CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT,
yet it was

NATHAN COUNTED THE cracks in the ground as he walked through the dim hallways. There looked to be thousands, maybe millions of cut concrete beneath his feet. It got his attention once he entered the lonely building, starting from the entrance and seemingly endless.

Those millions of crack seemed to just exist. No ending nor so beginning. He knew what it was like to just be there, in a world where everything was yet he felt like he wasn't. To breathe, but not to feel like you were living.

Living seemed like a memory of ancient civilizations.

"Merle found Glenn and Maggie outside and brought them here."

He could vividly remember the breath being caught in his throat and the shock making his brain stutter. He almost stood up and rushed out of the door, but decided how idiotic that would be.

"We want to bring them back to their group, but they refuse to tell us for their own security reasons."

Nathan found the door after turning a corner, resembling the same one that Keri's twitching corpse had been - the one where his last memory of Samantha was. A dark room for a girl that had been full of life, now gone.

His eyes burned, and he brought his hand to wipe away at the forming wetness.

The door stood in front of him, large and intimidating. He pulled out the key, the same one he had stolen when the Governor wasn't looking. He wasn't supposed to be here, but that only made him want to be. Something about all of this wasn't right, a whole facade that was put up. He had to find the truth, he had to know.

Nathan swallowed and opened the door, being met with brick walls and a dim light illuminating the room. It made his throat feel dry, remembering the last time he had been in a room like this. It was all too much of a familiar pain that he wanted to store away.

"Nathan?"

He blinked and quickly followed the familiar voice, a feeling of intense happiness surging through him at the sight of the Asian features that belonged to Glenn Rhee. He could make out the shock on every inch and detail of his features, and he was sure he could feel it on his own. That had been his friend, someone he was close with back at the old group, and here he was.

Nathan shut the door behind him and stepped into the room, his hand lingering on the door as he tried to find the right words to say. What could he say? It had been no long, and too overwhelming.

He wasn't supposed to be in here. His time was limited so whatever reason he came in for he had to force out.

"What happened?" He finally pushed out from the barrens of his mouth. "Why are you here?"

"Me and Maggie were looking for supplies for Lori's baby," Glenn began. The sound of the names felt strange, the time of them being apart making it feel unreal. "Merle found us. He tried to kill us. He forced us to come here. They won't let us leave."

Nathan realized what was happening. He's seen this happen before, and it had been Elliot Sloan.

"Look, they won't let you leave unless they find out the group's location," He stated, his fingers curling over the wood of the chair. "It's all about the location. They don't care about anything else. I've seen it."

Glenn fell back into his chair, his eyes flickering to the table and back at the soldier in front of him.

"You have to help us," He spoke desperately. "You have to get us out of here."

Nathan knew of that risk, but he couldn't. There was too many guards and too many walls, so many obstacles for one idea.

"I can't," He stated. "I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm not-"

"Since when did you care about what's supposed to be," Glenn snapped, leaning forward. "When you and Shane were running around the farm making decisions, you didn't care what other people thought."

Nathan opened his mouth but no words came out. Glenn was right, but that also proved how much he had changed. He was no longer that man from back then, he was weak.

"You can come home," His tone softened as well as his sad eyes. "To your family. We are still your family."

He felt a mixture of emotions coursing through his veins, a shaky breath leave his mouth as he rubbed at his eyes. Did he deserve another chance? Did he deserve to even be pitied by God?

Nathan felt like he didn't deserve a home or a family. He had been a coward when his little brother needed him the most, been weak when Samantha needed him. He deserved no atonement.

This was his punishment. He was ready to endure and let it eat him up for the terrible person he was.

"Nate," Glenn pleaded, his silence making him become hopeless. "Everyone misses you. Carl misses you," He was looking away, as if trying to find fuel to motivate his friend into helping them. "We found Sam in a bad state. Something happened to her, and she needs you too."

Sam.

That name. That name was full of so much history, and full of things that filled him with so much emotion. It had belonged to a dead girl, but why did it feel so alive when it came from Glenn's lips?

"W-what?" Nathan spluttered, too full of his own feelings to restrain the tears that slipped past his cheeks. "Sam...she's alive?"

Glenn frowned at him. "Barely. She was shot, but she's alive, Nate."

His mouth had fallen open, everything that he had gone through before suddenly diminishing from his mind. He felt an explosion of happiness, of a relief that was too overwhelming for him.

"How-" He couldn't talk anymore, couldn't stop the small and choked sobs that left his lips. Merle said he had watch her die, watch her be mauled by a pack of the dead, but why-

To protect her.

Merle lied to protect her.

This was a sign, it had to be. He needed to help Glenn and Maggie, he needed to go back to his real group, his real family. He needed to try - no, be the good guy.

He needed to find Samantha Walsh, to tell her how right she had been, to say so many sorry's that he truly believed wouldn't fix anything but that didn't matter. She was alive. His best friend was breathing.

"Okay," Nathan spoke. "I'll help you and Maggie."

Glenn smiled then, knowing that his old friend hadn't been too far gone, and he opened his mouth to speak again, to thank him, but something else beat him before he could.

The door opened and Nathan stood immediately, facing the hardened expression of Merle Dixon. He was staring at him with an icy glare, inspecting him closely as if silently telling him to leave.

Nathan clenched his jaw, moving towards the redneck.

"We need to talk, Dixon."

━━━━━

The red in her hands was still warm, and maybe even a little fresh, but it was drying and staining. She could feel more of it, in her hair and on her neck and on her clothes.

Samantha balled her hand up, feeling her fingers press down into it.

The man she dug her knife into was still fresh on her brain, another wrinkle and another memory. The fading of his eyes just added to the others she had to watch, that she had caused. She remembered back in that moment, it was as if she wasn't in that cabin but back in that dark room again, killing another in order to live herself.

It seemed that all her memories wounded up back at that goddamn room. It was like she was tied to those brick walls that had made sure nobody could hear her screams, that concrete floor that had once laid her cold, nude body. She could physically still smell the metallic, and it seemed it's all she ever breathed. That familiar red had become her personal oxygen, ancolor she was trying so hard to remember when she had become intimate with such a smell.

That fucking room.

She was out of there - but was she truly free?

Samantha could tell the others have realized how much she has changed, and that had led to them throwing her looks when they thought she wasn't looking, trying to find the Samantha Walsh they had known back in the farm.

She wish she could find her too, but that girl died along with her brother.

He was the only hold to whatever Samantha was. She thought that if she found him, that with what happened to her, he would make it all okay like he always did. Shane Walsh has been her anchor but now he was dead and it felt like something within her died as well.

Nothing was the same without her brother, and she had yet to mourn that loss. She couldn't, not yet. Other people needed her before she could.

The pain was hard to swallow.

After using the body of the man she killed as a distraction for the walkers they continued through the trees to Woodbury. It was getting dark, but that was probably a good thing because it made what they were going to do so much easier. She only hoped that Maggie hadn't been in the clutches of the Governor like she had been in.

The thought made her sick. She hoped to whatever bigger being there was, whatever existed and had all power that he wouldn't Maggie go through something so cruel.

The back of her head begin to heat up and burn, and Samantha looked over her shoulder to see Daryl. He had this look on her face, as if he was studying her and prodding for whatever secrets she was hiding.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She demanded.

Samantha realized she had fallen a little behind from the group by a few feet, and the redneck had decided to do the same as well.

"You doin' okay?"

The question made her falter and furrow her eyebrows. Such a simple question that had such a hard answer, but knowing Daryl Dixon, he knew things before she did - so why would he ask her?

"I'm okay." She said, but she didn't know if that was true anymore.

His blues were burning into her own, trying to figure her out. Samantha felt her face become heated and she ducked her head, a feeling swirling in her stomach that she didn't quite like.

She felt like a little girl.

"Everyone missed you." Came the continuation of his voice, his words making her surprised as she looked up again. He was the first person to speak to her since she had dug her blade into that man, and she was happy he was. Samantha hated the silence and hated thinking.

"Everyone?" Samantha repeated.

This time he averted his gaze but a small murmur of a yeah came from his lips. It looked like he wanted to say more, perhaps ask her what had happened to her and why she was so worrisome about Woodbury, but he didn't.

This time she didn't know if she was thankful or not.

The familiar sight of that man made wall came into view and she felt her heart pound against her rib cage. She could make out the familiar guards that would be there every night, forced to stay up to watch over the town that is run by a man that was even more monstrous than the creatures that roamed the world.

Her back was cool against the old metal of the car, feeling for all her weapons that she kept on her. A dagger, a sword, and her gun; the holy trinity.

She caught Michonne's darkening hatred of Woodbury, and she made a noise to grab her attention.

"That window," Samantha whispered. "In the supply building. Do you know where it is?"

The woman nodded, staring at her expectedly.

"Go check to see if it's unlocked."

As soon as the sentence left her lips Michonne descended from the group, quickly disappearing into the shadows before Rick finally noticed. "Hey!" He shouted.

"She's checking for a way in," Samantha informed through a shaky breath, the handle of her sword sweaty under her grip. "She'll be back."

Rick barely met her face before looking at Daryl. Samantha frowned at his cold shoulder.

"All right, we need to downsize." He whispered.

She watched as the men begin to fool around with a duffle bag they had carried with them on the journey. Samantha brought her gaze back to the iron walls, the handle of her weapon being curled tighter under his grasps.

She knew what she was capable of, and she knew that this night would bring more bloodshed that would probably be caused by her hand. Then she thought of Philip Blake, and the promise to herself she made before she left the prison. He had to suffer.

She wanted to inflict the same pain on him that he had given her. She wanted it slow and long so she could watch the life slowly drain from his life and be as dead as she felt when he took advantage of her.

As dead as she felt now.

Samantha may sound crazy, but she wasn't. She was fucking angry, a rage so full of fire that it licked her insides and made her feel forever warm.

"Ain't no way we're gonna check in all of them buildings," Daryl stated. "Not with all them guards here."

Maybe we don't have to Samantha almost answered. She had an idea on where they are, but she didn't want that thought to be true.

A rustle came from behind them and they all turned, weapons aimed but it was just Michonne. She found the ebony beauty's eyes and nodded her head. The window was unlocked, the inescapable dread filling Samantha like a poison.

She thought of Philip again, and that's when that dread disappeared.

Samantha was ready.

━━━━━

Samantha remembered the building vividly despite her only been there twice. The first time it had been to help Elliot, a boy who she hoped was okay, and the second time to escape. She was surprised at how stupid Woodbury had been to keep such a flaw in their system unfixed. But because of it, they found an easy way in.

One at a time they slipped through the window and into the darkness of the room, the suspense of knocking anything down making them hold their breaths. Finally they were in, and Samantha could make out the shelves stacked with supplies and the windows covered by curtains.

She moved into the darkness and towards her group as they began a discussion. "They could be in his apartment," Michonne suggested.

"What if they ain't?" Daryl demanded.

"Then we'll look somewhere else." She responded lowly.

That thought came back to Samantha, a flash of that room that made her swallow down a lump and feel her body shudder. There was no where else Philip would keep his prisoners, they had to be there - They were there.

"I know where they are."

All eyes were now directly pinned to her. She didn't like the attention, and shifted in her stance.

"How do you know?" Oscar asked.

Samantha found herself swallowing again, the lump only growing in her throat. "Because I was there," She said slowly. "It's where he keeps all his hostages."

The silence was loud against her, the wondering eyes still on her. She saw something contort on Daryl's face, a shifting of his expression. He has never been stupid, and that she knew.

Michonne had the same look too, and it only seemed to make the darkness increase in her eyes.

Before she could further her confession, knocks sounded at the door and the lock started to jingle. Samantha hurried to the back of the building with the group closely following behind, taking her position besides Daryl.

The sound something unlocking and opening made her place her hand on her mouth to control her heavy breaths. What confused her was the fact that the door was being closed again and then locked, but she knew that the person was still inside because she could hear the shuffling.

They had locked themselves in a room full of strangers with many bullets to pass around.

"I know you're in here," The voice called out, footsteps coming closer into the darkness. "I saw you moving outside."

Samantha held the sword at her side, remembering the man back at the cabin and ready to do the same thing again. Being too brave makes you stupid sometimes, and the voice was doing exactly that.

"Alright now, you're not supposed to be in here." She could see his shadow, coming closer and finally Rick charged towards the man who looked absolutely terrified.

He was shoved to the wall with a python towards his face, before being thrown to the ground by their leader. "Shut up, get on your knees," Rick ordered. The group stood from where they were before. "Zip tie him."

As Daryl obliged, the man began to shake with fear. "Sam, do you remember where that building is?" Asked Rick.

Samantha leaned against the wall and racked her brain, remembering only pieces of the building. She had been too busy to escape to remember the exact location, too determined to survive. She wanted to slap herself for being so foolish of her surroundings.

"It's hard," She spoke. "He's just a civilian, so it's possibly a loss cause with him."

She was proved right as interrogation was also proved pointless. She wouldn't be surprised if the man had pissed his pants for how much he was convulsing with fear.

Rick shoved some fabrics into the civilians mouth and Daryl knocked him out, Samantha moving back as the body slumped over.

"You need to remember right now, Sam." Rick was making sure the zig ties were tight around his limbs when he asked her this. He was still avoiding her, still not being warm with her like the old Rick would've. It make her angry.

"Look at me and ask again." She spat.

Her sudden hostility brought a tension into the air. Rick finally did look at her, but it seemed he was struggling to do so. He had this look in the icy blue of his eyes, the same one he had when he told her that her brother was dead.

Something about it made a feeling crawl into her stomach and her brain to become alive with thoughts.

Sudden gunshots pulled her attention away and brought them to the door. Hope was burning inside of them, hoping that Maggie or Glenn were somehow the reason for those gunshots. They were fast but quiet on the streets, nothing but shadows in the night.

And then they came upon the building that felt familiar, too familiar with Samantha. This was it, the place where she was kept in, the place where Maggie and Glenn had to be. She followed Rick through the door and down those even more familiar hallways, dim and nothing but metal.

She could hear footsteps again that belonged to the wannabe soldiers of the Governor. They moved further, stopping at a window that was hazy. Her room had been different, no windows nor any advantages. Just brick and darkness.

"On your feet," Came a order. "Move!"

At the sound of the tone of that harsh voice the group was aware of the dangers the couple was heading into. Daryl and Rick hurried into the duffle bag, pulling out flash bang grenades. Samantha realized what they were planning to do, and frantically pulling herself from her feet she followed the group away as Rick threw one.

The explosion was loud but the smoke was faster, quickly filling up the room and making Samantha feel blind, but as soon as they overcame the air she ran forward. Rick was behind her, running towards the two figures with bags over their heads.

"Oh my, god." She pushed out, pulling the case from one of the heads and Glenn's beaten face came into view. He was shocked to see her, but Samantha was filled with happiness as she threw her arms around his frame.

"Oh my god, oh my god." She crooned, her friend sighing into her shoulder in relief.

There was more noise from behind that made their reunion short. Rick has pulled off the case from Maggie's head, and soon they were on their feet again and moving through the hallways.

Samantha knew Glenn wasn't okay. He was grunting as he ran, a pained expression plastered on his face. The state of both of her friends made her heart clench, and she kept glancing at Maggie to find any symptoms of what had happened to her.

They both looked vulnerable, something that made the fire lick inside of Samantha.

The air was full of panicked voices and footsteps of the people of Woodbury, the night sky alive and their breaths haggard as they raced through the seats. They finally made it to a building that seemed clear, but before Samantha could follow them in a hand grabbed her forearm and pulled her back.

She let out a startled noise, her eyes widening as Michonne shut the door.

"What are you doing?" Samantha hissed.

"Do you want him dead?"

This startled her, and she peered at the determined woman before her. That's when she realized something; Michonne wasn't here to save anyone - she was here for the Governor.

This wasn't just some recuse mission for Samantha too, this was more then that. She knew, she just had to remember, to be pushed, and that's what Michonne was doing in this very moment.

They both knew what Samantha had been through, and they both knew that they both shared a hatred for the same man. This was more then saving Glenn and Maggie, this was cold blooded revenge.

Samantha was ready.

"Yes."

━━━━━

The need to make Philip suffer was like a rat gnawing at her very soul, relentless, unceasing, and it could only be stopped by a trap that she would devise herself. Samantha needed this revenge like she needed the air to breathe, like an abscess on the skin of the soul that could only be cured by the cruel blade of revenge.

She was prepared to foster this wound, prepared to give in to such desires with savagery. She was going to bare this grudge until he was dead, or until he suffered like she had.

Sweat rolled down to her brow as they entered the dark apartment, Michonne quietly closing the door and tip toeing across the wooden floor. Samantha could remember the last time she was in here, it so vivid that she could remember the pain in her brain when he had shoved her into the wall, the blood fresh on her tongue and the flesh on her teeth she she had ripped the ear of the Governor off.

She heard the sound of movement to her side and turned, watching as the woman pulled a chair from the table. She placed it in front of the door and slowly settled herself down, her katana across her lap.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Waiting."

Samantha didn't say anything but merely nodded, turning to the darkness and venturing deeper into the apartment. She could still hear the faint voices of the civilians outside the building, and she hoped that her group was doing fine.

She felt a little guilt for taking off without their knowledge, but she had unfinished business that needed to be settled and she didn't care if they understood or not. This was for her, and her only.

She came across a door standing tall in the darkness, and a thought came across her mind, the sound of Elliot Sloan's words replaying through her head.

"He has live walker heads in tanks like some kind of sick trophy."

Samantha sucked in a breath, looking over her shoulder and seeing Michonne's silhouette still in the same position as before. She opened the door.

She felt her stomach churning in repulsion at the sight of the disgustingly green liquid that encased many walker heads, faces gaunt and pressed against one another in a forever state of decay. She pushed herself forward in horror, this revelation another twist into how demented the Governor's mind actually was. She wanted to hurl, to curse herself for actually trusting this man once before.

What made her even sicker was that this was the same man that had taken advantage of her.

"Oh, god." She choked, cupping her mouth with a free hand. She could feel the vomit in her stomach, but she refused to let it out.

As soon as Samantha heard a thud she immediately rose her sword in defense and looked towards the source, finding a vent on her side. She could hear small, raspy breaths as she stepped closer, looking through the holes that closed off the vent from being entered.

Her brows furrowed when she saw something small move in the darkness. She unlocked the vent, opening it and that's when she saw the movement again, this time it stepped closer to the light and exposed its outlines.

"Holy shit." She breathed, her eyes widening at the sight of the small child shuffling towards her.

Her face was concealed by a pillowcase and hands bounded across her pink shirt. The sword dropped from her fingers, clattering against the wood as all gentle instincts kicked into her bloodstream. This was a hostage, a child locked away just like Samantha had been.

"It's okay, baby," Samantha spoke softly, out stretching her arms. "He won't hurt you anymore. I got you."

Her hands found her arms, her stomach churning even more at the thought of the sick shit the Governor could've been doing to the poor child. She reached behind her and pulled off the chain that kept her restrained, murmuring soothing things as her fumbled with the pillowcase.

She pulled it off but was met with what was supposed to be a living child, now revealed to be an undead one. She immediately stood back in shock, the little girl lurching forward with a snapping teeth at her living flesh but Samantha easily overpowered her by grabbing the back of her shirt, picking up her sword and turning her around-

"Stop!"

Her veins went cold and the color drained from her face, lifting her head and meeting the face of the man that has plagued her thoughts and made her feared to be touched ever again. Shock was written on his features, surprised that she was here and alive, the pistol shaking in his grasps.

Samantha pulled the little girl in front of her, holding the sword threateningly towards the corpse. There was no sight of Michonne from behind his tall figure, and she hoped that she didn't take off.

"Don't hurt her." Philip Blake begged, his pleas making her eyes squint at him and all his audacity.

She flickered down at the child, and then back at the Governor. Another thought lit up like a light bulb in her head, and that's when she knew who exactly this girl was to him.

His daughter.

"Okay, okay," After lowering his weapon he began to venture closer, sliding it into the holster and taking the whole thing off, as if that was the surrender flag that solved everything he has done to her. "It's me you want, not her."

Her head tilted to one side, her mouth parting open. She couldn't decide if it was from disgust or from surprise, but what she did know was that this thing meant everything to him.

"She doesn't need to suffer." Philip continued.

"She doesn't have needs," Samantha hissed. "She doesn't know what suffering is, but I did."

"Please," He held out his hands, the blues of his eyes becoming oceans as they watered. "Don't hurt my little girl."

That's when she saw it. Michonne's figure was slowly moving from behind, just another shadow in the dark depths of the room.

She looked back at Governor, a face that had ceased to leave her reality, the one she had been forced to remember when he pushed himself into her, the one who's sweat she could still smell vividly.

There will always be dark room in her full of all of that, a shadow of everything. This decay, this mouth full of unheard screams will be forever, but everything that was before that room had ended. Shane could've brought her back, but he was gone too. Now all she had was the anger and the pain that life had ripped into her.

She was not violent. She was not malicious.
Samantha Walsh was a result that he created, and now she was going to shatter and shake his world with just her finger tips.

And it so happens that his world was in her hands.

"You were wrong,"Samantha stated with a bone chilling smile. "There is something more dangerous than a powerful man; A scornful woman."

As soon as it left her lips, she shoved her sword into the head of the walker.

The Governor released a scream and her back hit the wall, his fist colliding with her face and pain shooting all over like burning sparks. He was holding her tightly by the throat, squeezing and lifting her off the ground as she clawed at his neck and face. She was losing oxygen by the second, his hands clumping down tighter and tighter-

Michonne moved quickly on her feet and as she pounced forward he whirled around, dropping Samantha like a rag doll and bringing his attention to her.

Samantha gasped, feeling the aching of her neck and trying to regain her strength. She could hear the two adults fighting against one another, and she lifted her head to see Philip and Michonne fall over the recliner as he roared aguishly into her face.

"Get off of her, you fucking rapist!" Samantha bellowed. She pulled her dagger from her boot, jumping and launching it into his back.

For a second she relished in how the knife cut into flesh and muscle, his screech like music into her ears. He was trying to fling her off, but ultimately slamming his back into the wall. Before she could process the pain, he took her head and forced it onto the wood again.

Her head was pounding, her brain was screaming, and he was readying to give her more brain damage but suddenly he was pulled off of her and she fell to the ground in a daze.

"Get...off..." She moaned, the world around her filling with black dots.

For a second she could not move or process thought, but she could definitely still hear them fighting. They sounded like feral animals going against one another in the wild.

There was several crashes, and then his scream.

She turned to see that Michonne had stuck a glass into his eye, blood bleeding from the damaged organ. The older woman waited until she got up, knowing this wasn't just her kill but Samantha's too.

The two women then stood side by side each other like two sisters of war and rage, drinking in the sight of the writhing man and raising their blades together-

The cocking of a gun made them freeze.

Looking to where the source was they found Andrea, balancing her gun between the two women; one who she had survived the first months of the apocalypse with, the other through the brutal winter.

Andrea Harrison was protecting a terrible man.

Samantha bared her teeth, wondering whether or not she should take her chances and end Philip once and for all, but she wasn't stupid. The blonde had always been a sharpshooter.

"What have you done?" Andrea whispered.

Samantha saw the look on Michonne's face, an expression plastered as she looked at Andrea, something she's never seen before on the older woman: Fear. She didn't know if she was scared of being killed, or having to kill her.

The two women moved slowly towards the exit while Andrea moved closer to Philip, and the twenty year old could only sneer at the blonde and how fucking a oblivious she was being.

"Amy would be disappointed."

Her words were like knives against Andrea, stabbing and twisting and making the gun shake in her hands, but she did not lower it.

Samantha lowered her sword, but Michonne did not for a moment. She was too caught up in the betrayal of who she would've thought as a friend, protecting a man that tried to kill her.

And then she lowered it, the two women backing away from the chaos they had created.

Samantha did not relish in what had happened, because of what was supposed to be her victorious revenge felt far from it. No peace had been delivered in to the shadows of her soul, no deliverance. She had made Philip suffer, but not enough.

This was not how it was supposed to be, yet it was.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟnote

THIS IS MY LONGEST CHAPTER TO DATE

holy shit

i literally spent all night on this and thought about splitting it into two chapters but like, since i love you guys i decided to make it one big chapter.

any thoughts? theories? let me know! comments are like chocolate to the soul so pls spam me thanks

also i finally updated my synopsis like ive been wanting to do for awhile ( since i got photoshop which i totally didn't bootleg ahah what ?? ) so go check that out !!!

also if you're a fan of outer banks i made a fic so GO SPAM IT WITH LOVE. MY BBY RINGO DESERVES IT.

stay golden as always !!!

words ; 5711
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