Secrets are more than a seclusive sin. Secrets are the walls one builds from fear. Secrets can break ties between persons or create heavy tides in the sea of relations. Secrets can protect as well as neglect. It's up to us to decide on whether or not a secret should be kept.

I stare into the mirror, my eyes wandering the reflection. Jesse Rose Edmond. She's the woman who was raised by a verbally gruesome father. Her mother was an drug addict. Yet, she went above and beyond in the theater of the dance industry. Never has she missed a rehearsal due to sickness, or any unfortunate circumstance.

She's beautiful, then skin of mellowed mocha. Much like her mother, she's feisty and driven. But as well as her mother, she is a sorceress of secrets. You have to pry, pull, and tear to walk into her forbidden world. She's not perfect, but aims to be. And now, she's slowly loosing grip of her world.

I've constantly checked in the mirror for growth, but each time I see the same. No change at all, just plain Jesse. I feel for the change in hopes of a surprise, but still feel nothing. "These things take time Miss Edmond" I was told, when I frantically asked about my transformation.

At first, I was nervous, scared and even terrified. But then I remembered my self promise. I can't turn back now, I have to take responsibility for this occurance. That I will do proudly.

Sliding my linen tee over my stomach I sigh happily. This is my secret. Four months. Four months a living, breathing human being has been growing inside of me. And for four months, neither Michael or I knew. I don't even remember when it could have occurred. I can't seem to relapse my memory whatsoever. Therefore, I have kept this to myself.

I'm the only person who knows. I found out after going to the doctors for what I thought was a regal flu check up, the check up transfused into the discovery that I'm pregnant and four months along. I didn't know what to feel when I found out. I travel into a different country for excitement and adventure only to receive a different form of excitement and a definite new adventure, motherhood.

I'm scared out of my wits to have knowledge of this, and especially having the will to keep it to myself. With Michael busy touring and we're in a different city and hotel every night, it's hard to get him alone, steal him away to talk. He is just too boggled with everything going on. I can't break his focus.

So each night and each morning I am met by the rays of the sun or the glow of the moon, glancing into a full length mirror for my growth. But, each day nothing changes. I'm scared, I want to tell Michael so bad so he can lend me his caring and encouraging words, but it's merely impossible. This is my secret, and the dilemma that follows.

"Babygirl.. You're up early. Everything okay?" Michael's groggily voice enters the hotel bathroom.

I turn away from the mirror, plastering my best smile. Michael looks absolutely inviting in his simple sleep wear. Plaid pajama pant and v-neck tee, so tempting.

That's another thing in experiencing with my pregnancy, my hormonal imbalance. It's not severe, for now, but it is difficult to control at times. I'm just relieved that I'm not an emotional, out of control dieting pregnant woman. That would only make this secret harder to keep.

"I'm fine. I just needed to wash off my acne medication" I lie with a gentle smile.

He raises an eyebrow, evidently unconvinced with my fable.

"But your face isn't wet or anything?" He investigates, stepping closer.

I can't tell him. I won't tell him.

"Well... I guess you know nothing about feminine health because I did in fact wash my acne medicine from my face and the evidence is in the hamper" I smile, faking my confidence.

Giving me another look, he turns and walks towards the hamper and proceeds to open it. I silently pray to God that there is a towel and wash cloth in their. I wouldn't know what to say next if he found out I just fabled.

"Oh... I see. Well come back to bed babygirl, we need all the rest we can get, we're going to North America" He tiredly smiles.

I sigh in relief, smiling as he walks up to me and pecks my forehead.

Oh my dear lord the sweetness of this man.

I know he would make a great father. I've dreamt of it. I've had a mental picture in mind, Michael and I married with a little one. Our little one calling out for daddy while I call them both in for breakfast. Seems like the perfect family. It wouldn't matter either way, just as long as Michael and I are together giving our child the best we can offer.

"Jesse, You know I was thinking when we were visiting the orphanage back in Yokamaha, I actually pictured us with a child. I know you will make a great mother one day" Michael expresses as we climb into the comforts of our hotel bed.

"Yeah... It's beautiful" I frown through the darkness.

"I can't wait for that day. I want to be fully ready by then you know? Marry you, work on a few more albums, and in between work on having children of our own" He continues to dream.

My heart is sinking. Michael doesn't want a child, not now. He wants to respectively wait. But no, Jesse has to ruin it with her defective birth control. Here I am thinking Michael is ready to drop everything to give his attention to his girlfriend that just so happens to be pregnant. He's not ready, and neither am I.

"Can you see that Jess? Maybe it's just me, I can see it so clearly" He sighs foolishly at his imagination.

"No Michael... I see it more clearly than you think" I swallow, caressing his chiseled jaw through the darkness.

"I'm glad you see it too Jess. I really am" He smiles, taking my hand and kissing my palm.

A lone tear cascades my cheek. I promised I wouldn't she's a tear, but his words are so beautiful. I can't help, but feel guilty for allowing this to happen.

What did I do?
>

Traveling with Michael is wondrous. The food, the venues, the scenery. All so very beautiful. Michael only cackles at my excitement as I look out into the window of his private jet. Each state we visit, he has the same reaction. I don't mind, this is all neutral to him, where as for me, this is all very exciting and exhilarating.

Today we have found ourself in North America, this concert being freshly held in Kansas City. Just yesterday it seemed Michael and Frank were butting heads about where the concert should be held in Kansas City. Michael wanted to use his free month to check out venues as well as work on better costumes.

In the free month of December, I wish I would've told him then, when I was three months along in my pregnancy. But now I'm too late, we're leaving for Kansas now.

Michael has decided to perform at the Kemper Arena, which is much like Melbourne, Australia's Olympic Park Stadium. The only difference between Olympic Park Stadium and The Kemper Aren is, The Kemper Arena is much wider in diameter. "The bigger, the better" Michael would stress.

"Jess, babygirl wake up... Welcome to Kansas..." Michael smiles, blushing at my groggily reaction.

Stretching in my seat, I blink repeatedly for a clearer vision of the green land beneath us. Michael's right, Kansas is absolutely beautiful. I couldn't help, but giggle as the thought of the great movie, The Wizard of Oz came to mind.

"Why are you giggling?" Michael interrupts, unconsciously caressing my knuckles with his thumb.

"We're off to see the wizard... The wonderful wizard of Oz!" I break into song, giggling at myself once again.

I think my hormones are activating, again.

Shaking his head, Michael fortunately finds amusement in my sing-song response as well, breaking into light chuckles.

"You're funny babygirl. You really are" He smiles, bringing my palms to his lips tenderly.

"Your smile is very radiant Jess..." He whispers aloud.

My face instantly runs hot as I try to recover from my recent plush in response to his gentle gesture.

"Thank you" I blush.

He nods, evidently wanting to add more, but glances out into the world beneath us.

The entire plane ride lasted another hour before we landed at our final destination. When we landed, we were met by an abundant swarm of fans. Honestly, I'm happy I actually understand what they are chanting. It was very difficult trying to make out what his fans were saying when we were in Australia and Japan.

I have still slowly began, becoming fond of this new concept. Hours of travel, booked hotels for each night, different concert locations every day, screaming fans everywhere, and participating in a plethora of events and ceremonies.

I am still astonished that I am witnessing the real world of Michael Jackson. First hand, I witness the madness. First person, I witness the sleepless nights. I have to bare all of this while still trying to care of myself as well. It's quite the burden.

"Michael! Michael!" They repeatedly chat, begging for his attention.

With one hand tightly clutched in mine, he waves with his free hand to each one of his awaiting fans. He is so precious when he humbles himself before them.

In Australia, a young teenage girl walked up to Michael and I when we were in a local shopping plaza, browsing for paintings Michael loves to collect. The young teenage girl was so meek and timid with her approach that neither I or Michael noticed her presence at first until Bill tried to escort her out.

Michael quickly stopped Bill, walking towards the girl. Greeting her warmly, he asked if he could give her an autograph and a hug. She nervously agreed, trembling as he signed her CD and hugged her gently. When he released from his embrace, he hands her an artificial flower from a nearby shelf.

"Because you are a beautiful flower" He explained to the girl, standing upright. She couldn't move, but I knew she was moved. It was a wondrous thing to have witnessed that. Just amazing.

"I think you have fans Jess..." Michael giggles, pointing towards a group of girls holding a poster with Michael's and I name surrounded by hearts.

We Love M&J, Michael and Jesse For Ever!

The sign read. I can't help but blush severely. It isn't the first time I've seen A poster or two where Michael's fans were acknowledging me as well. I am truly honored when I do come across those fans who do so.

"M&J, they love us..." I blush, continuing into our awaiting limousine.

"I have an entire day before tomorrow. I can't wait", Michael sighs, rolling up our partition.

"Yeah. I can't believe you've been touring for nearly four months now" I exhale, reminiscing the sleepless nights of plane travel.

"December wasn't a Bad, break. I'm just happy you're here with me. I swear, I wouldn't have been this calm about touring if you weren't here with me" He stresses, squeezing our hands.

I once again blush for the millionth time, moved by his honesty. As the days flow by, my longing to tell him grows stronger.

Every night I sneak to regurgitate, I silently wish he was there to hold my hair and rub my back, each night I wake to sharp pains, I wish to wake him and share with him that our baby could be moving inside of me. Each of those experiences Michael is missing, because of my fear of the unexpected.

Until things become too apparent to hide, I will have to be solemn about this secret, for my sake, for the baby's sake, for Michael's sake...

To Be Continued...