Jason and Percy: *fighting*
Jason: I don't even want to see you right now!
Jason: *takes off glasses*
Jason: *proceeds to walk into a wall*

Percy: the stars are beautiful tonight
Rachel: yeah they are
Percy: do you know who else is beautiful?
Rachel: who?
Percy: Annabeth Chase.

Annabeth: Percy asked my dad why couldn't he go in my room since we've been together for about 2 years and he, my dad, says "when you have a kid you'll understand" and Percy says "Fredrick Annabeth and I are like 18, chill"

Leo, dramatically: Well, there are at least one being in this universe that has reached maximum gay.
Annabeth: That's theoretically impossible. Name one person that couldn't possibly be gayer.
Leo: Will.
Percy: Will.
Nico: Definitely Will.

Will: Hey, what's up?
Nico: My stress levels.

Clarisse: You realize you're a bitch, right?
Percy: It was my nickname in the class yearbook. Ah.. memories.

Annabeth: Damn, power went out.
Percy: Dont worry, I got this ùwú
Percy: *shakes rapidly, starts to illuminate*
Annabeth: WHAT THE FUCK-
Percy: I swallowed a flashlight
Annabeth, about to go into cardiac arrest: WHY-

Nico: 80% exhausted, 10% coffee, 20% cant do math
Will: That's 110%.
Nico: 20% cant do math

Percy: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!
Leo, sliding out from behind Percy: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!!
The monster: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

fanon
Percy: *slaps Nico*
Nico: *amgr noises*
canon
Percy: *brushes against Nico*
Nico:
nico and percy end up having an EPIC battle where they're basically slapping eachother to death

Leo: hey do you speak united states
Percy: n a h i speak american

Rachel: you guys don't watch the office?
Annabeth: we're demigods, rachel. we don't have time.