Ship: Gerard Way/Frank Iero

Rating: Mature

Triggers: Major character death, violent death, suicide

This was one of the first Frerards I ever wrote, and I recently updated it since my writing style wasn't that great back then. I am still not 100% happy with this, but oh well.

I didn't change it too much, but I beefed up the ending a bit and hopefully, it is a better read now.

Let me know what you guys think and I will love you forever if you leave me a comment or a vote :)

<3 star

I stomped up the stairs to Gerard's house, late as usual. Alcohol hung heavy on my breath and my steps were wobbly.

I knew Gerard would be upset. I was supposed to be at Ray's birthday party over two hours ago. Whatever... I sighed as I pushed open the door. I would apologize later.

Loud music and the buzz of chatter filled my brain instantly as I stepped inside. I put my gloved hands over my ears in an attempt to block out the incessant sounds, but it failed miserably.

I scanned the crowded room, noticing Ray and Bob having a conversation in the corner. Mikey was asleep on the couch, but no Gerard. Maybe I was off the hook?

But my luck didn't last. Just as I tried to blend in with the crowd, Gerard walked down the stairs. He stopped in surprise when he saw me, but he recovered quickly and continued down with a determined look on his face.

My head hung low, and I slunk over to an unoccupied chair. I was in so much trouble...

Gerard found me almost as soon as I had sat down. His face was a mixture of frustration and pain. I sunk deeper into my chair in a futile attempt to avoid him.

"Frank - where have you been?" Gerard demanded.

"Around with some friends," I shrugged.

"Again Frank?" he sighed. "Is hanging with them so important that you blow me off?"

"You know I love you," I joked, leaning in to plant a playful kiss on his cheek, but he jerked his head out of my reach.

"You've been drinking again." It was a statement, not a question. "You only tease me like this when you're drunk. I hate it!" Anger lit Gerard's eyes, but his face softened as he took my hand. "You promised me that you stopped..."

I hated the way he always questioned me like I was some sort of criminal. It was none of his business, and I was fed up with it. It wasn't like he hadn't had his own problems with alcohol and drugs.

"Just leave me alone Gerard!" I screamed. "I don't need to answer to you."

"But Frankie," Gerard's voice became thick with tears.

"You have no reason to worry about me. I can take care of myself." I shoved him out of the way.

"You want to know why I care, Frank?" he whispered. "It's because I love you."

I turned around slowly, trying to get the slosh in my head that passed for a brain to process what I was hearing. For a second I wondered if I was just imagining this. God knows how many times I had dreamed about hearing those words pass Gerard's beautiful lips. Maybe I was so drunk I was projecting my desires into this situation.

"What did you say?" I gasped. We had joked about this before, but never once had we said it in all seriousness. Hearing those words now was like a blow to the head, leaving me completely disoriented.

"I said I fucking love you, but you don't give a fuck, so get the fuck out of my house!"

I stood there with my mouth open, trying to form some sort of coherent sentence, but Gerard had already disappeared into the crowd, wiping his tears away as he went. I debated going after him, after all, I have had a crush on Gerard for...well forever now. Who was I trying to kid? I think I have loved him ever since the first day I saw him, but I never dared to let the thought cross my mind that he might feel the same way.

Before I met Gerard, I had never been attracted to another man, I didn't even really consider myself gay, but there was something about Gerard... He was just so beautiful. He was always there for me. Even when my supposed girlfriends got tired of my crap, Gerard never did.

I needed to go after him and apologize, but I didn't want to do it in my inebriated state. Maybe some fresh air and a cigarette would help me sober up, and Gerard probably needed some time to cool down as well.

I stumbled outside, groping in my pocket for a lighter. Once my cancer stick was successfully burning, I began to walk aimlessly. My thoughts were swirling around in my head, and I was too agitated to sit still.

So Gerard loved me. I almost couldn't believe it. After all these years, all the kisses that I stole on the stage, he tells me now. I still couldn't completely comprehend it, and god knows I didn't deserve it.

Those three words played on repeat in my head, over and over and over. I was almost giddy as the realization finally sunk in. After all the shit I had been through these last few months, this felt like a ray of light in the storm that had become my life.

When Jamia and I broke up, I just spiraled out of control. Looking back, I know she did the right thing. I was just hanging on to her out of comfort and selfishness because I was so afraid of losing her, but I never really loved her. In my twisted head, I worried that she was the best I would ever get. I truly believed no one could ever love a piece of shit like me, and I was willing to take anyone who showed me some affection.

Maybe Gerard was the lifeline that could drag me back to shore. Even just looking at him made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. When I had a problem - he was the first person I turned to for advice or comfort.

I stopped walking and took a deep drag on my cigarette. The gravity of what I had done finally hit me. Even if Gerard did love me, he was probably furious with me right now. He bared his heart to me, and I threw it back in his face. How could I do that? I was such an asshole, and now I was wandering around like some emo loser...I had to go and beg his forgiveness.

I turned on the heel of my beat-up Converse back the way I had come when I realized that I was lost. Oh, shit...

I sobered up instantly. Getting lost in New Jersey was dangerous, especially in this part of town.

I headed down a street that looked familiar, but I immediately regretted that decision. Three shady-looking guys in scruffy clothes were leaning against an old broken-down building, and they just reeked of trouble. Pressing my spine against the wall, I tried to sneak around the corner, hoping they hadn't spotted me, but it was too late.

"Hey, you!" the tallest one called. I panicked and ran, oblivious to which direction I was headed. I just wanted to get away from here. They overtook me in less than a minute. Being five feet four did have its disadvantages.

"Just hand over your money and this will go real easy for you," a guy with a beard that looked like it had accumulated more dirt than the alley threatened me. The scent of alcohol wafted into my nostrils, causing me to gag and back away. So that's what I smelled like...

"I don't have any!" I cried, tossing my empty wallet at their feet. I had thrown all my money away at the bar earlier tonight. The third one pinned me down harshly, and I winced in pain.

"Well, I'll just check for you," he grinned before punching me in the stomach. I let out a yelp, which he silenced with a fist to the side of my head.

"Stop it," I whimpered. I struggled to get up, but one of them kneed me in the chest, and I hit the sidewalk hard.

Usually, I was a decent fighter, but three against one was too much for me. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the next blow, but it never came. I felt the weight of the thug thrown off me, and then they were screaming for mercy instead of me.

I opened my eyes to find out who my savior was, and there was Gerard, Ray, and Bob, beating the shit out of the thugs. I exhaled a breath that I wasn't aware I had been holding. For a second there - I thought I was a goner. I didn't even stop to think about how they found me. Somehow my boys always knew when I needed them most.

I dragged myself to my feet, preparing to help, when I stopped dead in my tracks and gasped in dismay.

"Gerard - look out!" I attempted to yell, but it came out as more of a croak.

In slow motion, I saw Gerard turn toward me with a slight grin on his face. I frantically gestured behind him, but my attempts to help had backfired completely. Distracted by me, Gerard didn't notice the thug on the heels of him, who had produced a blade from one of his pockets.

My whole body seemed frozen in place, and all I could do was watch in horror as he plunged it into Gerard's side with a sinister smirk on his face. With blank eyes, Gerard stared down at the wound as a crimson stain blossomed on his white t-shirt. Yanking out the blade, the punk advanced toward me, but Bob and Ray instantly threw him to the ground.

The knife clattered away down the alley. The sound seemed abnormally loud, especially since all the other clamor of fighting had faded to white noise in my ears. Painfully - Gerard stumbled toward me, his pale hand outstretched in a silent plea for help.

Finally, my legs unfroze, and I scrambled to catch Gerard as his strength gave out and he landed sprawled on the sidewalk, still reaching for me.

"No!" I heard a voice scream, and I was surprised to realize that it was my own.

I rushed to Gerard's side, ignoring the fight still raging around me. I reached for his prone body and cradled his head in my lap. I stroked the hair back from his face... Oh God... There was blood in his hair from where his head had hit the sidewalk, not to mention the steady stream flowing from his side.

Frantically, I ripped my shirt off in an attempt to form some kind of tourniquet. Gerard was gasping for air like there wasn't enough oxygen in the alley. Even with my t­-shirt over the wound, sticky crimson blood had soaked through all over the ground, my hands, and my shirt. Fuck - I felt so helpless! I couldn't lose Gerard like this...

"Frank," Gerard whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare say that," I wept. "This is all my fault, and I'm the one who should be apologizing. You are perfect. You've always been there for me, like right now, and I have never thanked you. I'm so sorry for everything that I have done to you. Now you're hurt, and it's all my fault."

"Frank - I can't breathe," Gerard moaned, holding his side.

Oh no...the blade had punctured his lung. The realization hit me like a baseball bat to the face, and I had to shake my head hard to stay focused. This was bad...this was really really bad. Gerard was dying because of me.

"Gerard," I nudged him. "You gotta stay with me. You have to hold on, you can't leave me - okay? I love you more than life itself. I always have, and I always will. So you have to be okay so I can make it all up to you."

Gerard's eyes filled with tears of happiness and pain.

"I never knew that you cared," Gerard smiled. "I think I feel okay about dying as long as you love me."

"No - I won't let you." I sensed Ray and Bob come up behind me. Bob was holding a gun that he had taken from one of the thugs, but I couldn't focus on them right now, only Gerard mattered.

"Tell Mikey that I love him," Gerard groaned. He closed his eyes and his breathing became shallow.

"No Gerard - no!" I screamed. "I can't lose you now. I want to live with you and be happy together. It can't end like this. Please stay for me!" My tears rained down onto his rapidly paling face, mixing with his own before they dripped down his chin.

"I'm sorry Frankie," he gasped. "I don't want to leave you...I am so sorry. Just remember that I'll always love you." Then he shuddered violently and coughed up a large amount of blood. His eyes closed, and his last agonizing breath left his broken body.

"No," I whispered in a broken voice. "Gee!" The tortured scream tore out of me. "Wake up! Please wake up... Oh God - please don't go..."

I clutched his lifeless form as tightly as I could and sobbed so hard I felt like my entire body was tearing itself apart. The emotions overwhelmed me, and all I wanted was to be with Gerard. This world no longer held any promise, any meaning, without him.

I was barely surviving with him dragging me through life, and now, because of my stupidity, I had lost him. The love of my life was lying dead in this back-end alley because of me!

I turned around slowly and finally remembered that Ray and Bob were still there. Silent tears flowed down their faces, and Bob had his cell phone out, I assumed he was talking to a 911 operator.

Something snapped inside of me, and I spun around and grabbed the gun from Bob before I could truly think through what I was doing. I was insane with grief and rage. The one person I couldn't stand to live without was gone, and I was truly destroyed.

"I'm sorry guys," I breathed. "Please forgive me."

"Wait - stop!" Ray yelled, but my mind was made up, and my finger pulled the trigger. Blackness consumed me as my body fell to the bloody concrete, my hand still clutching Gerard's.

"I am not letting you go alone Gee..." I tried to whisper, or maybe I only thought it. I wasn't sure if I was still alive or already dead, but I swear - I saw Gerard, his beautiful black hair ruffled by the wind as he floated above my body, waiting for me.

I clasped his hand in mine, and even though we were never together in this life, we left it side by side.