i was going to put a song on the side but stupid wattap wouldn't let me so the song is pardon me by staind

~Zane~

My covers were moving as I slowly began to wake up and I glanced down to see something moving up and down under them. We'll let's not forget the hot mouth attached to a certain limb. Sighing I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on the pillow. They had very talented mouth and if I wasn't so distracted with something else I would have enjoyed it a lot more but Wyatt's face kept popping up. Those damn bluish grey eyes made things inside me happen that I didn't like all that much. He made me look at things in a different light and feel things I never thought I could feel. It scared the crap out of me so maybe that was why I was avoiding him.

After the time at the beach I realized how much Wyatt was affecting me. When I first met Wyatt I thought he would be a silly fling where we would take pleasure in each other then move on but I'm noticing it's getting harder to just drop him like I thought I would in the beginning. He was slowly seeping into my blood where it was become like an addiction just to see him, to be around him.

The blankets ruffled bringing me back to the now and I watch as dark brown hair made an appearance, along with bright green eyes. His face was flushed as he took in a deep breath and lay his body on mine, resting his chin on my chest.

"What's wrong Zane" he sighed. I shook my head rubbing my hands roughly over my face.

"It's Wyatt" I whispered.

"Again" he asked surprised. I glared down at him.

"Yes again, no matter how much I try to stop thinking about him he just sneaks back in." I rumbled in irritation.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're in love with this guy" he chuckled kissing my chest. I frowned staring up at the ceiling in silence.

That couldn't be it... could it?

Love, I didn't even know what that meant. My pause gave him the wrong idea,

"You are, aren't you" he exclaimed jumping up to sit on my lap. "Holy shit!" I could feel the excitement coming off him in waves.

"Shut up Channing" I groaned at the volume of his voice so early in the morning. "I don't fall in love, I f*ck and leave." I growled but all he did was laugh.

"Your so screwed." He told me with a huge grin.

"Your screwed, in the head now get off." I snapped and pushed him to the side. He landed on his back on the bed laughing his ass off. I snatched the covers off me and pulled my boxers on that were discarded on the floor. My body was tight and my side was sore as I bent down but I ignored it the best I could.

"Oh come on Zane, it's alright if you're in love. I think it's about time actually." He said rolling on his stomach and resting his head in his hands to stare at me as I moved around the room.

"Yeah well I think I's about damn time you leave." I grumbled.

"I want to meet this remarkable guy who has made the infamous Zane Daniels to think about settling down."

"God you make it sound like a b grade movie" I said throwing his clothes at him.

"It does sound like one huh" he shrugged on his shirt and pants.

"And you've met him before so no need for it anyway."

"No, I've seen him once at a diner on Halloween and didn't share a single word so that's not doesn't count as meeting him." he commented.

"Well you 'seen' him and that's all you get, now get out" I barked opening the door for him. Channing came up to me and pinched my cheeks.

"You're a goner Zane" he cooed and I pushed him out of my room.

"Go!" he raised his hands in surrender and closed his eyes.

"I'm going party pooper." He spoke softly walking out in the hall only to bump into Collin.

"Oh, morning Mr. Daniels" Channing smiled passing him by to leave.

"Morning Channing?" Collin answered watching after him in confusion before turning towards me.

"Company I see" he said as I walked out, following behind Channing down the stairs only to turn towards the kitchen as the front closed.

Richard was sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal and staring at his phone. I went up behind him to see what he was staring at. It was a bunch of words on his phone.

"What is that?" I asked taking the milk and the captain crunch to my side of the table and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard.

"It's an app" he mumbled distractedly.

"What type of app the bullshit kind" I snickered filling my bowl up to the brim with cereal and poured a little bit of milk.

"No, it's called wattpad where I can read a whole bunch of people's stories. There's some really good stuff on here." I stared at him for a long moment.

"Like I said bullshit." He rolled his eyes and went back to his phone.

"Did your booty call leave already." He asked stuffing his mouth with a spoonful of crunch.

"Yep"

"Was he good?" he muttered.

"Always" That was the rest of our crap conversation as we ate.

Rich and I never really had long deep conversation because we understood each other. I wasn't much for heart felt talks and he understands that so we kept everything short and sweet; never got in each other's business very much, only when needed. That was one of the reasons I was at my cousins house most the time. My Uncle on the other hand was a nosy S.O.B but he respected my limits to what I would talk to him about. Plus we work together there was no getting away from the man.

"So how is my old bike running these days?" Collin asked as he came in the kitchen. I turned my head to glance at him.

"Good"

"Man I can't remember the last time I rode that thing" he said shaking his head as he reminisced with a smile on his face. Sighing I got to my feet washed out my empty bowel and jogged back upstairs throwing on my clothes and went back down to the front door with the bike keys in my hands.

"Bye" I called out towards the kitchen and left. I climbed in the bike revving it up and backing up out of the driveway. I knew I had to get back to that 'house' sooner or later but I really didn't want to at the moment. I rode through the whole town before taking a detour all the while thinking of what Channing said.

Love

I didn't love, there was no way I could ever love and I surely didn't love Wyatt. I keep getting flashed of him at school with Owen, the day after the beach. I watched him walk Wyatt to his car, talking intimately with him like they were in their own little world. I watched as he reached out for Owen's arm and wrote something. I wasn't the jealous type; far from it but watching them like that did cause a twinge in my chest.

It was true Wyatt had become much more to me that a booty call, though I never even had sex with him but the crazy thing about it was I didn't even mind it, just being around him was pleasurable... shit!

Did I love Wyatt? The feeling was so foreign to me I couldn't even tell if I was or not.

I came to a stop when I couldn't get breath in my lungs. It wasn't true, I can't love him. It doesn't matter away because he liked Owen, he was the better chose. And Wyatt wouldn't be able to stand me, he'd get fed up with me eventually and leave. I wasn't the loveable type, love is for those who fear the thought of being alone and give into their selfish need for affection. And I didn't need anyone, I could be alone, heck I practically am.

I glanced around me suddenly and realized I was parked right across the street from his house. I was tempted to walk right over and knock on that door but I was stopped with the familiar truck pulling in the driveway. My body froze when Wyatt hopped out and Owen following him to the door. They looked like they had been out all night with each other and just now getting home. Wyatt's hair was mused and his face was flushed and a giant grin was plastered on his face along with Owen's. So I guess Owen did win the battle of who would get Wyatt first but seeing this I realized it wasn't a competition anymore when real feeling were involved.

I bit my lip as they both lent into each other and shared a long affectionate kiss together. I let out a humorless laugh, shaking my head and peeled out. Like I said feelings are useless. I arrived at the house or should I say shack. It was a two bedroom house, the old mint green paint was chipping away, and some of the windows were broken and boarded up with cardboard. The grass was dead and brown and hadn't seen a drop of water in who knows how long, there was trash stuck to the flimsy gate.

This use to be a nice house when I was younger but now it was just falling apart; the neighborhood was a nice one like any suburban area with manicured green lawns, kind people who put in work to make their houses look presentable with new paint and flower beds, white picket fences. So compared to theirs they all probably thought ours was a complete eye sore but just kept it quiet out of common courtesy.

And the people who live in the house were rude, crass, rough, loud, and ignorant poor excuses for human beings. The whole neighborhood had alienated us because of this but that was nothing new to me. I'm used to being ignored. Sighing I pulled the bike in the beat up garage and walked through the back door to find Rosie my 'mom' in the kitchen, a cigarette in her red painted mouth as she stirred something on the stove. She didn't even look up when she spoke.

"Jim's been looking for you" her voice was void of all emotion.

I can't even remember the last time this woman had anything but a blank expression on her face. In a way we were both stuck in a situation we wanted desperately to get out of. Rosie was the closes thing to a mother I ever had when I young, she tried her to protect me but even she couldn't get away from Jim's episodes and eventually the bright smiley person she used to be withered away to this empty shell of a woman I barley recognized. I would say she did her best for me but then I'd be lying because the best would have been sending me back to foster care. It was a hell of a lot better than this hell hole. I never understood why she would want to bring a child into this environment especially an already f*ck up kid from the foster system.

I walked past her refusing to look at her knowing I would see bruises, it would only add to my anger and desperation to get out of this house! I strolled into the living room sneering at Jim's fat ass sitting in front of the TV watching the sports channel and drinking a beer. He glanced at me as I stood in the door way of the kitchen just glaring.

"Where you been boy?" he demanded.

"Out" I answered curtly. His eyes narrowed at me dangerously.

"I can see that you little f*ck. Where!" he growled.

"Collin's" I ground out.

"Your over there a lot, what are you doing f*cking your cousin, you little faggot" I grit my teeth together biting my lip hard to keep me from jumping across this room and pummeling him with the damn furniture. "You know what if you like taking it up the ass so much you might as well pull your weight around here and stand on a corner or something; we could use the extra cash." He cackled.

"Well too bad I'm not the one taking it up the ass then huh but you're welcome to do it." I snarled at him. His hard black eyes glared at me and I knew I was walking on thin ice.

"I don't know why the hell we ever considered adopting you."

"Me either." He jumped to his feet then and I instinctually backed up.

"Why you flinching boy, if you can talk like a man you better be able to back it up like a 'man'!" he snarled.

"I'm more man than you'll ever be." I retorted with disgust.

I pushed too hard this time and Jim launched himself at me. We fell back in the kitchen, the table screeched across the tile banging into the wall, chairs fell back as we slide. Jim's fat fist connected with my stomach. I barely heard Rosie screaming bloody murder like she always did when Jim attached me or her.

"Come on bitch, hit me!" he screamed in my face but I refused. I knew what would happen if I did, I learned my lesson the first time. So, you know when I call Jim fat that's not the case, he's a pretty buff guy under that beer gut he has and his punches can pack a wallop. The best I could do was tense up my muscles so I wouldn't feel the full impact of his fists.

"SHUT UP WHORE!" Jim yelled at his wife as he shot to his feet and all too quickly it was silence well besides the sounds of my wheezing and grunts of pain as his foot make contact with my ribs. Damn and they were just healing too! I made the mistake of moving my arms away from blocking my face when he gave me a gut wrenching kick to my stomach and he aimed his next attach to my face. I saw his dirty boot coming fast and all I could do was close my eyes and wait for it. I felt his boot hit my mouth with such a force my jerked my head back and hit the tile floor hard.

Then everything went black.