It's a good thing I asked to transfer Protectors before the ceremony.

Technically, the ceremony is for show. But what it represents is a real bond between Hunter and Protector.

Protectors can heal anybody, but usually only minor things; cuts, bites, burns, some breaks. To heal major things, such as internal injuries, they have to be bound through an old ritual. They can't be bound to more than two or three Hunters at a time or it'll weaken their abilities. Only higher-ups, such as Singh, are bound to more than one Protector at a time.

Our bonds have to be renewed every year. That's why our Protectors are chosen before we graduate. We have to be sure we can work well with them before we're stuck in the field with them with no way out for a year. The bonding ceremony is usually after everyone's first mission. It lets them see how they interact in the real field before they're bound.

Ryan and I haven't had any field time together yet. We've only just met. He graduated before me, so we didn't even have classes together. But I don't have any other options unless I want to stay with Tarak.

My room is empty when I return to it, which feels like bliss. I plop onto my bed and lean over my knees, burying my fingers in my hair.

"Augustus?" I call. I get no answer, no matter how many times I try to pull them from the depths of my mind. I sigh and drop back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

When I took them into my mind, I didn't think it would get lonely without them. But I got used to their presence pretty fast. It felt natural having them there. As if I'd been missing a piece of myself for a long time, but never noticed because I didn't know what it felt like to be whole.

I get off the bed. I can't sit still. I need to move. My eyes focus in on the map – my obsession – that still hangs on the wall.

A growl emanates from me that I'd blame on Augustus if they weren't lurking deep in my mind. Nothing would've changed if Tarak hadn't told his damn mother about my theories. My stupid theories. If I had known Augustus was kind and that they didn't want to harm anyone, I never would've gone after them.

Amari never would've been in that sewer.

I grab the map and rip it off the wall with a roar.

The push-pins holding it up rip the corners. One tugs from the wall and lands on the carpet somewhere.

I rip the map apart in my hands until it's almost nothing.

It's not like this map is special. I could get another one. But it feels good to destroy something.

When I've finished ripping the map apart and throwing its remains on the floor, Augustus resurfaces.

"Do you regret meeting me?"

I freeze, staring at the wall. "What?"

"You're upset Tarak told Singh about your theories because they led to meeting me, aren't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Augustus. I just feel... out of control, I guess. I don't know anything about you even though you're in my mind. Singh is threatening my friends. I'm going to be bound to a guy I don't even know for a whole year. Amari's seeing things. I'm seeing things. I'm scared, Augustus. But that's not on you."

"If I could answer your questions, I would."

"Why can't you?"

The ache returns. I spread my fingers and shake out my limbs on the off chance the numb ache will fade.

It doesn't.

"People are afraid of things they don't understand, Mason. I've seen that firsthand too many times."

"Well, I need answers if you want me to help you! That's why you're here, isn't it!? For help!? I told you I'd help you but you haven't given me a single clue about what you need help with! Why were you going to that sewage plant!?"

"Mason-."

"I'm sick of being in the dark! Tell me something! As far as I know, you didn't do anything at the sewage plant. So, why were you there!?"

I sigh and shuffle my feet.

Augustus huffs in the back of my mind. "I was looking for answers of my own. I didn't find any before I came upon you and that man."

"Answers to what?"

"The location of... something important."

"The tree?"

I lurch forward with a shout, grabbing onto the wall. My heart tremors in my chest. My legs shake and threaten to give out. I let out a cry. "How do you know about the tree!?"

"You spoke of it when we met! You said you were looking for the tree!"

"So, you don't remember-?" Augustus quiets.

"Remember what?" I snarl. They stay silent for so long I think they've disappeared into the back of my mind again. "Augustus," I prompt.

"Please. Don't make me."

"You can't get out of telling me things every time by making me feel sorry for you."

I close my eyes and dig my fingers into the wall. "It's not my intention, Mason, believe me. But I can't... I've lost so much telling people these things before."

"How? You said the contamination showers can't get rid of you. You said nothing can detect you."

"That's not what I said," they whisper. "I said the scans would not detect me. There was a woman once. She took something from me. A host who wasn't scared. We cared about each other, and she forced me from his mind. She almost killed both of us."

I stare at my hands on the wall and roll my lip between my teeth. "Well, it's not like she's here now. I can protect you."

"You wouldn't have a choice, Mason. Y- they tried to protect me too. We couldn't protect each other. We tried. But I still lost them."

I push off the wall and go to my bed. I sit with my hands in my hair. "Maybe I could help you find them again. Maybe they'll still be kind to you."

Augustus is silent for a while. "They will always be kind to me. I've learned it's who they are."

"That's great. Then let's find them! Tell me their name!"

"Do you not want me?"

"That's not what I said, Augustus."

"You seem very eager to be rid of me."

"That's not true." That's the furthest thing from the truth. Even before my parents died, there was this pit of loneliness in me. I felt like someone had taken something from me. I felt I was only half human. I hadn't realized how bad it hurt until I found Augustus and they filled in the things I was missing. I hadn't realized how broken I was. I'm scared to lose them.

I don't tell Augustus this. Though I'm still not sure if they can hear everything in my head or just what I direct at them.

"This other person you speak of may be able to help you more than I can, that's all."

"You're more than enough, Mason."

I clench my fists in my hair. "I don't understand why you're making this difficult, Augustus! You talk so much about the loss you've suffered, but when I try to fix things for you, you don't want me to!"

"It's not that I don't want you to, Mason," they say, gently.

"Then what!? I can't?"

They're silent for a moment. "In a way, that's correct."

"What does that-!?"

My door opens without warning. I stand, expecting my roommate. Expecting I'll have to explain why I was shouting at myself.

Instead, it's Amari. She's without Sasha again, which used to be a rare sight. She seems to understand my expression. "Sasha is doing some research right now."

"You're not helping?"

"We both agreed it was for the best I come check on you. We all know you respond better to me than anyone else."

I cross my arms. "I don't want to talk."

She quirks an eyebrow. "Funny how you think you have a choice. What was that in training this morning, Mason?"

I rake a hand through my hair. "I lost my cool. It won't happen again."

"I've seen you lose your cool. That wasn't what that was. You're practically begging Singh to make a move against you."

"She's already made one! Unprovoked! What's to stop her from making another?"

"That doesn't mean you try to provoke her!"

I grab a pillow and throw it at the wall, just because I need to release some of the tension building in my chest. "What else am I supposed to do, Amari!? I'm not allowed to leave this island without her permission! I have to get a new Protector because she says so! It feels like I can't breathe without her telling me to!"

Amari's expression falls. "She's making you leave Tarak?"

I scowl, grabbing the pillow again. "No," I say, quiet. I grip the pillow. "No, I requested it. But I didn't want a Protector at all."

"That's absurd, Mason! What were you thinking!? You can't go into the field without a Protector! You'd die!"

"Even having a Protector doesn't guarantee I'll survive. Especially with Singh wanting me dead. But you don't need to worry. Singh won't allow me to leave without a Protector. I'm assigned to that guy from training this morning. Ryan."

Amari steps towards me, clenching her fists. "No."

I stare at her, pillow in my hands. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean no! Tarak has been your best friend since we met! You lo- like him! You can't give up on him this easily!"

"I'm not the one who gave up! He betrayed me, in case you've forgotten."

"He made a mistake, Mason! You know how he wants to impress his mom. You know what it's like to be controlled by your parents. Or the memory of them." Amari doesn't back down, even when I lift my lip in a snarl at her. "How do you know what he did was even him? Now that we know about Singh's power, we can't be sure he betrayed you because he wanted to. He tried to be on our side! He healed me."

"He healed you to gain something! Not because he cared about you!"

"But he does care about us! Or at least you!"

I throw the pillow at the wall again. "It's not good enough, Amari! How can we be sure he didn't know about those Infected in the sewers!? How can we be sure he isn't plotting with his mother right now to kill us!?"

"I don't know! But we can be sure we'll lose him if you keep pushing him away like this! You'll lose him just like your parents!"

My joints lock up.

Amari's eyes widen. She takes a step back. "I didn't-."

"Get out," I breathe, under my breath.

Tears gather in her eyes. "Mason, please, I-."

"Leave!" I roar. I don't throw anything, or make a move towards her. That's not who I want to be. I don't want to scare her or hurt her. She's my best friend.

But I need her out. She was the one person I could always count on to never use my parents against me.

"Please," I rasp. "Please, go."

Amari swipes a tear away. "Will I see you before the ceremony?"

I don't answer.

She closes her eyes, then leaves me alone.

I crumple to my knees with a shuddering breath.

Augustus's warmth fills me, but even that's not enough to make the crushing weight of Amari's words disappear.

'You'll lose him just like your parents'.