Sadie was dropped off at the Maybank household.

Before they decided to head into the motel of the key they found, JJ had insisted that Sadie go home, not wanting her to disrupt their mission. Really, he just wanted her to be safe and not get caught. Sadie didn't care, she'd have some time alone after all.

Luke wasn't home today, either, which meant that she could go out without having him scolding her or asking where she was going when he probably already knew.

Sadie opened the screen door and let her beaten-up converses touch the wooden porch. She'd planned on going to the beach, though, she changed her mind and decided to go to the Chateau instead—in case JJ and his friends came back and didn't find her there.

She looked down at her feet as she kicked some loose rocks and sticks, her already dirty shoes getting dirtier. She looked up at the sky, gazing at the dark clouds that swirled like feathers in all different kinds of shapes and sizes.

Sometimes, Sadie wished she could be a cloud. Just floating above aimlessly, letting the wind take direction to wherever it decided it wanted to go. She wondered if they were soft like cotton candy or hard like rocks. She'd heard one time that they pricked like needles, but they were so soft that she found that hard to believe.

Maybe someday she could find out if they truly were for herself.

Due to her looking up, she was distracted, and therefore, couldn't properly see the giant rock in front of her. Her shoe slid forward onto the ground and her ankle bent as it stumbled onto the rock, causing her balance to waver, causing her to fall.

Sadie's breath hitched and the world represented a loud ringing noise. In front of her was Scooter Grubbs; eyes wide and hollow, face open with what seemed like hooks had reached in and grabbed half of his skin off, and even his stomach was scratched off, gruesome and dirt-ridden.

Sadie wanted to puke, she felt sick all over.

Her breathing was erratic, chest heaving up and down in alarm at the sight. She'd never been close to Scooter, but she knew him. He was a nice guy, a nice man she'd talk to once in her life and he had given her chocolate for it.

The only thing Sadie thought to do was scoot away, tears lingering in her eyes as she continued to do so. She turned and kneeled on her side, bile rising up in her throat. She willed it to stay in—she wasn't going to puke right beside a dead guy.

She stood up—or she tried to, her feet sliding against the wet dirt that stopped her from completely doing so. When she managed to, she booked it.

Sadie ran, ran, ran, until she could see the Chateau. And she ran, ran, ran until she found the bathroom and she puked out all the contents that were in her stomach. And then she cried.

☾

Sadie didn't leave the Chateau after that.

She sat on the couch with her knees pulled up, a glass of water beside her. She hadn't moved from her spot ever since she'd puked out all the food that was in her stomach, just sat there in shock.

She couldn't get his face out of her head.

All bloodied up and bruised, and eyes so, so dead, they were hollow. It'd been an hour since she saw him like that. She wondered if anyone else noticed. She wondered if anyone knew she saw.

Gulping, Sadie looked around with wide, now alarmed, glossy eyes. Her hands wrapped a fist around her jacket as she pulled nervously, gaze flickering around the Chateau as if the answer was there.

But it wasn't. It wasn't there. She hoped someone found him, she couldn't let him stay there.

It was Scooter Grubbs. Nice Scooter Grubbs.

Sadie felt the tears hit her again and she hid her face between her knees and chest, trying not to cry. She didn't like it when she cried—no one liked it when she cried. Especially JJ and Luke. They hated it. They never knew what to do.

Luke would always just say he'd slap her if she didn't shut up—and it worked—and JJ would just wait it out, sometimes ask what was wrong. But she never answered, because she knew he didn't like it.

So when she heard the screen door of the Chateau open, she ran into the bathroom and locked the door shut, hoping none of them noticed her hurry. She headed toward the sink and splashed her face with cold water, frantically trying to wipe away any remnants that she had been crying for an hour.

"Sadie?" Kiara's voice was welcomed into her ears from outside.

Sadie paused, closing the sink before she took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice. "Y—Yeah?" She closed her eyes and pulled at her hair harshly at her stupid coverup. That didn't sound calm at all!

"Nothin'," came JJ's voice, however, so she deemed it unnecessary to worry anymore.

She stayed in there for a few more minutes, hearing the Pogues talk outside mindlessly. She thanked the ocean that they didn't care all that much, and were too busy chatting around.

Sadie tried to keep her composure, she didn't want to tell them what she saw. They probably already have. There was no way someone could miss Scooter Grubbs lying like that in an open field, and if they knew that he had been killed, then Sadie knowing would raise suspicion.

So, that's that. Sadie would keep it to herself, locked away in the vault of her mind.

As normal as she could act, Sadie unlocked the door and stepped out, heart hammering heavily in her chest. Her heart jumped when she didn't see any of the Pogues outside, but then she heard their voices out on the back porch, so she willed herself to calm down.

Her nerves were sky-rocketing—she was in full panic mode, however, she needed to calm down right now. She didn't want to blurt out what she had seen.

Instead of heading toward the back porch, she went toward the table beside the couch and grabbed her glass, heading into the kitchen to refill it with water. She opened the fridge and poured herself some cold water. The second it hit her throat and went down, the cold sent shivers down her spine, but undoubtedly calmed her nerves down, freezing her brain and thoughts, giving her time to think.

However, her thoughts weren't as pleasant as she wanted them to be. The face of Scooter Grubbs was still vivid in her mind, so she kept drinking the cold water. Drink, drink, drink, she told herself. Maybe if she drank, she'll forget.

At some point, she had discarded the glass and opted for drinking from the container itself, a few dribbles of cold water hit her shirt and sunk into her skin, but she paid no mind to that, too distracted of the thoughts that were swirling in her mind and the brain-freeze she was getting.

Though, the cold was doing its job. The face of Scooter was slowly fading away and the cold was the only thing she could think of. The piercing of the brain-freeze distracting her, yet made her stop drinking the ice water for a moment, feeling as if a hammer was beating at her skull.

"What are you doing?"

Sadie jumped, flinching harshly as she swallowed the water forcefully and looked toward the entrance of the kitchen. JJ stood there with his eyebrows furrowed, looking at Sadie like she was an alien from outer space.

Slowly, with widened eyes, Sadie put the container down, and stood up properly, bringing her hand up to wipe away the remnants of the water. "Nothin'..." her small voice responded.

JJ stared at her for a moment, the kind of stare that indicated that he was trying to figure her out. Sadie didn't know what he was trying to figure out, but she held the eye contact for as long as she could, before JJ huffed, rolled his eyes, and turned around, going back to his friends.

Sadie slumped the moment he was out of her sights, taking a deep breath to compose herself. She wanted to tell them really bad, but she also didn't want to get in trouble. She didn't want JJ to yell at her when he was in an already bad mood toward her, so she would have to keep it to herself.

For now, at least.

Taking a deep breath, Sadie went over to the back porch and opened the door, seeing JJ sitting down whilst playing with a lighter, Kiara sitting in the far corner and John B standing beside the screen door.

Kiara turned to Sadie and smiled at her, and even though the act should've made Sadie feel a little better, it made her feel guilty instead. She gulped and turned her head away, staring as JJ played with his lighter.

Thankfully, Pope stumbled into the screen door a second later, slightly relieving the tension in Sadie's shoulder. That was until she heard what he began to say. "So, we didn't see anything. We don't know anything—

I do. More than you know.

—We need to have total and complete amnesia."

Gladly.

Sadie jumped slightly when JJ began to speak, making him glance at her with squinted eyes that swirled with suspicion as he did. "Actually, Pope's right for once. See, I agree with you sometimes," he said, standing up from the chair, walking toward John B. "Deny, deny, deny."

A small part of Sadie agreed. Denying sounded very reasonable, and, even though she wanted to speak up and say that she did agree, she was just a kid and they probably wouldn't even care if she agreed with or not. So, instead, she moved to sit where JJ sat, eyes flickering to each member of the Pogues.

From the couch, Kiara spoke up, guilt lacing her voice. "Guys, we can't keep the money."

Sadie furrowed her eyebrows from the couch. What money? Were they talking about the same thing she was thinking about? Did they know about Scooter?

"Okay," JJ breathed out, a hint of frustration in his voice. "Not all of us can afford unlimited data plans, Kiara."

"We have to pass that off to Lana Grubbs. Otherwise, it's bad karma."

The name sent a shiver down Sadie's spine. She had no recollection of who Lana was, but Grubbs sure as hell rung a bell. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, wringing her hands together, twisting her fingers in anxiety as she tried to distract herself.

This was an adult conversation, she had no place in it. So she didn't need to listen to it. She wouldn't.

"Bad karma to be implicated in a felony, too," Pope informed. "We gotta go dark."

Stop listening!

"If that means we keep the money, then I agree," JJ said, turning away from all of them, looking out the window.

Despite not wanting to listen, it was pretty hard since Sadie was right there.

Sadie had no idea what money JJ was so keen on keeping, but she assumed it was Scooter Grubbs' money, and Lana—his wife, Sadie presumed—probably needed it. And, yes, Sadie lacked feelings, but considering that she had actually seen Scooter dead and all, she felt that it would be best to give Lana what belonged to her husband.

For once, John B didn't humour JJ as he tapped the Maybank's shoulder, "I don't agree."

Sadie nodded, slightly feeling better that they were doing something good. "We—We should give it to Lana Grubbs," she whispered to no one in particular, mostly to herself. To make herself feel better.

"Even Sadie agrees and she doesn't care all that much," Pope said, turning to point at the girl who looked up at them alarmingly, not having expected to hear her name in an adult conversation.

Her gaze turned to JJ who shot her a concerned look with a hint of annoyance, before he turned back to John B, tiling his head. "What? Why?"

"Just think about it," John B stated. "This is Scooter Grubbs we're talking about, right? Same dude that's buying individual cigarettes at the Porthole. Shit, one time I saw this dude begging for change in the Save-A-Lot parking lot because he needed gas. We're talking about a dirtbag marina rat who's never had more than 40 bucks in his pocket, and all of a sudden, he's got a Grady-White?"

All this talk about Scooter Grubbs was making Sadie squeamish, knowing more about him only made her feel guilty about seeing him in that... state. Her leg began to bounce and she brought her thumb up to chew on, her anxiety going way over line.

From his corner, JJ noticed this. He'd noticed how she was acting weird when he saw her practically chug that whole carton of ice water, as if she'd been stuck in the desert and that was her only source of water.

He also noticed how she kept fidgeting to herself constantly as she sat with them, refusing to make eye contact, and when Pope had said her name, she looked like a deer in headlights.

Something was wrong, and no matter how much Sadie tried to hide it, or how much he tried not to care, JJ could still notice it.

"Okay, what's wrong?"

All eyes turned to him, all of them lingering with confusion. Especially Sadie's. She looked up at him with wide eyes as she found out that he was staring at her, directing the question to her.

Suddenly, she wanted to hide away. To scramble back into the Chateau and hide in the bathroom or wherever. JJ had clearly caught on to her weak act, and was very skeptical. But what was she supposed to say?

On one hand, telling the truth would take the big ball of anxiety and replace it with relief that she told someone what she saw. But then she would probably get a lecture from JJ about how she should've told them earlier, and Sadie wasn't in the mood of getting yelled at.

But on the other hand, lying would make her feel even more guilty, because she didn't even like lying anyway, and then she would still act weird and they would still ask her what's wrong.

Deny, deny, deny was out of the picture, Sadie needed to tell the truth.

"I saw Scooter Grubbs," her voice was like a whisper in the wind. She kept her head down to avoid looking at any of the Pogues.

Silence was a welcome gesture as the room was quiet as an ant, only the breeze outside and the breathing inside was heard. It was very tense, no one knew what to do.

Sadie felt her lungs choking up, tears welling up in her eyes as she played with her fingers. Her mind replayed the image over and over and over and over again, like a continuous movie.

"What do you mean you saw Scooter Grubbs?" JJ's biting question harshly tapped into Sadie's ear.

"JJ!" Kiara shushed him, eyes furrowed angrily at him before she moved toward Sadie, kneeling before her as her wide eyes poured into Sadie's with worry. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Sadie shakily parted her lips and took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with Kiara and any of the other Pogues, keeping her eyes down. She took a few minutes to answer, gathering herself and guarding her features. "Because..." she tried to think of an answer, but she couldn't, so Sadie just shrugged.

She didn't know what to say. She knew JJ was angry at her and that was what she was mostly focusing on, she didn't even know why! They'd just found out that she'd seen a dead man before anyone had, and she was focusing on if her brother was going to scold her or not.

She didn't want him to. She really, really didn't.

Sadie looked up, a frown evident on her face and tears in her eyes. For once, she looked like a kid. An actual kid. Not Sadie Maybank; the one who sat alone in recess. Not Sadie Maybank; the one that stayed in her room all day colouring instead of playing with the neighbourhood kids. Not Sadie Maybank; the girl fascinated with the ocean.

Not Sadie Maybank. But JJ's little sister. Little.

That was what some people forgot sometimes—was that Sadie was still little.

Which was why the Pogues, mostly JJ, were surprised when she looked up at him and asked, "Are you mad?"

It startled him to his core. He froze, staring at her with wide eyes. At first, he was going to lecture her on why she hadn't told them, or why she hadn't just stayed home like he told her to, but the look on her face reminded him that she was still his sister. Not in the traditional sense, but she was still a Maybank. She was raised a Maybank.

And she was just eleven.

"No," JJ whispered his answer, shaking his head. He made no move to go toward her, though, thinking Kiara was better off staying there. "I'm not mad, Sadie. Just tell us next time, yeah?"

Sadie sniffed, frowning as she took a deep breath. "Okay," she nodded. "'M sorry."

"It's okay, Sadie," Kiara answered that time, pushing a blonde strand away from Sadie's face, smiling at the girl. "But you can't keep secrets from us anymore, okay?"

Sadie slowly leant away, lowering her head so the strand would cover her face once more. "Okay," she whispered.

•

AUTHOR'S NOTE.
short chapter but my poor girl got #1 trauma. sorry if this was badly written i had no idea how to structure it and i think this is the best i could do.