"Sometimes I feel like I'll talk—keep talking and no one will listen . I'll scream and no one will hear. "

Dr Michael jotted down a word on his writing pad.

Misunderstood.

"And where do you think it stems from?" He asked , pushing up the glasses that almost slipped down his pointed nose.

The handsome young man kept staring at the mahogany table that was between them. The kind doctor had offered him a seat on the couches so he could be more relaxed so the friendly environment could help him open up but the gentleman had declined telling him that he was his doctor and not his friend.

He didn't want to be relax.

He didn't want to forget that at the end of the day he was the patient .

The intelligent eyes of Dr Michael could see the torn expression on his face. He was contemplating whether to tell or not ?

Dr leaned back , spinning the pen between his fingers .

"Alright let's not put you into a difficult position. Now tell me how do you. . feel over his death?"

A smile that had nothing to do with humour crept on his face, making his handsome features seem sinister.

Even the doctor felt uncomfortable for a moment.

"Does that make me an asshole that I felt nothing? " He glanced up , his eyes fixed on the doctor's face.

"No. Absolutely not. Everyone has there own way of dealing with trauma"

"What if, " he leaned in . .his palms flat on the table ," what if I tell you I didn't feel any trauma? I wasn't even close to traumatized. What will you say then?"

There was the glint of challenge in his eyes as if asking the doctor to just hand him the certificate of an cold hearted asshole .

"I'll say that you never had any kind of relation with him. I'll say that you were. .glad he died. Is that it?" Dr asked  , interest sparking in his eyes.

He sighed. . leaning back in the comfy chair.

"No. I felt nothing. I wasn't numb . I knew what was going on around me .  .I knew it but it didn't affect me. I wasn't happy over his death. I felt a sick sense of satisfaction."

"Ah! So you were happy—"

He shook his head.

"No. Satisfied and happy are two whole different worlds. Seeing him laying down in that casket just—," he stopped as if trying to find the right words ," I never felt that kind of ecstasy . Not even at masterbation."

The doctor chuckled and then he wrote down again.

Can't feel misery.

"Here is what I want you to do now. Befriend people. Not keep them at an arm distance. "

His patient grinned . . stunning the doctor for a second because the guy was ever so brooding . It was an rare occasion to see him smile . It elevated his sharp features. Made him look like his age.

"How do you know I keep them at arm distance?"

Dr shrugged. "You told me at the start you're damaged goods everyone should stay away from."

"They should." He deadpanned.

Dr Michael took off his glasses . " This is what I want you to quit. This self certification. You have been on the path of self destruction . You have seen it all.  But. .you can decide for yourself but you can't decide for others. You can't let what's in you lead you."

The young man looked away from his face and the Dr knew that when he looked away from his face. .it meant one thing.

He was going to get personal.

"I did that. Let people get close to me and then all they did was see me for what I'm not. " His voice turned low .

"And what are you not?"

This time he did look at the doc.

"I know I have been through fucked up shit but I also know I'm not a bad person. I know I'm not. My anger don't define who I'm. But for people . .," He trailed of. " I have a problem . I hate too hard. I love too hard —"

"What? You're in love?!" Dr Michael nearly dropped his glasses.

"Define love."

"Well , love is  just wanting to see the he/ she happy. " Dr said sounding quite cheerful for some reason.

The young man smiled , a hollow smile.

"That's what I'm doing. I'm trying to see her happy. . .without me." He added the word like an afterthought.

"Without you? "

He nodded.

"She can be the rose and I'll be the thorn that watches over her."

×××××××××××××

| Daisy |

I want to be your no one.

That one sentence kept going on in my head. Over and over again until I couldn't think. Until there were no more tears left in my eyes.

Love wasn't suppose to be like this.

It wasn't suppose to make me feel wretched and disgusted with myself. But then the person I fell for. .he was a jigsaw puzzle. Whenever I thought I had all the pieces lined up , he would snatch the whole board.

Turn all the pieces up side down.

And then I had to sit and re arrange all the pieces while my hands bleed. May be he loved it. Loved knowing that my heart craved  him and I know it was extremely pathetic of me but after everything that had happened. . .I still loved him.

Jenn had cursed his entire generation but she knew my state . Knew that it was me who kept pinning , hoping for him—to what?

To know that i would be enough for him.

"I just don't get why you can't get it through your dumb head that he ain't interested in you. Wake up!!" Jenn had yelled.

"He is not the man for you. He can never be the man for you. Get him the fuck outta your life!!"

I nodded , not knowing what else to do?

If I talked about him. .I would end up crying . Again.

"If I saw you near him, I'll sicc hell hounds on him! Fucking asshole!!" She hissed, shoving a piece of bread in her mouth.

People around us kept giving her funny looks.

I tried to keep myself busy with the cup of coffee in front of me.

Just as Jenn was preparing to an onslaught again, my phone vibrated .

Taking my phone , I swiped it up. . frowning at the screen.

It was a message.

From an unknown number.

When I tell you I love you. I'm not saying it out of habit. I'm reminding you that you're my life.

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