CHAPTER THREE,
empire of lies

INSOMNIA HAD ALWAYS been a companion of Samantha Walsh. It haunted her nights, fatigued her even as a little girl, and even when she did get some sleep, she suffered from realistic nightmares. Most of the time she would forget those horrid images, but the feeling of dread remained.

From her spot outside of her tent, the sun was slowly coming up, the morning breeze making her cross her arms in her jacket. Her mind was thinking, always thinking of new possibilities, new sources of disaster, and a new sense of danger.

Something warm wrapped around her figure and she jolted, her eyes darting around in alert. Her nerves were put to rest when she realized it was just Shane covering her up with a blanket. "You alright?" He asked, concern in his eyes.

"I couldn't sleep." She murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt so tired within her soul, but her mind wouldn't let her rest.

Samantha felt Shane heave a sigh. "I know how that feels," He admitted. "I forgotten what it's like to have a normal sleepin' pattern."

She looked up at him, taking notes of the dark circles under his eyes, worried lines permanently plastered across his forehead. He always appeared to be a soldier in front of the campers, but even the strongest soldier had their weak points. She's seen it, she saw the real him, the real Shane Walsh.

He was like a book, his pages and lines and deeper meanings she have memorized and copied to the back of her hand - and hers to him.

Her eyes trailed to his 22 necklace, and they rolled. "You sleep with that on too?"

Shane grinned. "I think it looks mighty fine on me, don't ya think?" He touched the silver chain.

Samantha scoffed. "It's just as stupid as you." Yet she had to give him credit for his dedication to that number. His birthday on the 22nd; his football number 22. She didn't blame him for believing that it was his lucky number.

"Well, when I die I'm passing it to you."

She lifted her head up to look at him, his sentence not sitting right in her stomach. "Don't say that."

"Damn, it hurts that you hate it so much-"

"Not the stupid necklace, dumbass," She interrupted, bringing her bottom lip in between her teeth. "Don't talk about you dying, that's the last thing I wanna hear."

His grin dropped, realization setting in and he rubbed his head. After a few moments, he opened his arms. "C'mon." He said, and she did, burying her head into his side.

"I'm not gonna die on you," He promised. "I'm the big brother, I'm supposed to protect you. My sister, my responsibility."

"But, you're so...old."

"Old?" Shane repeated as he stared at her with an expression of mocked hurt, infecting her with a crack of a smile. "Thirty-five is not old."

"You're about ready for a walker." She teased, grinning like the devil.

Their laughters died down, and she was left alone with those looming thoughts that made her anxieties bounce up. She looked up at Shane, but caught sight of a bruise visible on his neck. Except it wasn't a bruise.

━━━━━

Samantha avoided her brother for the rest of the day, unable to look at him in the face without feeling the impulse to punch it. She felt like she had been biting her tongue so much she's surprised she even still has one.

She was used to avoiding problems. Avoiding such things was her middle name.

She knew the truth, but she felt like she didn't deserve the truth. Rick's grave did, which is what he's probably rolling in right now. If he were alive, she couldn't imagine the heartbreaking consequences.

She tried to excuse their behavior - Rick was dead. He's been dead for weeks, but does that give it justification? She couldn't decide, and she didn't want to. The truth brought an uncomfortable weight to her soul, and she absolutely hated it.

A figure nearly knocked her to the ground, and her eyebrows snapped together in anger at his careless attitude.

"Watch where you're going, Katniss." She snapped, glaring at Daryl Dixon. He barely looked at her but she heard his scoff.

She felt like he should be on his knees thanking her, because she had been the one to convince her brother to let them stay in the camp.

"Oh, jeez," Amy approached her with a frown. "That didn't look too friendly."

Samantha ran her finger up and down her arms, which exposed her tattoos. She was quite proud of them, flashing them whenever she can - a symbol of dark times passing back in high school.

"He has his head too far up his icy ass to be friendly." She replied.

Samantha liked Amy more than her sister Andrea, both sharing the fact that their siblings had their lives halfway started before they came into the world, but nothing much beyond that.

She was still a kind girl, a hopeful girl, a lot of other wondeorus things - but that was her flaw, she had too many of the sweet things and not enough of the bad. She was too good for her own good, too hopeful for a world like this, the kind of person that would get hurt easily.

"Maybe he needs someone to melt it for him." The blonde giggled.

Daryl Dixon was a lot of things, and one of them was the fact that he was such a mystery. Usually Samantha was able to read people, but with all the walls he had built up, he was untouchable. This annoyed her more, but also made her ponder.

"I've asked Shane if we could start gun training, but he hasn't gotten back to me on that."

"Me too," Nathan chimed in, advancing towards them. "It seems like he's avoiding the situation together."

Samantha sighed, running a hand through her hair and pushing through the knots."Well, he's had a lot on his plate," She murmured, her gaze on the two lovebirds. "But i'll talk to him about it, maybe he'll listen to me."

Amy sent the brunette a grateful smile, before tucking a blonde strand of hair behind her ear as she glanced at Nathan. "See you later." She said, leaving the two best friends.

"You two are gross." Samantha turned to Nathan with a wide grin.

He returned it, pulling out a cigarette. "Don't worry, princess, you still got all my love." He stated, lighting up the stick, the fumes making Samantha look away from him in disgust.

Samantha caught Lori appearing from the greenery of the trees, a large bucket in her hands. Her heart pounded in her chest, and when Lori glanced at her, it only pounded with a flame of resentment.

She didn't see the way Nathan was staring at her with an all knowing look, his gaze on the window too, a frown. "Sammy-"

"Don't." She held up her hand, her eyes narrowed her cheeks becoming flamed with anger.

She tried to control her thoughts as they ran on a marathon, rubbing her head almost harshly.

But he was persistent, standing in front of her to block her view. "You can't avoid it forever." He said softly, reaching for her but she flinched away.

"Stop acting like you know jackshit," She said, the emotions she kept bottling up cracking. Nathan could see through the cracks, she wanted to believe anything else but what was in front of her.

"I know, Sammy, I know-"

"No, you don't. I know my own brother like my damn mind," She snatched the cigarette from his lips and let it drop to the ground, done with smelling the same poison that took away someone she loved.

Nathan ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Well, apparently you don't," He retorted, his patience going thin . "Stop avoiding the truth."

But she wasn't avoiding it. How can she when it was right in front of her? It was a flaunting and heartbreaking thing, and he wouldn't understand how sweet it felt to not linger on it. He wouldn't understand what it was like to see Rick Grimes and Carl every time she saw her brother and Lori together, Nathan wouldn't understand anything.

Samantha would rather be in an empire of lies than to face the dirtiest of people's actions.

━━━━━

Carl clung onto Samantha with the absence of his mother, the orange glow of the campfire dancing in his baby blues, his head resting in his godmother's lap as she swept her fingers through his hair.

She heard someone call her name and she lifted her head up.

"Huh?" She asked dumbly.

It was Dale who had called her. "I was wondering what you did before all this," He gave her a friendly smile. "I've known you for a few weeks and have yet to know your past."

"Actually, Ive been wondering that myself," Morales admitted. "For a tough niña like you, I would've half expected you to be training to be a cop like your brother."

The absence of Shane didn't set right in her stomach, but the eagerness to talk about her passion almost made her forget that. "Nah, I disappointed my brother on that part. I was actually in college studying psychology."

"What's that?" The children around her asked, leaning forward in curiosity.

She grinned. "That children, is the study of the human mind," Carl stared up at her in admiration. "I wanted to understand it, after all - the brain is wider than the sky."

"Credits to Emily Dickson, Samantha," Dale reminded, taking a sip from his cup. "I rushed through college and became a salesmen. I spent forty years behind a desk on a phone. The week after I retired the wife and I bought that camper and set out to see America."

Glenn had a weak smile on his face. "You both seem to have an interesting life," He nodded towards the elder and the brunette. "I was a pizza delivery boy in Macon. I was swimming in debt and would've given anything to get out of it."

T-Dog patted his back. "Looks like you got your wish." He spoke, but Glenn only frowned.

"Thing is...now that its all gone, I'd gladly take it all back if everything could go back to normal."

The crackling of the wood being licked by the fire became the only noise to the fellow campers. Samantha glanced up and caught Nathan on the other side of the fire with the pretty blonde next to him. Sometimes when he was caught off guard and he thought nobody was looking, she could see it all in the storm of his eyes; he was relieving a battle that he was no longer in.

Nathan was fighting a war inside of himself, and that was his secret.

The peace that Samantha had grown warm to was ripped away by obnoxious, loud laughter. The campers all turned to the source, coming to face Merle Dixon, who emerged from the darkness of the trees and headed towards his and his younger brother's own campfire.

"Why did we allow them into our camp again?" Andrea asked, annoyance dripping from her words. For once Samantha had to agree with her, his loudness could attract walkers from miles.

"If I remember correctly Sam and Glenn vouched for them." Jacqui replied.

Glenn rose his hands in surrender. "Hey, its better then going to our graves every other day."

Merle's loud voice could be heard from across the camp, and turning to look over his shoulder, she could clearly see his lips outstretched into a wide smile as he conversed with Daryl, who looked disinterested. "Deputy dipshit and olive oil gettin' it on!" His accent drawled out.

Samantha's heart stopped for a second, her lips parting in shock. Deputy dipshit. Deputy dipshit. Deputy dipshit.

"Butt naked in the woods like two pussies in heat!" His eyes found Samantha's, and his face twisted into mockery. "Tell ya brother and that broad ta keep it down!"

A hand was placed on her shoulder and she jumped, turning back to see the campers no longer looking at Merle or at her - except Jacqui, who had been the one to touch her.

"Don't listen to him, honey." She sympathized, trying trying to assure the young woman, but assurance did not find her tonight.

The avoidable has become the unavoidable, it was etched on each and every one of their faces. They all knew, they all knew. The wall she kept up to conceal the truth came crashing down, and she saw it all.

Acceptance cannot be found if you are too busy avoiding the truth. Denial is the cruelty that springs from weakness. She had been weak.

A familiar feeling of repulsion and rage burned through her belly like wildfire, spreading throughout her body and boiling the blood that ran through her veins. Merle's laughter only fueled the fire that burned within her. She hated his voice, she hated his southern drawl, she hated everything about him.

In a spur of a moment Samantha stood up, the ringing in her ears muffling out everyone's calls and storming over to the oblivious hillbilly. She hated his stupid face, she hated his stupid laughter.

Samantha hasn't gotten into a fight in a long time, not since high school, but after was a whole different story. She became a changed woman, having calmed down her short temper and becoming slightly mellow, but something in her seemed to shift-

Samantha was incredibly surprised at the familiar pain that blazed up her arm as her fist connected to his nose.

Daryl jumped to his feet and Merle stumbled back, screaming, "You bitch!"

His brother pulled out his crossbow but she didn't acknowledge him, anger blinding her senses as she lurched forward, expecting to collide with more bone but she felt arms wrap around her, pulling the provoked woman back. "Fuck you!" She roared, thrashing around.

Daryl's face was sweaty, his narrowed eyes glinted with a fire of anger as he kept his crossbow aimed. Merle was clutching his nose, spewing insults into his hands.

"Samantha, calm your ass down!" T-Dog pleaded, his grip struggling and tightening around the petite girl.

"That stupid white trashed hillbilly-"

Her sentences became gibberish, her body shaking with adrenaline and anger and disgust and all types of erratic emotions. It was as if she had lost all control who she was, like she was that once toxic teen she tried to erase all over again.

"Keep that bitch on a leash or I'll do it myself." Daryl growled lowly, a storm brewing in his eyes.

Nathan blocked her sight of the Dixon brothers, his features softening. "Breathe," He murmured, his voice coming out soft and his hands gentle on her shoulders. "This ain't you, remember who you are, Sammy. Just breathe."

And she did.

Her fighting came to a halt and all her senses came running back. The rage she had felt was gone, but the embarrassment set in, realizing what she had just done.

T-Dog hesitantly let go, sweat beading his eyebrows. She looked around, the campers all standing up with expressions contorted into utter astonishment.

Then she turned to Merle, but she couldn't read his face, as if he blocked off any emotion from coming to.

"Sam?" The new voice made her throat become dry, her skin blanching and heat rising to her neck. Did he witness it all?

Turning away from the mess she had caused, she faced her brother with her head down like a chided puppy - but seeing Lori right next to him made everything worse.

He stepped towards her, close enough to reach forward to touch her but she smacked his hand away, remembering his actions and instead of feeling resentment, disappointment reekedlike a bad oder.

"Don't you dare." She hissed.

Samantha shoved past him, eying Lori with disgust and shaking her head.

Rick would be so disappointed.

━━━━━

Memories turned into inner demons, and inner demons turned into nightmares. Samantha didn't know what time it was, but the sky was becoming light, meaning the sun would come again soon.

Inside the RV the couch was cramped, and despite Dale offering to take it instead just for the night, Samantha wasn't having it. He was the only one that didn't ask what was going on nor question it, and she was thankful for that.

She sat near the quarry, gazing at the still, blue water. When she was little girl, she thought of many childish things, one of them being when people slept, so did the water too.

A sigh left her face, her nerves and exhaustion heavy on her face as she took out a lighter and a small blunt wrapped in translucent paper. She lit it up, the smell soothing to her as she placed it to her lips-

Footsteps behind her caused her to whip around with her pistol aimed, her fingers on the trigger only to feel her own eyes roll at who it was.

"Go away." Was all she could muster out, setting her gun near her.

The same smirk that she tried punching off earlier has reappeared on his face.

"What? Ain't Merle good company?" He chuckled, and she grunted. If he was good company, she wouldn't have felt so disgusted by him.

He sat next to her, his eyes glinted from the moonlight. "Pass me tha'."

It took her a second to register what he meant, and wanting nothing but him to be completely silence and not wanting to destroy her knuckles even more, Samantha obliged.

He inhaled and puffed out a cloud of ghostly smoke, then passed it back to Samantha and she did the same.

"Ya pick a badass punch for a girl." She expected his tone to hold some form of resentment, but instead it had humor and...admiration?

"That's pretty sexist." She muttered.

"Been tryin' to put the tough in ma brother since birth," Samantha didn't answer, trying to avoid looking at him. "You ain't no pussy, deputy princes," He continued. "Bet having a cop as a bro taught you that."

"It also taught me how to put bullets into people like you."

"That's the spirit!" He chuckled. "I had a girl like you, got her shit done, was as reckless and as mean as 'er demons."

Instead of asking: who would date you? She simply looked at him. "Let me guess, she dumped you?" She questioned instead.

"Nah, her time was up and she had to get to 'er next client."

She was shocked at the sudden, loud cackling that left her mouth, aching her stomach and pleasing Merle as he chuckled some more, standing up. "Ya ever come out 'ere to get high again, invite ol' Merle," He said, his grin toothy. "Or a warm body in a bed."

Samantha felt a smile twitch on her lips. It surprised her, not because it happened but because Merle Dixon was the cause of it.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟnote

i love my walsh babies with all my heart

words ; 3203
edited ; ✔️