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4’O CLOCK
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Yi-Seo

“Wow! You have a very well-maintained inventory,” I nod in appreciation when the librarian shows me their inventory that has a detailed listing of every single book that is available in the library, along with their genre, borrow status, shelf and rack numbers, condition, etc.

This inventory would definitely make my job here much easier, and I could also probably take up some other work to fill my pockets.

“So, this wouldn’t take much time, right?” I ask him, flapping my swollen eyelids in anticipation, and he chuckles softly.

“It should hardly take you thirty minutes or so because not many people borrow and return books on a daily basis,” he assures me with a gentle smile.

“So, if there’s anything else here that I can help you with, please let me know. I’m free for most of the day,” I bow a little to him, politely requesting him to give me more work to do, and in turn pay me more money.

“Oh, Mi-Yang told me that you are free the whole day,” he comments casually, making me cover it up with a cheeky grin.

“Kind of, yeah,” I awkwardly scratch the back of my neck, and the old man laughs softly.

“I’ll let you know if there’s anything else. You can come back here tomorrow around 6.30 pm and start your work,” he smiles before occupying his seat and going back to browsing on his desktop computer.

Thanking him, I leave the library, feeling somewhat relieved that I have finally managed to find a small job to take care of my pocket money. My savings should pay the rent for a while. As I walk towards the park, I power up my phone and send a text message to Mi-Yang eonnie, thanking her for her timely help.

There’s still about twenty minutes to 4 pm, and I decide to wait at the park for Taehyung to show up. As I walk over to the bench that I was planning to sit down at—the same one where we talked to each other the first time—I find Taehyung waiting there already, and it makes me feel a little important and valued.

Someone actually wants to meet me and is also being punctual in doing so, and that too, it is the Kim Taehyung to top it all off. I’m flattered, to say the least.

With a big smile playing on my lips, I practically skip my way to the bench and plop down at the other end from where he is seated, causing his eyes to drift to meet mine.

“Thank you for coming,” I send him a smile, and he looks away into the distance, nodding.

Taehyung and I remain silent for a few seconds, and before the atmosphere could grow more awkward, I puff out a breath and break the silence between us. “Taehyung-ssi, he was my boyfriend,” I speak with my gaze on my interlocked fingers that rest on the top of my lap, feeling ashamed to meet his eyes while talking about Jungkook.

Taehyung only drags in a slow and long breath in response, and I sense his body leaning back in his seat, exhaling audibly when he does so.

“We were together for almost three years,” I pause for a second to briefly glance at him, and he’s still thoughtlessly looking at something in the distance.

I continue spilling,
“Things didn’t work out well between us, and back then I was working as a secretary. He was always accusing me of cheating behind his back and sleeping around with my boss”

“Did you though?” His question makes my head snap to look at him, but he only casts a glowering look at me before focusing on something else, in the distance again.

“What do you mean? I wasn’t sleeping around with my boss,” I retaliate, defending myself.

Taehyung shrugs carelessly. “I mean, it isn’t surprising for a secretary to sleep with a boss,” his sardonic comment should have triggered me, but surprisingly, it doesn’t.

“It seems like you’re saying that out of experience,” I snap right back, trying to bait him, and he chuckles, combing his hair with his fingers.

“Most definitely. All my personal secretaries earned a lot of benefits…” he lets out a long breath as if taking pride in his past and youth, and then he continues, “let’s hear about you.”

I push out a forceful breath and continue talking, “I don’t know about other secretaries and bosses, but I wasn’t one among them. I never had any intentions other than just work. But Jungkook refused to believe it. It got to a point where he got himself drunk every night and forced me to confess to him the things which didn’t even happen, and when I refused to do that, he got abusive and outrageous. He treated me so badly, burnt my body with his cigarettes, scarred me with his words and actions, and he never once apologized for any of it,” I could feel a few distant tears forming within my eyes when I bring up the bad memories from the past.

“And you still stayed?” Taehyung’s tone isn’t considerate, and it sounds as if he is mocking me for my foolishness.

“I did,” I nod my head a few times, still looking down at my hands, and a few drops of my tears escape my eyes and drip onto the back of my hands. “I hoped he would realize his wrong-doings, and understand me and my love and change for the better,” I sniff back the remaining tears, not allowing them to fall, and I just hate it that I’m still crying over him.

“And I bet he didn’t change,” he comments once again, a little arrogantly.

“He didn’t,” I feel I deserve this for being the nutcase that I was in the past, and for allowing myself to be manhandled by an asshole.

“How and why do women even fall for such men? For his looks? For the sex? Well, then it’s understandable, but romantically? His dick just blinded you; it wasn’t love,” there is a hint of anger in his usually bland tone of voice as Taehyung obnoxiously dismisses the feelings that I had for Jungkook, and it makes me mad.

“You can’t just say that. You know nothing about us,” my voice quivers a little, and it makes Taehyung lazily flick his head to the side to look at me sitting there in tears.

“Yeah, I don’t know you both, but I can tell you something,” his words come out in an unhurried and calm manner. “He was the first guy you slept with, and you were so emotionally bound to him after that experience, and it led you into believing that it was love,” he doesn’t even pause to check with me if his inference is right, but I’m not interrupting him because what he’s telling me is partially the truth. His words make me want to self-reflect and understand the reasons for my behavior in the past.

Jungkook was the first person with who I had sex, and it wasn’t even forced. Sex didn’t lead me into believing that we were in love. I wanted the sex because we were in love. Or so I thought.

The first time it happened was so organic, and I still remember every moment of it very vividly, every little touch and kiss he left on my body, and every sweet word that he whispered to me to make me relax and savor the act. He was so gentle with me, making sure at every move if I was okay. Taehyung is right in a way. I did feel so much more emotionally connected to him after the first time we had sex, and back then he wasn’t such a bad person at all.

We were in love, and I still fail to understand what transformed him into the beast that he is today.

“You’re partially right,” I say softly after being silent during a brief bout of self-reflection. “Jungkook was my first and only boyfriend and the only one with whom I’ve had physical experiences. But it wasn’t just that. I did feel protected in his presence, he showed me what it is like to feel loved and wanted,” my words come out shakily.

“By searing your skin with cigarettes? Sure, that’s a great way to show one’s love,” Taehyung huffs sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief.

I’m sitting here dumb as a rock, still unable to find my voice, and he cuts in again with another question. “Have you thought about why you fell for him? Looks? Well, the boy does look handsome, but I’m sure you can find a more handsome man. Or was it the sex that kept you bound to him? When you find someone who makes love to you and does not treat you like a rag doll or an ashtray, you’d certainly have much better experiences than what you had with him,” Taehyung spills his words of wisdom, casually crossing one leg over the other and nodding in acceptance of his own statements.

“Miss Kwon,” Taehyung’s dominating voice suddenly softens into a more calming kind, and my eyes lift to look at him. “Think about the real reasons why you fell in love with him, those would lead you to the answers to why you fell out of love with him, and then you’d understand that it wasn’t true love at all,” the philosopher in him begins speaking, and I find myself zoning out a little already. I even begin wondering what I’m doing here receiving relationship advice from a middle-aged drunkard with a grey past.

“By answering these questions, you’ll give yourself the much needed closure and move on from him for good. And after that, whenever you think about him, you wouldn’t find yourself crying like now. Instead, you’d be thanking yourself for doing a favor to your mind, soul, and body by moving on from such a toxic creep,” he says, holding our gazes, and every word that he utters hits home.

Taehyung has been exposing me as if he has studied my soul and been beside me on my darkest nights, yet we have only known each other for about three days now, and it is unbelievable how he can read me this way and speak nothing but the truth. Maybe I’m such a predictable person.

“You seem really experienced with relationships,” I say softly, trying to deflect the spotlight on him, and he laughs softly in response.

“Can’t relate at all, never been in any romantic relationship ever,” he says in a flat tone, avoiding eye contact, and for the first time, I can clearly tell that he is lying.

“You’re lying,” I say without any hesitation, and his eyes slowly travel to meet mine.

“Maybe?” Taehyung’s eyebrows raise a little and return to their place, and it only makes me more curious to know more about him.

Maybe the walls around him are not really impermeable. He is just keeping his guard up, protecting himself from being vulnerable and, eventually, from any kind of devastation. Taehyung is definitely more than what meets the eye, and I wish, with time, I could see the parts of him that he is hiding so well.

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They're getting comfortable with each other. Slowly...
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Published on 01/12/2023