Chapter 27

Move Forward

"Zita Elara, what the hell?"

"Shut up, Faye. Don't overreact," I said and rolled my eyes on her.

"Overreact? Are you serious, Zee?"

I sighed before saying something.

"Alright, I know it's all bullshit. Just don't make it a big deal."

"Zee anong wag gawing big deal? Big deal talaga yun! Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?" inis sa tanong n'ya sa akin.

"Tama na, ayaw ko na 'tong pag usapan."

"Pwede ba Zita? For once wag mong takbuhan 'tong mga tanong ko sayo!" galit na sigaw n'ya.

"What do you want to know? I already told you everything! From the beginning 'til that night. What else do you want to hear?" inis na sigaw ko pabalik.

Hindi s'ya nag salita at naluluha lang na tumitig sa akin. Umiwas naman ako ng tingin at pilit na ikinalma ang sarili kahit pa parang nahiwa ulit ang hindi pa gumagaling na sugat.

"Why didn't you tell me right away? Why do you have to do that, Zee? Are you even sure that he loves you?" umiiyak na tanong n'ya.

"He never have to love me back, Faye. Loving him doesn't mean that he should love me back.  I don't care if he doesn't love me back," I answered her.

The truth is, that night I have planned to leave him. I told to myself that the only thing to keep him is to walk away from him. I never planned to give myself to him that night but I don't regret it either. Even if he doesn't love me back, at least for that moment I felt that it was real. He was real and so as his words and his feelings. I don't care anymore if he doesn't really love me, the important thing is that we shared that moment feeling the love, even if now it just seems to be too good to be true.

"Kaya ayaw mo ng bumalik sa Vigan? Tingin mo andun pa din s'ya?" mahinang tanong ni Faye.

"Hindi ko alam, Faye. But I don't want to risk it. You don't know how hard it is for me to take a step away from him," nag iwas ako ng tingin ng sabihin iyon.

"But Zee, 2 years had pass. Do you think he's still there?"

Hindi na ako sumagot. Hindi ko din naman alam kung ano ba ang dapat sabihin.

"Sorry for asking too much. I just thought it was a good idea celebrating our anniversary in Vigan. I didn't expect to know that all, Zee."

"I'm sorry for not telling you right away. I just couldn't find the courage. I never thought I'd end up leaving that place too soon."

"Don't mind it. I understand you, Zee."

Natapos ang usapan namin ng kailanganin ng umalis ni Faye. Nanatili naman ako sa office ko.

I remember everything clearly, specially that night. The feeling of his kisses and the feeling of giving him my whole, it all feels surreal. It's as if I've been enchanted, my heart couldn't name it right anymore.

After we made love, he whispered to me how much he thank me for being his new hope. I was his new start. He told me his plans, he told me the truth about him being the owner of the hotel. He promised he'll take all his chances he has to make me feel his love. And all I could do is cry silently because I know everything will end there. I remember how he wiped my tears away and kiss my forehead to stop me from thinking about something else.

I already made a decision before coming to meet him and it was to walk away after that night. Hindi kasama sa plano ko ang may mangyari sa aming dalawa pero hindi ko din pinagsisisihan na ibinigay ko iyon sa kanya kahit pa ipamukha sa akin ng sitwasyon na hindi iyon totoo. Tanggap ko na iyon, sapat na sa akin ang hindi ko pag sisihan ang lahat ng bagay na ginawa namin ng mag kasama. Lahat ng mga pag kakataon na naibigay sa aming dalawa.

It was hard for me to walk away from him but I pray so hard, with every step I take, I asked for his good. I pray for his safety and for a long peaceful and happy life. I pray for the life that he deserves, the life without the burden like me.

My thoughts ended when I heard my cousin's voice.

"Zee, aren't you decided yet?" Kleya asked as soon as she entered my office.

"I already told you my decision, Kley. I don't want to be the CEO. Ikaw ang kasama ni Dad sa pamamahala ng kumpanya, wala akong alam doon kaya hindi ko din magagampanan ang tungkulin ko kung sakali," sagot ko sa kanya.

"Zee please? Gusto ko ng mag pakasal!" nagmamaktol na sabi n'ya sa akin.

"Mag pakasal? Bakit nag propose na ba si Jech?" maarteng tanong ko sa kanya.

"Hindi! Pero nararamdaman ko na Zee. Sige na please," pagpipilit n'ya sa akin.

"Kleya, hindi ko talaga kayang kunin ang kumpanya. Ayaw kong masayang ang pinag hirapan ni dad dahil lang sa pagiging incompetent CEO ko. And I'm sure daddy won't mind if you'll be the one to take over."

"That company is yours, Zee."

"We can make it yours, Kley. Gusto mo bang wala ng mamahala dito sa school ko?"

"Fine. Pero paano ako mag papamilya nito? Argh, Zee! Ikaw talaga ang sisisihin ko kung hindi ako maikakasal!" reklamo n'ya parin.

"Shut up, stupid! Bakit ako ang sisisihin mo? Ako ba dapat ang mag propose sayo para maikasal kayo ni Jericho? You want slap?"

"Tss, whatever," she stopped for a while and made a face before smiling at me. "Anyways, congrats sa up coming recital ng enrollees mo."

"Thank you," nakangiting sabi ko.

"Sa first row ako ah, free dapat. Bye!"

"Whatever, bye."

I looked at my table where the invitation of batch 1 enrollees this year is. I couldn't help but smile. This is the life that I am living now. Far from him, back to where I am supposed to be. It may be hard for me to turn my back at him but I managed to take another path and start this journey, I managed to get back at dancing.

Going back here in Manila, I have to spend my first year earning enough money to build this school, my school. I sell most of my excess stuffs, cars, and condos to earn money. I became a dance teacher on my mother's school for half a year to add more money and used some of my savings for my school.

Mag iisang taon pa lang ang school at kasabay ng selebrasyon ay ang recital ng first batch enrollees. I can say a lot had changed in me, but something remained and that is the feelings that I have for him.

But I guess this is how my life supposed to be. I can't live a life full of happiness and good things because I don't deserve that.

He was right when he told me that he's my karma. Walking away from him made me feel this big hallow in my heart. And it can never be filled by anyone, not even him.