please, please don't read 

i'm serious please don't

dear gods just don't

oh fuck you

whatever, go ahead, fuck you. don't tell anyone, istd.

good pain.

by lemon

i'm not sure why

was it because i actually had too many thoughts?

did i need a distraction and music wasn't enough for once? 

did i really want to stop my mind and focus on my body?

because i hate my body 

but i hate my thoughts too

but then again, maybe that's why 

if you hate something, you usually want to hurt it

right?

so by hating my mind, i hate my body 

and by hating my body, i hurt my body 

but is that why? 

did i hurt it because i hated it? 

or did i do it because i felt left out? 

did i do it because i thought i deserved to suffer

or because i didn't want to be the only one anymore? 

did i do it to relate to a song

or do i relate to a song now because i did it? 

i don't understand

i just don't know 

but i do know that i barely felt it 

and i do know that i didn't hate it 

in fact, i think i liked it 

but why did i like it? 

did i like it because i liked the feeling?

or did i enjoy not listening to my thoughts? 

did i enjoy putting something on myself that i actually wanted to be there? 

if i look closely, it's still there

i like that

i like that i can see it, but no one else cares enough to look too close

no one else will see 

that's good 

that's good 

i like that 

but do i? 

do i like that they won't worry? 

or do i like that they don't care? 

why would i like that? 

but then it comes down to this 

is it still the same thing if it didn't go too far? 

it hurt, yes 

but good pain 

i liked it 

so was it still the same thing? 

and is it okay if it doesn't bleed? 

i don't know

i don't know

i don't know

i just don't understand why 

why did i do it 

why did i enjoy it 

why do i want to tell people about it 

but why do i also want to keep it a secret 

why do i like having a secret 

why did i just give everyone else something else to worry about?

whatever

it's fine 

it doesn't matter

you don't have to tell them 

but they'll guess anyway

but will they know if they read? 

probably

no, not probably 

they will

they're smart

they're not dumbasses, unlike you

oh shut the fuck up 

i'm just gonna go watch ginny and georgia