave him a toothy smile before tossing the bag through the window onto his bed. She was quick to climb through, closing the window shut right after.

"Yelling is in my blood.", She joked, watching as he raised his eyebrows in amusement. "So is alcohol."

"How much have you had?", He realized what she meant.

"Four bottles of the weak ass cocktail drinks that I love so much but barely gives me a buzz.", She responded, sitting down on his bed beside him as he started digging through the grocery bag. "Twizzlers. You're welcome."

"And the mega stuff Oreos?", He tilted his head back, bringing it to his chest as he made a sound of pleasure.

"Okay.", She ripped it out of his grasp, which made him look at her in surprise. "You can't do food, got it? Don't be like those peanut butter guys."

"Peanut butter guys?", He asked, not knowing what she meant. It only took one look from her to make it click in his mind. "Right... how the hell do you know people do that?"

"Uh-uh. Not people.", She corrected him. "Creatures. Okay? Only creatures from a different planet see food and go yeah... I'm gonna do that."

He laughed genuinely, taking back his twizzlers before biting both ends off and sticking it in his beer bottle that was on his nightstand. She smiled at him as he did so before she moved on the bed to lay down beside him. He looked at her with worry written across his face. "You're not gonna eat?"

"Not hungry.", She shook her head.

"Then why'd you buy it?", He asked as he laid down beside her on his side, propping his head up with his arm as he stared down at her.

"I didn't. It was free.", She replied, looking up at him as he grinned. "What?"

"Five finger discount?"

"No, stupid.", She giggled softly, watching him lay down on his back. She was quick to turn on her side, laying her head on his chest. "Gladys let me have it for free. Said she was returning the favor."

"What favor?", He asked curiously.

"Doesn't matter.", She shrugged, closing her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat. "I'm not ready for work tomorrow."

"Me neither. Full of kooks.", He shook his head, letting out a sigh. "I just know all they're gonna be talking about is John B."

"Yeah.", She frowned, thinking back to the mother and daughter at the store. "There was this lady at the supermarket that said John B committed suicide."

"What the fuck?", He asked, a bit of anger in his tone.

"Yeah. I told her off. Said they just keep coming up with dumb ass theories.", She added.

"Atta girl.", He responded, rubbing her arm gently.

"It hasn't been long since John B has been gone and they're just so disrespectful talking about him like that.", She let out a frustrated groan, flipping back onto her back beside him. "I hate these people here."

"Me too.", He turned his head to look at her. "But hey... let's not worry about them, okay? School starts Monday and well... I'd rather worry about anything but either of those."

"Right.", She laughed, turning her head to look at him. That's when she realized he was already looking at her and it made her smile even wider. "Let's just worry about us then, yeah? Kiara, Pope, you and I at least. But also just me and you from time to time."

"Agreed.", He replied before leaning his head forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Right now, it's just me and you, Bee."

"Perfect.", She turned her body to face his before planting a kiss against his lips, feeling him kiss back a bit rougher. She never minded how rough he got when they would kiss. It made her feel like she was his oxygen, and he needed to survive off of one kiss until the next time he'd see her again or he'd run out of air.

A/N - every gif will be of JJ in this book because I can't find more of Kathryn Newton that I can use that I haven't already.