Shark: am I in trouble?
Cord: take a guess
Shark: no?
Cord: take another guess

Jake: so what's for dinner?
Lanie, staring at the food they just burnt: regret...

Cord: you will have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Lanie: here's a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it.
Shark: lanie no.
Jake: mistlefoe
Shark: please stop encouraging her.

Grace: *kicks the door down looking panicked*
Jake: what did you do?
Grace: nobody died!
Jake: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Lanie: how petty can you get?
Cord: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Cord: hey, it's your turn to wash the dishes.
Jake: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD!
Cord: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

Grace, holding up a bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?
Shark: *chugs entire bottle*
Shark: it's perfume.

Jake: this is a mistake.
Shark, enthusiastically: a mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Jake: but not today.
Shark, still enthusiastic: oh, no. Today's going to be a mess!

Lanie: you have to apologize to grace.
Cord: fine.
Cord: 'unfuck you' or whatever.

Jake: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me!
Shark: we're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Jake: YES!
Cord: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you...

Jake: we need more help. Maybe I should call my friends?
Shark: ... your what?
Jake: my friends.
Cord: is he saying "friends"?
Grace: I think he's being sarcastic.
Lanie: no, no, no, this is delirium, he's cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Jake! All of your friends are in this room.
Jake: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Grace: you kidnapped Shark? That's illegal!
Cord: but grace, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Shark, or destroying our dreams?
Grace: kidnapping shark, cord!
Jake: grace, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Grace: what, to kidnap people?!!?!!!
Jake: to work together!
Grace: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!?!?!?!?!?
Lanie: grace, we all agreed a celebrity is not a people.

Shark: good morning.
Jake: good morning.
Grace. Good morning.
Lanie: you all sound like robots, trying spicing it up a little.
Cord: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Shark: I'm an idiot.
Lanie:
Jake:
Grace:
Cord:
Shark:
Cord: if you're waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

Jake: bye shark! Bye cord! Bye grace! Bye lanie! Bye Shark!
Cord: you said 'bye shark' twice.
Jake: I like Shark.

Grace: anyone d-
Cord: depressed?
Shark: drained?
Jake: dumb?
Lanie: done with this shit?
Grace: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people.

Jake: I think we're missing something.
Shark: team work?
Cord: cohesion?
Lanie: a general sense of what we're doing?

Cord: *gently taps table*
Jake: *taps back*
Shark: what are they doing?
Lanie: Morse code.
Cord: *aggressively taps table*
Jake: *slams hand down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Lanie, about Shark: apparently we are getting someone new in the group.
Cord: are we stealing them.
Grace: new or used?
Jake: prebuilt?
Lanie: wonderful responses, all of you.

Grace: do you want to talk about your emotions, Shark?
Shark: ... No.
Cord: I do!
Grace: I know, cord.
Cord: I'm sad!
Grace: I know, cord.

Jake: is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Lanie: does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?

Shark: I have a couple knives up my sleeve.
Cord: i think you mean cards?
Shark, pulling knives out of his sleeves: no I did not.
Cord: and these are being confiscated.

Shark: .. .-..-. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.
[translation: I'm sorry]
Grace: what was that?
Shark: remorse code.
Grace: I'm even angrier right now.

Cord: welcome, fellow idiots!
Shark: hello, Jake.
Cord: no, no, not you, you're not an idiot.
Shark: you underestimate me.

Jake: you think I really give a fuck? I can't even read.

Lanie: I'd like to offer you moral support, but my morals are questionable.

Shark, threatening others with a paintball gun: listen ... life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us ... and today it's gonna give you , a paintball to the dick.

Cord: goodnight moon
Cord: goodnight tree.
Cord: goodnight ghosts only I can see.

Someone: if you're horny and you know it clap your hands!
Shark: *claps hands*
Lanie: *claps hands*
Cord: both of you go to horny jail.
Lanie: hey, shark? We fucking in the cell?
Shark: we can if you want to :)
Cord: wait no!