'Was it worth it to drink that much just to be part of 'the it crowd'?' I asked myself, fighting the urge to throw up.

My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and my nostrils tickled.
Trying to hold in the sneeze, I sat up. Almost immediately, a wave of panic washed over me. 

My surroundings were completely unfamiliar! 

'Maybe you are dreaming.' A small, hopeful voice supplied, but before the idea could take hold, I heard a knock. 

I looked for its source and found that it was coming from the mirror that sat on top of an ornate baby blue colored dresser that was definitely not mine. 

I took in my surroundings and despite knowing better than to trust food and/or beverages on offer when in an alien place, I gulped down the water on the bedside table. In my hurry, I spilled some on my shirt.

It was not my shirt....it couldn't be. For starters, it was three sizes too big, and definitely not something a woman would wear. 

The realization reacquainted me with embarrassment and shame in equal measures. 

Janice, the hell did you do last night!? 

"You took your first step on the expressway to success. If you don't get off, you will be here within the next two years." The mirror replied, sarcastically and added solemnly, "By the way, happy new year. I am aware that your mind is pretty much made up. Nonetheless, I had to try and knock some sense into you."

Feeling a bit offended, I walked over to the dresser. 

A fresh-faced girl stared at me. 

'Psst. That's you, girl. Don't tell me you don't recognize yourself!?' There it was: the voice of my conciseness. 

"I know!" I snapped and the often condescending voice promptly shut up. 

"Do you, Janice? Do you really know me?" The young girl crossed her hands over her chest, "From how you have been treating yourself, it doesn't seem that way."

I held my words. I couldn't argue and that was saying something; I was a lawyer, you see. 

Arguing was my thing... my jam, you know? 

"Looks like the twenty-one year old me knows me better than my twenty eight years old self." The girl in the mirror continued like she knew I couldn't counter argue. 

"Good thing that I showed up now, right?" 

I didn't understand what she meant but I was sure that she was indeed right. 

"Listen, I can imagine being you. So, how about you take this day to think things over. If at the end of it, you are truly happy, I won't bother you anymore." She said as if she was offering me a deal. 

"What do you mean by:" I did the annoying air-quote, the only habit from my younger days that refused to die, "take this day."

"This is where you will be if you continue on the path you have chosen." 
With that, the girl winked, snapped her fingers and disappeared. 

"Heyyyy! Wait." I reached for the girl in the mirror and stopped short of hurting my perfectly manicured nails. 

"Jan?" A deep, throaty voice from somewhere behind me made me jump. I turned and came face to face with...my boss!!

He looked older than the last time I had seen him. That couldn't be right. I saw him last night, at the office party. Party that was thrown in honor of my promotion. 

"I was going to join you, what made you wake up so early?" Mathew asked, reaching for my face. 

I stepped away, obviously. Mathew was married. This wife, whom I had met on a few occasions, was a lovely woman. 

"What's wrong, Jan?" Mathew's thick black brows kissed and his lips parted slightly to reveal a hint of his pearly whites. 

Yes, Mathew was a gorgeous man, but what had made him so attractive to me was the way he always seemed to treat his wife. He was attentive, sweet and a perfect gentleman. The word on the street was that he even though women threw themselves at him, he only had eyes for his wife.

"Nothing!" I shook my head while putting more space between us. 
Mathew put his hands up and caught my eyes. "Is it...you know, that time of the month?" 

"Yep!" I lied through my teeth, and when he nodded understandingly, and gave me a weak smile, "I can't say that I am not disappointed, but we still have time. You are at your peak and I am not doing so bad either, am I?" 

He pointed at himself and held his hand out. "Babe, let's go out. You pick the place, any place."

I glanced at the clock to my right. It was seven in the morning. 

Didn't he have to go to the office? Didn't I? 

"Where are we?"

"Are you kidding me, Jan!?" Mathew's face went from soft and gentle to angry, almost fuming in a split second. "You brought us here, to this dump you call your-" he raised his hand, and as if trying to mimic me, did air-quotes, "mother's place." he huffed, "You said this place was lucky for you...You bitch!"

I didn't see the slap coming, but I felt the sting. I felt it to my core. 

My eyes swam with tears. If looks could kill, I would have been inhaling Mathew's ashes by now. 

"Shit! Sweetheart, I am so sorry." Mathew pulled me in his arms and pleaded sincerely, "Please, forgive me. I was wrong. I promise, it won't happen again."

I felt a sense of déjà vu. Horrified, I realized that this was exactly the tone I had seen him take while apologizing to his wife for seemingly trivial things, like forgetting to call or missing dinner. 

It took me a few minutes to compose myself, then I stepped out of his embrace and reach. I needed to know what had made me fall for such a man.
I cringed internally. No, he was not a man. Men, real men would never lower themselves like Mathew had done. 

"Jan. Sweetie, I know that I sometimes get like this, but I always make it up to you, don't I?" Mathew tried to reason, "You knew about this before we got together. Remember? You said that as long as I made you a partner, you will deal with my issues."

As Mathew rambled on, I couldn't help but wonder about the authenticity of the words that were coming out of his mouth. 

If what he was saying was the truth, then the question was, how could I have let myself make that choice? 

How desperate was I? 

Well, I couldn't change the past. I could,  however, do something about my present. I scanned the room for my purse and hoped that we had driven here separately. 

Only a stupid person would leave themselves with no way out, and I was not stupid. 

'I beg to differ.' The as-of-yet silent condescending voice reared its logical head again, 'If you were smart you would have not chosen him and even if you did, you would have kicked him out of your life long ago.'

"Jan, why do I feel like you are not paying attention to what I am saying, hum?" There it was again, that look, but I was prepared this time. 

I dogged the slap and lept at a handbag, dangling from the rusty nail on the wall beside the bed.

Apparently, my purse-place had not changed. 

Thank God for constants. 

"Hey! You can't just leave! How will I get home? You drove us-" I heard Mathew yell as I dashed out the door and locked it behind me. 

Praying that I had not fixed the lock that jammed more often than not, I rushed outside my mother's house. 

No sooner did I do that, I stumbled and fell. 

"You did well. It seems that you have some spine left, after all." 

It was the girl again. The younger version of me, was smiling. It was infectious, and I couldn't help but reciprocate. 

"Did I do the right thing?" I asked.

 The girl grinned, "Why don't you ask yourself this in three years time?" And just like she had done earlier, she winked, snapped her fingers and vanished. 

The stench of alcohol on my breath was unbearable as a pair of strong arms helped me up, "Easy there, Jan. Do you need me to take you home?"

Mathew!? 

I clenched my handbag to my chest and glanced up. There he was, my boss, with a genuinely concerned look on his handsome face. 

All the times I had ignored or pretended to un-see his roving eyes and unnecessary touches came crashing back. 

How could I have thought that this scum could be a gentleman!? 

'I guess, sometimes we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. We lower our standards and fall victim to the lies we are fed.' My conscience preached. As always, it was right. 

I shook my head and stated confidently, "Thank you, sir. I am fine now...actually, I am better than fine. I am good." 

Then, without giving the pervert any explanation, I turned around and left. 
I knew that doing this would set me back years, but I didn't matter, for I had my proverbial 'spine' back and the confidence to go with it. 

I was sure that I would make it, and I would do it on my terms. 

No compromises.