| Daisy |

I didn't care.

I didn't want to.

I was spiraling into the girl I vowed never to be. Funny how girls transform into someone they think they couldn't be. I was being desperate. But how could anyone expect me to act normal? To think rationally?

Who thinks rationally when it's the matter of the soul? If I had not lost all of my being , if I was not pulling out my hair or screaming . .it was because of. . hope.

Hope that I was missing out something .

Hope that Dean must have a reason.

He would never hurt me intentionally. .

And. . .

I shouldn't hyperventilate. I shouldn't lose my heart just because he didn't make it.

I shouldn't. . But i was .

I was so close to the dark side. To the brink.  I could feel it all around me. The darkness. Enclosing around me . Whispering all kind of vile things but I refused to listen to any of that. I was not going to give it in. Not so soon.

I was not going to over think.

He didn't even reply you. .that should tell you enough. .

That dark whisper didn't let me alone. It kept taunting me. Jeering at my positivity. It kept painting pictures that I couldn't look at.

The why was stuck in my heart like a dagger.

Why didn't he come?

Why?

And maybe it was the first time that I didn't pick Jenn's call . First time that I was ignoring all the people that were close to me. .for him.

All I wanted to think about was him.

Yesterday when I came home, I shut the door close to my room and just. . . stood there. Stood there in disbelief. In did that really happen?

It was that moment when time escapes you. I stood there for one minute? One hour?. . I had no idea. It had to be the worse start I had ever been in. Even then I didn't let myself despair. Because when he said he loved me. .I saw the raw truth in them.

No one could fake that.

Ever.

That's what kept me in my senses.

I texted him all night, called him up but I got no response. Nothing at all and even then I didn't lose it.

I told myself everything was going to be okay tomorrow when I see him at school. Everything will make sense.

Hope.

I just needed a ray of that .

Deep down. .may be—

Maybe I was fooling myself. .maybe I did lose it that night but I was in denial. Maybe a part of me did break away but I was shaking my head. . refusing to accept it.

Refusing to accept that I could feel the crack in my heart. It throbbed all night. .a pinprick feeling. .

But. .

Tomorrow everything will make sense.

And then  when I woke up , I fixed myself in ten minutes max. Threw on a purple top and some ripped jeans. Made a messy bun and I was out the door without having any breakfast.

I felt like if I ate something i would throw up.

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I didn't give a crap about my classes today.

Because today it was all about me. Nothing could come above me. I had to set my solar system back , had to arrange all the planets in order because Dean had arranged them in the most beautiful way possible and now. .now they were falling apart inside me.

Drifting away from each other . .

Causing chaos. .

Clutching the strap of my bag, I swallowed down the anxiety that was creeping up my throat and headed straight to the back of the school. I swear people disappeared all around me . It was only me . Insane , desperate me looking for him.

Entering the backyard area , I took a look around but I couldn't see them and then I shielded my eyes from the harsh rays of sun and yes!!

A strange kind of warmth and rush surrounded my heart , shutting away  all the darkness because I could spot the tall figure !

With my wild beating heart , I literally ran up to him and then—then I had to halt in the middle . . .slow down because he looked up.

"Hey daze! What's up?"

No. . .

Travis.

I looked like a person who lost the lottery at the last minute . My face must have fell because Travis straighten up and his eyes had worry flashing in them.

"Daisy? You okay?" He asked softly and I nodded absently.

"Where is Dean?" I asked really not seeing him.

Travis jerked his chin at the building.

"He's inside."

I muttered a hasty "Thanks" and then I turned around about to leave when. .

" Uh I don't think you should go to him right now. Don't know what crawled up his ass and died. "

I stopped for a second but I didn't turn at him.

"Got it."

I didn't care if he was in pissy mood or unicorn mood.

All I cared about were answers!

As I moved I thought. . thought about so he came to school but didn't bother to look for me? Didn't bother to come for me?

Some love it was!!

The next ten minutes I looked over for him. Down the lawn. At the corridor and to make things worse I was avoiding my friends. I spotted a worried Jenn and Gloria talking to each other but I didn't make myself known.

Quietly, I left and kept looking for him.

Classrooms were the last stop to look for.

And I searched the classes. Looking in the through the glass windows and seeing students casting me a weird glance.

I was a girl in love. .and I was past beyond caring.

Just when I almost gave up. .I almost turned around so I could call my friends to help me search. .I heard it.

A giggle.

And a chuckle.

A deep male chuckle.

My heart dropped because. .

"No. .no it can't be him. " I whispered.

I knew that voice . .I could recognize that voice in millions. Slowly. .so slowly. .I turned around at the class I thought was out of order and didn't bother looking in. .the door was shut. .it was as if someone was telling me not to go there.

Not to go.

All of a sudden I had a strange feeling in me.

Like. . .

If I went in, i'll lose everything.

When destruction is just around the corner, the gut feels it. I felt it. My heart was dreading every step that I took towards the shut door.

Dreading.

And praying.

Praying that it wasn't what I think it was. .

With a dry throat, I placed my hand on the wooden door. .and jerked back when I heard him laugh off.

Dean.

"You said you loved me. D-don't make me go through something I can't bear." I was talking to the door as if it would convey my message to him. .

I couldn't wait anymore. Couldn't stop myself.

Summoning all my courage, I placed both of my hands on the door and pushed it open.

All the way.

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