trigger warning, lovelies

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"mark, this seriously isn't a good idea!" i yell catching up to mark. he slows down as we reach my front yard.

"why? today i want to hang at your house." he stops and turns to me, while raising his eyebrow. i grab my chest trying to catch my breath.

"because, because uhh," i grab his shoulder for support as i feel like i could faint.

"are you okay, jack?" he tries to keep me up by grabbing me from under my arm. i tense at his touch, which doesn't help my breathing, but i'm far more worried about my health at the moment.

"yeah, yeah, i'm fine. but, we really should just go to your place, like we always do." i look back up to him, hoping he will change his mind.

he furrows his eyebrows and looks at me questionably. "will it make you feel better if we just go to my place?" his sweet voice and soft eyes, bring a smile to my face and i for a moment ignore the lingering pain from my chest.

i nod my head at him and he slides his arm around my waist, turning away from my house. i blush at his action and i only wished he could hold me like this every minute of every day.

* * *

we walk down the sidewalk with his arm still around me. i think i'm pretty flustered at the moment with mark holding me like this. once we reached his apartment, he sadly retrieves his arm to open his door, the breeze blowing on where his arm was resting.

he opened the door and held it open for me. i flashed him a smile and are arms brushed each other as i walked through the doorway, which sent a chill down my spine.

i walked through the living room and down the hall, mark close behind me. i stopped at his bedroom door and moved out of the way to allow him to open it. he opened it and i followed behind him as he sat on his bed. i plop down next to him and we sit there in comfortable silence.

a few minutes passed before mark got up, which caught my attention. he shut his door and locked it.

he turned towards me and i look at him with confusion, raising my eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"spill it." he says sternly.

"what?" i ask, oblivious to what he means.

"you know what i mean. tell me why you always come over here. why do you never let me go to your place?"

i sigh and decide to look at anything else, other than mark. i furrow my eyebrows and i start to become angry. why can't he just understand that i don't want him over there? why does he have to be so difficult? why can't he just not question it?

"because, dammit," i start and i sigh again. "don't you understand?" i feel tears start to prick at my eyes.

"understand what?" he asks.

"we can't go over there, just please, don't ask why." i say, the last part coming out barely audible. i feel my lip start to tremble and i shut my eyes when i feel a tear run down my cheek.

i feel a dip in the bed, which happens to be next to me. and soon after i feel arms being wrapped around me. a sob escapes my lips and it's not only just because i'm mad, but because for so how long i wanted this. how for so long i wanted to be held like this. i bury my head into mark's chest as he runs his fingers through my hair. i hesitantly wrap my arms around his waist and i just sit there and cry like a mess.

he quietly hums out things like, 'it's okay' and 'calm down, it'll be alright'. i couldn't ask for nothing else at the moment, being held by someone i've so badly wanted to call mine.

after a few minutes of me crying into mark's chest and most likely soaking it, i pull away and wipe my eyes with the end of my sleeves.

mark looks at me with a sad smile and i frown at the way i must appear to him. i look at him and he darts his eyes to his hands as he messes with them.

"i'm really sorry jack, i didn't mean to make you upset." he looks up from his hands with a small frown. all i wanted to do was wrap around him and tell him it was okay but i couldn't do that, no matter how badly i wanted to. i also wanted to yell at him for being so complicated.

"it's okay," i say sadly. "i didn't mean to break down like i did." i finish and i wipe my eyes once more.

"don't apologize for crying, please." he grips my wrist and i wince slightly. he must have seen me look a bit discomforted from him touching me there, as he tries to pull back my sleeve and i snatch my hand from him.

"jack, give me your hand." he pleads holding out his hand and i ignore the fact that his eyes start to become glossy.

i shake my head, clutching my wrist to my chest. "why can't i see your wrist, jack?" he says, his voice cracking in mid-sentence.

i look into his pleading eyes and i feel the urge to cry again. why is he caring when no one else is? don't other people warn him about hanging out with me, or do they just don't care about my existence?

"why do you care?" i whisper out. i look down from mark's gaze and to my hand that is pressed to my chest.

"how couldn't i?" he whispers out and i really wanted to give in to him. "please jack, give me your hand." he says a bit louder.

i bring my hand down from my chest and slowly rest it on my lap, my other hand still wrapped around my wrist. he reaches over and grabs my wrist gently, pulling it towards him. i let go of my grip around it and allow him to pull back my sleeve.

i look up from my hand to mark's face, which is concerned about what he'll see. he slowly pulls back my sleeve, moving it up my forearm. i wince slightly at the fabric rubbing against my wrist.

i see mark's eyes go wide and i tear roll down his cheek as he looks down at my wrist. his thumb runs over it gently and i feel guilt build up in my stomach.

"why jack? why do you hurt yourself?" he looks up at me with tears going down his face and he lets out a quite sob.

"i... i can't tell you that." i pull my hand away from him and roll down my sleeve. i wipe my eyes, forcing myself not to cry.

"jack... please don't hide anything. i'm not going to hurt you. i... i want to be there for you. please tell me jack, why do you hurt your beautiful skin?" he wipes his eyes and it hurts me to see him cry, especially over me.

"please don't worry about it mark." i say sternly. he goes to say something, but stops and just nods his head.

we sit there for a few moments in silence until i decide to speak up. "i should get going." i say getting up from his bed and walking to the door. "i'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" i turn towards mark as i unlock and open his door.

he flashes a small smile and looks up at me. "of course."

* * *

well a lot happened there whoops. who wants a part 2 to this? let me know!

also, this is all lowercased because i was lazy and it's like 2a.m., kill me.

vote and comment <3