"When your world falls apart, listen to your heart" She whispers, stroking my forehead.

"But what if my heart is wrong?" I question.

She smiles, tapping my nose gently.

"Your heart will never steer you wrong, your heart knows best" She assures me.

I glance into her hazel eyes, these eyes I love so much. Mommy is so beautiful.

"When I become a mommy, I'll tell my daughter what you told me mommy" I smile, shifting beneath my covers in excitement.

Mommy giggles, her pearls appearing between her lips.

"Oh my dear Jesse, I know you'll be a great mommy one day. Just focus on letting me be mommy for now, okay?"

I nod, giggling once she bends down to nuzzle our noses.

"I love you mommy"

"I love you too gummy bear" she smiles.

I can't wait to be a mommy. I'll be the best mommy in the world, just like my mommy.

One day. One day.

I cringe over the porcelain bowl, my winces echoing throughout the room. I cling onto the rim of it's seat, desperate to stand up and call for help. I'm alone. No one can hear me. I want Michael, I need him. Finally standing to my feet, I trample out of the bathroom and somehow make it over to our bedside table. My mind is clouded, but I refuse to allow negativity to have way of my mind.

Since the Madison Sqaure Gardens concert, thing's have become more hectic. Michael fired both Frank and Tatiana, with no warning. He would'nt construe his reason to me either when he did return to our suit that night. Though I was pained by Tatiana's stunt that night, I was more troubled by the intense pain in my ovaries. I didn't know what was going on, I just knew I had to depart and find an anecdote for this pain.

Upon returning to the hotel, I contemplated on whether or not I should inform Michael. I eventually convinced myself, that he has enough to worry about, therefore after taking an prenatal antibiotic, I smothered myself between the comfort of our bed while silently wishing Michael was there.

Now here I am, three days later in an even more critical situation. I'm cursing myself for not informing Michael. I let my insecurity of his incoherence of my hints degrade the true sensibility of allowing him knowledge. My naive decision making has led to my own backfiring of torment. I'm alone, and I don't know what to do.

I cry out in pain, another stab to my ovaries sending a dispensable amount of pain throughout my lower body. I reach for the hotel phone, clinging onto my abdomen desperately. Through cloudy vision, I manage to dial someone's number.

"Hello, Hello?" An unfamiliar voice rings from the other end.

I open my mouth to speak, but I'm once again smitten by a rushing of liquid down my legs. Glancing down, my tears flow heavily. My worse nightmare, happening before my eyes. Managing to return the phone to it's receiver, I frantically, wrap my hotel rob around me in an attempt to reduce the seeping blood flow. I ingress away into the bathroom, I cradle over the bath tub and begin running water, bringing to bare and maintain positive thoughts, though my body has chosen my conclusion.

Immigrating into the warm water of the bath tub, I close my eyes as the water envelopes me as my only means of comfort. I don't dare remove my rob as I sulk into the water, praying to God that this all to just be a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. I silently continue my prayer that Michael would suddenly appears and that our baby will be spared in becoming an beautiful angel. I don't want to loose this child before Michael can even configure my pregnancy.

God, don't take away my child.

"Jesse Edmond, I'm here to see Robert Edmond" I smile, ignoring the gasp of on lookers and blocked off fans from outside.

Michael and I are here for my father's fifty-fifth birthday. I could'n't be more elated.

"Oh... Okay. Let me check with doctor Melrose first" The attendant notifies me.

Frowning, I nod in agreement to wait.

"Jess, I'm worried about your father. He seemed weird the last time I visited him..." Michael stresses, caressing the back of my hand with his thumb.

glancing up at him worriedly, I mutely ask him to continue.

"He seemed weaker than usual. Babygirl I'm afraid that-"

"Miss Edmond, Mister Jackson?" A nurse calls us.

Turning away from Michael, I glance at the sun kissed woman. Though she smiled, I know she is a barrier of bad news.

"Is everything okay?" Michael asks as we approached the silky haired woman.

She dares to avoid my eyes as she construes that doctor Melrose will inform us with answers to any of our questions.

my heart is beating out of my chest, and minute now and my heart will be beating before my eyes on the cold tile of this hospital.

Doctor Melrose is flipping through his clipboard as we approach him. His glance is focused on the contents of the pieces of paper. His grey eyes find mine as I wait for his acknowledgement.

"Good evening miss Edmond, mister Jackson" He greets warmly.

"My father doctor Melrose, is my father okay?" I ask, cutting the smile from his lips.

Michael squeezes my hand superlatively, pecking my nearest temple.

"Mister Edmond's body fought long and hard for recovery, but mister Edmond was no longer willing to fight mentally. Twelve a.m this morning, we discovered him unplugged..." Doctor Melrose sighs, glancing down at his clipboard.

My knees instantaneously buckle beneath me.

He can't be gone. He's a fighter. He wouldn't have given up.

"No. No! My father wouldn't leave me the way she did! He wouldn't have left me!" Screech, pounding clenched fists into Michael's chest as he holds onto me tightly.

Quivering in his hold, I cling tighter onto his flannel. My father can't be gone.

"God wouldn't do this to me. He wouldn't do this to me!" I continue to screech.

"Babygirl, don't question God. Thing's happen for a reason. God saw that your father has taken enough suffering. Don't let your fathers freedom be acknowledged in vain" Michael whispers, pecking my forehead.

"I want to see him" I finally manage to croak.

Aiding me to my feet, Michael asks the doctor Melrose to allow us to see my father one last time. Doctor Melrose agrees, directing us towards my fathers room.

"I'll give you as much time as you need, I'm truly sorry miss Edmond. Your father was a great man" Doctor Melrose whispers, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder before walking away.

"Are you sure you want to see him?" Michael asks, glancing at the door.

I nod.

"Yes"

Both inhaling, we proceed into my fathers suite.

>

Time supposedly heals all wounds. Time seemingly is the keeper of all pain, happiness, and opportunity. Yet time has not prohibited my tears, anguish, nor my guilt. Time has not prohibited me from labeling myself as the murderer of my own child. Time cannot prohibit the scene of my unborn child lying dead before me. Time cannot spark my confidence in telling Michael about my miscarriage. Time didn't heed warning to the depressing feeling my body now carries. Time, is an antagonizing, relentless vapor.

Each day he lays beside me, the memories of my cries for him flood my mind. The blood that cascaded my legs as our dead child was forcibly revoked by my body. It pains me. He's utterly oblivious to the pain I endured. Now, each day I must force as smile and continue on as of nothing happened.

I being the sorceress of secrets, has been forced into barring another one.

"Jess? Babygirl where are you?" His voice calls from the other end of the hotel.

Glancing up from velvet box, I quickly stash it beneath the love seat before acknowledging him.

"In here" I answer.

His footsteps near, his loafers lightly tapping against the marble flooring.

Here we are in the beautiful city of St Louis and he's preparing for yet another concert. Since the New York, Michael has decided to keep Mister Dileo as his temporary manager until after his tour. In addition to keeping mister Dileo as his manager, he continued with his choice to fire Tatiana along with making an public statement about his choice to relieve her. The public still made an mockery and spectacle of the performance.

"I have some news for you" He smiles, plopping beside me.

Gently lifting my legs onto his lap, he passes me a cheat of paper and an envelope. Glancing at the beige envelope with my name encrusted on it, I return his gaze in question.

"Just open it and read the paper" He giggles.

I manage a small smile as I proceeded to open the envelope. Inside is an creme, folded letter. The senders name is nowhere to be found, but I continue to unfold the letter.

Dear Miss Edmond,

I'm Rilvolda Polozzi, theater and choreographer of Spellbound Dance Company. I've seen your work, you are truly mesmerizing. When I see a dancer of your elegance and grace, I have a need to take that dancer, in this case you miss Edmond, and add them into my ensemble. Therefore, I'm offering you miss Edmond, to be apart of my ensemble of Spellbound Dance Company here in Val Maira Roma, Italy. You would be our first of Americans to join. I would like to offer you the spring season, so that you may have an opportunity to experience what my company will offer you. I hope you will accept this offer and contact me soon. I will be in Louisville on the eighteenth, I would hope that you wil be there as well. Thank you for your entry in our video audition, blessings to you.

-Sincerely Rivolda Polozzi

"Well..." Michael lulls, running his fingers up and down my legs.

I set down the letter and glance at the audition sheet Michael handed me before.

"You sent in an audition?"

He nods proudly.

"Yes, I sent it at the beginning of the tour. Bill did the research for me and I knew you didn't want to return to New York to work with mister Sanchez again so I figured why not let you continue your dream. You've supported me in mine" He reasons.

I glance at the paper again. Nearly a month ago, I experienced the second most tragedy of my life, the death of our first child and now I'm being blessed with an opportunity of an life time. I haven't even had much thought of continuing a career in the dancing arts industry. With Michael being on tour for a year and a half, and my then pregnancy, dancing was far from my mind, but here it is again. Now my choice is rather I continue or not. Is my body ready?

"Thank you" I force a smile.

He frowns,furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"You aren't happy, why?"

I glance into his eyes, searching for a lie. I can't tell him now. He has enough on his plate. I have to be strong. I can't break this chain with a minor dent, I must withhold my misfortune and continue to uphold a promising blessing.

"I'm just surprised. That's all, and a little nervous" I reply honestly.

Taking my hands for his, he pecks each palm.

"You'll do just fine babygirl. You have a few weeks to prepare. I believe in you" He assures me.

I nod silently, only smiling when his tender lips meet mine. The sanity I find within his lips is indescribable. They are my weakness as well as my keeper.

Though I'm still healing physically and mentally, I will take on this project. I am determined to do this. For Michael, for our heavenly baby, for my heavenly father, and most importantly for me. I will not be counted out.

I'm not done yet...

To Be Continued...