As the bus trundles along in the direction of the base, Augustus tests their luck by emerging from the deepest parts of my mind. When the pain doesn't come, they settle into their usual place and sift through my memories of the past few hours without them.

"Oh," they say.

"I don't want to talk about it." I put my forehead against the bus window, so it rattles my brain around and gives Augustus a good shake. We watch as the bus passes over a bridge where we can see out across the water all the way to the lights of the Academy.

"You know it's not over, right? Dion, Daisy, that girl... they weren't the only ones in that facility. And there could be more facilities throughout the city. Outside the city."

Anger bubbles inside of me like a witch's cauldron and I kick the seat in front of me.

The bus driver meets my gaze in the mirror.

I duck forward, clasping my hands together and staring at my boots and some chewed up gum on the floor. "What am I supposed to do, Auggie? I'd give all of me to put an end to this. But I'm just one person."

"You have me."

"Do I? I was alone tonight because she's doing something so wrong it hurts you. I was alone tonight because as much as I'm willing to give of myself, I cannot risk the people I love. Whether I have you and my friends or not, I'm still helpless. I didn't save anyone."

"But you tried. Isn't that what matters? That's what you told Tae and Tomas."

I sit back in my chair again and watch the city lights passing. My eyes skip over restaurants, and bars, and movie theaters. Houses upon houses upon houses. "Trying can only save so many people." I look at my hands and imagine me putting an end to Singh.

She desires power, which is why she can't kill me.

But I desire nothing, which is why I can kill her. So, why don't I? What's stopping me? Tarak? He chose his side, so I should choose mine and be done with it all. Let him suffer for choosing her side. "Tell me I should kill her."

Augustus coils around my brain stem and flickers in and out of my reach. "Is that what you think is right?"

"It's what I think will save the most amount of people."

"So, why don't you?"

I bite my fist before I can punch something. Something that'll shatter under my hands, like someone's bones. Maybe because I love Tarak and as bad as she is, I know what it's like to lose a parent and I don't want him to go through that. Maybe because she's a better fighter than me and I could die and fail to save anyone. Maybe because I don't want to die, not really.

I'm willing to. I'll give everything I can if it means stopping her. But just because I'm willing to be a martyr doesn't mean it's what I want.

"What do you want, Mason?"

My heart threatens to stop. It's been so long since I've allowed myself to even think about it. I want to still be here when Sasha and Amari get married. It's really the only thing I can think of anymore. But it's enough for me to hang onto.

All my past aspirations are shriveled to dust. Make my parents proud? Honestly, my parents aren't making me proud anymore. Finally confess my crush to Tarak and date him? Even if he had a good reason for his betrayal, he didn't tell me what he did, meaning he let me walk into a trap without warning. Graduate from the Academy and be a successful Hunter? Being a successful Hunter seems to lead directly to either working for Singh or killing her and, honestly, neither option is ideal.

The only thing I can still imagine solidly in my mind is seeing Amari and Sasha in white, staring into each other's eyes, happier than ever.

As the bus is nearing the base, I shove all those thoughts out of my mind and silence Augustus's protests.

Hoping for a better future that isn't going to come gets me nowhere. All I have is right here and now. And right here and now, someone is paying for the mistakes I made.

I can't let Ryan die for me.

He deserves better.