I had known Phil for a really long time, and honestly I couldn't keep my façade up for much longer. I was in love with my best friend, but I couldn't tell him. I was afraid of losing him, and just for my stupid feelings.

Phil was my best friend and I didn't want to do anything that would mess up our friendship, so I bottled up my emotions. I got up from my bed when I heard shuffling coming from Phil's room. I Smiled thinking of Phil's eyes and bed hair. I stretched and opened my door. Phil opened his door and smiled at me. His eyes blew my breath away. I smiled at Phil and walked to the kitchen with Phil trodding behind me. I smiled at the idea of Phil kissing me.

I looked at Phil and realized he was looking at me. I looked away blushing. But of course I wouldn't let him see me blushing.

I prepare us some tea, while Phil did our toast. I couldn't help but stare at hands. Syncing as he spread the jam on the toast.

"Dan you need to pack we're leaving in a week, and I know you love to procrastinate."

" Okay Phil."

When the kettle was done boiling, I got the hello kitty and Jake the dog mug, filling them with boiling water and putting the tea bags in them. Phil looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and passed him his Jake the dog mug as he passed me a piece of toast.

We sat down in the living room and turned on the TV to go on Netflix.

I got up and headed to my room to get my laptop. I got it and headed back to the living room.

Phil was on his phone scrolling through his twitter. He was texting Peej to see if he was going to VidCon.

Phil said PJ would and that he was going to find out if Chris wanted to go.

Peej had been quiet with Chris since Oscar's hotel. Chris was quiet and had only posted a few things in his twitter. But most of his fans were worried about him and his crises. i guess. I didn't know if it was a crisis  or a mental breakdown. I was afraid of asking. I guess it was because I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. I wanted Chris to have my trust. I didn't want to force anything out of him so I kept my distance. Last time I had seen him he looked like shit. He had purple bags under his eyes and pale skin. Fe was scarily skinny and his hair was long and greasy.

So something was indeed wrong with Chris. I honestly thought that Chris had a crush on Peej. But I guess I was wrong. There were rumours that Chris and Jimmy were dating but you couldn't be so sure. Neither Jimmy or Chis ever gave any information. Honestly nobody ever knew Chris as he was silent most of the time, but I don't mean like silent and shy. Chris honestly never ever mentioned about his family. We knew he had sibling but we didn't know if how his childhood was. I knew he grew up on a farm but besides that I knew nothing. It honestly made me curious. Chris always seemed happy cheerful he was loud. But under all that 'Happiness' was how he was. And it was safe to say something was terribly wrong with Chris. I actually wasn't sure if Peej and Sophie were dating. Although a lot of people thought they were. But they hadn't officially confirmed anything. I guess it as better if I minded my own business I looked back and saw Phil scrolling through Netflix.

Phil P.O.V.

Dan was staring at me all morning and honestly I felt a bit self-conscious. Peej was fairly worried of Chris. I also was but I couldn't be so sure. I didn't know anything about him. Chris was never actually opened about his childhood. I did know he was bullied when he was younger. He was a bit like Dan but Dan actually opened about his childhood. He worried me. I didn't show it but I was very worried I knew that when I saw him I saw that he looked like complete crap. I think he noticed that I was looking at him  because he looked at me and then looked away. He sighed and closed his eyes opened them again. He smiled at me but I looked into his eyes and saw that his smile was forced. It wasn't real it was fake. It wasn't real his eyes said something I smiled back and patted his back. I was brought  back from my flash back when Dan moved from the couch to the counter. I looked back at the TV and watched Netflix.

Chris P.O.V

My phone rang. I sighed loudly and looked at my phone. It was Peej. I didn't want to answer and I grabbed my phone but as soon as I did I got a call from my mother. I didn't want to talk to anyone, it was one of those days. I opened my phone and texted my mother that I was okay just under the weather. She responded with a okay. I forced myself up from my bed and grabbed clothes to get a shower. I took a shower, got dressed, got my phone and headed to out. I had to go to therapy. I didn't want to get up or do anything but drink.

That's right.  I, Christopher James Kendall was a alcoholic. I love drinking, it took me away from this reality. I knew I had a problem but that was something I had not mentioned to my therapist. Oops. As soon as I walked out of my flat I knew I had done a mistake there was too many people. Long ago I used to be this cocky person that didn't  care what said, but that now was different. I couldn't stand it when people looked at me. It gave me anxiety. I then opened my door with shaky hands and went to the fridge. I opened a beer bottle and chugged it down. I felt the burn of beer on my throat. I smiled and walked out the door. I wasn't really drunk but I wasn't close to being sober. I smiled and prepared for myself to go outside.

Hi! I am writing this in collaboration with ghostly-kidd

We are both posting it to our accounts!

Check out the story "the mental institution" on ghostly-kidd 's account. It's really awesome!