Chapter 33

Stalk

I spent few hours arranging my schedule. I informed my secretary that I won't be spending my whole day in school and will only drop by later at noon. For now I'm preparing for my plan. I just hope I could find him, I won't step back anymore.

I know now that I will only lose him if I let him go. If let him, but today I decided to not. Even if I feel scared, I won't let this chance pass again. I'm done running away. I'm done pushing him away. This time if he was there to wait for me, I will be the one looking for him. It's my turn now.

Base sa details na naibigay sa akin ni Tony, he's staying on his condo. I got his address kaya doon na ako unang pupunta ngayon. Hindi ko pa man alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya pero handa na akong harapin s'ya.

He was my faith too. Even though I always fail to make him feel that and I always deny it, he truly is my faith.

Thunder was right when he told me that loving someone doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be free of worries. It just have to be faithful, so no worries, doubts and fear could ever conquer the faith you have in your love.

I looked at my reflection, I am wearing a black fitted dress and white blazer with a simple black stilletoes.

"Take him, Zee. Take him back," I said very determined.

It didn't take any longer before I drive my car to his address. My heart beats so fast because of nervous.

Will he be mad to see me there or he will be happy that I came. I don't know, I'm not sure of anything but I will have faith on him.

Mabilis ang byahe papunta sa building ng condo nila. Kabado pa din ako kahit ng makasakay sa elevator papunta sa floor ng unit niya.

"Don't back down, Zee. Kaya mo yan," mahinang bulong ko sa sarili ko ng makatayo sa tapat ng pintuan ng unit n'ya.

I rang his bell and wait for some time but no one answered. I bit my lower lip and ring it again, still no one opened the door for me.

Para akong naubusan ng lakas. Is he not here anymore? But I asked Tony if he's here at sigurado s'yang andito si Saturn, so why is he not showing up? Huli na ba ako, Saturn?

No, Zee. Hindi mo s'ya hahayaang mawala. Find him.

I took a deep breath as I say that to my mind. I ring his bell again, hoping he'd open his door for me.

"Hey?"

Agad akong napalingon ng marinig ang boses ng isang babae. She looks like she's got from a gym or a morning run.

"Do I know you? You need anything?" she asked before I could even say anything.

"Oh, no."

"Ah, you're looking for Saturn? Are you his colleague or friend perhaps? Sorry. Let me open his unit," nakangiting sabi n'ya sa akin.

Hindi naman ako nakaimik sa narinig sa kanya. Who is she?

"Sorry, he's come home late kagabi. Baka tulog pa napagod siguro," sabi n'ya tsaka pumasok. She opened the door for me but I was too preoccupied that I was hesitant if I'd come in or not.

"Come in, I'll wake him up."

She was smiling beautifully at me.

"N-no I think, babalik na lang ako. Wag mo na s'yang gisingin," nag mamadaling sabi ko.

Gusto ko na lang ulit umalis doon. Is she his girlfriend? Parang sinasaksak ang puso ko sa sariling naisip. Am I too late? Did I lose him already?

"Huh? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, thank you. A-alis na ako," sagot ko sa kanya tsaka agad na tumalikod. Aalis na sana doon kung hindi lang nakita ang malalim na titig ni Saturn sa akin.

Para akong naubusan ng hangin bigla, pakiramdam ko nanghihina akong labanan ang tingin n'ya.

"Oh, he's here. I thought you're asleep. Gigisingin sana kita para makausap ka ng kaibigan mo pero ayaw n'ya. Mabuti na lang din at andyan ka na pala," sabi ng babaeng nag bukas ng unit n'ya. Katabi ko na ito at maganda pa din ang ngiti sa akin maging kay Saturn.

"Why are you here?" malalim ang boses na tanong ni Saturn.

Parang naubos bigla ang baon kong lakas ng loob ngayong nakita na s'ya at marinig ang boses n'ya.

"I-I," ni hindi ko malaman kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Masyadong seryoso ang tingin n'ya sa akin na. Hindi ko mabasa kung ano bang emosyon ang meron siya.

"Dana, why are you here?" baling niya sa babaeng nakausap ko kanina.

I bit my lower lip, I'm fucking nervous!

"What? I told you already, gigisingin sana kita dahil may bisita ka."

"Dapat hindi ka na nag abala," walang ganang sabi n'ya dito tsaka lumingon sa akin.

Agad naman akong nag iwas ng tingin sa kanya.

"Eh?" nag tatakang sabi naman noong Dana.

Gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa para mawala dito sa harap nila. Hindi ko alam kung saan napunta iyong tapang ko kanina, bigla na lang akong nanghina.

He's not happy to see me. And there's this girl who knows his unit code.

"You two are weird. Ah! Whatever, aalis na ako. D'yan na kayo. Bye!" sabi nito tsaka umalis at dumiretso sa unit na may ilang pagitan lang sa unit ni Saturn.

Napatingin naman ako kay Saturn ng marinig ang pag hinga n'ya. He was already looking at me with his dark deep eyes.

"Leave," mahinang sabi n'ya sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko, kung masasaktan ba ako o matutuwa na andito pa s'ya.

"Umalis ka na, Zita."

I took a deep breath as I look at him straight in his eyes.

"S-Saturn."

My heart beat fast as I called his name. I saw his jaw clenched as he look at me.

"I thought you want me to leave you alone?"

His voice sounds like he wasn't happy to see me here now and it hurts me but I have to keep going. I promised myself that I'll have faith in him.

"You want me away from you, Zita. So why are you here?" he asked as he walk towards me.

Agad naman akong napaurong dahil sa pag lapit niya.

"Why are you here now after you pushed me away last night?" mariing tanong niya sa akin.

"You don't love me, right? You want me gone."

I bit my lower lip as I try to stare back at him. Para akong naubusan ng boses kaya hindi ko magawang mag salita kahit pa ang dami dami kong gustong sabihin.

"You asked me to leave you, Miss. Now you're here. What do you want?" he whispered to my ears.

"I'm sorry," mahinang sabi ko. Halos pigil ang pag hinga dahil sa sobrang lapit naming dalawa.

"Why are you sorry hm?" his voice so soft that sent shiver down my spine.

"I never want you a-away, Saturn."

I closed my eyes as I felt him kissed my jaw.

"You left me years ago and you pushed me away last night. How come you didn't want me away?" he asked in between his kisses.

"That was I thought right."

He looked at me, his eyes looked angry and hurt.

"What's right from leaving after you give yourself to me?"

"I'm scared, I can hurt you."

Because all this time, I'm scared to lose him completely. Hindi ko na naisip na pwede din siyang mawala ng tuluyan dahil sa ginawa ko.

"And leaving me wasn't painful?" he asked trying to calm himself.

"I-I was wrong. I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you," I admitted.

My eyes started to tear up as I saw pain and longing in his eyes. Parang ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang takot sa posibilidad na hindi na n'ya ako mahalin.

"You'll never lose me."

My tear started to fall, seeing his eyes sincere. Hearing him say that I'll never lose him warms my heart.

"But you left baby. It was easy for you to leave and forget about me."

Agad akong umiling sa kanya, "It was the most painful decision that I made. Leaving you broke me, I lost myself. I wanted you so bad but I don't know how to keep you safe with me. I-I always hurt people that is important to me. I left you because I don't think you deserve a burden and trouble. You know me, Saturn."

"Do you know how painful it is to wake up seeing your note? You were my courage, Zita. Madali ka bang nakalimot?" he said that as he slightly caressed my face.

"How can I forget you when I knew how you busied with everything? When I knew you showed yourself to the hotel as the owner. When you keep on coming back to the photo booth. Tell me Saturn, how can I forget you?" I whispered to him.

Hindi naman siya agad nakapag salita, gulat na alam ko ang mga bagay na ginagawa n'ya sa Vigan.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at marahang hinawakan ang pisngi n'ya.

"How can I forget you when I always want to know how are you doing?"

He smiled and murmured some curse before kissing me. I feel him carried me so I put my legs around him.

"Stalker," he said as he put me on his bed. Ni hindi ko napansin na nakaabot na kami dito. Masyado akong naabala sa pag sukli sa mga halik n'ya sa akin.

"My sweet stubborn stalker."