Ryan pushed the bedroom door shut and locked it, reluctantly aware of what precautions he needed to take. "I don't know about you, but I didn't expect that."

"Oh me either, it was nice though. It's nice to see you like that."

"Like what?"

Spencer took his usual place beside the bed on the beanbag chair that he pulled up against Ryan's nightstand. "Happy, I guess. Able to talk to him and everything."

"Yeah I'm just surprised that he was okay and shit. You know I usually have like five minutes with him when he gets home, if I'm lucky."

"Well he didn't get anything to drink until we were all done eating. Really, that was nice."

"But it's not like we had a six course meal or anything." Ryan chuckled and opened his computer and waited for the screen to flicker back from standby mode. It was warm against his thighs and he leaned against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him and his feet were glad to be out of his shoes. "It was a bucket of fried chicken that we all cleared out in about ten seconds flat."

"Dude it was like, fifteen minutes, at least!"

"Yeah, so? Doesn't matter anyway. Just glad I got to catch up with him a little though. I actually talked to him for a few minutes last night."

"That's awesome."

"We started watching T.V. but then he ended up talking about my mom or whatever and it was downhill from there." Ryan was busy clicking the delete icon on his inbox after deciding that he in fact did not want to enlarge his penis at this time. As a box popped up on his screen, it became painfully obvious that he had forgot to turn down the sound on his computer after the previous night's music.

thrd i brend: hey!

Spencer just about fell over, almost sending his geometry book halfway across the room. "My God Ryan why in the hell is that so damn loud?"

Mute button. "Shit, I'm sorry. It was turned up last night."

winter we fell: hi you. what's up?

"You're fine, but my hearing is probably permanently compromised. Who's talking to you?"

thrd i brend: blah. not much, just bored. how are you?

"Who do you think?"

"Well, Ellen isn't home, so it's Brendon."

winter we fell: pretty good. spencer's here, just taking up space. lol.

the greasy chicken i had for dinner will probably make me sick, but

i'll live.

"Spencer gets a cookie."

"And Ryan gets punched in the face!" Spencer lifted his fist and, in slow motion, pushed Ryan's head to the side.

"Hey, I bruise easily. At least make it my stomach or something, don't wanna be ugly, ya know."

thrd i brend: lol aw im sorry. i had like 2 cans of green beans for dinner.

"Oh, he can't see you through the computer, and you'll look fine by morning." Spencer laughed and gave Ryan an exaggerated nod and lifted the side of his textbook as a makeshift shield to protect himself from Ryan's response.

winter we fell: green beans?

"You dick!" Ryan was unable to hide his wide grin that completely ruined any feigned anger that he tried to convey.

"You know it's true, Kid."

thrd i brend: yeah! with tons of salt. hello there, heart attack at age 25. but i dont really care, its too tasty.

Ryan narrowed his eyes and glared at Spencer, slowly lifting his hand and extending his middle finger, barely able to keep from laughing. "Leave. Me. Alone."

"Oh yeah. I should leave you alone. Privacy or whatever, hmm?"

winter we fell: noooo, no cardiac arrest allowed. you're not allowed to die.

"Okay you know what, you have like three seconds before this computer is imbedded in your skull! One... two..."

Spencer grinned and gave Ryan a thumbs up. "I'd like to see ya try that, Ryface. I really would."

"Oh I will."

thrd i brend: hehe i will keep that in mind. so..... did you read what i gave you?

"It's so much fun to give you shit, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know you're a manbitch."

Spencer laughed and wondered where the new title came from, but he didn't feel like asking questions. "Seriously though, I'm just being a dick, you know that."

"Yes, yes I do." Ryan nodded quickly several times, gaining himself a poke in the leg from Spencer.

winter we fell: yes i did. you're entirely too nice to me.

"Really, I'm sorry for being an ass earlier. I know I'm being a manbitch now but I wasn't trying to get you upset earlier. I just got kinda aggravated, and I'm sorry."

"No Spence, you're fine. I was already kinda weird then so it wasn't really your fault, I would've probably got like that even if you didn't say anything."

thrd i brend: no, im just honest. im convinced youre the best person ever. i really like being with you.

"Well I just want you to know that I personally think you're doing fine, alright? Bren is such a nice kid and I really think he needs someone like you."

Ryan smiled in reaction to what was on the screen, but he was not disregarding what Spencer had said. "And I know that, I just don't really... I don't know, I don't really wanna think about it, let alone talk about it right now."

winter we fell: i like being with you too. and thank you for last night, i'm glad you were here.

Spencer pretended to stab his calculator with his pencil. "Give me answers, damn you!" A strange look of concern from Ryan prompted him to explain himself. "It's math, dude. Damn it all to hell. But no, really, I mean... this is all you, Kid. I'm out of this one, but I'm still here, ya know?"

"Yeah."

"Whenever you want to talk about it or just think about things with someone, you know I'll be there. Even if you don't believe me right now I know you don't have anything to worry about."

"Just give me some time or something. It's nothing against you. I just need to convince myself that I'm not fucking anything up."

thrd i brend: so am i. i think it meant more to me than you really know. hopefully i can stay again sometime soon. hey, can i ask you something kind of strange?

Spencer dug the eraser of his pencil into his forehead and glared at his book. "I know you don't mean anything by it, and I know what you're saying... but if it means anything coming from me, you're not fucking anything up. Not now, and I don't think you will anytime soon, either."

winter we fell: of course

"Dude I think you suck at math because you spend too much energy on keeping me sane."

"Well it's worth it, though. But I should probably stop making fun of you and try to concentrate on this."

Ryan nodded slowly and grinned at Spencer. "Yes. Yes you should. Let's stop picking on Ryan."

"Okay the third person thing gets creepy after like two uses."

"Nah, it could get interesting."

"Spencer does not approve."

Ryan pointed down toward Spencer's math book. "Alright. We need to stop being stupid. Homework."

"Sounds good."

thrd i brend: okay. well, i know you were kind of freaked out or whatever after what you said to me in study hall, and im not sure what to think of that. i mean, you really didnt say anything else to me for the rest of the day and honestly ive been kinda worried. im just really wanting to know if you meant what you said or not. if you didnt mean it, i will completely understand because i know its not true anyways, but if you did mean it. well. it made me really happy, and i want you to know that.

winter we fell: but it is true

winter we fell: and, yes, i did mean it.

thrd i brend: you did?

winter we fell: yes. i won't lie, i didn't try to say it, but i was thinking so much and i was so detached from everything that when you asked what i was thinking i just kind of started thinking out loud. it was completely honest though, and i don't want you to think it isn't true, because it really is

thrd i brend: i really, really don't know what to say

thrd i brend: <3

winter we fell: <3 it's ok

winter we fell: i'm just glad you didn't hit me or anything

thrd i brend: i would never do that

winter we fell: well that's good

thrd i brend: i dont know how you can say that about me, but i think you are too

winter we fell: i can say it because it's true. and i'm not beautiful, but thank you. it's nice to hear things like that from your friends

thrd i brend: (yes you are.) today was the first time i heard it from anyone

winter we fell: (no.) i don't know how you've gone this long. you can ask spencer, i don't lie.

thrd i brend: well i think you do since you keep saying im wrong.

winter we fell: but you are wrong. ryan ≠ beautiful.

thrd i brend: yes he is. i promise.

winter we fell: how about this. k...

winter we fell: i'm beautiful if you're beautiful. deal?

thrd i brend: ugh. sure. except im not.

winter we fell: okay then. i'm not either.

thrd i brend: fiiiiine. you win. we are.

winter we fell: that's what i thought :P

thrd i brend: psh. ::pouts::

winter we fell: lol

winter we fell: you'll have to do something else if you want me to think you're not beautiful

thrd i brend: haha i hate you so much right now

winter we fell: aw... please don't

thrd i brend: lol

thrd i brend: nah, i couldnt. youre too.... god, i dont know.

thrd i brend: i like you too much to hate you

winter we fell: aw

thrd i brend: so when do i get the rest of my hugs? you still owe me!

winter we fell: whenever you want them

thrd i brend: well, now would be nice.

winter we fell: could you get out of the house?

thrd i brend: doubt it. but oh yeah, i talked to my mom... you wont believe this...

winter we fell: ?!

thrd i brend: ok so i got home today and she was here, and she was telling me how she was sorry for the things she said yesterday and she said she was worried about where i stayed, so i told her i stayed with my friend ryan. and oh my god she will believe ANYTHING... she totally bought it when i said the reason i left school was because i was sick and you were sick too so we were headed home together and since i was feeling like total shit when we were close to your house, i decided to rest at your place until i felt better enough to walk home.

winter we fell: lol she believed you? completely?

thrd i brend: yes! she kept asking if i felt better and everything, and she said she was sorry for not letting me explain yesterday

winter we fell: ha man that's awesome

thrd i brend: yeah she was a lot more laid back than i thought. i was really afraid to go home today. thats why i didnt want the ride from spence. i wanted to delay it for as long as possible.

winter we fell: i'm sorry hun

thrd i brend: its alright, she was totally cool. aside from the screaming about my clothes sitting in the dryer forever and getting wrinkled. i got over it, though. (eventually lol)

winter we fell: haha my dad does that too. he hates it when i do that.

thrd i brend: but it gets better. i talked to her some more tonight (while i heated up my green beans thank you very much), and she was just asking me a ton of questions about "the friend i stayed with"

winter we fell: oh shit. lol

thrd i brend: no, no... i just told her who you were and i said i met you through a couple other friends (which i did, really), and so she was all surprised that i was friends with all these people "because she never sees them" and she asked how long ive known you, so i said a few years because thats what it feels like. i mean okay so i *met* you monday, but i know so much about you from spence and el... like, i almost feel like i was there while everything was bad for you, you know? i wish i was because i wish i could have helped you like youre helping me.

winter we fell: aw, bren...

thrd i brend: but i told her ive known you for a while and she said she wants to meet my friends because she "doesnt like not knowing my friends"... im like, mom, youre the one that keeps saying i dont have any. lol. but whatever, she was cool about it.

winter we fell: you're so sweet

thrd i brend: nah

winter we fell: i'm kind of mad that spence and el never really told me about you. i would have so wanted to hang out with you. even if i was a mess. but that's awesome about your mom. maybe i should come over sometime?

thrd i brend: well maybe you wouldnt have been such a mess if you had me to laugh at! and i was actually thinking you should come over tomorrow. she said she doesnt care if i have friends over during the week as long as we stay at the house and they dont stay too late and "keep me from getting my work done". ha. but we kinda have to play along with what i said... before she said all this about letting me have people over, i asked if my friend could come over so we could work on a thing for school, and she said it was fine. but no more lies after this one i dont think.

winter we fell: awesome! ah i can't wait. im so glad i can come over now <3 and you're right, if i knew you back then, i probably would have been better (and not because of laughing at you.)

thrd i brend: then how?

winter we fell: i don't know... i love spence and el, seriously. they totally saved my life and they are so amazing. but i was so fucked up... when they started dating, i kinda shut myself off... i wasn't jealous or anything, but i was terrified of making them break up because me and my problems would be too much for them to put up with.

winter we fell: i could have probably used another friend to keep my mind off things. i really didn't want to hurt those two. i don't know how they put up with me, really.

thrd i brend: i like to think i could have helped... of course i was a mess too and i still am, but we could have been miserable together. yay? lol

winter we fell: aw... definitely, though. i would have liked that.

thrd i brend: do you think it would have been better if you had a girlfriend then? i know you said you werent jealous but maybe you would have been happier?

winter we fell: i honestly didn't give that any thought (and i still haven't lol) because i was too miserable. i guess i was just lonely

in general, though.

thrd i brend: oh. well have you ever had a girlfriend?

winter we fell: ellen, but not really. she's the closest i've come, i guess, and trust me, her and i have NEVER come close to dating. lol like i told you the other day, i just don't think of her that way. i love her to death but she's just one of my best friends.

thrd i brend: ah

thrd i brend: yeah ive never been with anyone either.

winter we fell: do you think you want to?

thrd i brend: ha yeah im lonely as hell

winter we fell: aw. not allowed to be lonely!

thrd i brend: lol well what do you want to do about it?

winter we fell: ::hugs:: that's what i wanna do about it

thrd i brend: <3

winter we fell: <3

thrd i brend: hey. look. im sorry wasnt in a position to help you when you needed it and i didnt know you, and even if im a total disaster right now and youre the one thats completely fine, i still want to help you with whatever, you know?

winter we fell: you mean a lot to me, kid. seriously. i'm not completely fine, just a lot better. i can live with things now and i am fairly happy. but i still need someone like you, so i'm glad you're here.

winter we fell: you wanna know something?

thrd i brend: anything

winter we fell: i like talking to you. for sure.

thrd i brend: yeah. i wish we could talk like this all the time. its so easy.

winter we fell: yeah. we should just. sit in the same room. each of us with a computer. lol

thrd i brend: lol yes i can get a laptop and bring it over and use the wireless at your house and we can just talk and say whatever

winter we fell: haha that's so lame, but it would totally work. just one problem, though.

thrd i brend: ?

winter we fell: well. you know what i really liked?

thrd i brend: what?

winter we fell: laying in bed last night listening to you talk before we fell asleep

thrd i brend: haha aw ryyyyyy

winter we fell: it's so easy to talk on here. but i don't know what i want more... for you to open up and tell me everything, or to have you here and listen to you say things but not saying as much.

thrd i brend: ry... you know, ive actually told you so much more than i tell anyone... and ive said most of it while we were with each other... its so hard to do, but you make it a lot less intimidating. spence and el dont even know most of what you know, but i dont really mind if you tell them. i trust them so much even if they dont know too much about me... its just hard for me to talk to people, even them. but youre a little different i guess.

winter we fell: <3 how am i different?

thrd i brend: you just know what its like to feel like this

thrd i brend: scared and shit. totally alone and dead. dont you?

winter we fell: i've been there, unfortunately. and i don't like knowing that you feel that way. but i want you to know something.

winter we fell: you shouldn't be afraid because i want to look out for you. you are NOT alone. and you are very much alive. i will prove all this to you if you let me.

winter we fell: i'm here, brendon. the one thing i will never do is leave someone that needs me and who i need just as much, alright?

thrd i brend: thanks ry

winter we fell: no need to thank me

thrd i brend: no, really. i wish you could see me right now. because i cant say things. but i probably look so weird. im all upset from thinking about this shit, but you just have me so insanely happy. lol how the hell do you do this?

winter we fell: it's a shame nobody's done it for you before. it's not a chore, it's what you deserve.

winter we fell: i don't want you to be lonely anymore

thrd i brend: either do i

thrd i brend: youre so good, though, you can have anyone you want. theres no reason for you to be lonely.

thrd i brend: and im just stranded, i guess. nobody wants to settle for some fucking dead end.

winter we fell: that's not what you are. not at all.

thrd i brend: then what am i

winter we fell: my best friend

thrd i brend: thats spencer

winter we fell: not like this, it's not.

thrd i brend: what?

winter we fell: it's different than me and spencer. i love him and ellen, but me and you are on some different level. it's like we're almost the same person, but not totally. you're not a dead end. i care about you too much.

thrd i brend: you shouldnt care about me. you can have any friend or girlfriend you want and you dont need to waste your time.

winter we fell: brendon.

winter we fell: i am not wasting my time.

thrd i brend: how can you care about me so much

winter we fell: honestly? i have no idea. that's not your fault, though. it's me not being able/willing to think. but the fact is that i care about you, kid. i do.

thrd i brend: im sorry for getting like this

thrd i brend: ive just been thinking about everything too much

thrd i brend: while talking to you and all

winter we fell: it's alright bren. i know how it is. and you can keep thinking and keep 'being like this' if this is what helps.

thrd i brend: can i reference something you wrote earlier today?

winter we fell: of course

thrd i brend: i still think we should run away

thrd i brend: not like. "im 10 and im grounded from the tv" run away.

thrd i brend: but like. "im 16/17 and i care about someone and i want to be happy and not alone anymore" run away.

thrd i brend: because. dammit ryan. i hate this. i hate feeling like this.

winter we fell: i'd gladly leave with you. but you know what, though... things will get better. just let me help you, okay?

thrd i brend: ill let you do anything by this point. im desperate.

winter we fell: you're not desperate. you just need someone.

thrd i brend: i have you

thrd i brend: i mean

thrd i brend: i have you, dont i?

winter we fell: <3 it looks like i'm getting through to you already

thrd i brend: i cant wait till tomorrow

winter we fell: see? there's even something to look forward to. and the dance! don't forget about that. there's nothing to be upset about right now.

thrd i brend: except for how my mom has been screaming at me for the past three minutes

winter we fell: ?

thrd i brend: fuck. i need to go for like 2 minutes. it is SO fucking imperative that i put the goddamn dishes in the goddamn dishwasher because they are too fucking lazy to do it and its so fucking important that they make me do every little fucking thing around here

winter we fell: bren, it's just a dishwasher. how about you go do that real quick, and i will be here when you get back.

thrd i brend: whatever

winter we fell: hey. you're fine. don't give your mom any shit, that was pretty cool of her to say i can come over. you don't want her to change her mind. putting dishes in the dishwasher isn't that bad, even if they make you do a lot around there.

thrd i brend: i know, but still

winter we fell: just go. quickly. i don't want her to yell at you anymore.

thrd i brend: i know. thanks ry. brb <3

Ryan slid his computer off his lap upon realization of the fact that he had been sitting for so long. The sound of the movement caught Spencer's ear and his eyes shot open at the same time he lifted his head away from the nightstand.

"Sleepin' down there, man?"

"Not really, just resting. Finished the math a while ago."

"I didn't even notice, I'm sorry. You should have said something."

"Nah I didn't wanna distract you. I just started to doze off with the sound of your typing."

"I'm sorry."

"You're fine." Spencer chuckled and limply rose to his feet, his body trying to reject every effortful movement in hopes of remaining at rest. "You looked so intense there for a while."

"I guess. We were just talking."

"About what?"

Ryan shook his head. "Bunch of stuff. I wish you would have let me meet him sooner or something, really."

"So do I, and I'm really sorry for that. Now come here." Spencer held out his arms and Ryan was more than willing to engage in the familiar hug. "I need to get going. You gonna come home with me tonight?"

"No I think it's gonna be fine."

"You sure? Sometimes I think you stay here just to make me worry about you."

"Just listen... do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Exactly. Television's not on in the living room anymore. He's in bed already."

"Yeah, I forget that that happens sometimes. You manage to stay in here most of the evening, nothing happens, and he's in bed within a couple hours."

"Pretty much."

"I'm sorry, Kid."

"You gonna stop hugging me anytime soon?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"No reason." Ryan allowed his eyes to close. The darkness and the sweet air around him was almost enough to make every nerve in his body fall asleep while he leaned against Spencer.

"Things have been getting better, it seems."

"Maybe. I really don't know, though. I've been avoiding it and I guess nothing can happen if I'm not there."

"You both seemed really excited about those fishing plans. Sunday, is it?" Spencer shifted his arms a little to be able to support more of Ryan's weight. "I still can't see you with a fishing pole anymore, but whatever."

"Yeah. It's just been so long since we've done anything together, and we did that so much when I was little. You remember."

"Yeah. You loved that. I remember. I hope you really enjoy this on Sunday because it kills me to see you like this, Ry. I know how much you love that guy even when things turn to shit."

"I'll let you get going."

"No, no, don't worry about it. But you'd like to change the subject, no?"

Ryan nodded against Spencer's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Spencer moved the two of them to the bed and sat down with his arm still tightly around Ryan's shoulders. "How's Bren doing?"

"He's alright I guess. One of the sweetest people ever, really, and I know I shouldn't say that, but he is."

"I know. Nothing wrong with saying that, if it's true."

"I meant what I said to him."

"What we talked about earlier?"

Ryan wetted his lips and nodded as confidently as he could. "I did mean it, and he knows."

"I'm glad. I may love ya but I'd probably smack you if you ended up messing with him by lying about that."

Spencer's loyalty drew a smile from Ryan's nervous lips. "We just talked about so much."

"That's good, though."

"He said he's lonely and he doesn't want to be alone anymore, and it just about killed me."

"Well I hope you let him know he doesn't have to be lonely anymore."

"He knows."

Spencer moved his arm away and squeezed Ryan's leg before standing up again. "You know Kid, me and El love you like nothin' else."

"Yes. But it's never gonna stop being strange that you call me kid and you're younger than me."

"Hey. Anyone under age thirty is in danger of having me call them that."

"I know. You're insane."

"And you're Ryan. Oh, burn."

"Ouch."

The two boys laughed before a quick, more casual hug than before, and Spencer quietly opened the bedroom door and lowered his voice to a whisper. "You know to call me if you need it."

"Sure thing. Later, Kid."

"Ryan Ross, you're an asshole."

"And you're Spencer. Consider yourself owned, Bitch."

Spencer choked down his laughs to keep quiet. "Take care of Brendon. Talk to him as much as you can, alright? I know he likes that."

Ryan nodded. "I need to get back to the computer. I'll see you tomorrow."

Spencer headed down the hallway to let himself out after a silent high five, and Ryan almost sprinted back to his bed, jumping down and landing on his side. Propped up on his elbow, he pulled the machine toward his chest and he prepared to type with two awkwardly placed hands.

thrd i brend: back. sorry.

thrd i brend: she sure quit screaming once i actually went out there and did it.

you there?

winter we fell: yes, sorry. but see? i told ya it would be alright. but was she REALLY screaming, or do you just say that? no offence, i'm just trying to figure out what is actually happening.

thrd i brend: um, yeah, both of them fucking scream all the time. like. yelling. ive told you this and ive told you how much i hate yelling.

winter we fell: i'm sorry, just wondering.

thrd i brend: its fine. i just cant take it, really. it happens all the time.

winter we fell: maybe it will be different whenever i'm there

thrd i brend: i hope. ill never let you leave, then.

winter we fell: i'm fine with that.

thrd i brend: i am too. even if you being here doesnt make them stop.

thrd i brend: i wish you were here now, really. i dont really feel like being alone right now. im not sure why because nothings really wrong. i just.... blah. i dont know. i dont like being lonely.

winter we fell: i don't either ::hugs:: i'd come over right now if you wouldn't get in trouble for it.

thrd i brend: yeah. theyre really not planning on me having anyone over tonight. thats why i asked for tomorrow.

winter we fell: well you won't be alone tomorrow. at least for a little bit

thrd i brend: yeah i know

winter we fell: so what are you doin right now?

thrd i brend: nothin

winter we fell: you alright, bren? you're too quiet now

thrd i brend: sorry. im just sorta... i dont know. i think im gonna get off of here

winter we fell: i'm enjoying the conversation, though.

thrd i brend: so am i. i mean that. im sorry to ruin it like this. can i call you here in a couple minutes?

winter we fell: you aren't ruining anything. and yes, you can call me

any time, no matter what. phone's always on.

thrd i brend: k. ill be calling really soon, promise.

winter we fell: ok. take care.

thrd i brend: bye hun

thrd i brend signed off at 7:35:56 PM.

winter we fell: later

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winter we fell: <3, bren... so much. you have no idea.

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winter we fell: yea i know

Ryan decided that it would be a good idea to stop typing to the non existent entity that was simply in charge of telling him that his friend was no longer online. He shut his computer, ignoring his own journal, not having any clue as to what he would write in it anyway. Ryan figured it was a good time to stretch out on the bed with his phone on his chest and just try not to worry, but he was only confident that he would be successful at the first two. He knew it was impossible to ignore everything and he knew he was starting to associate that pleasant, tickle-like twinge in his chest with just about everything Brendon did, but he didn't plan on fully acknowledging it any time soon. His room was silent inside the quiet house, and Ryan waited for it to be filled with the melody of his phone. He was holding on to the promise that was made that would ensure that this happiness continued for just a little while longer.