⚠️self harm⚠️

I stepped into the front room and tiredly ran my hands through my hair. For some inhumane reason I had decided to let it grow longer and it was currently waist length, long enough to cause trouble if I left it open and heavy enough to be bothersome if I tied it into my signature plait. Add to it the fact that somehow my hair turned silkier than ever and absolutely refused to stay up if it wasn’t tied tightly, I was living in my own personal hair hell. I walked into the kitchen and stared wistfully at the pair of scissors which were glinting in the drawer.

Screw Seokjin for convincing me to grow my hair. Many a painful deaths be bestowed on him!

My eyes fell on the shining cage in which Jungkook was sleeping. Namjoon had valiantly offered the suggestion that if holding me for an hour could remove the drug, holding Jungkook for four hours could remove his dosage. Needless to say, Jimin had politely refused to let Jungkook sit on his lap, so we decided to just wait out the effects of the drug. According to Jimin, the drug ought to leave Jungkook’s system in a month. I glanced at the calendar in the kitchen in which I had been crossing out days. Jungkook should have come back to whatever normal was for him yesterday. He was running a day late.

Yippee.

Wouldn’t it be just our luck if the drug never left?

“Joan?” Jungkook’s doe eyes were shining brightly but there was a queer expression on his face. I walked over to him while simultaneously braiding my hair. Sitting on the floor, I quickly pushed the loose strands behind my ears and then turned my attention to the boy. “Yeah?”

“I feel funny.”

I leaned forward and placed my chin on my palms. “Describe ‘funny’ for me, please.”

“I-I don’t know,” he mumbled. “There are these flashes, these images and I keep blacking out.” He looked up fearfully as my expression turned dark. “That’s not good, is it?”

“I’m not sure,” I muttered hesitantly. “That never happened to me, but then again, I was never told to forget bits of my life, so…”

“I think I believe you. About the drug. What’s happening to me isn’tnormal.”
I gave him a sad smile and got ready to stand up. “I know. You’ll be okay, don’t worry. I really need to pee. Call for me if anything happens, hm?”
Jungkook nodded. One of the good things was that he was growing nicer the longer he spent cooped up in the cage. Maybe he was remembering stuff.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you.”

“Multiple times.”

“Huh?”

“You tried to kill me multiple times. Don’t I deserve multiple apologies?”

“Erm-”

“I’m kidding, you clown. Thank you for the apology. Are you hungry? I could cut you an apple,” I offered and Jungkook shook his head. "Okay, then..." I stood up and dusted my pyjamas before heading to the washroom.

I stared drowsily at the large mahogany door before turning the door knob, but it didn’t budge. Great. Just what I needed. Someone to be in the toilet right when I wanted to use it. I leaned my forehead on the door and waited quietly. After around fifteen minutes of having several internal wars my urethra, I succumbed and started banging. “Whichever constipated idiot is in there, kindly take it to the fricking bushes before I break down this door!”

No answer but several irritated grunts echoed from the nearby rooms. If I was awake and annoyed, then those boys did not deserve to sleep. I slammed my hand on the polished surface over and over. “Open the damn door, my kidney tubules are protesting to this torture! I need to-”

“What are you doing?” Jin grumbled sleepily from behind me and I took my accusations to him. Sometime during our stay in the rental house, Jin had assumed the position of caretaker, so the person inside was more likely to listen to a grumpy Jin than a grumpy Joan.

“I need to pee,” I complained. “And this person is overshooting their toilet time! I have been waiting for fifteen fricking minutes and I am this close to peeing in the kitchen sink-”

“Hey, open up!” Jin cut across me. “I cut vegetables in that kitchen, I can’t let Joan release her daily dose of urea in there!”

No reply again. Jin turned worriedly to me and opened his mouth. “I’ll check the rooms,” I told him and he shut his lips and nodded, continuing to bang on the door.

I walked into the first room. Yoongi was still sound asleep and Hoseok was sitting on the bed with the blankets draped over his skull. “What is going on?” his muffled voice squeaked and I closed the door behind me.

“Nothing, go back to sleep.”

I walked into the next room and Jimin was practising his dancing with
music blasting in his ears through the very expensive airpods I had gifted him because I was feeling overly nice. He grinned widely at me and stuck out his thumbs. I walked ahead and shook his shoulders.

“What?” he screamed, unable to hear me. I pointed to the airpods and gestured to him to remove them.

“WHAT?”

I didn’t have time to deal with a half-deaf human. I held his ears and yanked hard and he yelped before shutting off the music. “What?” he pouted at me. “You are interrupting my favourite song!”

“Where’s Taehyung?”

“Who?”

“Your best friend, Kim Taehyung!”

“Oh, he got out of bed and went to the kitchen an hour back. Maybe he went to the living room? I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention. Why? What happened?”

“An hour? Crap!” I raced out of the room and Jimin followed while slipping on my black jacket to cover his bare chest. “What happened?” he repeated in a small voice.

“He is still in the bathroom, Jimin,” I exhaled. “Door is barricaded and he isn’t replying.”

“Break it,” I nodded to Jin. “Taehyung is in there.”

His expression turned grim on seeing Jimin’s scared and confused face and he nodded before slamming shoulder against the door. “Ow! Bloody hell, that hurts!”

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me. “Stand back, you skimpy crow.” I raised my leg and kicked hard and the door easily opened. “What are those muscles for, huh?” I asked an abashed Jin.

“They add to my ethereal beauty,” he mumbled under his breath and I sighed before pushing the door. It caught against something on the floor and I slid in between the slight gap and entered the bathroom.

The door had caught on a foot.

Taehyung’s foot.

Taehyung, who was laying face down on the floor, a knife in one hand, and blood dripping out of wrist of the other.

┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻
A/N_

Like I've been informing since the last seven (?) chapters or so, from here on out there's going to be a lot of triggering content being addressed; mental health, depression and suicidal tendencies being some of them. If it is too much for you, it's completely okay, you don't have to read it. Feel free to get out my clownism lmaoo

The story will take a slightly dark turn, yes, but it's nothing too bad (I think). It will contain it's usual weird af humour so no biggie there lol
I need to make it clear that the upcoming book will NOT encourage self-harm, or disregard the difficulties of anyone going through it. It was written for the sole purpose of helping myself cope with most of my friends going through it (I know that sounds self centred and weird like 'omg your friends are in pain, why are you having problems' but honestly speaking, it sucks for me too because I feel useless and helpless like I can't make it go away. Not to mention the fact that I'm extremely sensitive about the well-being of my friends and I cry everytime they send a message saying 'it's too much, I want it to end' and then persuading them to get out of that mindset hurts more than anything because I always feel like I'm failing terribly at it and being a disappointing friend), so hopefully  I'll be able to help you get better too. I suck at speaking so I'm basically just going to write what I can't say.

I do not mean to hurt anyone with my words and if you find anything, anything, to be too much, too graphic, or too detailed, please feel free to let me know and I will change it immediately.

No, the plot will not be centred around Taehyung; the initial storyline still stands (along with the clownery).

Thank you for reading Ingenium and please look out for book two, it'll be out soon!

Love you to pluto and back piggies♡

•drink lots of water and stay hydrated or I'll gently yeet you out of the solar system uwu•