PART ONE-CHAPTER TEN

"The eyes are useless when the mind is blind."

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Jon paced around and around in his bedchamber. He couldn't bring himself to calm down. He had just told his 'family' that he had decided to make a huge leap in his life. He knew that he had to do this, not just to find himself, but to save himself from the guilt that he would have if he didn't, thinking of what could have been. Thinking that he had passed up the one opportunity to live a life that was completely and unmistakably his. A life story that wasn't already written for him. The bastard's story.

He had to take the black. He wanted to. And he had just told his family that.

After meeting with his Uncle Benjen at the welcoming feast, he knew that it was his calling. He knew it was the place for him. He knew that he would feel more at home than he ever would here, however he tried. He was never going to be one of them, he knew. Robb made him feel like a brother, but there are only certain heights a half brother could go to, especially when his mother doesn't approve of his actions. Catelyn might be a good mother to her children, but she wasn't his.

And now, he had just spoken to his father about his decision, and his father had not much to say to him when he found out that this was what he wanted and that nothing could change his mind. He knew that the rest of the family would support this decision too, Lady Catelyn, a little more than the others. He would miss them, but it wasn't as if he would never see them again. He could ride back once in a year or so, come visit. But there was one person that would be hell-bent on not letting him leave. Because she loves him more than anything. But not more than he loved her.

Sara. His dear sweet Sara.

He had practically grown up alongside her, what with her father Jory Cassel and her uncle Ser Rodrik both being a part of the Stark household. Sara has been an apprentice to Maester Luwin for as long as he could remember, and she learned healing from him. She wanted to be a healer one day.

He and Sara had spent a lot of time together as kids, and when he found the real hostility towards him from some parts of the family and it got overbearing, he spent every moment he could with her, just because she didn't look at him like some of the others did- with pity, guilt and sometimes, disgust. They were best friends and knew more about each other than they did themselves, and they never let the teasing get to them.

And one day, for some reason when they were fifteen, he started seeing her in a wholly different light, and a fortnight later, she kissed him. This was about one and a half years ago, and they've been hopelessly in love with each other ever since. Her blonde locks were something that he could never get used to- it was the most beautiful thing in the whole world, especially how it shone in the sunlight. He never figured out how a girl like her would want to be with a bastard like him. He only knew that he would keep her safe, with him, for life.

That was until a few days before the royal visit.

They had sneaked out at midnight and sat near her home, just like they always do. She brought the food and it was her place that they sat at, and she also bought the money whenever they walked into town without being seen and when they felt hungry during those walks. And that night, when they talked just like they always did, he realised.

He had never provided for her, ever.

It was always her bringing the food, her bringing the money and her home that they sat at. Hell, she couldn't even tell anyone about them because he asked her not to, then people would look at her differently and he didn't want that for her.

And luckily for him, it was that day that she had to want to talk about their future.

She had talked about getting married and having a couple of children, just like she always wanted, and he had wanted it too. But he realised that he would never ever be able to bring anything to this relationship of theirs, except for his love and adoration, and that was something that wouldn't pay for anything later on. She would be able to pay for everything with the healer training she's been getting with Maester Luwin by working as his assistant. And that was also partly the reason for him to choose to take the black. Because he was the man, but he wouldn't be able to do anything for her.

He knew that he would never be able to let go of her, and her of him, when they were around each other. And when his uncle Benjen came, and when he thought of all the hostility he had received over the years, he knew that was the only way to go. He also knew that he would never be able to let go of her, ever.

So he wrote.

Sara,

I really don't know what I would look like to you when you reach the end of this letter. I can only hope that it wouldn't change what you think or feel for me, but I know that is only false hope on my side.

I know that I love you so much that it hurts me to even think of saying this to you, and that is why I put it all in this parchment. So I won't have to see you hurt, and know that I'm the reason for it. Or worse, watch as you hate me.

I don't want to lead you on by beating around the bush, so I'm going to tell you straight out.

I'm taking the black, and I'm leaving Winterfell.

You deserve so much more than a bastard boy like me, and I know that one day, as much as you hate me for this, you will find a man that would cherish you and love you and spoil you in a way that I never ever can.

I owe you an explanation, and it is this- It's because Winterfell was and is never going to be my home. I have to be able to change that. The other reason is so that I could give you a chance at finding someone that you deserve, someone that could provide for you, without having to think about the next time he would have to spend.

You deserve the world, and me leaving would give you just that.

Jon.

And then, he threw the parchment through her window.

***

They were to leave in two days time now, and Rhea couldn't help but feel like she is going to miss this place, which had become home in a short span of two weeks than King's Landing ever was. She had found a family in the Starks, and had even managed to not give anyone a chance to be hostile to her, something she got a lot from Joffrey. From Ned Stark to his youngest son Rickon- even Bran, with whom she couldn't spend a lot of time due to obvious reasons, she had found a safe place for herself. She felt like she was amongst the family.

She was at home.

She had her handmaidens pack her clothes and accessories and every other thing that she had to bring to get ready to leave as her mother said, and she was free for the day. She then walked about the gardens and then figured she would go to see her father, which she did. She peeked through the door and looked and when her father saw her, he gestured for her to come inside. He stood by the window and had a huge horn of ale in his right hand. She then, feeling the need to just spend some quality time with him got a little goblet for herself and poured a little ale for herself.

"Feeling adventurous, aren't you? First with the face sucking and now the ale? That too in front of your old man, eh?" he asked, and Rhea had to laugh. "I'll have you know..." she said and tilted her goblet toward him a little as she sat on the bench and her feet dangled off the edge of the table. "..that I've always been adventurous. Besides, it's not like you never knew, didn't you?"

"Well, I'm sure Varys was always fed up of watching you sneak out of the castle in vain every time." he said and Rhea let out a little laugh.

"One would think that the Great Secret Keeper of Westeros would have better things to watch on." she said, and her father looked into her eye and said, "You have no idea." They then drank in silence as she then found the silence uncomfortable.

"Robert Baratheon and drunk and quiet in the same sentence. Who would have thought?" She said, and let out a little laugh, and continued. Her father laughed too. "What's got you aboard the carriage of thought?"

"You won't believe how much you sounded like your mother when you asked that?" He asked. "I'm going to act like I didn't hear that. And, that isn't the answer to my question."

"The last time I was here was when I came as a visitor with my own father, to see Lyanna Stark. Of course, it is a revelation to see how things have changed, huh?" "I guess so."

"How are you getting along with this place?" he asked and Rhea smiled. "Definitely better than I thought I would. They're family now."

"Certainly a better family than you have right now, I'm assuming." he said.

"Father." she walked over to him and sat by him. She put a hand on his shoulder. "We may have not been the best of families, what with mother's cold behaviour and Joffrey's immaturity. But we are a family, that cares for each other, deep down. You know that right?" She said, tilted her head and smiled.

"Even if not, we always have each other. You know that. Robert and Rhea are the secretly quiet drinking partners and friends in need, and most importantly, a father and daughter closer than any other." She said, and Robert smiled.

"The Starks better realise what you're worth. If not, I'm taking you back with me. At least we'll be able to drink with each other and have conversations like these very often. And I won't have to be alone in that lion's den that we call home." He said, and she laughed.

"Haha. I thought I was more to you than your drinking companion, Your Grace." she said, and put a hand to her heart, in mock ache. "Damn right, you are." he said.

"Now that's enough drinking for today father, let's go see Bran. I was actually planning on going, I was hoping you would accompany me. And I'm not asking, so you better come." she said, and removed the horn from his hand and placed it on the little bench.

They walked toward the medical chamber where Brandon Stark laid, and they went inside to see a very distraught Catelyn Stark sitting near the bed and knitting what Rhea thinks is a good luck charm, of sorts. She immediately got up and apologized for her lack of appropriate clothing, and Rhea noticed that she was wearing a nightgown.

Her father went and hugged her and said that everything would be great again, and that her boy would be back to normal in no time. He then left, and Rhea knew that she had to go out and give the depressed mother the privacy that she desired the most at that moment.

"You better hang on in there, you're causing quite the fuss. Better get up soon." she said to the sleeping figure, and she swore she saw a little smile on Lady Catelyn's face until it rubbed off the next second. She then went and hugged her and said, "He's going to be alright." she said, and gave her a reassuring smile.

"We have to hope. After all, hope is all we have, isn't it?" Lady Catelyn said, and sat back down, looking at the peacefully sleeping boy, and Rhea walked out of the room and went back into her chambers.

She kept walking deep in thought as she didn't know that someone was walking her way with a few vials, and she bumped into the girl. Luckily she was able to catch them before the contents spilt on the floor.

"Nice catch." Rhea said as she watched the girl brush the dust off the vials and apologised profusely to her. "Calm down, if anything I should apologise. I bumped into you. What's your name?" she asked the blonde haired girl. She's probably the same age as her too. Maybe a year older.

"Sara Cassel, Your Highness."

"Sara, that's a pretty name." she said. Rhea noticed that she looked tired and like she was crying all this time before rushing with the vials.

"Are you the one treating Bran?" she asked the girl, and she nodded her head no. "Maester Luwin is. I'm just helping. I'm an apprentice." she said, and Rhea smiled.

"You look very tired. You should take care of yourself. Have you been crying?" She asked. "No, Your Grace, I'm perfectly fine." she said and tried to be as convincing as she could manage. It wasn't working very well, clearly. And Rhea didn't want to pry either. The girl didn't even know her, then why would she bother telling her?

She then wished the girl a good day and walked away. For some reason. Lady Catelyn's words kept echoing in her head.

After all, hope is what all have.

***