If there was one emotion that Isaac knew well, it was helplessness. The sensation like a boulder weighing on your shoulders, holding you onto the ground as a prisoner. The one where you can only hope to watch, to reason, because you know there is nothing you can do - that it what Isaac felt. Here, in his arms, was a crying Clary because Dot was gone. She had been taken by Valentine, and even though he told the redheaded girl comforting words of how she would be okay, Isaac knew that she was either dead or dying.

The whole day - no, the whole week - Isaac had felt this helplessness. Nothing he said could help them, none of the limited information Jocelyn provided him could be said aloud for them to hear. The older Fray had made it clear that nothing was to be given away until the right moment, and that wasn't any of those.

But in one word, Isaac was tired. He was tired of running around, keeping secrets, and feeling helpless - the three reasons that made the Lahey boy run away from Beacon Hills.

But for once, Isaac had time to process everything that had happened that day. There was finally a moment to think about what brought them here after his mental breakdown just that morning. Even though it had only been a day, it felt like a year.

•••

Running out of the training room, Isaac's breathing started to heavy. He knew the information, he had been told of Jocelyn's past mistakes and how Valentine was a monster, but there had never been an in-depth tour. Isaac couldn't imagine what was running through Clary's head at the moment.

"Hey," a voice snapped Isaac's attention away from his thoughts. The sight of Isabelle Lightwood appeared with a concerned look on her face, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine." Isaac gave her a fake smile and tried to control his breathing, but it was obvious that he wasn't okay. Isabelle approached him with caution, like he was glass and would break at any given moment.

"Isaac," she said in a low, motherly tone, "What's wrong?" It was clear to the Lahey boy that there was no running from this. No joke could be made to draw away from the topic and nothing could steer away her concern.

But that didn't mean Isaac wanted to talk. Openly, he could talk about his broken home or the way his "father" was to him, but things like this made Isaac want to crawl up in a ball and rock himself.

"It's just that - well, it was," Isaac took a breath, gathering his thoughts and trying to find how to put them in words before speaking again, "W-What they were, uh, talking about."

Isabelle let out a laugh, smiling sweetly to him, and walking to him with ease. "Isaac, it's fine. Everybody gets the chills when they first hear the story."

"No," he shook his head. She wasn't hearing him right, she didn't understand! Why couldn't she understand? "I've experienced things like that."

"What? Like the mortal cup?"

"War," it was soft like a whisper but violent like a hurricane. The one word caused the air to turn from uncomfortable to horror-stricken. "I've seen war before, and he isn't nice."

Her heart was beating fast, Isaac could hear it and it was distracting. Sometimes, he liked that ability, to know when someone was scared or lying. But this wasn't one of those times. It made his guilt build even higher, knowing that he could be the reason for her terror.

"Isaac," she chocked out, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"No one did." And that was the end. There was no more talking. Isaac was catching his breath and trying to forget about the fact he almost had a panic attack while Isabelle was trying to understand what kind of war he was talking about.

It felt like forever they stood there, listening to each other's breathing. But of course, time wasn't on their side and the two needed to ready themselves for leaving the Institute.

"What's your relationship with Clary?" Jace asked Isaac once the two were done dressing themselves. The curly haired boy let out a laugh, causing the platinum blonde to look at him confused. "What?"

"You want to know if we're dating." He smiled, "We're not, she is a single Pringle who is very likely to mingle with anyone named Jace Wayland. And well, it's just your luck that that's your name!"

Walking into the room with everyone else, Isaac went to stand next to Clary, something he had always done. Simon joined them, looking anxiously to see if anyone was listening.

"Let's get out of here, just you and me," he whispered to Clary who looked at him warily. "We can get Dot ourselves."

"Just so you know," Isaac leaned in towards the Lewis boy, scaring him slightly, "that is a terrible idea."

"Simon, Isaac is right. Plus, there are demons out there, okay? Actual demons with tentacles that wanna murder us. Do you know how to kill a demon?" Clary didn't want to hurt Simon, but she knew that this was the only choice for them. This was the only way she could get her mother back.

"It's an Internet search away," Simon tried to persuade her, really wanting to leave Jace, and hopefully Isaac, behind.

"Simon, I really don't think it's that simple," the redhead said, silently pleading for him to be quiet and understand. Isaac whispered into Clary's ear, "It really isn't."

"I bet you it's not that hard." The Lewis boy was about to speak again, to try and reason with Clary, but Jace spoke.

"Whoa, no Izzy." The Wayland opened himself up to the rest of them, seeing the outline of Alec walking in here, "Fifty bucks says he doesn't approve this mission."

Alec stopped in front of them, silently taking count of the people before speaking, "I don't approve this mission."

"Wow, really? I could have never guessed," sarcasm dripped from Isaac's words, creating a pool on the floor as everyone else rolled their eyes at his comment.

"I spoke with the Clave. They're sending Seelie scouts to search for Valentine, but they made it clear, the little girl does not leave the premises."

"Hey, my name is not 'little girl', okay?" Clary broke in, angry that someone wasn't allowing her to find her mother.

"To Alec, it might as well be," Isaac sent an innocent smile to the Fray girl, who was as red as a Red Hot. The tension was thick and whenever that happened, Isaac always tried to clear it up - but this time it didn't seem to be working.

"I don't care what that Clave thing or you want, I'm going to find Dot." The girl said defiantly, not taking no for an answer.

"Alec," Jace looked at his parabatai, "this warlock could have the answers we need. With Valentine's people out there searching for Clary, she's not safe outside alone."

"Jace has a point," Isabelle agreed with the blonde Shadowhunter, slightly guilty that she was sticking up against her brother.

Alec turned to her with disappointment written on his forehead, "You too, Izzy?" He looked around at all their faces before cracking, "All right, since you have all the answers, where do you suggest we search?"

"We should start at Dot's apartment in Greenpoint, and there's this thrift store that she..." Clary let out a gasp as she touched the necklace that Jocelyn gave her, startling everyone. She stood there for long seconds with this face of shock and surprise, not lightning the situation at all.

"What's wrong? What is it?" Jace asked, but Isaac couldn't tell if it was out of concern or courtesy.

"I, um..." Clary panted a little, exhaling before catching her breath, "Weirdly, I think I know where Dot is."

"Yes, that is weird," Isaac drawled out, stopping when he saw the looks on their faces, "What? I was just agreeing with her!"

"I'll drive," Simon directed the attention to him, something that Isaac silently praised him for - not that he would ever admit it.

"What?"

"Unless you have, like, a Shadowhunter-mobile or something," the boy with glasses rambled, something he found himself doing more recently. He looked around to see the runes painted, well, drawn, on the walls before looking back to the Shadowhunters, "you were kidding about the runes on the floor killing me...right?"

"Possibly." Jace responded with an almost invisible smirk on his face, causing Isaac to let out a ghost chuckle.

"Wait...am I gonna die?" The Lewis boy yelled out behind them with fear, running slightly to catch up with the people walking away.

Getting into the car, everyone settled down in silence. Of course, Isabelle took the seat next to Isaac, determined to get to know him. Alec rolled his eyes at his sister's nonsense but said nothing, wanting to see how the scene played out.

"So, what was life in Beacon Hills like?" Already, her first question drawed in the attention of the others, especially Clary who never got to know about his previous life.

"Boring for the first sixteen or seventeen years," he answered truthfully, "Then everything changed. Crazy things started to happen."

"Oh?" Isabelle's lips curved upward, glad that he was actually carrying on the conversation, "Like what?"

"Well, for one, my adoptive dad died. Actually, he was brutally murdered. Then I was convicted for his murder and broken out of jail and started to live with a guy named Derek Hale, along with the fact that there was a kanima on the loose in Beacon Hills, which was who killed my dad."

The mood dropped quickly, all of them never having experienced anything like that. Only Jace came close to knowing, sharing the feeling of losing his father.

"I'm sorry," she muttered quietly, but Isaac laughed it off.

"Don't be," Isaac shrugged, "I hated him. He was a dick who locked me in a freezer for half my childhood and drove my adoptive brother into the army where he was killed. So yeah, it was kinda a relief when he died."

"Who could do such a thing to a child?" Clary wondered out loud, not knowing how to respond to this knowledge.

"Apparently, Joseph Lahey," the werewolf said, not knowing why anyone would be saddened by it. Growing up, he knew it wasn't normal for his father to act that way, but Isaac became used to it. Isaac became accustomed to plates being thrown at him and whipping for getting a B on a test. It was his everyday life to be thrown into a freezer for hours while Joseph slept soundly upstairs in his bed. None of it fazed him anymore.

No one spoke for the rest of the ride, their minds processing the information that Isaac had provided him about his childhood. Driving to Pandemonium didn't take long, so when they got out of the car they continued with the quietness until Clary broke out running.

"Clary!" Jace called after her as they ran to catch up, Isaac not using any of his werewolf speed because he wasn't fond of the idea of them figuring out his secret yet. "Clary, stop! Where are you going?"

"Two men, Circle members...the same ones who came to my house, who took my mom," Clary explained in fragments, but they all understood. "They have Dot. They're gonna hurt her or kill her. We have to stop them!"

Running into Pandemonium and finding it empty, Clary began to cry. With her lip trembling she uttered, "No. She was just trying to help me. Now, she's gone."

"Clary, I'm sorry." Simon said as the redhead pushed herself into Isaac's chest, who protectively put his arms around her. Rushing back into the moment, he realized that he wasn't going to see Dot again. She was dead, or would be in a short amount of time.

"You don't understand. Dot's like my big sister." She said, not wanting to believe that the woman she grew up with was really gone.

"It's not safe here," Alec said with a monotone voice, "We have to go back to the Institute right now."

"So, what now? Valentine has my mom and Dot, and we're just gonna give up?" Clary yelled, angry at the world for taking away almost everyone she loved, "What about my memories? They can't just be gone."

Jace looked around at them, his arms still crossed, "There is another option." Isaac smelled anxiety on him, something he knew well from Stiles, which didn't ease him at all.

"Don't even..." Isabelle said at the same time as her brother said, "Absolutely not."

"I'm not afraid of the Silent Brothers." Jace confidently told them, but Isaac could tell that he was anxious about something, and that might be the outcome.

Clary looked between them confused, "Who are the Silent Brothers?"

"They're Shadowhunters with superior powers," Jace partially answered her.

"Who possess the ability to recover memories," Isabelle added, not liking where the conversation was heading.

"A process that can also kill you, so there's that," The eldest Lightwood finished, hoping to scare Clary away from the thought, but Isaac knew better than to believe that it would.

Simon pointed up at Alec and smiled in mockery, "Your bedside manner is abysmal."

Alec ignored the mundane and turned to Jace, sheltering his body from the others in the room, "We've broken at least 18 Clave rules and now you want to go to the City of Bones? There's no way. I won't allow it."

"This isn't our choice to make," Jace pointed out to the taller of the two, "This is Clary's decision."

"You can't ask her to do this. She doesn't know what she's facing," Isabelle casted a look to the redhead, "She's not prepared."

Clary looked between the three of them, feeling left out, "If anyone can tell me another way to recover my memories and still get the answers we need, I'm listening."

"I have one," Isaac raised his hand, "How about not getting your memories back and finding another way to save your mother?" The four casted a look at him, telling him to 'shut up', which he did.

"That settles it," Jace looked at the Lightwood pair, "See? I told you she's one of us.

•••

"Yeah, this place isn't creepy," Simon sarcastically said as the approached the old, cobwebbed building. Isaac rolled his eyes at the mundane, not feeling an ounce of fear. How could this be scary when he had faced much scarier opponents in Beacon Hills? "Not at all."

Isabelle chuckled at his comment, "Don't tell me you're afraid."

The mundane of the group scoffed at her accusation, "Are you kidding me? I was born afraid...which sounded a lot better in my head."

The werewolf placed his hand on Simon's shoulder, which caused him to jump slightly, "There are times when you need to learn how to shut up. This is one of them."

"Let's check it out," Alec walked away, not caring to continue a conversation with any of them.

The rest of the group followed until Jace stopped Clary, "Wait here a minute. I wanna see if it's safe."

"Awe, Clary, do you see how much he cares?" Isaac teased the redhead, making her blush and elbow him, which didn't affect the werewolf in any way.

Isabelle walked to Alec and Jace while Isaac stayed with those two. Simon looked to see if they were listening before whispering to Clary, "Why are we doing this? We don't even know these people."

The Fray girl sighed, not answering Simon, "I just wish my mom had trusted me enough to tell me about all of this."

"She did, Clare Bear," Isaac answered her, sad that she thought that her mother didn't trust her, "Jocelyn just wanted to live a normal, human life. She wanted to protect you from the Shadow world."

"That still doesn't help me now," Clary sighed sadly before seeing the distraught look on Simon's face, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"How are you not ultra freaked out by all of this?" Simon questioned her, feeling the way he just described.

"I guess I just always felt like there was something missing," she tried to explain, "Some void I couldn't quite explain. Things are finally starting to make sense. But none of it's gonna matter unless I get my mom back."

"Then let's do that," Simon finalized.

"Clary," Jace's voice broke the moment, "Come on, it's all clear. Let's go." The redhead sighed before walking to Jace, Isaac trailing after her. He couldn't lie and say that a part of him wasn't afraid that she wouldn't come back. Briefly, he had heard about the City of Bones, and Isaac didn't like what he had heard.

After walking more, they finally reached the entrance of the City of Bones. A shiver went down Isaac's spine as he looked at it, but said nothing about his thoughts. Nobody really liked it.

Isaac briefly heard the pep talk Simon gave Clary, but tuned most of it out since it didn't interest him. The mundane walked towards the entrance, ready to enter before getting stopped.

"Surprise, surprise. No mundanes allowed, just like in the training room, right? Wrong!" Simon said, a little angry, "I've seen every horror movie ever made and the funny best friend who gets left behind...dead man."

"You're no that funny," Jace said while Isaac commented, "Seriously? You think you're the funny friend? That part obviously belongs to me."

Jace rolled his eyes at Isaac, but didn't say anything to him before returning his attention to Simon, "By all means, go ahead. Of course, the minute you enter, you'll die."

"Problem is, ow I don't trust you," Simon told him, letting his hatred for Jace show as he said it.

"He's not lying," Alec said as his sister added, "Now. He was before."

"The rune energy in the City of Bones will kill any mundane who dares to enter, so please..." Alec explained, disinterested in the topic.

Isabelle sighed, happy to find an excuse to not go inside, "The Brothers creep me out. I'll mind the mundane."

"Your sacrifice is noted, Izzy." Jace told her before walking to the entrance.

"Talk about sacrifice," Simon complained, "I'm missing a financial analysis class."

"I can't be here anymore, so, Jace, I'm going to mind the perimeter," Alec said before walking away.

Clary looked expectantly at Isaac, who sighed. Although he didn't know much about the place, he knew that werewolves and other downworlders weren't exactly welcomed there. "Sorry, Clare Bare, this one's all you."

Isaac stood by the fire, not caring to pay attention to the conversation Isabelle was holding with Simon. If there was one thing he hated, it was reminders to his old life in Beacon Hills, and Simon was the exact copy of Stiles Stilinski except with glasses, never ending speech, and the fact that he was in love with his best friend. Along with Simon's distaste to Batman.

He watched as Simon walked away, letting out a breath of relief as he did. "Thank God," he muttered to himself, glad to not have to tune out the mundane anymore.

"Where is it going?" Alec asked his sister about Simon, making Isaac laugh as he said 'it' to refer to him.

"We'll be right back," Isabelle said instead of answering his question, a smirk planted on her face.

"What?"

"He passes the time," she finally answered before looking at Isaac, "This could've been you."

Isaac sent her a mocking smile, "Isabelle, you do realize this is the exact reason I won't date you, right?"

"I can hear you guys, you know?" Simon called before both him and Isabelle walked back to the van, letting Isaac have some quiet.

Alec and Isaac didn't speak to one another as they waited, and Isaac liked that. Sometimes it was nice to have silence, and this was one of those times.

The silence continued until Clary and Jace walked out of the City of Bones. Alec's eyes widened as he made his way towards them, "What happened? What did you find out?"

Jace looked apprehensive to tell me the new found information, "Valentine is Clary's father."

"Wait a minute," Alec stopped him, "You're telling me this girl shows up out of nowhere and she's Valentine's daughter? Did it occur to you that she might be a spy? This might be part of her plan?"

Isaac gathered Clary in his arms, letting her tears fall onto his shoulder as Jace looked with anger into Alec's eyes, "That's enough, Alec."

Clary pushed herself off Isaac, looking dead into the Lightwood boy, "Do you think I planned for my mom to get kidnapped? Or...or for Dot to be taken? Or to have a giant sword dangle over my head and find out that my father is one of the most dangerous people in the world? Really?"

She looked around after finishing her speech and noticed for the first time that she couldn't find somebody, "Where's Simon?"

The redhead noticed that Isabelle appeared and asked again, "Where's Simon?"

"I told him to stay in the van. I've searched everywhere," Isabelle answered, but Isaac hid his happiness of the mundane's disappearance.

"He's gone?" Clary look mortified, angry that she wasn't there to protect her friend and angry at them for not looking after him close enough.

"I can't find him," Isabelle guiltily said.

"You were supposed to protect him!" Clary yelled before walking in the direction in which Isabelle just came from, "Simon!"

"Ugh, these mundanes are killing me," Jace muttered as Isaac snorted, "You're telling me."

"Simon?" Clary looked up to see her best friend dangled upside down on a tower, "No Simon!"

"Is that the mundane's name?" A man appeared from the shadows, "I'm afraid Simon's coming with us."

"No! No, he's not a part of this." Clary told them, hoping that they would leave her friend out of this."

"And it'll be my please to kill you unless you return him," Jace growled at the group of vampires.

"Careful," Alec warned his parabatai, "we'd be violating the Accords."

"I'm afraid your sidekick's quite right." The vampire agreed, "The Night Children have broken no laws. We're negotiating. The mundane, unharmed, in exchange for the Mortal Cup."

The vampire looked at Isaac before adding, "Oh, and leave the werewolf at home."

"Bite me," Isaac growled, letting his claws show to give a little scare for the vampires.

The two holding Simon ignored Isaac's threat, "And the clock is ticking. Tick-tock, people." Then, they were gone, along with the mundane.

"Simon!" Clary continued to shout at the tower, but it was no use. As she shouted the others looked at Isaac, now knowing his secret. The key that unlocked every door to his past.

And Isaac felt vulnerable, like he was transparent that they could see who he truly was;

A monster.

•••

question of the day:
cats or days?

answer of the day:
cats, but I enjoy the company of both