Trigger warning : Grief

Alex stood by the edge feeling the wind blew across his face as he stares into the horizon. He inhaled his breath deeply before he exhaled shutting his eyes letting his chest filled with warmth and peace. He finally can let go. He wanted to let go. All the years he had live, finally he had to end it.

He smiled still keeping his gaze into the horizon wanting to let go everything when he felt a hand tangled on his own. He turned sharply at the person next to him, surprised by his presence. "Hen?" He whispered.

"Hi love." He smiled showing his pearly white teeth that Alex had fallen in love with all these years of knowing him. Flashes of memories of them all together brings back his dimple smile on his face before the realization hits.

"Baby what- what are you doing?" He cupped Henry's cheek with his both palm before Henry lowered one to his neck.

"What do you think?" He asks with the smile still curved on his lips. "I love you with all my heart darling, I am not leaving you here all alone." Henry stroke Alex's cheek running his fingers over his dimple.

Tears glistening in Alex's eyes as he stares into Henry's face. He shook his head softly pushing Henry's hand away before pressing his lips over his knuckles.

"Hen, you have to live on. Luke needs you-"

"Alex." Henry stopped him with his finger over his lips. "I love you. More than anything in the world. You'd think I chose a life without you in it instead?" Henry asks and Alex sighed but before he could protest further, Henry continued.

"Luke has your parents, a great future ahead of him. What do I have? A son that will soon move out of the home that we built for him? In laws that barely had any years left provided that I may or may not outlive them. Siblings that lives thousand miles away from me that has lives of their own. Soon all of that will go away Alex and I-" Henry paused choking on his own tears.

He run his tongue on his lower lips before he continued, grabbing Alex by his neck with his both palm. "I will be all alone without you Alex. I can't live like that. I know how much Luke needed me. I know how much it will devastated your parents to lose us both but I can't see my life without you in it."

"I can't wake up every morning without you standing by the window sipping in your coffee while cursing through your email waiting for me to awake. I can't sit down on our dining table every night eating all alone without you to ask me how my day was. I can't imagined lying in our bed every night without having your long arms wrapped around my body holding me close so I won't have nightmares. I can't do that Alex. I rather choose to be here with you instead."

Alex tears began to fall as he pulls Henry into his arm resting his chin over the top of his head. He could feel Henry shudders in tears breaking into a sob before Alex hushed softly in his ear. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." He whispered before Henry pushed himself to face him again.

"Don't tell me to leave again. Don't push me away." Henry sobs. Alex stroked his fingers over his cheek wiping away Henry's tears with a sigh, "I'm not darling. I want you here with me. I want this more than anything in the world. I couldn't imagined having to live without you." Alex stroked his cheek softly letting Henry leaned against his palm.

"I love you." Henry whispered.

"I love you more."

"That's debatable."

"Don't push it." Alex snickered a laugh pulling Henry back into his arm exhaling a long breath of relieved that whatever universe this is, they are together and there is nothing that will separate them apart. Not even death.

.

"Luke honey? Are you ready?" Ellen asks in her breaking voice. Luke assumed from crying all night since after they got home and planning on the funeral.

He didn't realized he was staring into spaces again in his tux in front of the long mirror trying to tie his tie the way his dad used to teach him. "Almost." He replied briefly before he ditched the tie and decides to go with clip on instead. He is not in the mood to do anything, more or less no energy to do anything. He was glad the doctor finally released him from the hospital before his parents funeral.

"Is that-" Ellen questioned stroking her finger through Luke's lapel, "Paps. He always had the best tux in the house." He says fixing the belt that has loosen over his waist. He could admit that Alex's tux might fit him by height but not with the width, it made him looks like he had lose weight in his own clothes.

"Looks good on you." She choked trying her best not to shed tear so early in the morning. "Thanks." Luke said shortly before turning to face the mirror again. He took a deep breath pulling the tux closer before Alex's scent of his usual cologne hits Luke deep in his heart.

His eyes are flooded with tears and his lips trembled before he broke into sobs.

"Oh Luke." Ellen pulls him by his shoulder crashing his head against her shoulder.

"I miss them. I miss them so much. How could they do this to me? How could they left me all alone after promising me they never did." Luke sobs and Ellen could feel the tight clutched of Luke's grip over her black dress.

"Darling, if given the choice, your fathers would rather be here than anywhere else in the world. But know this." She pushed him off from her embrace having him facing her. He still had tears covered his face waiting for Ellen to continue.

"Know that they are together, that their love is unbinding and lasted eternally. Even if they are no longer with us, they will always be here, with us. Their memories, their love, will always, always be among us. Especially in you."

Luke tilted his gaze from the floor to her blue eyes. Her blonde hair tight neatly into a low bun and her eyes are covered in dark circles that she tried to hide behind her concealer.

"You are the reason they got reunited. Don't ever forget that." She stroked his cheek softly running her thumb over his jaw just the way Alex always did.

"I just wish-" Luke choked in tears before he continued.

"I just wish I'm with them right now." Luke says breaking Ellen's heart when she heard him. "I wish that too sweetie." She says wiping her own tears before she inhaled sharply. "Come on. We don't want to keep them waiting." She says wiping his tears with her thumb putting a faked smile on her face.

.

The funeral was beautiful, too much heartbreaking moments and a lots of handshaking, hugging, tearful faces that kept wetting Luke's cheek each time they hugged him. He tried putting a brave face, faking a smile each time someone said nice things about his parents.

All the work his dad's did at the shelter, his Foundation that he had Shan taken over most of the traveling work. He loves bringing his whole family together each time he had to travel, after all the expanses being paid by his company. He saw him earlier, pulling him into a hug just like the rest of them. He didn't say anything, nothing was left to say that he hadn't heard today but he appreciated that Shan pressed his shoulder to reassure him without having to say things that he knew meant nothing for him. 

Moreover all the children, his paps had save, the cases he had fought over the years making him feel proud that he was once the child he had save. The story how they adopted him and reunited with his long lost true love was spreading like wildfire among the visitors.

"Ignore them." The voice whispered beside him and he shot his head to the side surprised by the sudden word. It was Nora.

"We're the only one who knew about them, privately. All they did was talking like they knew them better. Seems like they are competing who knows them more." Nora spoke again as Luke kept his gaze at her.

Over the years he had known her as his father's best friend and she had known them before they even knew each other. She used to have a crush on his dad. But the moment she knew he's gay, she pushed him towards his paps but he was too stupid to acknowledge his own feelings, her words exactly.

"I never bothered anyway. They can talk all they want about them for all I care. Who gives a fucking shit." He says before he ran out from the back door headed to the backyard leaving Nora in stunt silence.

Luke felt tighten feeling in his chest grew as he took a breath. The moment he found the empty side of the garden, he fell to the ground on his knees trying to catch his breath. His visions blurred as he loosen the button further down although he knew it wasn't the reason for his losing his own breath right now.

His body shivers as he tried to calm himself down but each time he tried to remember his dad's voice coaching him through his panic attack, it made it worst.

"Breathe through your nose, out your mouth darling."

"Look around you. Look for something you can focus on."

"Don't let the fear overcome you and weakened you. You are stronger than you think. You are a Fox. Cunning and wild and free. You are no longer trapped in that motel room. You are free, you are home darling. You're home."

Henry's voice whispered in his mind as he tried to remember the way his voice sounds but somehow it seems like it was fading and he forgets how his voice sounds in his mind.

Later he felt a strong arm wrapped around his chest from behind pulling him off the ground and onto the lap of that stranger. The scent was quite familiar, the hands over his chest was too if he could see better with all those tears blurring his own vision especially the signet ring over the person's little finger.

"Breathe Luke." The voice whispered calmly in his ear as he leaned against that person chest.

"Don't let it control you."

"Breathe in." He instructed and Luke couldn't follow his command. His mind is too busy thinking of trying to remember his own father's voice sounds like.

"I c-can't-" Luke says in difficulty.

"You can Luke, breathe. Follow my breathing." He says.

"I c-can't- remember." He stuttered again.

"What Luke? What don't you remember?" He asks and he could feel Luke's breathing became shallow by each breaths.

"Dad's voice. I can't remember- I forgot how he sounds like." He cries but he could feel the person sighed behind him before he pulled out something from his coat pocket.

He taps on the screen before a familiar sound came from the speaker as he placed it in front of Luke's face.

"Alexander." Henry's voice began in the video he played and Luke somehow forgotten about his own panic attack.

"I couldn't begin this by saying thank you. Thank you for being my friend when I needed you the first day at the dorm when I was too afraid to use the hostel bathroom." The video continues and Luke remembers where this video takes place. It was their wedding video.

Tears begin to roll down on his cheek as he grabbed the phone from the person's hand and he knew exactly who's helping him right now. It was none other than his uncle Phillip.

"Dad." Luke whispered his name letting his finger traces over the screen video showing how beautiful their wedding ceremony were before. The way they smiled at each other, stating their vows, the way they danced together with all the lights surrounds them like it was in a fairytale.

"Breathe Luke." The voice whisper again as they both sat beside each other on the ground in the secluded garden area. Luke pulls in a breath and exhaled as his eyes stares at Henry's face looking at Alex before he twirled him around.

Took him minutes before he finally settles and calms but he didn't remember how many times he replayed the video in his hand before he noticed the battery on the phone had turned red signing it's low.

"S-Sorry." He says handing the phone back to Phillip which he didn't say anything except finished watching the video and smiled before he turned it off and placed it back in his coat pocket.

"Are you feeling better?" He asks and Luke shook his head staring at the grass covered ground. He folds his knees closer to his chest resting his chin over with his hand wrapped around his own legs.

"You know you dad lost his father a lot younger than your age right now." He starts keeping his gaze straight which confuses Luke by the moment.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?" He asks.

"No! Not even close!" Phillip raised his voice bumping his shoulder into him which earned him a little chuckle.

"I remembered how it triggered his panic attacks, his lack of sleeping and worst of all, his eating disorder." Phillip continue and Luke lowered his gaze towards his shoes.

"I know. Paps told me how you used to be the one that helped him through. The first time he did, paps ended up calling you." Luke says remembering how Alex used to brag about the time they are at college on bringing pastries to Henry but he ended up eating only a small bites of it. It frustrated him to see how small his appetite used to be but the moment he introduced Henry to Oscar's cooking, he's hooked.

"For a second I thought it was Henry that I helped earlier." His voice breaks and when Luke turned his gaze, he saw Phillip hides his tears by pinching his fingers between his nose bridge. He sniffed trying to suppress his tears from breaking him apart and ruined all those strong facade he had built over the years.

"I can't believe that m-my brother is gone." He broke down in tears clutching on his chest before Luke wrapped his arm around his neck pulling him into his hug. His body shudders and tears falls freely from his eyes. They both didn't say anything to comfort each other because grief couldn't ease by words, there is literally nothing that would help made them feel better other than being there for each other. 

They both stayed in that position for quite some time before Phillip let go from his hug. He pulled out a napkin from inside his pocket and wiped his face with it. Luke remembers how Henry used to teach him British mannerism that he inherited and he remembers his father used to mock him for his classes.

But he also remembers how Henry used to slap Alex's palm for using the wrong knife preparing him for the important dinner or certain occasion. Which then ended up bantering for the rest of the night but even then, they will make up.

"I have to go." Phillip says lifting himself up from the ground followed by Luke. "Uncle Pip." He called turning his gaze towards him. "Yes?" Phillip answered.

"Does it ever stop?" He asks and he could see Phillip's eyebrow crooked.

"What is?" He asks.

"The pain. When you lost your father, does it ever stop?" He asks clearly.

Phillip took a deep breath sliding his hand inside his pocket lowering his gaze down on the ground.

"People said time heals. They didn't say how much time. I'm not gonna lie but there are times when grief hits, it feels like you are back on that same place where they told you that he's gone." Phillip's voice choked holding back his tears.

"You were young when you lost your mother but I never experienced two parents lost at the same time. I know it's going to be hard, I know. I've been there." Phillip continues.

"But Luke, if you think this is the hardest part, you're wrong. It's not now because it hasn't sets inside you again that they are gone. You might feel like they are on business trips but then, when the realization hits, it will hurt you right in here." He pointed at Luke's chest, right above his diaphragm.

Luke's tear falls down his cheek as he looked up to meet Phillip's gaze. The thought that haunts him ever since he knew his parents are dead, it finally dawn on him. "What should I do?" He asks him in tears and Phillip sighs pulling him towards his chest.

"You have to let the grief in so you could overcome it. Cry all you want, scream if you must. But know that we are all here for you. Always bud." He taps Luke on his back before he pulls away from their hug. He could see the swollen in his eyes as he stares at his face remembering the first time they met.

"See you around Luke." He says tapping his cheek softly before he left him all alone in the garden.

Luke sat there for hours watching as the sky changes from bright blue to ember red signing it was closing to dusk. Luke stares into the sky above him letting another tear fell on his cheek when the thought hits.

"Wait for me." He whispered.

.

"Luke where are you going?" Oscar pulls him by his wrist when he saw him pushing through the crowd and headed to the door.

"I need a walk." He lied pulling himself off from Oscar's grip and he had that frown look on his face. "Let me grab my jacket," he says turning away from him but Luke caught him in time. "Abuelo. I need to be alone for now. Please." He says and he sighed staring at his grandson's tired face.

"Here take this." He handed him his car key that has the house key considering they are at the reception hall instead of their house. It was his idea considering how they need to unwind after all the event today and thinking that it would be best not to held the funeral at home.

"Be safe. I'll see you at home alright?" He asks and Luke eyed the key in his hand before he nods. 

"There is no normal way to grief, except for how we each do it."