"Matty, you in there?"

Matty jolts out of the hazy state he's gotten lost in, only to realize he's been staring at the dressing room mirror for god knows how long, the wipe he's been using to clean off his face dangling from his hand limply. The glitter gathering on it glints dully under the harsh lights in a way that Matty thinks is symbolic, but he can't quite work out why it fascinates him so much.

"Huh?" Matty mumbles a reply a few seconds later, turning to see Harry almost directly behind him with a slightly concerned look on his face.

"Didn't you hear Adam calling for you?" Harry sighs when Matty shakes his head no, his long curls bouncing everywhere with the movement. "We are all going out to grab a drink before we head home, are you coming?"

"I don't know," Matty hedges, quickly pulling a shirt over his bare torso as he speaks, giving up on cleaning away the excess makeup that's still visible at the corners of his eyes, "I'm pretty knackered."

"Oh come on," Harry whines, obviously not willing to take no for an answer, which means Adam most likely put him up to this since it's hard to deny Harry anything. "This is one of the few nights we close up decently earlier, and you look like you could use a shot or two."

"I'm just not really in the mood," Matty apologizes, because as much as he wants to spend time with his friends, he knows he'll only bring them down with the state he's in.

Matty's not even sure why he's so stroppy, because nothing is wrong, not really. He just woke up feeling a bit sorry for himself for no particular reason, and after spending half of the day going through his bills trying to decide what he could pay and what could wait another week coupled with no contact from George, he's not exactly in the right state of mind to be social now that he no longer has to.

Matty hadn't truly realized what a tight spot he's in money wise, and although he is making it work at the moment, he only has until the end of the year before his rent is raised. October is almost over, which means that in two months he's going to have to find a way to pull in more cash or move out of his flat.

Matty doesn't like to worry about such things, they usually have a habit of working themselves out in the end after all, but he'd allowed it to overwhelm him earlier. It hadn't helped when Louis had called him asking if he would be coming home soon for the holidays, which had reminded Matty that he doesn't have any extra funds to buy Louis a proper Christmas present, or anyone else really, and that had left Matty frustrated and on the verge of tears as he tried to calculate if he should get a second job or just beg Jamie to let him pick up more hours at the club.

He'd still come to work though, he can't miss out on that since he needs the money so desperately, and the evening had passed quickly since Jamie had scheduled some maintenance work that had shut the club down at ten instead of two in the morning as usual, which is fortunate for Matty since he wasn't sure how much longer he could fake a smile while sitting on a stranger's lap.

"Is everything okay?" Harry continues to press as Matty gathers his things, putting on that unfairly adorable expression he can pull out on a whim that makes anyone with a heart feel guilty for keeping things from him.

Matty somehow manages to ignore him for the moment as he makes his way into the main room where apparently everyone is waiting for them, the unexpected gathering drawing Matty up short, causing Harry to collide into him ungracefully as he tries to backpedal before the others spot him.

It's too late though, because Adam is already making his way to his side, and with Harry pressed against his spine, Matty has no clear route of escape from his well meaning companions.

"There you are Matty, you ready to go?" Adam asks, slinging his arm over Matty's shoulders as if he can sense Matty's urge to flee and he's adamant on preventing that from happening.

"Maybe next time mate," Matty tries to shrug him off to no avail, a groan leaving his lips when Adam steers him out of the hallway he's been hovering in with his firm grip. "Not really feeling up for a proper outing."

"We don't have to go anywhere," Nick exclaims from his seat on the bar, his presence startling Matty a bit since he hadn't even been scheduled to work today, but really, Matty shouldn't be all that surprised since wherever Harry is Nick is sure to be close by. "Troye can serve us here, can't you mate?"

"I don't know." Troye freezes with two glasses in his hands, the young bartender's eyes darting around nervously as everyone makes affirmative noises. "Jamie told me to shut down for the night, and I don't think he'd like us staying here after closing time."

"Oh don't be such a spoil sport," Nick slurs, draining the last of whatever drink he's got in front of him quickly, "Jamie is busy in the back anyway, he won't care, and if he does, we'll say we made you do it."

"Will you stay?" Adam whispers in Matty's ear while everyone else begins converging around Troye, begging for him to keep serving them so they won't have to bother with walking to the closest bar which is actually only a few blocks away.

"I guess," Matty gives in halfheartedly when he realizes fighting his friends is going to be more effort than it's worth.

Matty briefly checks his phone, seeing no new texts from George, which means he really has nothing better to do besides cuddle with Allen and try to figure out how to produce more money from thin air, and he's sure he can slip away once everyone gets a few drinks in their system if his mood plummets any further.

Adam squeezes Matty closer to him once he receives the answer he wants before all but dragging him to a barstool, a soft smile gracing his lips when Matty orders a vodka and cranberry with only a minor eye roll, because as much as Matty wants to be left to his own devices, he's grateful to have friends that care for him so much that they know when he really shouldn't be left alone.

~~~

Matty can't remember how many drinks he's consumed by this point, but he knows he feels fuzzy and warm, and also frustrated and vaguely hurt as the hours tick by and George still hasn't texted him.

And it's not like George is supposed to get in touch with him, they hadn't planned anything after all, but Matty misses him already, even though they'd spent almost all of yesterday with each other. They'd even grabbed dinner after they had gotten their tattoos, so really, Matty shouldn't be upset at all, but that doesn't change the fact that he is.

Apparently his emotions are obvious to everyone around him as well, or at least to Adam and Harry. Adam hasn't said anything specific, but he's been hovering near Matty all night, keeping closer to him than he usually would as if he senses an impending breakdown just around the corner, but he wisely keeps silent much to Matty's relief.

Harry isn't quite so tactful, and when he manages to unwind himself from Nick long enough to trade words with Matty, he constantly asks him if he is alright. After the thousandth repetition of that same question, at least that's what it seems like to Matty, he breaks under the weight of everything that is pressing on his mind, and the alcohol probably helps loosen his tongue as well.

"It's just...George," Matty confesses in a rush, his voice automatically putting an unnecessary emphasis on his name without any conscious thought.

Matty's cheeks heat up at his own admission since he hadn't exactly planned on revealing his internal conflict so soon, but speaking of George is easier than airing his financial situation, although Matty instantly regrets his decision the moment the words leave his mouth.

And if Matty's being completely honest with himself, George is the true root of his distress. As troubling as his monetary woes are, it's the added pressure of his feelings for George that are keeping him up at night and driving him mad. Matty's been trying to pretend that he's more worried about keeping his home than he is about losing George, but he's never been good at lying, not even to himself.

The entire room seems to go silent the second that Matty speaks, all eyes turning toward him as they wait for him to elaborate.

Matty isn't sure why everyone is so interested in his nonexistent love life, but it's glaringly apparent that they are. Matty's only consolation is that Olly is off today, because no matter how much he adores the other dancer, his constant prying about George has gotten almost unbearable after Matty had stupidly introduced the two of them when George had stopped by one day to bring Matty a pack of cigarettes on his break.

"Did something happen?" Adam asks calmly, his palm rubbing against Matty's spine soothingly when Matty slumps down on top of the bar, burying his face in his arms as if it'll help him avoid this conversation that he never intended to have.

"Yes...well no, not really, it's just - I am so fucked," Matty grumbles quietly, sitting up again briefly but only so he can take a long sip of his drink before he hides his face away again.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" Harry asks gently, his hand coming up to pet through Matty curls as he continues to burrow into the crook of his arm in the hopes of avoiding everyone for just a little bit longer. "You seemed to be getting along well the last time he stopped by."

"We are, we're fine," Matty protests, because they are, sort of, if you ignore the fact that Matty's so smitten with George it's reached the point of being ridiculous. "It's just...I think I'm falling in love with him," Matty spits out before he can second guess himself, knowing that his friends will catch onto his affections for George sooner or later, and he has to admit that he feels a bit better once he's said it aloud.

Matty peeks his head up when everyone remains quiet, only to be met by Harry's broad smile and Adam's knowing look as soon as he does. Matty motions to Troye who's also grinning in his direction to bring him another drink, knocking the small glass back all in one gulp before anyone else can question him further.

"I don't really see how this is news," Nick finally speaks up, his tone fuzzy and slow thanks to the large amount of wine he's consumed. "I mean, you look at the bloke like he hangs the bloody stars for you, of course you're in love with him."

"Hush Grimmy," Harry quiets his boyfriend down quickly, his torso pushing forward as he invades even more of Matty's space, apparently taking over for Olly since he isn't there to nag Matty about George like he usually would. "So when did you know, what changed?" Harry asks, his expression literally radiating with joy as he waits for Matty's answer like he's vicariously living through him.

"I don't know, nothing did really," Matty mumbles, "we just...I'm not sure how much I should be telling you since it's George's business and not mine, but he and his boyfriend had a bit of a spat, and he ended up staying at my place for the night. Nothing happened of course, we slept in separate beds, but it's - he - he's so perfect. He even made me breakfast in the morning, then went to get my tattoo with me. It was - I guess it was seeing him in pain that really made me realize it, because it hurt you know, like properly ached, and I wanted nothing more than to dry his tears and tell him that he is worth so much more than he thinks he is, that I could treat him better. I think that's when I really knew I was falling hard for him - fuck..." Matty takes a moment to wipe his eyes quickly, hating himself for getting emotional over this again but he's unable to stop his body's reaction when he remembers how upset George had been. "I don't know if I can stand being only friends with him for much longer, because he means so much to me, but I'm terrified of pushing him into something he doesn't want. He's still taken, at least, I think he is, but that isn't stopping me from trying to show him how much I care about him every second we're together."

Matty neglects to mention how no one has been as kind to him as George is possibly ever, and how George's caring actions had reminded him of his nan who was the only one to ever cook proper meals for him, because even in his head, that sounded a bit odd, and he knows he'll really start crying if he starts talking about her. Still - it had meant something to Matty, maybe everything, even if it was just eggs, but he doesn't know how to explain that without sounding like a soppy mess.

"Oh love," Harry coos as he snuggles into Matty's side. Matty leans into Harry's touch gratefully, a grin splitting his lips when Nick makes a remark about how Matty's a true homewrecker since he's stealing his boyfriend now as well. The expression evaporates as soon as it forms when Nick's words really sink in, even though Matty knows he is only teasing him.

Because really, that's what terrifies Matty about this whole situation with George. He knows George has some sort of feelings for him, at least he hopes he does, but he also still loves his boyfriend, that's obvious since he hasn't left him yet.

Matty is afraid of pushing George too far, but at the same time, this momentary separation he and Kyle are going through might be Matty's only chance to make a move. He doesn't know what option he should take, so he swallows his pride and decides to ask his closest mates for their advice.

"His boyfriend is cheating on him," Matty blurts out suddenly before he can stop himself, "well, he thinks he is, and he has done this before, and just...I'm torn up about it. I hate that George is letting him do this, that he's stayed with him for so long even after he's been betrayed by him. He doesn't deserve that, and it hurts me, fuck - I bloody broke down crying when he told me, and I know it is his life, and his decision, but I want him to be happy, and I hate the fact that he isn't. Does it make me a bad person if I can't stop thinking that he'd be much better off with me?"

Matty instantly regrets his query when Harry whimpers softly and recoils into Nick's lap, only now belatedly remembering that Harry was cheated on as well at one point in his life by his old boyfriend Ed. He had broken up with him as soon as he discovered the truth, and he found Nick soon after who is so much better for him than Ed ever was, but Matty still feels like a twat for reminding Harry of that time.

Matty should have thought before he spoke, he's aware that Harry gets emotional when he drinks, but as he watches Nick whisper soothingly into his ear, he realizes that Harry will be fine, that Nick will always take care of him, which is all Matty wants for George, and yes - he hopes he can be the Nick in this situation, but anyone besides Kyle will be a definite improvement.

"Don't mention anything about this if George happens to stop by again," Matty adds on hurriedly. "I shouldn't be blabbing about his personal life without his permission. I'm sorry," Matty directs his statement toward Harry although he's not sure he's listening to him anymore, "I'm just a mess right now, and I want to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything will be okay, but I can't, and it's killing me."

"We won't mate," Adam promises, fixing the other dancers with a stern eye as he does so, although Harry and Nick are the only ones really paying attention, everyone else seems to be more interested in an arm wrestling match that's broken out between Emre and Mikey at the moment, "but you're right when you say it's George's business, and as hard as this is to hear, I think you have to let him figure out what he wants on his own. From what I've seen, he does fancy you, but if you press him too hard, he might run back to his boyfriend since he's familiar. Change is scary, and no matter how much he likes you, he's probably struggling with accepting that right now, so you've got to know when to step back and let him make a decision no matter how difficult it is to watch him suffer if it's the wrong one."

"I know..." Matty grumbles, waving at Troye until he catches his eye again. "I need a double this time."

"You are going to pay your tab soon right?" Troye asks warily as he slides Matty another drink. "That goes for all of you, especially Nick, your fancy wine isn't cheap you know?"

"Oh sod off newbie, I'm good for it," Nick snorts drunkenly, dragging his mouth out of Harry's neck which is apparently how he's chosen to cheer Harry up after Matty had inadvertently reminded him of Ed. "This place would go under if it wasn't for me and my excellent taste in alcoholic beverages."

"Shut up love," Harry giggles, grabbing Nick's hands when he gestures so dramatically that he almost knocks over both of their glasses. "I think that's enough for you tonight."

"No...I'm good, perfect actually," Nick protests, draining the rest of his wine rapidly as if Harry's going to take it away from him at any second. "Drinking helps me think, and speaking of that, I've got a great idea," Nick announces as he reaches out clumsily for Matty, trying to get him to look in his direction even though Matty already is. "You should invite George here, for Halloween you know. It's always fun, and he can go out with us after, like properly, and it'll be great and he'll fall in love with you too."

"Stellar logic there Nick," Harry rolls his eyes fondly, "although I don't think any of us are really following your train of thought."

"It's romantic - I think, like costumes, and kissing, and fun," Nick tries to explain himself, his lips turning downward into a frown when Adam scoffs quietly. "I'm serious though, you really should ask him. We always have such a good time, and it'll get him out of the house and away from his boyfriend at least."

"Maybe I will," Matty hums, not bothering to mention that Kyle is already out of town, instead choosing to sip on his drink lazily as Nick beams like Matty has just validated his entire existence. "It would be nice to have him here, and the worst he could do is say no."

"Do it if you want to," Adam agrees, "but be careful mate. I don't want you getting your hopes up for someone that is inevitably going to hurt you in the end."

"Even if he does, it'll be worth it," Matty whispers, and he means it too. He's in too deep to pretend he doesn't care for George as much as he does, and no amount of advice from Gemma or Adam will change his mind.

~~~

Matty eventually breaks away from his friends when his head starts spinning and he's spilled more about George than he ever intended to, but talking had helped to relieve some of the constant pressure on his chest, and after mulling over it in his mind for a bit longer, Matty has decided he's going to see if George would like to come by the club for their Halloween show.

Matty knows that George isn't the biggest fan of Menswear in general, and he gets uncomfortable around some of the other dancers, but really, if Matty is ever going to have a chance with George, he'll have to accept that stripping is a part of his life, so Matty has to at least try to ease George into it while he still has the chance.

Matty meant to just text George tomorrow at a more decent hour after he'd gotten some sleep to make sure he doesn't regret his actions once his buzz has worn off, but for some reason, Matty finds himself stopping by George's door instead of heading up to his own flat.

Matty knocks before he's even aware that he's chosen to see if George is up, his eyes widening in shock when the rapping sound rings out loudly even to his own ears, causing him to flinch away from the wooden obstruction.

One half of his brain is praying that George hadn't heard him while the other side of him is desperate to see him, even if it's only for a moment, leaving Matty trapped in place as the conflicting parts of himself wage a brief battle inside of his head.

Matty's just considering running toward the stairs which are only a few feet away before he makes an even bigger fool of himself, the logical portion of his mind winning out at last, but before he can take a step, the door creaks open, revealing a sleep tousled George who still looks extraordinarily pleased to see Matty even though it's just past one in the morning.

"Matty?" George asks groggily, one of his hands rubbing at his eye as if to make sure he's not dreaming. "Are you alright?" George questions immediately after, some of the tiredness draining from his expression as he looks Matty over intensely.

"No - yeah, I'm good, very good," Matty grins cheerfully. The mere sight of George has him feeling giddy and a bit dizzy, forcing him to struggle to remember his original purpose to this impromptu visit. "I uh - I wanted to ask you something, but I didn't realize the time, I shouldn't have woken you. Sorry, I'm a bit pissed." Matty giggles then, his hands gesturing wildly as he tries and fails to reach his point. "Anyway, the lads and I were talking, and I just thought I'd ask if you'd like to come to our Halloween show. It's Thursday, and we always dress up and act a bit silly. We all go out for drinks after too, it's a good time, and uh - I'd really like for you to be there," Matty heaves out all in a rush, the sudden admission spilling out of him so quickly it has Matty exhausted and tongue tied by the end of it.

"Yeah?" George smiles, not seeming to be frightened off by Matty's random appearance or his unexpected proposition. "I think I could probably make it as long as I finish this article before then."

"Really?" Matty gasps, his heart swelling in his chest at George's easy agreement since he was so certain he'd try and get out of it. "I - thank you, I'll text you more details later when I can think straight. Sorry again about waking you, I should probably be going now yeah?" Matty chuckles quietly, his cheeks flushing red when George simply smiles down at him fondly.

"Wait," George speaks up as Matty attempts to spin around gracefully, only to end up leaning halfway against the doorframe when the world tilts in a sickening fashion, "let me walk you up, don't want you tripping down the stairs and hurting yourself."

"Oh - you don't, I mean...I'll be fine," Matty stutters out, his eyes widening as George tugs on a jacket that was lying across the back of his sofa before stuffing his feet into his trainers.

"Better safe than sorry," George shrugs, his arm immediately wrapping around Matty's shoulders as he sways unsteadily, and although Matty's more overcome by George's company than the alcohol, he's not going to point that out in fear of losing George's touch. "I don't know if I've ever seen you properly drunk before," George remarks as they make their way up to Matty's flat, his tone light and not at all judgmental, although Matty feels like a bit of a fool at the moment.

"Yeah...the others were determined to go drinking tonight, and I might have had a bit more than I meant to." Matty blushes hotly when George pulls him closer as he trips over a step, inciting Matty to cling to his jean jacket tightly so he doesn't plummet face-first onto the unforgiving pavement.

"You know I could have picked you up if you needed a ride, don't want you walking home in this state," George mumbles so quietly that Matty barely hears him, but even when he works out what he's said, he can't form an answer around the lump that's clogging up his throat thanks to George's seemingly never-ending kindness.

"Well if you come with me Thursday, I can repay the favor if you get a bit plastered," Matty tries to joke, but something about George's sweet nature and his strong hold, not to mention all the drinks he's consumed makes his tone emit vaguely choked off and desperate instead.

"I will love, just remind me tomorrow yeah, but for now, I think you need some sleep," George suggests, helping Matty with his keys when he fumbles with them clumsily, opening the door on his first try with a stupidly attractive smug look on his face.

"Okay," Matty sighs, his hand finding the light switch after a few failed attempts, "you'll really come?"

"I swear I will," George promises, his eyes going dark and serious when Matty nods once as if to confirm it for himself. He's still afraid George will back out later on, even though he shows no apparent signs of doing any such thing, but Matty decides to place his faith in him since he hasn't given him a reason to doubt his word yet.

Matty isn't even sure why this silly outing is so important to him, it's not like he's foolish enough to believe Nick's predictions of how the night will end. Really, Matty just wants to spend as much time with George as he can before Kyle returns, even if being around him so often is only making him fall for him that much faster.

"Thank you, for this, I'm good now, I'll be fine," Matty mumbles as he tries to kick off his shoes when George continues to linger near him. He somehow ends up falling on his arse in the middle of the hallway when he gets tangled up on himself, which draws Allen's attention, of course, leaving Matty to deal with a bundle of fur and a sore tailbone as George laughs quietly above him.

"You sure you'll be alright, I can stay again if you want?" George offers, his proposition startling Matty so much he gasps aloud, a grin tugging at his features before he can stop himself, but then he remembers Adam's words, and how he can't push George too hard or else he might ruin everything. Knowing his drunken self, he'll try to do something stupid like cuddle up to George if he lets him spend the night, which could scare him away just when Matty can't bear to lose him.

"No, that's lovely of you to offer, but I'm just going to pass out. If you want some company tomorrow morning though, I'd gladly pop down for another of your home-cooked meals," Matty forces himself to say, his insides clenching painfully at his refusal, but when he sees a look of relief passing over George's face, he knows he's done the right thing.

"For you, I'll pull out all the stops. I make a supposedly wonderful omelet," George beams, his smile only widening when he leans down to grab Allen gently so Matty has a chance to untie his shoes without being slobbered on, "but if you need anything during the night, if you feel sick, or whatever, you can call me," George stutters out rapidly, his fingers gently skating across Matty's knuckles in a brief show of affection before he stands quickly, extending his hand so he can help Matty upright as well when Matty makes no effort to do it himself.

"I will, thank you," Matty whispers as George backs away slowly, letting himself out of Matty's flat with a small wave that Matty returns wordlessly since his head is spinning too rapidly to allow him to do anything else.

As soon as George closes the door behind him, Matty slumps to the ground with a tired groan, his hands brushing through Allen's fur as he nudges at Matty in a concerned manner that has Matty giggling quietly despite the onslaught of guilt and desire that's assaulting him.

"I'm fucked Allen, really truly fucked."

Allen huffs softly in what Matty pretends is encouragement, the small sound giving him the motivation he needs to strip down to nothing and crawl into bed, and even if he wishes George was there with him, he's proud of himself for resisting the temptation that George's offer presented him with for another night, although he's not sure how much longer he'll be able to tamper down his feelings before he does something truly idiotic.

I love Gryles so much I got carried away with this I don't even know if it makes sense I am so tired and gay.

Also sick.

But mostly gay.

I'm crying I just checked my schedule and I have to be at work two hours earlier than I though this isn't good it's 7am.

Votes and comments will heal all my ailments (maybe) it's worth a shot at least so if you feel like leaving one that would make me very happy.

I love you all so very much xxxxx

- starr