So many visitors, so little time! I hope the orderlies don't notice – they might not appreciate the fact I've got someone to talk to! Saying that, these interlopers could all be in my head.

Nah. That'd make me crazy, and we all know that's not true!

So, non-imaginary visitor, what's your name?

Esther Gwendolyn Blake. My friends call me Essie.

Essie! Hello! Aren't you meant to be swimming around in a loch, somewhere? Oh, wait... Erm... Where are you from?

Manhattan, born and bred.

Ah, not Scotland then. OK. Moving on. Do you like living there? If not, where would your favourite place to live be? Is yes, where would you least like to live?

I've never lived anywhere else, so I guess... as long as there was somewhere comfortable to sit and read, and it was warm, I wouldn't much mind where I was. And not too many people. And electricity. Maybe a diner nearby... I'm not choosy though.

I like that you keep your options open. You could lay your hat pretty much anywhere, then. Almost. What do you do for a living, and is it your dream job?

A living? Dream job? Honey, I'm still trying to figure out tomorrow. I hardly need to work, but some kind of occupation might be nice. Reading is just about my favorite pastime, so maybe something to do with books? I've been thinking I might volunteer somewhere... literary.

A library would be wonderful. You could lose yourself in all those words and get paid for it! How do you feel about bacon? A crazy person once said it was the food of the gods. OK, I admit that person was myself...

*laughs* You're a real odd ball, huh? It's all right, I guess.

Me? Odd? I'm the only sane one in here, and I'm not entirely sure present company should be excepted... What is your favourite film?

I just went to the premiere of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes just recently, and that was unreal. Marilyn's a real gas, huh?

She was a gas and much more, that's for sure! What's your opinion of log cabins?

I wasn't aware one needed an opinion of log cabins? I must have missed that in deportment class...

I don't know if log cabins and their respective opinions are covered in deportment. Not having taken the class myself, I wouldn't know. Of course you'd think, by my bearing and posture, I was a straight A student of such things, but, sadly, not. Hah! Only joking! My slouch has a slouch! Well, do you have an opinion of snow?

Sometimes delightful, often a real drag. Would usually prefer to stay indoors.

But what about snowmen? The tree branches heavy with the weight of their white blankets? The joy of making the first footprint on a virginally untouched snow covered path? No? OK, fine. Well, if you were in an asylum, what would your particular delusion or psychosis be?

Are you calling me a lunatic? That's not something to joke about.

If the strait jacket fits... I mean, of course not. I wouldn't presume. Erm... What sort of books do you like to read, or do you think there's no point when you can just watch the movie?

I sure do enjoy going to the cinema, but books will always be my first love. Just lately I've been reading some short stories by a fellow called Truman Capote. I'll read almost anything, though, and I'm not ashamed to admit I love a good romance novel.

Ah Capote – Harper Lee's very own 'pocket Merlin.' A good choice! Speaking of breakfast (though not at Tiffany's), bacon – just cooked or crispy?

Again with the issues? You've got real issues, man. Crispy. Over waffles. Covered in syrup.

Issues? It's just a question! Bacon is important! It matters! So. Crispy. You're clearly not insane. Good. Now, tell us about your adventures in the Snow anthology!

I'd hardly consider burying my father an 'adventure', and the events that followed... more melodrama than anything else. Also, why re-invent the wheel? It's all there in Tobacco and Pine.

Well, no. Burying your father wouldn't necessarily class as an adventure. My condolences. Not that I'm trying to be rid of you, but now you're in the asylum with me, how do you aim to get out? Do you have an escape plan?

... We're where? I thought this was a, whaddya call it, not a spa, a... sanitorium! Oh...

My driver is waiting for me, you'll have to excuse me.

Don't worry, it's not so bad here. Well, I say 'not so.' It depends on your definition. Your driver is waiting for you – he has his own little padded room. Cosy, don't you think?

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