✪17✪

“Joan please, please, get up!”

I opened my eyes and groaned on a very wet floor. That dumb, idiotic dream again. I thought I was over it.

I really did.

But I was not.

I saw the same brown eyes and brown hair like those in my memory and before I could control it, I was crying. Jin lifted me from the ground and just cradled me and I couldn’t stop crying. I could make out other faces, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jungkook, Sarah, Taehyung and Jimin and they were watching anxiously, but they were quiet. Jimin was closer than the others.

In fact, one of his small palms was on my back and like Jin, he was rubbing it up and down comfortingly.

I wasn’t comforted.

It took more than one blo.ody palm to get over the dumb nightmare of my memory. I didn’t have the closure I needed to get over it.

After some time, it was just Jin and I. I heard him tell the others to go away and honestly, I liked it best with him. Just him. I curled up in his chest and his arms tightened. Just like my mother’s before she let go.

No!

No, not that foolish thought again!

Too late.

Clownery at its finest.

And then I was sobbing again, up until the point I had no tears to shed. Jin’s thumb swiped against my face, removing the soggy trail of those little raindrops.

“What happened, Joan? I was so worried,” he finally whispered and I shook my head. There was no way I was going to talk about it.

“Joan,” he tilted my face up and the bright yellow light burnt my eyes.

“Where-?”

“The bathroom,” he softly hummed, pressing his forehead on mine. “I heard you fall… Sarah and I... you must have had a concussion. I called Jimin because you weren’t moving and he said the best thing was to let you wake up by yourself but I-I read your mind and I couldn’t let you go through… I was late. Once again, I was late. I couldn’t help, I can never help, Joan, I-”

“Thank you.”

He didn’t reply and we were quiet for a while. “How can I make it go away?”

“You can’t, Seokjin.”

“I can.”

“I am too far gone to-”

“Stop saying that! Just tell me what you want, I’ll get it for you. Please.”

“I think I want my mother, Jin.”

***

“Seriously? House arrest?”

“You are not going anywhere,” Jungkook firmly said. “We are going to stay right here and the others will be back soon.”

“Why am I on house arrest?” I demanded. “If you care about me so much then let me bask in the glory of the sun!”

He stifled a laugh. “Shut up, Joan. You and I are staying at home and that is final.”

I pouted and flopped back into the pillows. It was not like I could have done much anyways, my dearly beloved friends had handcuffed me to the bed in the hopes that at least that would prevent me from leaving.

“I am bored!” I wailed.

“I am not.” Jungkook pushed his round glasses further up his nose.

“Come on! Be nice!”

“I am being perfectly nice.”

“You’re not even listening to me!”

“I heard you. You said you were bored.”

“And…?”

“And nothing! Your bookshelf is right there, find something to read.”

“When did you become so mean?”

“Since I heard you cry for an hour and you're the strongest person I know,” His gaze softened and his little doe eyes crinkled and he sat down on the bed next to me. “You had us worried Joan. Really worried. So please, just calm down and listen to me.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “Where have they gone?”

“To get food.”

“All of them?”

“We didn’t want to order and there are eight of us. That’s a lot of food to carry. Chocolate?”

I obediently opened my mouth and he pushed a piece of it into my mouth. I chewed contently on the little block of heaven. “I want to read Harry Potter,” I said finally.

“Again?” he asked disdainfully, after standing up and pulling the first book out of the shelf. “Haven’t you read the series like twenty times already?”

“Thirteen,” I corrected. “I want to beat my aunt. She had read it nineteen times.” Jungkook just shook his head in alarm and placed the book in front of me. I looked at him expectantly.

“What?” he sighed and I grinned.

“How do you expect me to turn the pages?”

“Turn the-? Right. Ugh!”

“Or you could just uncuff my hands,” I widened my eyes innocently.

“No.”

“Not even one?” I moaned. “You suck!”

“Yes I do. Now tell me when to turn the page.”

I felt myself getting drowsy after an hour. “Jungkook?”

“Hm?”

“I want to sleep.”

He looked relieved and shut the book before I changed my mind.

“But I’m scared.”

“You’re… scared?”

I nodded, turning red. “I don’t want to dream again.”

His eyes became sad and he removed the handcuffs. I massaged my wrists and he pushed me down. “Go to sleep. I’ll hold you.”

I sighed gratefully, sinking in his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For everything.”

He smiled softly, a little dimple appearing in his right cheek. “It isn’t your fault that you like Jin, you know.”

“Isn’t it? If I had realised sooner I could have saved you from-”

“No. Then we wouldn’t have become as close. And anyways, I’m pretty sure I prefer being your friend.”

“Because I was a sucky girlfriend that nearly cheated on you?”

“Because I’ve seen first-hand what a loyal friend you are.”

“That’s nice.”

“Indeed. Go to sleep, Joan,” He ran his fingers lightly over my eyelids, shutting them.

***

I gasped loudly when I felt myself falling. I tried to open my eyes but they refused to listen to me.
Meanies.

My surroundings turned a charcoal black, then a bright blinding white and a deep periwinkle blue before dissolving into a fluttering golden mist which made me feel calm and nervous all at once.

I blinked when I saw where I was standing.

Then I blinked again.

And again.

Basically, I blinked a couple of times. I was hovering uncertainly over two teenage kids who were chatting noisily, sitting at a round table. The flickering neon sign outside the fast food shop showed that they (and I) were at McDonald's.

I walked a little closer to them and wrinkled my nose on seeing my thirteen year old self. I looked gross. The other boy, I realised with a start, was a seventeen year old Jin. Cool! I leaned ahead to hear their conversation better, which was a highly unnecessary move on my part because they (or was it "me" because my past self was talking?) were talking so loudly that the entire room could hear them (us).

"If you don't give me a birthday present, I will throw you off a tree," Joan (I) scowled, waving a burger with so much gusto that the lettuce flew out and slapped Jin on his silly nose.

Wait up. I knew that memory. It was nineteenth September, two days after my blessed birthday and my absolutely amazing best friend had forgotten to get me anything and assumed frantically that I'd accept his rubbish explanation of "my love is the best present you can get". Needless to say, I did not accept it.

Jin pouted foolishly (and cutely) and looked longingly at my burger before opening his mouth.

"No, this burger does not count as a birthday present," Joan snapped and I chuckled. I changed my mind; my thirteen year old self was absolutely amazing!

Jin's eyes brightened when something on the table caught his eye. Smiling happily, he leaned forward and started digging inside the denim pockets of Joan's extremely-cool-looking jacket. "I don't think groping me in public is a good idea," she hissed and he rolled his eyes. "Also... I have been thinking."

"Of course you have," Jin murmured distractedly. "Where did you keep the ketchup packet?"

Joan rolled her eyes and slapped the sache on his palm. "I might have to marry you."

"Okay," said Jin. "Pass the empty glass, please?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Because soon I will reach the ripe age of twenty five-"

"It's only twelve years later-" he mumbled sarcastically, ripping open the ketchup packet.

"-and that's probably when I'll get the craze to get married and start a family so I'll need a husband and all that crap. Boys suck and you're the only thing I'm comfortable with-"

"Thing? I'm a boy too, you lazy piece of flesh!"

"No, you're a lizard," Joan told him seriously. "Stop interrupting me! Anyways, like I was saying, if I have to marry a dude, I'd rather marry you because sure, you're nuttier than poop and a mentally retarded goat, but I have stayed with you all my life so I now exactly how to blackmail you when you act too annoying!" She declared, beaming. Ohmyfrickingghod, thirteen year old me was adorable!

Seokjin didn't reply (rude) and glanced up as if looking for a waiter. Right on cue, a blushing boy rushed forwards and nearly slipped over a puddle of  water before stopping next to them, his face serious in rapt attention. "Yes?" the boy asked eagerly and I saw Joan stifle a laugh when Jin's mouth opened in surprise.

"Wow, excellent service! So rapid," he awed and then gestured to the glass in which he had poured the ketchup. "Can I get another glass filled with water and seven tissues?"

"Of course, sir," the boy blushed and grabbed the items from a nearby table.

"Thankyou... Daniel," Jin peered at the name tag on the waiter's shirt. He picked up a toothpick in flourish and dumped it in the ketchup, turning it round and round with a plastic spoon. Ignoring Joan's look of revolt and Daniel's look of admiring horror, he removed the toothpick and doused it in the water from the second glass. Joan nearly gagged on seeing the ugly vermilion colour of the toothpick when he wiped it with the napkin.

Jin looked up in glee but Daniel had fled already. He raised his hand but the waiter continued to ignore him. (That's how Jin's short career as a gay man ended). "Oye Daniel!" he yelled and the poor boy rushed back to us when his manager gave him dirty looks. "What now?" he grimaced.

"Can I get a hairdryer?"

Joan gaped and Daniel's lips flattened into a thin angry line. "This is not a salon. So no, you cannot get a hairdryer, mister!"

Joan sighed and jumped to her feet. "Don't mind this dude, he's a little unhinged and we just came back from the psychiatrist and turns out he's diagnosed with La Demencia which is a disease in which he acts absolutely crazy for no effing reason-"

"- I am not crazy-"

"-kindly shut up, Seokjin- either way, we're leaving now and I'll pay extra for your trouble-"

"-I am paying-"

"No, Seokjin, you are not because I am paying!" Joan snapped before removing a two dollar note from  Jin's pocket. "Two dollars? That's it?"

He rolled his eyes and removed four more dollars from the other pocket. "I changed the place where I put my money so you don't steal it."

Joan poked his forehead before grabbing the money and placing it in the waiter's hand. "My treat, keep the change."

She pushed Jin outside the little cafè and-

“Should we wake her up?”

“It’s okay. I can wait.”

“Mrs. Jackson, this might take time, she sleeps a lot.”

The old woman laughed softly. “I like seeing her like this. Sleeping. Not dead.”

No, they were interrupting my dream!

The atmosphere in the room turned darker. Probably because Taehyung had summoned mist by mistake.

“You tried to kill her,” Yoongi accused.

Aw Yoongi!

“Yoongi!”, Jin snapped. “Don’t be rude!”

“I’m being truthful.”

“I didn’t try to kill her. I was just too weak to stand up to her father.”

“Nevertheless, the memory of you and your wretched husband haunts her. So congratulations. Your one act of deciding to let your innocent child die has led to a lifetime of suffering,” Sara said quietly.

Damn, roASTED.

There was a tense silence. “I didn’t let her die.”

“Didn’t you, though? Which mother abandons her daughter?”

“I gave her to Jin because she had an eidetic memory. I figured it would be easier for her to spend her childhood with someone that she trusts.”

“She wanted her mother!”

“Yes, and I am supposed to know what my three year old daughter would want post-drowning because the parental books have it so correct.”

Was that my mother? It sounded too much like her voice.

“Any sane lady would take their child! Not deposit her with some stranger bloke passing by,” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Honey, you tell me just how sane you feel after you watch your abusive husband try to drown your daughter.”

“Why didn’t you try to stop him?” Hoseok asked softly.

“Who says I didn’t? I threw stones. I tried strangling him.”

“I’m assuming it didn’t work.”

I think it was my mother. Hm. Interesting.

She glared coldly at Yoongi, her grey eyes the same sparkling colour as her daughter’s. “It did. Just not well enough.”

“Will you shut up,” I groaned, finally opening my eyes. “I literally just went to sleep and you guys and reciting poems around my head!”

“Joan.”

“Just because you say my name Jin, it doesn’t make me any happier,” I popped open an eye to glare at him.

“I got your mother,” he helpfully said.

Wait.

That was actually my mother? And not a figment of my hyperactive imagination? Oops.

“You WHAT?”

“Hello Joan,” the lady with a few white hairs but surprisingly well-maintained body said.

“Mom,” I flopped down back into the covers.

┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻┻━┻
A/N_

AAH ITS MEEE
DOES ANYONE REMEMBER MEEE?

YEP I WAS DEAD AF FOR A WHILE -OOPS- BUT I'M BACK HAHA

NOT FOR TOO LONG LMAO I'LL try to update as long as I can until my prelims start -oops- and I might put up my crackfic today which is really  ✨crack✨

Anyways I missed you guys (even though I talk to yall like everyday) but I'm a lonely beach so

Hindi vivas are going on and the lady is asking ridiculous questions hehe

Say hi to Ram, my pet flamingooo
Isn't he adorable?

He's doing the poopoo😌

Okay bye lil piggies, it's math period and I must watch the humiliation of the guy who used to sit next to me in class last year

(He is one aNnoYing RICH AF dude but he's my friend and I need to gloat that he's one dumb boi so imma update later (maybe))

Also he said he doesn't know like six answers watch him fail beautifully

Bye lil piggies🐷