fear.

an emotion caused when scared or feel in danger. adrenaline goes through the body, almost like a rush or thrill maybe. fear is very common, especially for someone like me. you can't help but to panic, it's like you have no where to run, even though you have the entire world. your safe place is no longer safe and you are just stuck.

the warmth from chest leaves and my eyes goes wide. i don't have the ability to think, all i can do is stare into mark eyes as his stares into my terrified ones.

i can't move. i can't think. i can't do anything. i feel mark shaking me by my arms, trying to get me to hear him. i don't hear a single word. i'm left emotionless and i can't tell what mark is saying to me.

i'm snapped out of my state when my bedroom door swings open. my eyes motion to my door and all my worst nightmares become a reality. my mother is standing there, looking drunk as usual.

she wasn't suppose to be here! not now. i can't deal with this. what am i suppose to do? i can feel her looking through me. she knows i'm terrified. she knows i'm in pain. she knows.

"who the fuck are you?"

her harsh tone sends chills through me and i can't move. my eyes stay glued to hers as she looks at mark. i feel mark shift at my side and clear his throat. "m-ms. mcloughlin, i'm mark." he hastily says. his voice cracks, he seems scared.

"get the fuck out of my house! including you, you worthless piece of shit!" she yells out, sending painful stares. i want to cry, but i won't. i don't want to give her the satisfaction she wants.

neither of us move until she opens her mouth again. "now!" she points at my door and i feel mark grab my arm pull me towards it. neither of us look at her when we pass by her; mark simply pulled me through the house out and to my yard. he didn't say a word and neither did i. i had no words. what could i say?

"i'm sorry." mark says, barely audible as his head hangs low.

"you shouldn't be sorry, it was my fault, i should have known she would lie to me." i don't look at him, but instead stare down at my feet.

"no, it's my fault. i shouldn't have pushed you to take me here. i should have just listened to you. i'm really, truly sorry. you don't deserve to be treated like that." i don't look up, because honestly i'm filled with so many emotions. "hey, look at me." he softly says and lifts my head with his fingers under my chin. "i won't ever force you to do anything, i promise."

i stare into his eyes i kinda just melt. "i-i'm... it's okay."

he removes his fingers from under my chin and brushes his hand on my shoulder. "you wanna go to my house?" he asks sweetly and i can't find a reason to say no. i nod my head and he wraps his arm around me. we walk on the sidewalk and i snuggle up into his side and lay my head on his shoulder.

i want to stay like this forever.

* * *

i clutch my books to my chest and keep my face hidden. i walk down the long corridor filled with clusters of students. i keep my head down and think about the only happy thing about school, which is getting to mark. he's in my next class and that so happens to be the class we first met in. i smile at the thought when i first saw him and how beautiful he looked. i let the thought go and pay attention to my feet walking down the loud and busy hallway.

i try my best not to run into anybody, but that fails when i run into the school's popular jock.

i get knocked back and i look up with wide eyes at him. i swallow a big gulp and try not to move. "i'm so sorry, please don't hurt me, i-i didn't mean to, i wasn't looking, i'm so stupid." i say quickly, while attempting to back away.

"where the fuck do you think you're going?" kevin says as the bell rings. some students around heard what he said and just 'ooh'ed while walking past us. i try looking around him for a exit or somewhere i could hid.

"did you hear me you retard? look at me!" he gets uncomfortably close to me, making me back up into nearby lockers.

"please don't hurt me." i say, my voice breaking and my eyes shutting.

"oh i know you, you're the fag that everyone hates. my friends have told me stories about you, did you know that? aw, the little fag is being talked about." he fakes a small pout and laughs immediately afterwards. "wait till they hear this story."

i can't get the nerve to say anything else. i then feel sharp pain in my leg as kevin kicks me. i fall to the ground and grip my leg, wincing and hissing at the pain. "does it hurt? oh, you poor thing." he laughs again and kicks me again, only this time in my gut. i let out a painful yelp and it becomes harder to breath. i shut my eyes tightly.

"shut it you gay fag, we don't want to get in trouble now do we?" i don't say anything and worry about the pain. tears prick my eyes and i try shutting them more.

he laughs at my pain and i can't control my emotions. a tear slips and i try holding my sobs. "are you crying? pathetic."

he goes to kick me again and i tense up before he does. to my surprise i never feel him kick and i open my eyes for a split moment. a door opening from down the hall stops kevin from kicking and running the opposite way.

i close my eyes from the pain coming from leg and my gut. i cry and i hear footsteps running down the hallway towards me.

"oh my god, jack!"

* * *

do you all hate me yet?

so sorry for all the sadness, but trust me there is a reason for it all. and sadly this is the last long part, (for this time).

tell me whatcha think and comment on the parts you like :)

also, sorry for the long wait for this, forgive me <3