liked by liampayne, niallhoran, paigekersey, mamamartin and 2,729,046 others

simone I have no words.

You remember me? Sorry for taking so long to give you somewhat of an update on our situation... And sorry for taking your favorite away from you for so goddamn long. I truly am, from the bottom of my heart because even though I didn't ask him to do so, he chose to stick with us and never leave our side. I am so freaking lucky... We all know who I'm talking about. There are no words that could explain my love for my Love.

On 27th December 2017, @liampayne and I took a test and it came back positive. I have never been so goddamn happy than how I was at that very moment... We didn't want to share it on our socials, because we wanted to embrace it privately as long as we possibly could have. It didn't last long... Because 5 days before my sister passed, we lost the baby. I blame myself... still. It's almost August 2018, and I am still not over it. I don't know if I ever will.

I was and still so devastated that I almost lost my mind. I was so emotionally overstressed and exhausted that I completely forgot to take care of myself and insisted on going everywhere and doing everything on my own, even if it lead to a big ass fight with my man. I'm so sorry, I am aware that it's all my fault... God, what could have happened if I listened to Liam... Anyway

Those emotionally unbearable five days passed, and we lost Deon. Gosh, these goddamn tears are racing down on my cheeks, but I told myself I want to let you guys know what's up with us these days, so I'll post this goddamn post, even if it hurts me so badly I almost can't comprehend.

Deon was everything I ever wanted in a sister. Some days she was a pain in the ass (as she should, being the lil sis she was), some days she was my biggest supporter. But she was, and still is my anchor, my best friend and someone I cannot not think about. I haven't cried so many tears in so long...

For the
better half
of a year
I was terrified
every time
the phone rang
in case
it was another
death call...

This house is so empty without you, sissy. Mama and I love you. Another one of my Angels... Wow. Life is so goddamn short, but You lived more in those 18 years than most have in 10 lives.

Hope you are doing amazing, babies. I really do. I hope all's good and you're taking great care of your mental healths since it's the most important thing on Earth. Never forget about it, learn from my mistakes.

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