Chapter 7

Well after the rest of the stories told that night I was more than freaked out. I was going to give you more stories but there are a lot. Maybe I’ll add them as another short story later. For it seems my own insanity, or paranoia if you would rather call it seemed to be growing.

Well I was feeling more on edge. So maybe I had not dreamt up what I thought I saw and felt. But At least my pills let me rest enough to sleep more at night. Plus it seems, my visits with the doctor seem to be helping. We are figuring out that my worry for the security of my children. Seems to come from the fact that it was almost a miracle I was able to have them in the first place.

But I was still blocking the doors with the chairs. Even after the doctor told my husband he should not let me block the doors. He said I was getting my idea reinforced, when he would block them for me.

But hell, if I was expected to sleep I needed to make sure nothing could come in. I had gone to the extent of asking my mom to move in with me because I could not be home alone. She will be moving in with us in about a month or so. Mean while my husband made me the best gift ever. He has just gotten me a 9mm.

So I have a gun in my possession now. I smirk; wishing someone would come in now. Yeah it’s a sick thought but it brought me comfort. This means we are going to the gun range now so I can practice how to shoot it and not accidentally shoot myself.

Yeah accidentally, I think one night that I sit on my sofa with the gun in my hand. It’s just so pretty and so lethal. I smile remembering what my brother in law told my husband when I showed him the gun.

He told my husband “Man, are you fucking crazy? She has gone insane walking around with a butcher knife every night. Now you’ve gone and given her a fucking gun! Aren’t you scared you’ll wake up in the night and scare her, making her blow your brains out? What about the kids?” Yeah everyone was worried I’d hurt my kids.

But they don’t understand it’s them I’m protecting. From what, who the hell knows since now I’m even freaking out in the daytime? Thankfully my mother in law is coming around every morning now. It’s a big deal because she does not like me. But maybe now that she sees I’m not doing good she’ll be nicer, I thought.

But anyway back to my gun and my need to feel safe. Yes did I tell you he bought me a side holster? I find myself walking around the house with the gun at my side. Seems to make me feel safer, it’s been a while now. Even thought the doctors now think that what I have is a form of post partum depression. Or in my case psychosis, but I’m not crazy they say. Just have an imbalance of hormones.

I smile at that, yeah not crazy ok we’ll go with that. But my brother in law and sister live across the street, and call or come over to make sure everything is ok. So life has been going on as normal as possible and I have continued to keep all my phobias hidden from everyone except my sisters.

So one evening my sisters come to my house. My middle tells me that a friend of hers called her out of the blue. She hadn’t spoken to this friend in over a year. But she called her and told her she had gone to get her cards read. (Yeah a bunch of baloney was what I thought)

Well so the friend told her that in her reading, they said she had a friend with short curly brown hair and her name started with a J and she had 2 kids and was going through a tuff time with her husband. She told her to call that friend and have her come see her (the lady that reads the cards).

So she called my sister who indeed was having problems with her husband and well she was going to go see this lady with my younger sister. She wanted me to go, but hell that shit is a rip off. I mean I do believe in some things. We are Mexicans and all that Voodoo, Brujeria shit has happened in our family.  

But in Mexico not here, so I said no. But I did smile and tell her to ask why I was going crazy. Just for laughs.

I laughed as I cleaned the house thinking of where they went. Like I said I do believe to a certain extent in that type of shit. My grandfather was what you call a spiritualist. He would clean people form bad spirits and other crap that happens in Mexico. I remember that day before I was to marry he cleaned me.

So this is what the whole cleaning consisted of. He had a special room that was built in the back of the house where he would do the cleanings. There was a chair in the center of the room and he asked me to sit. I sat there not sure what to expect as he turned on some incense and my grandmother brought him some long green stemmed plants and a bottle of this green stuff that smelled weird. Not bad but like herbs.

He would drink from this container and spry me with this stuff and then he would hit my body with the greenery. Damn if I didn’t feel like laughing out loud. But I bit my tongue to keep quiet as he kept hitting me and spraying me. It was um an experience to say the least as he started to chant now.

He would go into these deep trances, as he worked on me. Then when it was over he talked to me. But it was not him but the spirit that works with him. (This conversation was all in Spanish but I am translating)

 “Do you really love this boy you are about to marry?” He asked me.

I looked at him weird, remember I was young so my first thought was duh I’m marrying him but I said “yes”.

“Well make sure you really want to be with him. Because nobody in his family likes you. I also see that there is a woman who will make your life a living hell in his family. She will make you drink your own tears. Be sure you want to enter into that family. You have a hard road ahead of you. But one thing I can tell you for sure is that he does love you.”

I was sitting there thinking, what the fuck.  

Well anyway after this my grandmother and mother and grandfather were worried. I knew his family did not like me but the way I see it it’s his fault. He proposed to me on Christmas Eve. We planned our wedding and had everything ready and it was less than 2 months to our wedding date. When I found out he had yet to tell his parents.

One of my uncles had gone to Mexico and congratulated his parents and they had no clue why. Well what a fucked of way to find out your kid was getting married huh. I was so mad at him. His excuse was. “I have been working and providing for myself since the age of 11. I was going to invite them when we invite everyone else.

I could not believe him. I am close to my family, so this attitude was weird to me. But seems there family is not a close one. Sorry getting back to the story. I have a tendency to write as I think. Some times that just means it’s all over the place. So back to the lady my sister went to see.

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