It takes all of the self-control George possesses not to slam the door to their flat behind him the second he gets inside, only his concern for his neighbors slowing his arm by a small fraction, but even so, the wooden frame still rattles dully despite his best attempts at maintaining a calm aura.

George can't remember the last time he was this furious, it's hard to actually incite true anger from him, but Kyle has managed it. George can feel the negative emotions weighing heavy on his chest, the pressure pushing against his skin and leaving him overwhelmed and ready to burst.

He's a bit dizzy with it all, his limbs are shaking and everything aches in the worst way. George can't bury this inside of him like he usually does, he has to let it out this time even if he's terrified of what the aftermath will be.

Kyle flinches slightly at the sound, but he doesn't immediately face George, instead he takes a few steps toward their bedroom, but George isn't having that, he's not going to let him run away, not tonight - not after the bombshell he dropped on him while they were leaving the rehearsal dinner.

The rest of the night had gone as well as it could be expected; Kyle had perked up a bit once he'd eaten and he'd even gone so far as to converse with John and Ross, which had George's earlier fury with him diminishing slightly, that was until they'd announced their departure.

John had hugged George goodbye before turning to the both of them, saying he couldn't wait to see them next Saturday for the wedding, only for Kyle to casually relay the fact that he wouldn't be able to make it due to a business trip, wishing them both a happy marriage as if his statement wasn't all that big a deal, although it was most certainly news to George.

George had wanted to confront him then and there about it, but he'd made enough of a scene tonight already, so he'd simply stalked off to the cab, clenching his hands into tight fists at his side while he waited for his boyfriend to join him. The ride had been agonizing and fraught with tension, and the atmosphere had followed them home, filling the air with hostility that George can literally feel seeping into his bones, the sensation only increasing with each second that Kyle remains silent.

"So," George snaps tersely, not willing to wait for Kyle to decide that an explanation is in order, "when were you going to tell me that you're backing out of the wedding?"

Kyle's posture freezes, the muscles in his back tensing visibly as he sighs quietly. When he finally meets George's harsh gaze, he sees guilt in his eyes, but he doesn't know the cause of it. Is it because Kyle regrets upsetting George, or is it rooted in George's suspicions involving another man, or is it something else entirely? George will never know if Kyle doesn't tell him, and this time, George isn't going to back down without a coherent answer.

"I was love - I swear, I only found out about the trip this afternoon, and it completely slipped my mind since we were in a hurry to leave when I got home."

George feels his brow creasing as he tries to decipher if Kyle is being honest or not, but after everything, it's just so fucking hard to believe him. George has reached his breaking point, and even if this is truly just a business trip, George doesn't care, because Kyle should have found a way out of it. He knew how important this wedding was to George, how badly he wanted him there, but that obviously doesn't matter to him, and George is so tired of being cast aside in favor or work, or someone else, or for any reason really.

"You could have called me from the office, we could have discussed it before you agreed," George points out, his arms crossing firmly over his chest as Kyle sinks down onto the sofa once he realizes that George isn't going to let this go like he usually does.

"I know, you're right," Kyle nods, putting on that tone he has that somehow always makes George want to forgive him instantly, but he's too upset to bend so easily, especially after having his evening ruined by Kyle's attitude earlier. "It really was a last-minute thing, I've landed a huge case in France - if I win, it'll do wonders for me, and I couldn't turn it down." George winces slightly at Kyle's use of me and not we, because it always used to be them against the world, but now it's just Kyle making a name for himself while George clings onto his coattails, forgotten about completely except for when Kyle happens to turn around. "I've got to fly out soon so I can meet the client and all that, they asked me to leave tonight but I told them no so I could go to this with you, I thought you'd be happy about that."

"Well, that backfired since you didn't bother with telling me in the first place." George groans in frustration, hating his boyfriend's ability to always make him appear to be the villain in their arguments even when he's so convinced he's in the right. "I was clueless about all of this, and then with you being so fucking stroppy, I really didn't have all that much fun either way. You could have fucking explained it all during the cab drive there, did you think of that?"

"I didn't have the chance, you kept nattering on the whole time," Kyle protests, a hint of anger bleeding through his voice when he doesn't immediately get his way. "I was planning on telling you when we got home, I didn't think when I mentioned it to John, and I really am sorry, but I've got to go. I'd invite you to come with, but I'm sure you'd rather attend the wedding. It would be boring for you anyway since I'll be with the client most of the time."

"I'd still like an invitation," George sniffs, but he can't deny that Kyle's assumption is correct, and his earlier rush of courage has already dried up completely anyway leaving him frustrated and confused about everything. "So when are you leaving then?" George asks, swallowing back the sudden thickness in his throat that emerges when Kyle smirks in a way that says he knows he's won.

"I was planning on asking your opinion on that." Kyle's smug look takes on an innocent cast when he stands up again so he can move nearer to him, but George can't find it within him to be pleased by Kyle's attempt to include him in his life, not when he's practically been a bystander for the past few months.

"I don't really care, if you're going to miss the wedding, it doesn't matter to me either way."

"Don't be like that George," Kyle pouts, pulling George closer with an insistent hand on his shoulder. George hates the way he finds himself wanting to shy away from the touch instead of lean into it like he should, it isn't right, things shouldn't be this way, but George doesn't know how to revert back to the older version of himself who loved any amount of affection Kyle provided him with, maybe that George is long gone now. "I don't want you upset with me."

George mumbles something unintelligible in the way of a response, letting Kyle rest his head on his chest in a strange semblance of an embrace. George digs through his mind furiously, trying to unearth the spark that always used to be present whenever Kyle would do this, but he comes up with nothing just like he has been for far too long.

The harsh ringing of a phone interrupts George's thought process a few seconds later, the sound also resulting in Kyle's withdrawal as his hand scrambles in his back pocket in search of the device. As he's been doing all too often, Kyle mouths an apology before heading off into the other room, closing the door behind him which prevents George from listening in on the apparently private conversation.

George feels the familiar welling of sorrow mixed with jealousy rising in his gut at Kyle's actions, but it's more muted this time than it's been in the past, like he can't muster the energy to care anymore that Kyle may or may not be chatting with his replacement at the moment. That isn't entirely true, because it does hurt, just not as much as it did. That has to be another sign that he should just end this now, but it's not as easy as it sounds.

George tries to think back over what he'd spoken about with John, how he'd talked about how things were falling apart, how he doesn't think Kyle even loves him anymore, how it's been that way for quite some time now, but that intimidating wall is back in place, leaving him stuck and conflicted even though a few hours ago he'd thought he'd had it all figured out. George is just so fucking scared of inciting such a life-changing event, and not even the thought of Matty is bolstering his resolve right now.

In fact, Matty's existence is almost harmful in this instance, because as much as he's helped George see his situation in a new light, a part of George is truly hoping to run into Matty's arms when and if he leaves Kyle, and that just makes him feel even more awful than he already does.

George can't count on that happening - shouldn't count on that really. Even if Matty does fancy him, jumping straight into a new relationship usually doesn't end well, but that's not what he's truly worried about - no, it's the fact that Matty will most likely be left wondering if he's a replacement, or he'll see George as the type of bloke who moves on in an instant, even though a part of him has been over Kyle for much longer than he's willing to admit, but Matty won't understand that, he'll just think George wants to fuck him because he's a stripper, George knows he would assume that if he was in Matty's position.

George is so fucking tired of this internal struggle, it's tearing him in two. He just wants to be happy, that's all, and Matty brings that out in him. He's always smiling around the other man, but when he allows himself to imagine more with him, he's wracked with guilt. He doesn't know how to do this, he's never gone through a serious breakup while also being infatuated with someone else. He'd always assumed he'd be with Kyle forever, he was his first proper boyfriend that had lasted more than a few months, they'd made it for three years, but now the thought of suffering through another month in this fashion has George feeling physically ill.

He doesn't want to be alone either though, even though he feels like that's probably for the best, at least for a little while. If he waits to confess his feeling to Matty, that would prove to the both of them that George isn't simply looking for a rebound, but then he runs the risk of Matty finding someone else while George makes a gesture that will inevitably be pointless, and that is by far the worst option.

George is aware that he's getting ahead of himself, because none of this will matter if he doesn't grow a spine and tell Kyle how he feels. He has to air his resentment and assumptions first, and maybe Kyle will have an explanation, maybe he'll prove George wrong and they'll find a way to mend, or maybe he'll break up with George and save him the trouble of doing it himself, which is a terrible way to look at things, but at this point, George thinks it would be more of a blessing than anything else.

George sends John a quick text outlining their short fight as well as asking him if he should confront him about his suspicions. John replies within seconds much to George's relief, providing him with another shot of courage that George is in desperate need of when he tells him to speak up before things get even worse than they already are.

Kyle reappears moments after George puts away his phone with a secret grin tugging at his lips. George remembers when he used to be the cause of that expression, but now he's left wondering who has taken his place, and that is the final push he needs to open his mouth even though it's dry and he feels like he's going to choke on his tongue at any second.

"Is this ever going to end?" George asks after a tense minute of silence following Kyle's return into the living room. George's needs to understand what's gone wrong between them, he has to discover why he's so unhappy before Kyle fucks off again no matter how much easier it would be to let this conversation wait until the morning.

"What do you mean?" Kyle appears to be confused, but George can also sense a hint of nervousness radiating from him when he sits down smoothly as if he hadn't just disappeared without a word to George.

Not wanting to scare Kyle off, George forces himself to relax slightly and take a seat next to his boyfriend, only just now realizing that he's been hovering in the doorway this entire time, his hands tangling together in his lap as he searches for the strength he needs to continue forward before he's trapped in this cycle for eternity.

"This," George gestures between them vaguely, struggling to find the words he needs now more than ever, "it's like uni all over again." George winces at his mention of the event that they'd both sworn to leave in the past, but he can't keep silent any longer, and this is the only way he can let Kyle understand what's going on in his head without directly accusing him.

"Fuck off," Kyle recoils suddenly, his defensiveness hitting George like a fist in the gut. "You're being ridiculous, it's just work George. I've been getting a lot of attention lately, you know that - fuck, it's so like you to assume that I'm cheating just because I can't do something that you want."

"That's not what this is about and you know it." George has to take a deep breath to physically brace himself, forcing all of his misgivings out of his throat and past his lips even when they cling to his insides stubbornly. "You've been out a lot, later than usual, and you've been really short with me, and now this. I'm trying not to assume anything, but I can't help it anymore."

"So you really think I'm going to France just to shag someone?" Kyle laughs hoarsely, the sound twisting itself into knots inside of George's brain that makes him want to tear at his hair until it stops. "I make one mistake two years ago and you won't let me live it down. I thought you were over that anyway?"

George forces himself not to get emotional as old memories of their time in school together rise up in his brain. The incident he's referring to had been early in their relationship, and he'd almost managed to forget about it until recently, but now that George has said it aloud, he can't deny that Kyle's behavior is almost identical to how he'd been acting when he'd been fucking some bloke named Luke behind George's back. It's not something George likes to think about, in fact, he'd mostly repressed it until just now, but it all adds up, and George is more confident than ever that his suspicions are correct.

"Just look me in the eye and tell me that you aren't seeing someone else," George begs softly, his voice breaking halfway through his plea as he gazes at Kyle steadily, "please?"

"I'm not," Kyle responds far too quickly for George's liking, but he still can't prove that he's lying, leaving him unsure about what to do next.

"Then who were you on the phone with and why did you have to go in the other room?" George spits out, fighting against his instincts which are pleading with him to take the easy way out and just let things fester for another night, but George knows another night will turn into two, and then three, and then the year will be over and George will still be unhappy and answerless at the end of it.

"It was just work love, they were asking me when I could leave, I told them I was still discussing it with you, that's all...I swear."

"I want to believe you...but I don't," George admits quietly, shame flooding his insides even though he has no reason to be feeling it.

George doesn't think he's imagining this, but there is a part of him that's insistently reminding him that he could be wrong, that maybe he's concocted this cheating scandal just so he has a reason to leave Kyle so he can pursue Matty, but no - George has been feeling this way long before Matty came into his life, so he does his best to stop making himself the enemy, Kyle does that enough for him as it is.

"Well what the fuck do you want me to say George?" Kyle huffs angrily. "You gonna ask to go through my messages next, follow me around and make sure I'm keeping my dick in my pants?"

"No - god, why are you being such a prick about this?" George all but yells, the volume of his voice rising much too high considering the late hour, but he's powerless to stop himself. "Either way, you've changed, and I - I'm not happy anymore Kyle, I'm really not. I hate how little you're home, and how distant you are, and how you act around me. This isn't about uni, this isn't me bringing up old insecurities, this is me letting you know that I'm fucking miserable and I don't know what to do about it."

George audibly sighs in relief when his statement hits the open air, because it's as if a weight has been lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe freely again. There is still a slight pressure there, but it's so much more bearable than it was, and it leaves George cursing himself for not forcing Kyle to have this conversation with him ages ago.

"Georgie..." George flinches at the use of his old nickname, disliking the way Kyle only pulls it out when he knows he's fucked up, "I really am sorry, things have changed yes, but it's work, and as much as I love you, I'm not going to put my career on hold because you're scared I'm off getting laid instead of doing my job."

"That's not what I'm asking," George groans, standing up again so he can pace back and forth, his long strides covering the carpeted floor so quickly it leaves him a bit lightheaded, "but you could try and bring your work home more often like you did before, to not stay out until one in the morning, how about you stop hiding calls from me, maybe then I could trust you, but right now, honestly Kyle - I don't think I can do this."

"Are you leaving me?" Kyle asks softly, and as hard as George strains to catch any hint of hurt, all he finds is a bit of shock. George wants to say that yes he is, but he can't quite make himself go through with actually breaking up with him just yet in case his suspicions are wrong.

"I - I don't know..." George falters weakly. He's so desperate to understand what's going on in Kyle's head, to know if losing George scares him so much he's refusing to show it or if he's secretly praying for George to fuck off so he can be with whoever he's got hidden behind the scenes, but he doesn't know how to get Kyle to let him in anymore.

"I don't know what to do, or how to make you believe me." Kyle's voice sounds small, like he's beaten, but George still can't detect any sadness in him, and that coupled with the fact that Kyle is hardly putting up a fight is agonizing.

"I just need some time to think, if you want, we can try again when you get home. If you're willing to include me in your life again, I am too, but if things keep going on like this, then I just - I can't..."

George allows his statement to trail off into nothing, because he still isn't able to say he's done, even now when he's got the perfect opportunity. He hates himself for being so pathetic, but he also doesn't want to rush into this. He needs to spend a few days away from Kyle to see if that changes his mindset, and maybe then he'll finally be confident in whatever decision he reaches.

"Alright then...uh - I guess I'll see if my firm can book me a flight, I should be back Monday or Tuesday depending on how things go, I'll let you know yeah?"

"Fine - I...I need some air, I think I might stay at John's, I don't know," George stammers, his head reeling and his heart aching when Kyle continues to appear mostly unbothered by the state of their relationship, but maybe he's just obscuring his emotions. George isn't sure of anything anymore, and he's dying for some space and maybe a smoke before he attempts to figure himself out. "I might come back for some stuff if I do," George adds on, delaying his retreat to give Kyle a chance to say something, to show his inner turmoil to George, if he even has any, to prove to George that he wants him, to make him feel loved, or to admit he's been cheating so he can call this all off with no regrets.

When none of that happens, George turns abruptly on his heel, not bothering to change out of his nice clothes before he's pulling open the door, blinking back tears as he heads in a random direction. His destination doesn't matter, he just wants to get as far away from Kyle as he can before his legs give out on him.

George finds himself near a familiar stairwell which he tells himself is an accident, because he really hadn't meant to end up by Matty's section of flats, but now that he's here, he can't convince himself to move away, especially not when he knows that Matty will probably be off soon, meaning that he'll see George on his way to his place.

It's debatable if George actually wants that to happen though, because as much as he knows Matty will be able to cheer him up, he's practically on the verge of sobs, and he isn't sure if he'll have time to compose himself before Matty arrives - hell, Matty could already be home if it was a slow night at the club, so sitting out here is a bit ridiculous, but George is too exhausted to care.

George sinks down against the closest wall, burying his face in his knees as his breath stutters in his chest. George isn't sure what's just happened, or what he's done, and although he's proud of himself for finally standing up to Kyle, he can't help but wonder if he's made a mistake.

George can't even begin to work through the mess that is his head, it's too much right now. He feels lost and more worthless than he ever has before, not to mention confused, and scared, and so fucking alone. He has no urge to run back to Kyle though, in fact, his instincts had led him to Matty as usual, but George shouldn't be turning to him either.

This is no one's burden to bear but his own, but George isn't sure if he can handle the task of making such an important decision by himself. He wishes he could just disappear so he wouldn't have to attempt to fix the shambles of his life that are crumbling down around him as he watches helplessly, but since he can't do that, George lets himself cry instead.

Hello lovelies !!

This chapter was so hard for me to write ngl I just hate Kyle sm I don't even want to bother with him.

But I've finally got it all down and now things are really moving along.

Ngl I'm looking forward to the comments on this since anytime I mention Kyle I always receive some hilarious ones.

Love you all.

xo starr