Houston, Texas in Dr. Wilson's Office, Thursday, September 5th, 2030 at 3:00 pm

Rachel

The fabric of my black dress pants swishes against my legs as I sit down gingerly on the couch next to Lucas. His strong build is outlined by the light coming in from the window while he is fiddling with the dark blue velvet of the sofa. The deep gray of his suit is littered with creases like it's been stashed away in a bag for months.

He must have thrown it on haphazardly after work.

Lucas almost never wears suits unless he has to. He has a strong dislike for social events that involve dressing up, and I usually have to beg him to go with me. I have to wear professional attire for work and enjoy the confidence I feel in looking put together. I glance down to admire my shoes; they're black pointed ankle boots with quite the heel. The underneath of the sole is a deep purple, which accents my fitted blouse. Lucas loves dark colors, and I love feeling his eyes on me.

The light shaking of the couch brings me out of my daze. I glance over and see Lucas bouncing his leg up and down. I can clearly see the muscles in his thighs as he flexes. His broad shoulders are slouched, and he has his left elbow resting on the arm of the couch. His chin is placed on top of a fist while he gazes out the window.

He's probably analyzing the types of clouds in the sky to keep his mind busy.

In high school, he would tear off the paper on the outside of his water bottle when he became anxious. Now, he just taps on things with his foot or his finger repeatedly. It seems to calm him down and help him think. The only problem is that he's always thinking. He's not a think-out-loud person like me, so anytime we have an argument it just ends up with me talking and him...thinking. I know that he's listening to me, but he never says anything or acts on my words. That's why we are here, in marriage counseling.

I look away from Lucas and around the room. There aren't your usual paintings of forests and beaches everywhere. I guess not everyone has the same idea of what relaxing imagery looks like. The aesthetic in the office is very regal. The color scheme is dark but does not feel cold or dull. There are splashes of gold around the room, hiding in paintings, book titles, symbols on awards and plaques. All of the knobs on the china cabinet and the desk are also gold.

Lucas was recommended to this therapist by his best friend and coworker, Cooper. He said that this psychiatrist saved his relationship with Anne. Well, his exact words were, "this guy is a peach!" I smile as I think about Cooper's enthusiastic and southern disposition.

I hope that Lucas and I are as fortunate.

The door opens and an older, kind-looking man walks in. I see Lucas stand up out of the corner of my eye and I do the same.

"Hello, I am Dr. Wilson." He reaches out to shake my hand, and then Lucas'. When he stretches out his arm, he reveals a stunning, gold watch. It's the kind of watch you have engraved for a loved one as an anniversary or Christmas present. It matches the theme in his office.

"Please, have a seat and let's get started," he gestures back towards the velvet couch and takes a seat in the matching chair across from us.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Wilson," I say, knowing that Lucas isn't going to start, "I'm Rachel."

"Lucas," I hear a tired voice from my left. I glance over at him again and study the wrinkles in his suit. It probably came out of his spare bag in his truck, which means he slept at the office again last night. I can't remember the last time he took a day off.

"Nice to meet you both. I'd like to jump into our first session together by getting to know who you are as individuals," he opens up a binder in his lap and flips through some pages. "Rachel, it says on your intake form that you're a teacher?" I sit up straighter and smile at Dr. Wilson.

"Yes, I teach math. The new year just started a month ago." I smiled broadly. Teaching is incredibly fulfilling and it also keeps my mind busy. It's a useful distraction with everything going on between Lucas and I.

"She doesn't just teach math." Lucas mumbles next to me, causing me to dart my head to my left. I can feel my lips involuntarily curve downwards.

What does he mean by that?

Lucas breaks eye contact immediately, "She's the head of the math department at Vanguard Preparatory." He clasps his hands together in his lap and finally addresses me. "If you describe your job that way, then people are going to underestimate you."

Lucas has always tried to help me build my confidence. He's the whole reason I landed this job in the first place. He helped me practice interview questions, sat through mock lesson plans and pretended to be a student.

"Well, that is quite impressive. Is that what you've always wanted to do? To teach?" Dr. Wilson asks as he rests his elbows on the arms of the velour chair.

"Yes, ever since I was a kid it is what I wanted to do." My smile returns at the thought of my grandfather. He was an economics professor and was always so excited to teach people about the world and about math. I can feel my mood shifting back to a more melancholy state.

Dr. Wilson nods at me warmly before glancing over to Lucas, "Lucas, it says that you are an engineer?"

"Well talk about not describing your job correctly." I chuckle as I gesture towards Lucas. I shoot him an encouraging look and catch him grin at the floor before answering.

"Yes, I work at the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center as an engineer." His voice is slightly louder than before. He's worked incredibly hard to get where he is. Lucas was hired right after he finished his masters degree in engineering at the young age of twenty three.

"He's constantly designing new technology and materials for space applications," I add, my cheeks beaming. Not only is his job heroic, but it's also incredibly sexy. Lucas is the bravest and most intelligent person I have ever met, and never ceases to amaze me with the designs and prototypes he's creating.

"Oh, are you an astronaut?" Dr. Wilson asks, his face clearly full of respect for Lucas.

"Yes, I've been to space three times now." Lucas smiles slightly and sits upright against the back of the couch.

"What made you want to be an astronaut?" Dr. Wilson continues, resting his elbows on his binder as he leans forward.

Lucas was our class valedictorian; balancing school, football, and me. Being present at his launches and returns has always been incredibly rewarding. To know that I'm who he wanted to see before he left and when he came back fills my heart with joy.

Lucas hesitates for a moment, trying to figure out the shortest answer possible, "I've always been fascinated by numbers and by space. Creating technology to advance our society is exciting and has an important purpose. The possibilities are...infinite."

He's given this answer word for word each time he's been asked this question.

Dr. Wilson nods and writes some things down in his binder before replying, "I agree. The idea of exploration beyond our planet is exciting. Thank you for sharing." Dr. Wilson nods at both of us. "Understanding your lives as individuals is just as important as getting to know you are a couple. I would like to talk about how the two of you got together. It will help me understand your story." Dr. Wilson flips back to our intake forms. "You wrote that you've been together since high school?"

"Yes, technically," I reply hesitantly. "We started dating sophomore year, but broke up when we went to college and then got back together." I exhale quickly as I play with the seam on the side of my pants. I forgot my water bottle today, so I don't have anything to fidget with.

"I see. Let's start at the beginning. How did you first meet?" Dr. Wilson asks as he smiles warmly. I pause for a second, remembering my first day at a new school. I'm about to explain, when Lucas starts talking.

"I was in Chemistry class. My friends and I were joking around because we had just gotten our letterman jackets for the year." Dr. Wilson glances up at Lucas from his binder.

"What sport did you play?" he asks as he tilts his head slightly.

"Football," Lucas replies, quickly moving on. He doesn't like to boast about himself, and he thinks that his history of playing football makes people underestimate his intelligence. "It was second period and our teacher had just started notes when the principal came in and said that there was a schedule mix up and that we have another student."

I glance over at Lucas and see that he is grinning from ear to ear. He meets my gaze for a moment before turning his attention back to Dr. Wilson.

"In walked the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen." He shakes his head gently.

I catch my breath; he hasn't said anything like that about me in almost a year. Dr. Wilson seems to notice my surprise at Lucas' kind words and smiles.

"I always sat in the front of the room to prevent distractions, so there was an open seat next to me." His grin deepens and I can feel my heart swell with anticipation as to what he's going to say next.

"She sat down and pulled out the most obnoxious frilly gel pens to take notes with." Lucas holds his hands up as if he's taking imaginary notes down in the air. I chuckle as I tuck my hair behind my ear.

"I tried introducing myself but she was already invested in the lecture and basically ignored me." Lucas laughs lightly, easing some of the tension in the room.

"I was trying to pay attention and you kept trying to talk to me. I didn't want to get in trouble on my first day." I tease him.

I don't think we've had this light of a conversion since before he left for his mission.

"Well, how did you get her attention?" Dr. Wilson seems amused by our banter.

"Ahh, that," Lucas chuckles again. He places his hand under his chin before continuing. "I was in robotics class and had the idea to send her a robot with a note on it asking her to go out with me."

"That is quite creative," Dr. Wilson replies as he nods in approval, pursing his lips.

"Yeah, but it didn't work out exactly the way I had planned. The principal was walking down the hallway when I tried driving the robot to Rachel's English class and he stopped it." Lucas rubs his forehead in embarrassment, forcing me to make a snorting laugh as I remember the day.

I totally forgot about that.

"What did you do after that?" Dr. Wilson asks through a chuckle. He adjusts his glasses and looks back at Lucas.

"He was actually so impressed by the fact that I got my robot to work that he told me to hurry it up and then get back to class." Lucas smiles wide enough to show off his gorgeous teeth. He has one of those crooked smiles, the kind that reassures you as soon as you see it.

"I was listening to my teacher talk about the symbolism in the Great Gatsby when I heard a little whirring sound enter the classroom," I add quickly. Lucas looks over at me, intrigued that I'm sharing, now. "Then, a little robot pulled up next to my desk with a notecard. It said, 'go out with me', on it." I smile, remembering how loud the class got when they realized what was happening.

"What did you say?" Dr. Wilson asks as he taps his pen against his cheek.

"I wrote yes on the card, and gave it back to the robot. However, it's a miracle I was able to read what it said given Lucas has terrible handwriting," I poke fun at him.

Lucas lets out a loud laugh as he shakes his head, causing his dark hair to gte tossed around over his forehead.

No one had ever done anything like that for me before, and it made me feel like I was in one of those cute high school movies.

"It's pretty bad, I have to type everything at work," Lucas adds as he glances down at his lap. His sheepish demeanor over his illegible penmanship is adorable. He excels at everything he does, so when he lacks in something it bothers him.

"It's okay, I'm a professional at reading all kinds of handwriting," I add to reassure him. I beam at him genuinely when he meets my eye to try and cheer him up. He's looking at me so sweetly, making my stomach fill with butterflies.

"That's quite the story." Dr. Wilson smiles as he writes some things down in his binder. "Rachel, you mentioned that the two of you broke up before college. What caused the break up?"

"We were going to separate schools and didn't feel we could make it with the distance between us," I reply, my mood turning more somber as I remember being apart from Lucas.

"I went to Stanford on a football scholarship and for engineering. She was going to NYU for mathematics," Lucas adds as he runs his hands through his black, wavy hair.

His suit jacket is being stretched over his biceps. The fabric of his white dress shirt tugs in the direction of his arm, hugging his abdomen. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and my neck begin to get warm as I remember what he looks like underneath. His job requires him to work out constantly, even when he's in space.

"Being on opposite sides of the country is very hard for any relationship, especially for a young couple," Dr. Wilson notes, jerking my mind out of the pit it was about to enter. "What made you decide to get back together?" I look over at Lucas to see if he is going to continue the storytelling.

"I, um..." he starts. He passes his hands through his locks again before putting them back together in his lap. "During winter quarter I heard from a friend back home in New York that Rachel was seeing someone," Lucas swallows hard and looks out the window for a moment. "He saw them at some sort of party."

"And how did that make you feel?" Dr. Wilson asks after writing some more things down in his binder.

I shift in my seat, waiting for his answer. We haven't talked about this in years.

"I felt like an idiot. I was jealous and angry, but mostly at myself because I was the one who ended things before we left for college," Lucas says as his voice gets quieter. I feel like I should put my hand on his, but we haven't touched in such a long time. It's almost like I have to summon the courage to reach out to him.

"I started drinking a lot to try and forget about it. It became a problem with school when I started skipping class and I got put on academic probation." Lucas drops his elbow down and fiddles with his tie. "I also got benched when I stopped showing up to practice," he finishes.

"That must have been a really difficult time for you," Dr. Wilson replies, folding his hands together on top of his binder. "How did you overcome it?" Lucas clears his throat before answering.

"I saw an academic advisor at the university. She told me that I needed to figure out what makes me happy and what drives me. I had to get back on track with school if I wanted to become an engineer," Lucas shifts in his seat. I am staring down at my hands but I can feel him looking at me, creating a slight warmth on the side of my face. "So I flew to New York that night and got her back."

The coziness of his gaze vanishes as I feel him look away.

"What happened that night?" Dr. Wilson asks, resting his cheek on his thumb and index finger. Lucas sighs heavily. He doesn't like to talk about events like this; events where he let his anger get the best of him.

"I went to her dorm and found the room with her name and knocked. Her roommate Nicole answered. She told me that Rachel was at a house party. I asked her if she was with anyone and Nicole said she went with someone named Nathan," Lucas swallows hard and adjusts his position on the couch again.

"I asked Nicole where the house was, and she said she would just drive us because she didn't like him anyways," Lucas chuckles softly. "And she said she was bored."

I smile at my lap. I miss Nicole, and I haven't seen her in awhile. We've been friends since high school and she was there for me through everything.

"What happened when you got to the party?" Dr. Wilson interrupts my train of thought and I quickly look over at Lucas.

He closes his eyes, remembering.

"Nicole and I searched through all of the rooms in the house, looking for Rachel. When we found her, she was with Nathan." Lucas clears his throat uncomfortably. "I overreacted, and tossed him into the hall by his shirt collar."

"I see. How did you react, Rachel?" Dr. Wilson raises an eyebrow at Lucas before scribbling down some more notes.

"I was embarrassed, mostly," I mutter. "I ran away from both of them to get some air. I guess I wasn't surprised by what happened."

Lucas leans back against the couch and sighs deeply. He rubs his face and then pushes his dark hair behind his ears. I can see the outline of his jaw against the light from the window now. The sun is starting to set.

His face looks so tired.

I haven't thought about that night in a long time. My cheeks burn as I remember how attracted I was to Lucas when he chased after me.

"That feels like so long ago," I say quietly. "So much has happened since then." I bite my lip and look at the floor.

"When was this?" Dr. Wilson asks, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Almost ten years, now," I reply, sighing gently.

We were eighteen when we started college. I remember the nauseating excitement I felt all summer long. My whole world came crashing down when Lucas told me that he couldn't handle a long distance relationship a week before I left. I was heartbroken, and the only thing that got me out the door was the fact that I had Nicole with me.

"When did your relationship start to change?" Dr. Wilson asks as he opens his binder back up. "On your form, you wrote that your marital issues began about two years ago," he adds as he glances back up at us. Lucas clears his throat but doesn't say anything.

"That is correct," I reply quietly. Lucas rubs the back of his neck when Dr. Wilson looks at him expectantly. I hold my breath as I wait for his response.

"I started working even more hours at the space center. I am always getting ready for some sort of walk through, inspection, or launch," Lucas explains as he looks around the room uncomfortably.

"Even when he's at home, he's still working," I chime in. Lucas clears his throat.

"Yeah, I have a lot of work to do. I am only doing it at home so I can at least be with you instead of at the space center," his voice becomes slightly louder. He looks away from me and I can tell that what I said hurt him.

"How did it make you feel when he brought his work home, Rachel?" Dr. Wilson asks me. I hesitate, because I don't want to upset Lucas, but this is why we are here.

"Lonely," I put my hands together in my lap. "It feels like we are roommates sometimes," I can feel Lucas looking at me, but I can't turn to meet his eyes.

"You say that in present tense, meaning this is an issue that has been persistent for the last two years?" Dr. Wilson really is listening to us closely.

"Yes, sort of." I play with the rings on my fingers. "Whenever he is on a mission, he's gone for months at a time, so I don't get to see him."

"I see. If this is a deeper issue, going back for a couple of years, then I need to know what changed; what pushed the two of you so far apart within that time that you are sitting here in my office with me today?" His question catches both of us off guard, and Lucas and I sit silently. I have no idea where to begin, and Dr. Wilson is waiting patiently for one of us to answer.

"His most recent mission," I reply plainly. I could feel Lucas moving around on the couch next to me. This is the conversation we have been dreading since we walked in here.

"How long were you gone?" Dr. Wilson asks as he shifts his gaze to Lucas. He adjusts again in his seat and rubs his face. He's clearly exhausted, but we have to start somewhere.

"Eight months," Lucas says, his voice practically a whisper.

"That's a long time," Dr. Wilson replies, scribbling in his binder. "What made this mission different from the previous ones?" Lucas doesn't say anything immediately, so I chime in.

"He volunteered for this launch and didn't tell me about it," I say as I cross my arms.

Lucas turns his attention out the window and swallows hard. Dr. Wilson watches Lucas for a moment before glancing over at me.

"Rachel, why don't you tell me about what happened before Lucas went on his most recent launch." Dr. Wilson crosses his legs and gets more comfortable in his chair.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath; this is going to be hard.