God. I'm so fucking stupid, aren't I.
I lay here thinking over and over the same sentence that breached my ears not so long ago.
"I wish she wasn't so worth-useless all the time."
Sorry that I'm such a disappointment dad.
But now you're the reason i lay here with a struck feeling and burning tears pooling in my shirt collar and hair.
Sorry I wasn't good enough
You tried to cover the word but really useless makes me feel like a toy; or a doll that has no use anymore and left to rot in the trash.

You comfort her and leave me to drown in cuts and self sorrow. Don't forget the blood.
I'm left to my own devices in a cold empty room with my body heat and the occasional cat for company.
As sad as it, the cat was there for me more than you were.
When you take away my communication, I can't contact my only strings left to tie in this world.
You leave me with my suicidal thoughts and harsh repeats.
My friends were there for me when I needed it most, at least when I have electronics.
It sucks to live so far way from the people you depend on.

My own brother didn't even bother to contact me when he told my mother he would stay out of town from his usual weekend visit.
Very few care and very few matter.
It's what I've learned.
13 years and I've learned something most adults wouldn't before they die.
That's sad.
Isn't it?