Jake: men who eat boneless wings close the fridge with their hips.
Cord: yeah? My hands are full and my ass is fat! You fuckin wish you were me

Cord: in my defense it was for a bit I was doing your honor.
Shark: jester for the court
Cord: now look what you've done! Because your joke was funnier than mine, they're gonna execute me! I hope it was worth it.

Jake: my goal is to chill as hard as possible then die in an explosion.

Grace: no, I'm not tired of being nice, yes I still want to go apeshit. These things can coexist, stop asking me

Jake: whatcha you got there?
Shark, holding hands with yet another gay lover: raspberry tea.
Jake:...... uhhhh who's that?
Shark: we don't worry about him.

Grace: so, how are you feeling today? What's motivating you?
Shark: *under his breath* crippling anxiety...
Cord & Jake: *under their breaths* mood....

Jake: onion rings are just vegetable donuts.
Cord: *used to Jake* sure they are
Jake: your stomach thinks all potato's are mashed.
Cord: Okay.
Jake. Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Cord:
Jake: lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.
Cord: *crying* Jake, please.
Shark: *fascinated* no, continue.

Shark: *throwing stones at jakes window* hey! HEY!
Jake: you have a phone for a reason!
Loud thunk
Jake: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

Cord: I'm taking away language until you all can learn how to act.
Jake: bunga unga bunga bunga
Grace: Tower of Babel
Shark: bgjw. Ajjsbf. Cjsvvp. Ghy.

Grace: I think you have to make it up to Jake
Cord: how? That's what I spent all day doing by committing various national atrocities.

Cord: it is my god given bisexual right to be dramatic.

Shark: *sloshes into the room slimily and boogishly*
Jake: mmmm don't like that.
Shark: *sloshes boogishly towards Jake at immense speeds*

Shark: I love the beach! Sun, surf, cute boys-
Grace: what are you gay?
Cord: yeah he's gay.
Jake: you are asking a rhetorical question.
Shark: :)

Grace: I want to do evil things!
Grace: like stealing a pen from the doctors office

Jake: you can't always choose the gamer life
Jake: sometimes the gamer life chooses you.

Shark, throwing confetti: GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

Cord: I live with a gamer, a normalish person, and a raging homosexual. And me? I am severely depressed.

Grace: I bought a new candle but I can't light it because cord won't let me have a lighter or matches.
Shark: hey I stole the lighter from cords desk, I'll help you light it.
Grace: thanks, but won't cord be furious that either of had access to fire?
Shark: what cord doesn't know won't kill him ;)
Cord, from upstairs: WHO STOLE MY LIGHTER
Shark: remember Grace it was Jake who stole the lighter.
Jake: CORD SHARK STOLE THE LIGHTER AND USED IT TO HELP GRACE LIGHT A CANDLE.
Grace & Shark: bruh

Shark: cord is #83 on the periodic table of elements.
Jake:
Shark: he likes girls and boys, therefore he is Bismuth.
Jake: I'm not understanding how being bisexual has anything to do with he elements.
Shark: exactly. He's Bi, Which is the atomic symbol for Bismuth.
Jake: you mother fucker.