Alex woke up later the next day with a wide smile on his face seeing Henry laid besides him on bed snoring in his sleep. Alex couldn't stop his heart from racing when he saw Henry and the memory of last night came back into his mind. His eyes gaze upon Henry's eyes that are still closed, the way his eyelashes creates a shadow underneath although he does have swollen lower eyelid before but Alex never care for it. He loves how his nose collides into Alex's cheek when they kissed. The way his cupids bow curved right above his upper lip and Alex wants to kiss him. He smiles wanted to lean closer to sleeping Henry but later was interrupted by his phone vibrating on his side.

He turned to grab his phone and found an unknown number call with unfamiliar country code on his screen. "Hello?" He answered and the line went silence for a seconds before he could hear the person's voice. "Can we talk? Privately?" He recognized that voice although they both talked once, but he remembers it well.

Alex sat up from the bed and headed towards the door leaving Henry still asleep on the bed. He smiled before he closed the door slowly not wanting to wake Henry up and decides to walk further into the end of the hallway so Henry won't be able to hear their conversation. "Talk." Alex says after he turned on one corner and sat on the bench that pressed against the wall. He is only wearing his simple plain white shirt with his boxers and he regretted not getting his sweater before he left.

"How is he?" Phillip asks and Alex sighed. "He was devastated by what you said. I never seen him so - upset." He can hear Phillip took a sharp breath, "I suspect." The line went silence again and Alex could hear Phillip breathing through his phone so he knows that the line isn't frozen or anything. "Why did you said that to him?" Alex finally asks breaking their silence. He could hear Phillip sighed tiredly before he answered.

"I was upset that he would rather stay at the dorm than coming home. I thought being miles apart would make him miss mum more. They haven't talk in a while. I thought some distance would do them some good." He explained and Alex could hear his voice breaking in tears. "He misses you more than her. You were the only person he talks about, not your mum, not even your sister. He's only doing this for you and coming home because of you Phillip. Why can't you see that?" Alex asks and he can almost hear him holding on to his shuddering breath before he broke into his tears.

"Because if I don't, he will never let that string detached. He needs to know that I might never be there for him. He needs to do this on his own. Otherwise he will still tethered to me." Alex rubs his temple after he heard Phillip's explanation. "What if one day he really needs you and you weren't there to save him?" He could hear the shuffled from Phillip sides and later a door creaked open and close. "Did Henry expressed his thoughts to you?" He asks and Alex trying to remember the time Henry told him pieces of his dark thoughts. "The littlest information I could get. Henry is protective of his own thoughts." Phillip was silence for a few seconds before he asks again.

"Any of those thoughts - suicidal?" He asks and Alex remember the time when they are at the barn and Henry did mentioned disappearing but he didn't exactly mentioned dying. "I- I don't know, I'm not sure." He says and it got Phillip angry. "Is there or isn't there? Tell me what he said." His voice stern and demanding and Alex finds it irritating that he is in between these two siblings drama.

"He just said that he wanted to disappear. That it would be a whole lot better. That's it." Alex said remembering every detailed of Henry and their conversation.

"Alex you need to keep an eye on him. You need to tell me if he'd ever say anything like that again." Phillip stern voice made Alex even more annoyed thinking that he could just commanded him to do stuff for him while he should take full responsibilities for what he did to Henry. "You know what, maybe you should be more kinder to your brother Phillip. He had suffered too much being here and you are just putting more salt to his wound." Alex yelled into his phone and it took Phillip forever to answer.

"What happened? Is he alright?" He asks and Alex cursed himself for blabbing. Henry would be upset if he knew. "You can't tell him that you know, he will kill me." Alex warned him and Phillip promised. "He was bullied by this one guy, James. He hurt him physically and it made his panic attacks worst after. That's how I met, Mary. She used to work for your family."

Phillip gasped at the mentioned of Mary's name. "Mary's there? Why?" He says and Alex was confused at his unknown knowledge at her presence. "Yeah- Mary is working here as a nurse. She treats Henry when he fainted that time."

"Why is my brother fainted and I have no knowledge of this?" He asks and Alex sighed. "I don't know man, look, I know you want to fix your relationship with your brother but I'm not getting in the middle of this. If you want information, better asks him yourself. Don't use me to snitch." Alex was about to end his call when Phillip stops him. "Alex, wait."

Alex huffed pressing his lips together in silenced before Phillip continued. "Please- tell him I'm sorry. I miss my brother so much and I know I have hurt him deeply and for that I am so sorry." Philip apologized and Alex sighed longly. "Tell that to him yourself. I'm sure he would appreciate it better when it comes from you rather than me." Phillip didn't exactly reply and Alex didn't bother to wait for him either and ended their call instead. He stayed there for a while before he decides to go back to his dorm room and hoped Henry is still asleep.

As Alex stepped back into his dorm room, he finds Henry is already wide awake and staring into spaces as he laid on his side. Alex smiled when Henry turned to look at him and his worried frown disappears and he smiled at Alex standing before him. "Where were you?" He asks and Alex tossed his phone over his own bed and slides on Henry's bed next to him. "Bathroom." He lied.

Henry propped himself up leaning his back against the headrest while Alex settles next to him on his stomach and picking on Henry edge of his grey pillow. Somehow both of them couldn't utter any words to explain themselves or even starts their own conversation. Last night replays back in both of their mind and they both could feel the tension rises between them.

"Look, Hen-" Alex began and Henry turned to face him. They both laid side by side on bed facing each other and Alex couldn't deny the raising heartbeats palpitating through his chest right now. He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with Henry but again, he doesn't want any committed relationship at all and being here with Henry feels like they are about to dive into a serious one.

He looked up to meet Henry's eyes and his mouth gaped seeing Henry had his eyes staring at him patiently and he couldn't bear his heart to say anything. So instead, he leaned and pressed his lips over Henry's lips and they'd both inhaled the same time. Henry shuts his eyes tight feeling the softness of Alex lips over his. His eyes slowly flutters opened and their gaze locked into each other.

"What was that for?" He asks and Alex smiles softly bringing his finger over Henry's cheek and softly stroked his thumb over his skin. He won't deny that Henry had such a smooth skin and the fact that he barely had any facial hair on his face made him wanted to caress him more.

"I just felt like it." He says and Henry smiles hiding his blushes away from Alex but Alex had his finger lifted his chin to face him instead. Henry had no choice but to face him and when their eyes locked, Henry finds Alex's eyes too intoxicating with his curled eyelashes and his deep shade of brown turning his stomach into a grumbled.

Alex laughs a little when he heard the grumbled sound coming from Henry's and the horror flashes in Henry's eyes in terror. He couldn't believe that it was the actual grumbled and it made him turned over and hides his face over his pillow and Alex had to push him back so he could see his blushed face. Henry is practically red by now and it made Alex laughs louder.

"Don't!" Henry pushed him away when Alex tried to pull him to face him and continued to hide in his pillow but Alex decides to tickle Henry by his side and he jumped. Alex mouth gaped apart seeing he had just found Henry's sensitive spots and Henry warned him. "Someone is ticklish." He says pressing his fingers over Henry sides and he jumps again and Alex couldn't stop teasing him.

Not until Henry jumps over him and pressed his both wrist over the bed straddling him. They both pants in their breaths and moreover Alex is rather turned on with Henry sudden dominance. They stares into each other and Alex smirked grew wider when Henry's eyes lowered to his lips. He leaned to kiss Alex on his lips again and softly his gripped over Alex's wrist loosen and his palm cupped Alex's cheek.

Henry could feel Alex's member rocking hard pressed underneath his thigh and so was his. Alex stroked his palm over Henry's pale thigh before slowly raised it higher before cupping Henry's neck to kiss him again. "A-Alex- " Henry pushed him by his chest and Alex huffed in his breath. His eyes never leaves Henry and the look on Henry's face had him worried. "What is it?" He asks concerned.

Henry eyes lowered to Alex's chest before he raised it back to his face. He gulped his throat dryly before he managed to find words to tell him. "I wanna slow down. I- I'd never done this before. I don't want to ruin this." Alex propped himself on his elbow with Henry still straddling him. "What do you mean by ruin this?" He asks and Henry swallowed his throat again still had his gaze over Alex's chest. He finds it easier to talk to him if he didn't see him directly in his eyes. "This- us. Whatever we are." He says and Alex cocked his head to the side with his eyebrow crooked.

"Hen, what do you think we are?" He asks and somehow the moment he asks Henry that question, he regretted it. "Oh God." Henry's face dropped at the thought and immediately he climbed off Alex's lap and stood awkwardly. He smiles painfully shaking his head with his lips pressed in a thin line pretending that he wasn't hurt by Alex's words. "N-Nothing. I wasn't - uhm, I uhm-" Henry almost took a stumble when he grabbed his bag from the floor and Alex wishes he could take back his words but what had done is unretrievable. "I have to go." He said with his voice breaks. 

The look on Henry's face broke him when he saw him clutching his bag against his chest and grabbed his clothes on his way out leaving Alex clueless in their bedroom. Henry slammed the door closed leaving Alex alone in their bedroom before he put on his unworn pants from the cupboard and his sweater around his body. He could feel his chest began to tighten and he hated this feeling knowing his panic attack is rising.

He ran out from their dormitory building headed to the only place he knew where he can be alone. He can feel with every steps he took his heart is rising and his throat tightened. He clutched his bag in his hand tight before he finally realized that he is crying on his way out.

Alex cursed himself for what he'd just said to Henry but on his behalf, he didn't feel it was his fault at all. He never says that he wanted to commit to anything. All he'd ever wanted was to enjoy his youth and have fun and Henry is part of the fun. He thought until yesterday Henry would have wanted that too.

He groaned ruffling his curly hair into a mess before he decides to put on his gym clothes and headed to the gym instead. 

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. I have been re reading the chapters and I couldn't help cringing in my own writing. I have been deleting and rewriting it hoping it won't be as bad as it looks but somehow nothing changes. I'm so sorry for it.