The car ride was eerily silent. But I had nothing to say. Cyprus kept tapping their feet rhythmically on the floor to an unknown tune, probably some Mitski song.

I wanted to play something on the radio, but it felt ill-timed. My arms shook. Not from the car engine, but the thrill of earlier. I'm not sure if it was fear or excitement, maybe both. It was the same rush I got in the old general store.

As the drive droned on, making left and right turns, I started to feel my face flush. Was I gonna cry right now?

Cyprus appeared to be zoned out. Now was my chance. I relaxed my face, feeling my eyes begin to water. I had to hold in any noise, but soon, tear after tear began to run down my cheeks. It would ruin the cheap eyeliner I bought. Whatever.

Although there wasn't any music playing, I tried to distract myself by filling my head with my favorite rock songs. But as soon as I was able to get a sense of a melody, it was swept away under the wave of emotion.

Fighting with my feelings was always a chore. Feelings were useless. But here I was, about to lose my mind next to my best friend.

It was all I could do to wipe my face clean right before we got to his house. They were zoned out the whole ride, even when they opened the car door, they seemed emotionless. Thankfully, they didn't see me nearly bawl my eyes out. I wanted to help, but how?

"Hey..." I muttered as they opened the passenger door. "You alright, ami?"

They paused for a few seconds before replying: "Yeah."

"Really?" I tried fixing my eyes to give him a worried look, but it didn't fully register with them.

They gave me a blank stare. "Yeah, really. I'm fine. I'm sure."

I sighed, knowing he wouldn't be honest. "Alright, adieux. Stay safe."

I watched silently as they closed the door and walked into the house, nearly being tackled by his two sisters, Hazel and Mahogany. It seemed nice and homey...foreign to me.

With Cyprus back inside, I pulled out of the driveway and started the drive back home; careful to take the long way to stay on the outskirts of the destroyed district.

Once I passed the last ancient building, my face scrunched up again.

"Please..." I begged myself aloud. "Don't start this again."

I could barely grasp the wheel. My fingers felt weak. Sweaty. Throwing on music couldn't help this time.

The tears started to pour relentlessly, making it harder and harder to drive. I felt my chest begin to tighten, making my breathing more erratic.

I sounded stupid. Crying all the way home. Alone. It sounded like an ugly cry. With my nose running and all. I wouldn't even pull the mirror down to check. I didn't want to see myself that way.

Thankfully, the ride was over as soon as it started, and so were any tears I had. At least until I got to my room.

I'm a freak. I'm sorry.

On the way inside, I passed by Mom and Dad on their phones at the kitchen table, seemingly unfazed by my presence. I was used to that kind of treatment, but it still made me feel some kind of way about them.

But I didn't want to cry in front of them, so I ran up to my room to finish getting out any I had left. I couldn't do it in front of them even if I wanted to.