unplanned long chapter because why not? enjoy!

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we lay there in his bed, mark staring at me and i looking away, being perplexed. why was he staring at me like this? his gaze makes me feel small, almost embarrassed for no reason. it's quite weird what mark could do just using his eyes.

i finally take my gaze to his. his face holds a smirk that i cannot label for why it is present. me being who i am, i cough awkwardly which makes his smirk more noticeable.

"you don't have to be uncomfortable with me," he says while chuckling afterwards, but i know from what he said, he was being serious.

"why did you tell me about what you said earlier?" i change the subject, wanting to know more about what he told me.

he shrugs but keeps his eye contact. "i thought you would like to know more about me," he simply replies.

i sheepishly reply with a small 'oh', not really knowing what else to say. "does your dad still contact you?" i ask.

"sometimes, usually on holidays or birthdays," he, again, simply replies.

i wonder why he isn't really making a conversation with me. is he uncomfortable with me? god, i am really bad at this.

"i've wondered why you haven't said anything about what you did before," i say after silence filled the unsettling atmosphere of mark still looking at me and i rather focusing on the dust particles floating in the sunlight.

mark gives a questioning look and i quickly respond, "uh, never mind. just forget what i said."

mark gets closer to my face, still trying to make eye contact with me. i shift uncomfortably in mark's embrace and i feel my face get brighter.

"no, tell me," he says, his tone sweet, almost like honey or sugar.

i don't respond, instead, i try my best to look even farther away from his darted gaze.

"look at me."

i feel my body responding and i look over at him, his face closer than before, way to close. i feel imitated - is that the word i feel? or is it something else? my mind is too jumbled and focused on mark's glare on me to rationalize anything that's happening.

"what is it that i haven't addressed?" he ask, his voice making me - definitely - uncomfortable.

"uhm, why haven't, you know, said anything about you, uh, you almost kissing me?" i manage to say, my chest rising at a higher speed than normal and my eyes straining to stay looking at mark's.

i see mark's eyes go wide and then he laughs, looking away for a moment to collect himself. what? why is he laughing? i didn't say anything funny, did i?

"almost kissing you? i didn't try to kiss you," he says, finishing his laughter.

i look at him with confusion. he didn't try kissing me? if he didn't, then what was he doing?

"but, i thought you-" i try to say, my chest hurting with pain of pure and utter embarrassment.

"i didn't." is all he says, interjecting and almost sounding mad. i knew i shouldn't have said anything. i guess he does just pity me. it hurts so much to think that.

i look away again, my eyes watering from all the emotions i feel. anger? sadness? confusion? embarrassment? i can't classify what i feel anymore and my head can't take all of this. i feel like i'm going mad.

my vision is becoming more blurry and i'm focusing on my surroundings that is becoming unrecognizable.

everything happens so fast as i feel mark shift and then i feel his lips onto mine. i suddenly am taken back and i can't comprehend what's happening. my breath is all over the place and mark is pulling me closer to him, his lips intertwining with mine.

his lips are soft and i close my eyes with bliss, but i feel the tears slip past down my cheeks. i wrap my hands onto mark's neck, tugging him closer to me. i didn't realize how much i wanted this until now.

i move my lips with his, which are forceful yet passionate all at once. i've never kissed anyone, nor have i believed about having fireworks going off when kissing someone, but i can't ignore the flutter in my stomach and the red going to my cheeks.

he pulls back and i whimper from the lost of contact, but i keep my hands around mark's neck and i look into his gleaming eyes, staring back into mine. his lips are plump from moments before and his eyes are dilated.

"i'm so sorry," he whispers, leaning his forehead onto mine. "i'm a bad liar."

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fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk

it happened peeps, it finally happened. you're welcome.

love youuu. xx

erin.