Chapter 25

Conversation

I spent the rest of my leave on Femi's house. I get to know Rosalinda, the three maids; Sharon, Shein, Gilda and the two man, Kaloy and Willy.

Sharon, Shein, Gilda and Kaloy are almost the same as my age. While Rosalida is 43 and Willy, his husband is 47.

I kind of feel better since I get a chance to interact with them, they seem very nice and they don't ask too much questions.

"What the hell is going on, Zee?" Billy asked as she approached me.

"I don't have time to explain, Billy. Just do me a favor," I said directly.

We are now here at my office, I didn't came to work but to pass mh resignation letter.

"Oh come on, Zee. You're resigning out of nowhere now you can't explain? What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked a bit irritated.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Can you just please do my favor? I can't stay here. I'll just explain everything next time and not here. Come on, Billy."

"Is this about that guy?"

I groaned as she really asked that.

"Look Billy, I know this is all a sudden decision but I don't really have a choice. I have to resign. I'm going back to Manila okay? My mom wants me there, now can you please bring this to the HR. I really have to leave now," I explained.

Though my reason is not true, I just need her to do it for me.

"You better tell me everything before going back to Manila, Zee. I'm warning you."

"Yup. I'll explain, next time."

Lumabas na s'ya ng opisina dala ang resignation letter ko at uniform. Nag mamadali naman akong umalis doon. I was on my way going back to where I told Tony to park when I saw Saturn looking at me.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at lalo lang nag madali sa pag alis doon. Kabado na agad ako kahit pa wala pa namang nangyayari.

I was about to run when I felt his arms holding my wrist tightly. I looked at him and saw his clenched jaw as he breathe heavily.

"Let go," I said nervously.

"I told you already, Miss. Once I get a hold of you, I will never let go. Forgot that?"

"What do you want, Saturn?"

"I like you, Zita. Even though I shouldn't. And I already convinced myself that this was all part of my plan but it isn't."

"And how can you say that? Sayo mismo nanggaling Saturn. Galit ka sa akin, kasalanan ko ang nangyari sa kapatid mo. Paano mong magagawang tiisin yun?" pigil ang emosyon ko ng sabihin iyon.

"Why can't you just believe me?" pigil naman ang inis n'ya ng itanong iyon.

Kung pwede ko lang sabihin na gusto ko maniwala, na sa loob ko may parte sa akin ang naniniwala sa kanya pero hindi pwede. Hindi ako pwedeng maniwala dahil alam ko na kung saan mapupunta ito. Masasaktan ko lang s'ya, mapapahamak.

"Because it's unbelievable, Saturn. How can you like me? You know nothing about this stuffs. All you know is playing, fucking and changing girls. Remember, you don't date? You fuck and leave!" I almost shouted at him. Trying to make him see that he won't make me believe in him.

His eyes turned darker as he looked at me intently.

"How can you remember that and forget about me dating you, Zita."

Sinubukan kong alisin ang kamay ko sa kapit n'ya pero hindi ko magawa kaya inis kong nilabanan ang tingin niya.

"We both know you only did that for your plan."

"I thought it was," he whispered. He let go of my hand and caressed my cheeks.

"It was, Saturn. And you won okay? I'm hurt but I understand you. I'd probably do the same if I was you or maybe I'd do worst. If you're doing this to hurt me more or you're guilty please stop. Let's just stay out of each other's lives. Please?"

I swear I'm convincing myself to listen to me too. Because even though I know I'm a bad luck, I still hope to see him roaming around. I still hope and wishes to see him smiling or just being an asshole somewhere.

"I know I messed up a lot. That's why I'm here, just please give me a chance. I know I'm fucked up and I hurt you but I want to make this right baby please," his voice sounds tired and pleading.

I suddenly remembered Thunder. I remember him talking about someone he adore, someone he looked up to. His older step brother who got the same eyes as him.

That's why Saturn is familiar. Even though I haven't seen him, Thunder told me a lot of stuffs about him. I just forgot about it and now I suddenly remembers it.

"Miss, do you need help?" Tony said, standing beside be from I don't know where.

I was about to say something when Saturn leaned to whisper something to me.

"Photobooth, tomorrow night. I'll be waiting for you there," he said and kissed my forehead.

I watched him walk away before turning to Tony. He was watching me as I try to hold back my tears.

Nauna akong mag lakad papunta sa sasakyan na nag aantay sa akin. Tahimik lang kami hanggang sa makabalik sa bahay ni Femi. Tony was about to leave when I asked him to talk for a minute.

We sat silently in the garden. I already greeted Manang Rosalinda and others. They also offered us snack but I refused.

"May gusto po ba kayong iutos, Miss."

I shook my head and smiled at him, "Wala po. May gusto lang akong malaman."

Tumango naman siya at patuloy na nakinig.

"That day, when my father got shot. Where were you?" I looked at him as he looked away. It was as if he didn't expect me to bring this up after years.

I cleared my throat before saying something again, "I'm not blaming you, Tony. I just want to know where are you that time. You used to be beside my father all the time."

"Kasama ako ni Ms. Saldevor."

"W-what? Why?" naguguluhang tanong ko.

Bakit n'ya naman kasama ang mommy ko? Si daddy dapat ang kasama n'ya diba?

"Iyon ang utos ni Mr. Almano."

"Why would he want you with my mom, Tony?" hindi ko na napigilang mag tanong.

I saw him breathe heavily as he looked back at me. He tried to smile but it only looked weak for I couldn't figure out why.

"Hindi lang isa ang banta na natanggap n'ya noong araw na 'yun Miss. He wanted to stop you from going but he couldn't so he asked me to go to your mother and protect her so he could go and protect you."

I was in shock and couldn't say anything when he continued.

"Hindi ko gustong sundin ang gusto n'ya dahil trabaho ko ang protektahan s'ya pero trabaho ko din ang sumunod sa gusto at inuutos n'ya."

I couldn't help but cry. So the Alvarez used me and my mother to threaten my dad?

"He told me to look after you when something happened to him. He knows, Alvarez's wouldn't let that chance pass without taking anything from him."

"And that Marianno Alvarez only got 2 years in prison?"

"They managed to get away with it, that's how cruel justice are the last years."

He stayed silent after that as I cried. It took me a while before calming myself and that's when he started talking again.

"I haven't seen you crying before. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I miss my dad, Tony. I haven't told him how much I love him."

"Iyon ang bagay na kahit hindi mo sabihin ay alam n'ya na. Ramdam n'ya ang pagmamahal mo, Miss."

I sighed and looked away. We were both in silence again that I didn't see his question coming.

"Alam kong hindi ako dapat nangingialam pero pwede ko bang malaman kung sino iyong lalaki kanina?" he seriously asked.

"Saturn Agustin."

"I saw you both getting along well before. What happened?"

"He's Thunder's brother, Tony."

"Why don't you come with him?"

That question made me look at him for a while with a questioning eyes.

He just smiled and stood up, "I remember seeing a smile on your face after years when you're with him. I heard you laugh and curse him. You seem fine and relaxed around him."

"I guess nothing really last forever, Tony."

He laughed a bit and pat my head lightly.

"If you're father is here, he'd probably want you to let yourself feel what it is inside your heart."

I smiled sadly at him and shrugged, "Do I deserve to let myself feel that way? Am I deserving of anything, at all?"

"Your father wants you to know that you deserve everything. 'Wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na hindi mo ginusto. May mga bagay na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi mo pa din mababago."

"I just couldn't stop blaming myself, Tony."

"Forgive yourself."

After that he said goodbye. I was left there thinking about our whole conversation. This was the first time I talked to him after my father died.

We used to be close because my father would always let him fetch me at my school before. Sometimes I go with them as my father played bowling, we three get along well before my parent's got annulled.

Nag bago lang ang lahat noong mag hiwalay na sila at malaman ang relasyon nina Mr. Marquez at mommy ko. My father never stopped loving her.

I hated my mother since then, he never really loved my father I guess. She never really loved me either. While my father got devastated and wrecked, my mother started her own life with her fairytale.

My dad started to lose control of anything except business. He forgot about me and everything in the world. It was his way of coping up.