C H A P T E R 1

✍ Note: Chapter 1 ay masyadong madrama. Kung bet mo ang bumasa ng ganito, GO! Basta ako e-kiss kita sa puwet 'pag natapos mo na basahin. Lol. 'Ge masyadong mahaba na 'to. Enjoy reading.

Chapter 1

I remember the days when you and I were still together,
I'll never forget your words of forever,
Your sweet promise, I will leave you never,
I thought you will always be my lover.

Everything seems to be a paradise,
Especially when I look into your eyes,
But a thought came into my mind,
That everything you said was all lies!

My heart crashing into pieces,
Every time I see our special places.
You already turn around and walk away,
But I'm still here, want you to stay.

It's hard to say goodbye,
All I can do is cry.
Knowing that you're not meant for me,
I have no choice but to set you free.

I am a wanderer,
Who journeyed so far,
To search for the cure...
Of my "BROKEN HEART".

Halos hindi ko na mapipigilan ang pag-agos ng mga luha ko. I can't deny it because what I've said is what my heart shouting in pain. Mahirap gamutin ang pusong biniyak, binitawan at pinagmukhang tanga. It's been a week since he left me. Parang ang hirap bumangon at tumayo ulit. Tinatanong ko na lang ang sarili ko kung deserve ko ba talagang masaktan?

What will I do after he broke me? I have made the right thing -- I cried and shout all the pain to the cruel world. I'm still unaware of my vulnerability and — I couldn't afford it. I couldn't tell — no — I think I'm dying. The only thing I could do is —to let out anything through screams and shouts; it gives me comfort.

"Faith Khaftia Acevedo, kanina ka pa umiiyak dyan. Allow me to help ease your pain. Kaibigan mo ko and you will always be my friend," pakli ng kaibigan ko sa aking buong pangalan.

Bakit ang hirap tanggapin na mahal ko pa rin siya? Na kahit maghahanap ako ng ibang mamahalin ay siya pa rin ang aking babalikan. Bakit sa bawat araw na lumilipas parang ganoon pa rin ang tingin ko sa kanya? Yes, I want him to stay. But all he did, he pushed me away. Kung maghihingi siya ng tawad, yayakapin ko siya dahil hindi ako sinungaling sa aking nararamdaman.

"I've learned that trust is like a glass. No matter how you put it back together, you can still see the crack." Hindi ko alam kung bakit durog na durog ang puso ko. All I did was to find a heal for my broken heart.

Umaasa ako. Kahit anong oras ay nakabantay ako at nagbabasakali na magbago ang ihip ng hangin. Baliw ba ako? O talagang naghahanap lang ang puso ko ng taong magpapasaya nito? Ang sakit sa loob ng tatlong taon na pinagsamahan namin ay hindi ko inakalang mahuhulog lang pala lahat sa limot. No matter how long will it take, I am willing to stay and wait for him.

"If you won't stop loving him, you can't still find a cure for your broken heart. What do you expect? He will betray you at mas lalo ka pang masasaktan," was all she continued.

Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang tanggapin na wala nang taong magiging dahilan sa mga ngiti ko. It is the same thought about how I feel right now. I want him back. But I can't even take one step and utter any single word. All I know is that — I am afraid to be neglected, again.

It was my fault and I did mistake — no — it was never a mistake! It was my choice, I should have picked my priorities over him. Malungkot isipin na hindi ako ang naging priority niya. Ngayon, alam ko na ako ang mas nasasaktan; na ako ang mas naaapektuhan; na ako ang mas nahihirapan. Pero ang dami pang natitirang panahon kaya dapat hindi lang ako sa kanya palaging lilingon.

There's still a place to find love. If he won't back for me, I'll remain the same Faith he knew. Walang magbabago sa akin. Dahil iisa lang ang Faith Khaftia Acevedo sa mundo!

I jostled looking my whole physique in a life-sized mirror.

The memories we have were flashing back to remind me about our relationship. Noon masaya ako kasi may sumusuporta sa akin. Ngayon hindi ko kaya ang bawat yugto ng buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung mamahalin ko pa rin siya! If I could wholeheartedly love him like the same way before.

"Saying 'I love you' is not enough, Faith. If he's really for you, love will find its way," she continued.

I walked back to the bed and leaned on the headboard, trying to scrutinize what he did to me; to the fact that I was a — stupid! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Sino ba ang hindi magagalit? Iniwan ka na nga pinagmukha ka pang tanga!

Wala siyang ginawa kundi ang manakit ng puso. Oo, at ako ang pantakip na parang brief na pwedeng palitan 'pag mabaho na!

"You will be my strength at kahit sinaktan mo ako mamahalin parin kita ng buong-buo," sambit ko na hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan nga ba ang mga sinasabi ko?

Muli akong humugot ng malalim na paghinga; ako lang naman ang babaeng nagmahal na hindi makalimot sa dating boyfriend. I can't call him a trush or ex either. Parang ramdam ko parin na kami. His love was still fresh as if everything in the past is now activated to back in reality. Pabalik-balik kong pinapamukha sa sarili ko na — ang tanga ko!

"He made you fall but suddenly he change after all. Hindi ka niya mahal, Faith. Haynes doesn't love you anymore."

Gago talaga siya! Bakit ang hirap ibaon sa limot ang naramdaman ko?

"I'm just hoping that one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore," naibulalas ko na hindi parin tumitigil sa paghikbi.

Kung alam ko lang sana -- hindi nalang ako nagmahal kung ganito lang naman ang kahihinatnan ko! Why break-ups invented? Para saan? Para manakit ng damdamin? O panahon para maghanap ulit? No, it's a cycle of love or I must say a test for everyone how obliged they are to love?

"Ayoko nang magmahal ulit! And from everything that's tempting me to love again."

I shivered as my tears started to dampen my face. I think loving him for almost three years is just a waste of time. Sana nagfocus nalang ako sa pag-aaral. Edi sana hindi ako nasasaktan ngayon. Hindi ako umiiyak!

Wala na akong magagawa dahil ang tapos ay tapos na!

"I'm strong enough to look away, but broken enough to look back. Why all these pains are deep? Am I slowly dying, I'm not? Haynes doesn't worth my tears. He forgot about me. He forgot about us!"

Tumalsik sa pintuan ang litratong hawak ko. The papers on the table were crumpled. How sad it was to remenisce everything that in the end would be vanished?

"Faith, anong nangyayari sayo? Buksan mo ang pinto?"  hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pagkatok sa pinto. She expel loud shout and afraid to what may happen next.

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na nabasag ko na ang lampshade na nakapatong sa study table. The mirror at my side was scattered into pieces. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko pero parang hindi ko na namalayan na nagwawala ako.

Everything wasn't straight!

"Pabayaan mo muna ako. I want to reassemble my brokenness. I need time to fix my mess!"

Sigaw ko na halos ikawasak ng buong kwarto. I can wait for him until the last leaf I have. Hindi ako makapaniwala na mawawala nalang lahat ng mga pinagdaanan namin. He won't back for me anymore. He won't be mine again. He won't and he will never be.

"Masakit para sa akin, hindi lang masakit dahil ang nararamdaman ko ay kasing hapdi ng sugat na binudburan ng asin!"

"Faith, you have to control your emotions. 'Wag magpaapekto, ikaw lang din naman ang mahihirapan."

"Sino ba ang hindi maaapektuhan? Once you're broken, you don't know how to stop crying on."

Muli na namang tumulo ang luha ko. Siguro natatawa kayo kung ganito ako umasta. No, I am trying to fight against my anger but then my agony pushes me to do so.

"Faith, buksan mo ang pinto. Nandito lang ako, hindi kita iiwanan." si Sheeya.

Alalang-alala siya sa kinalalagyan ko gayong ilang mga sigaw ko ang narinig niya mula rito sa loob ng kanyang kwarto.

Pumunta ako sa dorm niya. Pero hindi ko parin mahagilap kong paano gamutin itong sugat ko. Si Sheeya lang naman ang masasandalan ko. Siya ang kaibigan ko na higit kong pinagkakatiwalaan. Sheeya was already part of my existence. She's my only true friend I considered as my shoulder every time I have a problem.

"Huwag muna Sheeya — just let me handle all these pains."

Walang pasabing kinuha ko ang alarm clock at pinalipad sa pintuan. That clock reminds me about him. Parang ang alarm clock ang naging hudyat na sa paggising ko text niya agad ang mababasa ko.

I opened the door. I ran. I cried. I felt everything unreal. Wala akong pakialam kung saan ako dadalhin ng sarili kong mga paa. Ang alam ko lang ay sobrang nasasaktan ako.

"Saan ka pupunta? You're now making a different story, Faith."

I turned back. And said...

"Hahanapin ko lang ang taong maghihilom ng sugat sa puso ko. Hindi na bale babayaran ko nalang ang mga nasira ko." Huminto muna ako saglit at lumanghap ng hangin.

"Babalik akong may dala dalang ngiti sa mukha. Babalik akong masaya. Babalik akong wala ng sugat ang puso ko." Tumakbo ako papalayo sa kaibigan ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako tutungo. Bahala na kung hanggang saan ako dadalhin ng mga paa ko.

Oras na para bumangon, wala nang patutunguhan kung mag-iiyak lang ako.

Wala na kami. Hudyat na simula ng panibagong kabanata ng buhay ko.


Infidele

(Unfaithful)

Copyright © Claw Marks

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