01/10/2024

i used to love you somehow
you used to love me maybe
then one day there was a big crack
you didn't reply
i didn't bother texting
i wanted to spit in your face and
you wanted to slap mine
i guess we both would have deserved it
some part of me still screams it's your fault
maybe it is.
i was shitty too
i like to believe i wasn't shitty with you - and i wasn't
but i sure as hell was bad with everyone else
i'm not sure i deserved them
i don't know if i deserve the one who stayed
despite it all.
but the three i lost -
you
her
her (?)
i'll never forget.
one betrayed me
one left me out without a warning
one i erased from my life
now at least two resent me
in the end, i protected my peace.
i deserve most of what happened, you deserve a lot of it too
i don't miss you, i just miss how we used to be
our hands all linked together
sometimes i miss who we could've been, then i remember what we actually would've become and i stop regretting.
but still,
autumn seems so far away.
what happened to us ?